Creators of the famous One Wish Willow

Subject: [106-77-859]

Situation: [106-77-859] wished to visit Finland. Wish was granted upon breaking the willow. [106-77-859] called to put in a formal complaint. Following is the transcript of the call.

[106-77-859]: Yeah, what the FUCK?!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: [silence]

[106-77-859]: I'm in the middle of BUMFUCK NOWHERE! I only got my fucking keys, wallet and phone on me!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: And the packaging.

[106-77-859]: AND YOUR FUCKING PACKAGING. [pause] WHERE THE FUCK AM I?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Finland.

[106-77-859]: [scoffs] WHERE in Finland.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: I don't know, you didn't specify.

[106-77-859]: How the fuck am I supposed to know, then?!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You called us. You have a phone. [bored sigh] Look it up on Maps or something.

[106-77-859]: [scoffs, fumbles with phone] God fucking dammit... [fumbling continues, mumbles] Y'all some motherfuckers, I swear. [tapping, long pause] Ok... [fumbling] I'm near Ranua.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Is that in Finland?

[106-77-859]: YES, IT'S IN FUCKING FINLAND.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Don't yell. [pause] I see no problem here, wish was granted.

[106-77-859]: The fuck you mean you see no problem? I AM STUCK IN FINLAND. [pause] I ain't got nothing on me, man! No clothes, no luggage, nothing!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You should've made a more specific wish, as per package instructions.

[106-77-859]: Your instructions can suck my dick, send me home.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: I can't do that. You cannot cancel a wish.

[106-77-859]: The fuck you mean?! I gotta go home, man!! Lemme make another wish!!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You cannot have more wishes. It’s one wish per person, per life. It’s policy.

[106-77-859]: [scoffs] Y'all are fuckin' assholes, fuck y'all and your voodoo hoodoo shit!!

[106-77-859] proceeds to end the call. Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative notes down the complaint.

Subject: [648-90-172]

Situation: [648-90-172] wished for “a metric fuckton of cash”. Wish was granted upon breaking the willow. [648-90-172] called to put in a formal complaint. Following is the transcript of the call.

[648-90-172]: [loud thudding in the background] Make it stop.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: [silence]

[648-90-172]: [tired, quiet voice] Please. Make it stop.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: We cannot cancel a wish.

[648-90-172]: I’ve had enough. It just won’t stop. It tracks me everywhere... When I leave the house, it falls from the sky. People are staring at me like I'm a creep. I can’t go out anymore. [pause] My house is full of it. I can’t see my fucking floor anymore. [pause] I can’t shower, I can’t eat… I can’t sleep. It won’t stop. It’s been a week and it hasn’t stopped.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: We cannot cancel a wish.

[648-90-172]: [angry] But I said it’s enough! I don’t need this much money!!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You did not specify the amount.

[648-90-172]: [silent, thudding continues]

Tabi Cat Curiosities: We cannot quantify a “metric fuckton”. You should have specified the amount.

[648-90-172]: How did you know that?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: We cannot help you.

[648-90-172]: Fuck… [sobbing begins] Fuck! [sobbing harder]

[648-90-172] proceeds to throw his phone against what sounded like a hard surface, ending the call. Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative notes down the complaint.

Subject: [224-60-753]

Situation: [224-60-753] wished for confidence to ask out their crush. Wish was granted upon breaking the willow. [224-60-753] called to put in a formal complaint. Following is the transcript of the call.

[224-60-753]: H-hi? O-one Wish W-willow?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Yes.

[224-60-753]: [deep sigh] Well, I did it! I asked her out.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: [silence]

[224-60-753]: Great, right? [pause] She said no.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Ok.

[224-60-753]: She said NO! [chuckles]

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Ok.

[224-60-753]: It’s not what you promised!! You said my wish would come true!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: It did come true.

[224-60-753]: Excuse me?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: It did come true. You wished for the confidence to ask her out. And you asked her out.

[224-60-753]: Y-yeah, but… I wanted her to say yes! I didn't want her to reject me, hello?!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: That’s not what you wished for.

[224-60-753]: Fuck what I wished for!! I wanted her to go out with me on a date. ONE DATE! To get to know me! She'd love me if she got to know me! [pause] Make her go out with me.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: No can do. You had your wish, should’ve wished for that. [pause] Actually... don't wish for that. That sounds bad.

[224-60-753]: I-I want to amend my wish! I- I wanna change it, I want her to go out on a date with me. Make her go out with me!!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You can’t change or amend wishes.

[224-60-753]: Then give me another! Give me one more wish! Just one! I’ll get it right this time!!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You cannot have more wishes. It’s one wish per person, per life. It’s policy.

[224-60-753]: [scoffs] Fuck you guys. [pause] And fuck your stupid policy, too. Your policy can suck my dick.

[224-60-753] proceeds to end the call. Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative notes down the complaint.

Subject: [127-55-605]

Situation: [127-55-605] wished for the revival of her dead pet. As stated in the fine print, Tabi Cat Curiosities does not grant wishes involving resurrection. Thus, the wish did not come true, leading to the formal complaint. Following is the transcript of the call.

[127-55-605]: You fucking bastards! BASTARDS, ALL OF YOU!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: No need to yell.

[127-55-605]: NO! Don’t you fucking tell me what to do, you cocksucker! The box promised! IT PROMISED!! [cries] She’s gone, GONE! All because of you! WHY DIDN’T IT WORK?! [sobbing]

Tabi Cat Curiosities: We had no hand in the death of your cat.

[127-55-605]: [long pause, sniffles] How did you know about her?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: What?

[127-55-605]: How did you know I had a cat?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You are wasting company time. What is your complaint?

[127-55-605]: HOW DID YOU KNOW I HAD A CAAAAAT!!!!!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Do not yell.

[127-55-605]: I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!! I’LL KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING CROOK! THINKING YOU CAN JUST SELL PEOPLE THIS SHIT AND GET AWAY WITH IT!! I’LL FUCKING RIP-

Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative proceeds to end the call, noting down the complaint.

Subject: [230-89-105]

Situation: [230-89-105] wished to have their writing published. Wish was granted upon breaking the willow. [230-89-105] called to file a formal complaint. Following is the transcript of the call.

[230-89-105]: I need to put in a complaint.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Ok. Go head.

[230-89-105]: I used your willow to make a wish. It's been two months.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Yes.

[230-89-105]: I wished for my book to be published.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: As far as I know, it was.

[230-89-105]: It was. [pause] Didn't make it big, though.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: It's not what you wished for. The book was published.

[230-89-105]: [silence] Another one of those scummy "word it perfectly" types. Thanks. Wish I knew it earlier.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: I believe the packaging tells you to wish carefully.

[230-89-105]: Yeah well... It is what it is. Maybe write it more clearly on the packaging for us idiots. Thanks anyway.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Duly noted.

[230-89-105] proceeds to end the call. Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative notes down the complaint.

Subject: [855-24-666]

Situation: [855-24-666] wished to be a good friend. Wish was granted upon breaking the willow. [855-24-666] called to file a formal complaint. Following is the transcript of the call.

[855-24-666]: [silence]

Tabi Cat Curiosities: [clears throat]

[855-24-666]: Oh, sorry. I thought you'd do the whole... "Oh, this is Willow Inc. How may I help you today?" spiel.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Tabi Cat Curiosities.

[855-24-666]: what?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: It's not Willow Inc. It's Tabi Cat Curiosities.

[855-24-666]: Yeah, ok, whatever man. Y'all scammed me, I want my money back.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: How did we do that?

[855-24-666]: [silence] Well... Why am I still alone?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: [silence] You have to actually... go out. And make friends. Talk to people.

[855-24-666]: [silence] Oh.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Yeah... Did you think you'd just [pause] be a good friend if you have no friends?

