What is Gaslighting?

You’re crazy - that never happened.

Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.

It’s all in your head.

Does your significant other say things like this to you a lot? Do you often start questioning what’s really true – or even your own sanity – within your relationship? If so, your partner may be using what mental health professionals call “gaslighting.”

This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out. It is a very effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.

Signs of being a victim of gaslighting (Stern, 2009) include:

You constantly second-guess yourself.

You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.

You often feel confused and even crazy.

You’re always apologizing to your partner.

You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.

You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.

You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.

You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.

You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.

You have trouble making simple decisions.

You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.

You feel hopeless and joyless.

You feel as though you can’t do anything right.

You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.

If any of these signs ring true for you, give us a call at 1-866-331-9474, chat online, or text loveis to 22522. Our advocates are here to support and listen to you!

In exchange, Cuba has agreed to start accepting Cubans who have been issued a deportation order in the U.S., something they have refused to do for decades.

*crossed fingers* pleeeaaassseee say there’s a receipt: Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus, Leo

wait this present wasn’t a joke?: Sagittarius, Gemini, Aquarius, Aries

yea i can write a lil something for each 

aries venus- love cant come easy to you because you have to feel like you've “won” it. everything revolves around you and your ego in a relationship and you can be insensitive to what the other person wants .

taurus venus- holds onto shit and can’t let go. always stuck on an ex. you will stay in a bad relationship longer than you should have.  you’re stubborn, prideful, and  attached to familiarity. . 

gemini venus - shallow af. sees ppl as shiny objects and once they catch sight of something better their curiosity causes them to move on to the next. makes it hard for you to settle because you’re thinking “what if someone better and more fascinating comes along”. 

cancer venus - needs lots of reassurance. needs to constantly feel secure. second guesses a lot and over reads and looks into what the partner says and doesnt say a lot. they just really worry about security. 

leo venus - dramatic and might demand a lot. very demanding, bossy, and stubborn. wants your attention and everyone else’s. they need to be the star of the relationship and might like people that make them look good but don’t look better than them. they want you to add to their ego not over shine it. 

virgo venus- runs a risk of feeling unappreciated because they love to fix and assist partners but they dont know how to express their needs. they tell themselves that they dont need anything from their partner cus they’re independent and self sufficient but tbh everyone wants to feel appreciated but virgo venus might be too modest or critical of themselves to admit they need to feel loved and adored too.

libra venus - is obsessed with image of relationship. might have a hard time ever convincing them theyre wrong. venus in libras thinks they’re very fair in relationships because of their ability to see both sides of everything. because of this they can be extremely self righteous and might think they handle things the “right” way. they think theyre the perfect partner because they know fairness BETTER than anyone else. notice how theyre only agreeable when theyre the ones doing the compromising and bargaining but if you want to tell them how things go a libra venus can surprisingly be very argumentative and argue how thats not fair if they dont agree with it. libra venus secretly likes feeling like they’re in control of the relationship because then it wont fail if its in their hands. nobody knows relationships better than them,right ?  

scorpio venus - love is locked away and put in a safe box here. raw passionate intense love is concealed and felt privately because of fear of giving into it and getting hurt. they want to let go so bad and give into their deep passion but they feel as if they cant.  theyll always sleep with one eye open and have their guards up no matter how long you’ve been together. they think that as soon as they allow themselves to be vulnerable and trust they’ll get hurt. 

Sagittarius venus - doesnt want to be chained by love. can view love as a hold back. they have one thing in mind and thats having fun and doing what they THEY want which is always having fun. these are the type of people that will love the honey moon phase but then when things calm down they dont want it and might jet off to a new thrill. 

Capricorn venus- wants power in love. why? because the one who has the power cant get hurt. likes having the upper hand in love and being in control. has trouble letting guard down and admitting feelings due to inability to allow themselves to need anyone. can feel lonely but pride stops them from admitting it to themselves. 

aquarius venus - so used to answering to no one and being free that they might struggle with the concepts of compromise and making efforts to form Intimate  connections with someone. might think partner is demanding too much when theyre actually demanding the bare minimum.