Shane Hollander Enjoyer

The thing about me is that I'm a pedant. I can suspend my disbelief, of course I can, but it has to be in a tolkienian way and not a psychosexual magical realism way. And that stops me from writing many of the things I want to write and explore and it's a problem I need to learn to fix.

The thing about winners room is that ... Like I know it's supposed to be a sublimation or an extension of the toxic masculinities and the intense homosociality and the closed + secretive brotherhood of players and of how they keep each other's silences in the face of hazing + assault + violence and the way they submit their bodies to the necessity of their sport BUT if it was something that happened systematically and not some furtive secret hazing rituals then it IS just like. A slut sport. There's 84 games a season. The fantasy is that the best guys get to pick when they win and they usually pick their rivals or guys that were a real thorn: so the best guys on the losing team. So it's just the top players in a given team fucking each other all the time. I just think anything that happens 84 times a season minimum is something you work into your strategic planning and your training and isn't like a secret humiliation ritual sort of deal. I don't think some of these guys are getting laid 84+ times a year in real life. Works more if it's playoffs and especially if it's at the end of a series for the playoffs because that makes sense sort of logistically. I mean it doesn't make sense because you should be out drinking and pouring beer and jizz into your beloved teammates' mouths but whatever. Like if your goal is to be like S*dney Cr*sby who in this universe for sure fucks someone or gets fucked in a locker room or random side room at a stadium some 60-70+ times a year minimum then you and S*dney Cr*sby are both in it for the sex too. Regular season Winner's Room -> those guys are all sluts and they signed up to play to be sluts. I think it shouldn't be vicious because like. It's a regular season game it's not that deep. So it should be a polite stilted interteam sportsmanship kind of deal. And then it gets ugly and vengeful and punitive after a playoffs game. Teehee. But like. That would beg the question of the strategy that teams use to pick who goes to winners room because if someone is getting fucked up and can't play as good next game then you're gonna make sure you're strategic about it. The hypothetical winners room verse NHL should just guys who signed up because they want to fuck other guys real bad or something.

You guys are talking about Shane being owned and I love everything that everyone is saying and can I just chime in with how Hockey Jerseys have that "property of [team location]" somewhere in their design and maybe one year for their anniversary or something Shane gets a jersey but instead of a border around the logo that says Property Of Ottawa, it says Property Of Ilya Rozanov instead. Very important that this is a genuine real authentic jersey that Ilya paid the equipment managers to doctor up. And maybe they go stealth. Maybe Ilya gets a matching one that says Property Of Shane Hollander too and they end up having to wear it for the cutesy celebration of their whatever-eth milestone game played together. But you can bet when the cutesy social media photo ops are over and they're at home and Shane is wearing nothing but the jersey that there's nothing cutesy about it.

I love Seth Jarvis because sometimes he'll just be normal in an interview and then say something so baldly self loathing. And then he and the toothless terrible hockey media person will just leave the statement and continue on with the rote boring terrible hockey interview. AND he has bathroom candy and a harem. I think he's gotten more normal but if I, a casual fan, have seen this at least like two or three times I can only imagine how often he used to do this.