Medical talk ahead, I will tag this as #medical-taco-wiener in the future so you can block it if needed. I will not censor anything and it also will contain emotional passages. It's a diary attempt if you will.
Disclaimer: A lot of this gets me emotional. Try to not start a fire here - if you can't stop yourself, I will.
Man as much as I love the new adhd medication (Lisdexamfetamin), the impact curve is still too hard for my system (Medikinet had me in shambles before though, holy shit that was awful). When it hits I am unable to sit down and read the stuff I should. Great for loosing weight, but doesn't adress the concentration issue...gonna go poke my doc again these days for that. And yeah, I'm aware it's also a problem of behaviour how to deal with energy you never had before.
The good part is my lower body finally has some blood circulation, I finally feel like I've got control back over that part over my body. Sometimes it's a bit much nerve input? Wind blowing on my legs feels much more intense now, wow :U Also masturbation got much more fun, huh. No idea how to deal with the amount of need yet, I hope reddit is right and it's just a side effect that subsides eventually. Fingers...or should I say legs? crossed.
Moodswings got better, but I still have them happening when the meds hit + get flushed out for the day, hmmm. My heart also starts to beat faster whe it happens, that can't be good either--
The best part of the meds scare me to be honest. All of a sudden I have a red line in my life. A motivation that I remember even after a phase of hyperfixation. A longterm plan, a longterm memory, a longterm archive of sensory input. I've never felt this before, and now I get why neurotypicals got so frustrated by me in the past. I had the mind of a six year old, couldn't fulfill responsibilities, forgot longterm goals, while in the last minute (adrenaline is one hell of a drug) I was obviously able to do it. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't know what. And I knew if I continued to rely on adrenaline as my energy source, I'm gonna burn out eventually. I had to live in a cave on minimum energy for so many years....and now...phew. so much happens lately. I still have to do and learn so much more and it's hard to not fire on all channels at the same time, but I will burn out that way aswell.
Hhh this is all such a tricky and fragile network of actions....hope I will make it and use that problemsolving skill in another way one day.
On another note, I seem to have supported the mtfhr/hnmt gene polymorphisms to the max, my body feels so much alive with all the supplements...idk if the gstm1/gstt1 gene supplementation support works yet, my liver seems to hiccup in function here and there. Gotta keep an eye on that I guess... :T
