I forgot about this blog. I recently re-downloaded Tumblr onto my phone to find some old photos and it’s wild to look back at my this thing I’ve had for 10+ years... I used to write here when I was sad. Lost. Alone. Hopeful. Inexperienced. I look back at the trauma I faced and have (successfully) healed through. I wish I could tell my past self how happy I would be. I wish I could take back the months and years spent wallowing, but I will never take life for granted again because of those lows.
You will meet the love of your life who is an angel inside and out. Relationships do not mean suffering and sacrifice- the right one is like the calm after the storm; you will share the same dream and motivate each other into the best version of you. You will wake up next to him and make lavender coffees in the morning and dance to music cooking dinner each night. You will move to your dream home by the beach like you always wanted. You manifested it with all the years of hard work, after all. You will find a job that gives you financial success, but also personal success and a way to contribute meaningfully to the lives of others. You will shed friendships and feel so free. You will gain friendships, love your life, adventure to new places you never thought you’d go, and meet people who are inspiring and who have so much love to give. I have watched so many sunrises and sunsets with amazing people in faraway places. I have built a foundation for my life consisting of loving people, a desire to do better every day, and a love for travel that keeps blooming with every adventure.
So much of my life was coated in layers of drama and trauma. Forcing bad relationships and weak people into my life caused nothing but a delay to my own personal happiness. I wish I knew I was stunting my growth back then, but this journey brought me to the love of my life and a loving relationship with myself. Toxicity manifests in subtle ways... sometimes we don’t even realize the way it seeps into friendships, mindsets, and routines until you’re stuck deep in it. And I’ve dug my way out. I’m happy I have the knowledge to never let myself sink again. The lowest points have given me perspective on how far I’ve come and how high I can keep going. I dreamed of being where I am now, and know it’s going to keep getting better and better.
It felt so funny finding this blog, and seeing my old stuff gave me this weird urge to bookend things. So. This is my last entry. And it’s a better entry I could have ever imagined for my past self! And I am so, so very happy and fortunate for that (:
