swiles89

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On one of my flights back to Toronto I got a free first class upgrade. So I sipped my orange juice as the commoners walk past me into Economy. Suck it, peasants. (at Toronto, Ontario)

I'm gonna find that damn Holy Grail. (at Rosslyn Chapel)

Me to @benjaminisaacwiles : "hey can you take a pic for me?" *strikes pose* Ben: "you're an ass." *click* (at Edinburgh Castle)

🦄 (at Edinburgh Castle)

I'd like to take a moment on behalf of all instaheauxs to give thanks for elevator mirrors. They are the bread and butter or instaheauxing. #humpday

Friends: "hey we're going to the clurb tonight. You coming?" Me: "..... Uhhh. I'm busy." *hangs up and watches @rupaulsdragrace with Frisket.* Real talk though, that Snatch Game was garbage.

Well hello there, abdominals. Welcome back to the party I have seen you all winter.

Out here trying to "net" myself a man. I'm a "catch" in these shorts. I like my chances after all there's plenty of "fish" the sea. Fishnet shorts call for fish puns. I sincerely apologize. But I'd like to give credit to @tjordanarts for coming up with most (all) of those puns. (at Club 120)

"NOW'S THE FUCKING TIME!" - O-Ren Ishii

Hello, welcome to our home. This is our entry way, our sitting room on the right. If you follow me through the formal dining room out to our beautiful spacious terrace, after coffee and triangle sandwiches we will be consulting our goat load, Dra'nakyuek, about whether to do carpet or hardwood in the master bedroom. For real though so when I viewed this apartment that.... thing... was on the wall. Super creepy right? So I just assumed they'd paint over it before we moved in. I guess not. So that's a thing. Also. Totally baller undies right? They're from @underwearexpert. Check them out and use code "SAMIAM" to get 55% off your first month.

Wanna find out what the eff is going on ? The very talented and total sweet heart @officialdaveywavey asked me to collaborate with him for some fun @youtube content to advertise his new @himeros.tv channel @himeros.tv is the new website @officialdaveywavey has created. It's like porn but educational! They're have instructional videos on how to give full body orgasms and tantric massage. It's kinda scandalous but really well made! Go to the link in my bio to find the @himeros.tv @youtube channel and check out all the vids with Davey and I. They're super fun and kind of naughty. This still is taken from our "flavored condom" challenge. We had a blindfolded taste test. Spoiler alert: the green is mint. Comment below and let me known what you guys think! And please leave suggestions for future @youtube contest you'd wanna see from me!! (at Youtube Space Toronto)

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Feeling my full on elevator selfie eleganza extravaganza fantasy.

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"Dear Instagram user, We regret to inform you that this photo violates our guidelines. You are attempting to post a photo that exceeds the maximum level of gay/photo posted. You may choose either shirtless flexing, booty shorts, or rainbow stairs. All 3 is too much gay" Anticipating that email 😝😝😝 Had an amazing time @codatoronto for @horse_meat_disco !! (at CODA)

With Frisket's 6th birthday fast approaching, I honestly can't imagine my Saturday mornings starting any differently than this.