sylvaneagle :)

cooking some crazy shit with my oilberry (it's an olive. it's literally just a fucking olive)

ME: hold up. you see that? train's been through here FRIEND: how can you tell ME: tracks. they're not fresh, maybe 60, 80 years old FRIEND: no chance it'll come back, then ME: don't be so sure. That's well within their lifespan... and they're highly territorial

I’ve had tumblr for 4 years but some of you bitches have had it for a decade. It’s time to seek penance

wait I’m curious now . Reblog this with how long u’ve been on tumblr for. Dating back to ur oldest blog ever !!!

my mom told me this story tonight about my grandfather. she said when he was a little boy he was afraid robbers would break into his house in the middle of the night and try to abduct him out of his bed. he thought that they would be able to feel that he was the shape of a little boy under the covers and know to grab him. so he would try to fall asleep in the shape of a letter of the alphabet. so that they would feel for him and be like "oh it's just the letter R, not a kidnappable child"

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek

we fucked up

Block everyone, this is something they don’t tell you but you need to block your friends. You need to block all of your followers. Block your dad you need to block your bank who keeps sending you emails about your account being in defecit. Block them block your professor who is sending you handy study tips, you don’t need that in your life block your childhood friend who wants to reconnect block the pathology clinic sending you your results. 2026 no more tolerating toxic bullshit from people in your life that don’t want to see you grow and thrive.