Butterflies & Hurricanes

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I figure why not put this kind of thing on tumblr, it’s not like you know my tumblr exists, and this is more for me and not you.

the last year (and some change) of my life has been nothing like I thought it would be, and to be honest it’s nothing like I planned it to be. You probably remember me telling you my sob story of how I thought I was going to be married to my high school sweetheart, and when all that came crashing down you were there to help me pick up and move on. I’m still not sure why after learning all that happened to me, you thought breaking my heart was a cool thing to do. You really had no good reason to do it, besides just being too lazy or unwilling to make time for me in your life. You should have known your work schedule was crazy fucked up and never asked me to be in your life in the first place. But. Can’t change that now, it’s 4 months behind us.

Moving forward has been pretty tough, and I’ve met someone who I do really like, a lot. But committing to him is going to be extra hard because of YOU. Not only because you have made it damn near impossible to trust anyone on two legs, but because there are things about you that I can’t seem to find in another person, and I miss them. Nothing gets under my skin more than when you like my facebook status, or a photo I’ve posted, or text me. It’s a harsh and painful reminder that you’re just close enough, but not close enough that I can have you. It’s cruel.

The worst part? The fact that I can’t tell if you miss me or not. Those texts you sent me on Halloween? I could just punch you. What’s it like being with someone else and having you in the back of my head? fucking terrible.