[855-24-666]: [chuckles] I don't know man! I didn't think this worked. I wanted to call to ask for my money back [laughs]

Tabi Cat Curiosities: We cannot refund your purchase.

[855-24-666]: Ah, well, that sucks. But I'll go out, talk to some people. This better work.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Yeah, you go do that.

[855-24-666]: But I swear, if you scammed me, I'm calling back! [laughs]

[855-24-666] proceeds to end the call. Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative notes down the complaint. [855-24-666] hasn't called back since. It has been 1168 days.

Subject: [565-00-102]

Situation: [565-00-102] wished to finally be pain-free. Wish was granted upon breaking the willow. [565-00-102] called to file a formal complaint. Following is the transcript of the call.

[565-00-102]: Is this the right number for Tabi Cat?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Yes.

[565-00-102]: I used one of your stupid willow things to make a wish, and I want to file a complaint.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Very well.

[565-00-102]: I've had this... thing, since I was a kid. Was born with a fucked up spine, caused me lots of issues. [pause] Anyway, i wished for it to go away, but now I... can't feel anything.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You wished for all the pain to go away.

[565-00-102]: Yes.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Not for the chronic illness. For all the pain.

[565-00-102]: [silence] what?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: You specifically wished for all the pain to go away. Wish was granted.

[565-00-102]: [scoffs] What?! You know that's now what I meant!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: It is what you wished for.

[565-00-102]: No... no, no, no, you can't do this to me! I literally burned myself today and didn't feel anything! [silence] I need you to reverse it!!

Tabi Cat Curiosities: I'm sorry, that is not possible. Wishes cannot be canceled, as per policy. Did you read-

[565-00-102]: YES, I read your stupid fucking packaging. [pause] So I'm just... stuck like this?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: I suppose.

[565-00-102]: [huffs] Thanks a lot... Fuck you, weirdos.

[565-00-102] proceeds to end the call. Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative notes down the complaint.

Subject: [763-55-014]

Situation: [763-55-014] wished for a companion. Wish was granted upon breaking the willow. [763-55-014] called to [GENERAL]. Following is the transcript of the call.

[763-55-014]: Hi, is this the One Wish Willow Company?

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Tabi Cat Curiosities. We manufacture the One Wish Willow, yes.

[763-55-014]: Ah great. I [pause] I recently made a wish… using your willow.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Did it come true?

[763-55-014]: [sigh] Well… I suppose it did, didn’t it. I wished for someone I could talk to and who would always listen to me.

Tabi Cat Curiosities: And you have received, correct?

[763-55-014]: Yeah, i guess...

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Are you unhappy with your companion?

[763-55-014]: [silence]

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Are you unhappy with your companion?

[763-55-014]: [sigh] It’s a dog. I got a dog. [long pause] Found this little golden puppy, on the side of the road by my house. Maybe… 5 minutes after making the wish. His little paw was all… fucked up. I couldn’t leave him there. I had to help. So I just… picked him up. Brought him home. [chuckles] He’s so… sweet. Always by my side, always… listening. I come home and he just... waits for me, patiently. To complain, about my day, about my shit job and the overdue bills… He cuddles up to my leg and just… lets me talk. Lets me puke it all out to him. Doesn’t even bark, the poor little thing! So… gentle. And soft… [silence]

Tabi Cat Curiosities: Are you unhappy with your companion?

[763-55-014]: [chuckles] No. No, I’m not. Sorry to bother, umm... Thanks again.

[763-55-014] proceeds to end the call. Our Tabi Cat Curiosities representative notes down the call under “general”.

If you or a loved one have any One Wish Willow stories or questions you wish to share with us at Tabi Cat Curiosities, feel free to send in a complaint/story submission under the Tell Us Your Wish tab!

Wish responsibly!

Single Use Only. One wish per life per person. No Multiple Attempts. Using additional One Wish Willows™ will not change or affect your other wishes.

Selling out like hotcakes, courtesy of TABI Cat Curiosities.