— sweet like apple pie

Something like that. I don’t lift for the clout though, I lift to outperform our punkass rivals. The intimidation factor is just a plus.

How could I not know the name of the hottest rich girl at school?

...Does that mean you’ll be pudgy after high school is over? I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment.

Hold onto your hats, fellow McKinley Students, because one Miss Rachel Barbra Berry ★ has RETURNED to the online blog-o-sphere! While I am sure that this return back to the online world was has been anticipated, I do request that all questions regarding my absence, fan-mail and queries are all sent with care; after all, my schedule is abnormally busy since returning to Ohio, so all individual messages will be dealt with as soon as I can. Please don’t feel the need to suppress your excitement or enthusiasm at my return; after all, I am more than aware that an online world without Rachel Berry ★ is a very dull place to be indeed! 

With Regionals approaching, I’d like to quickly make it abundantly clear that McKinley High’s Glee Club, The New Directions, are still actively accepting auditions for those who excel in the arts -  swaying, humming and harmonizing are skills in particular demand. If you do find yourself fantasizing about what it may be like to be cast as a back-up performer to one of my flawlessly performed solos (which is an incredibly important role, as well as a huge honor which you could add to your college applications as ‘assisting a future star!’), then I do encourage you to reach out to Mr. Schuester. With the school buzzing with passion and excitement regarding the school Musical, I would love to take advantage of this newfound theatrical energy and use it to strengthen our chances at Regionals.  As much as I would love to ignore the overwhelming amount of negative jealously I seem to have noticed being directed towards me in the aftermath of the cast list becoming public, I would like to quickly say a few words regarding the nature of Coach Sylvester’s correct decision to cast me as Regina George. If you do have any concerns or problems regarding the casting decision, I welcome healthy criticism and would love to engage in a productive, adult conversation in private in order to change your mind. However, all unjust criticism, as the examples below outline, that either:

refuse to look past my social status or position within this school

offer any kind of justifiable reason regarding an apparent opposition

or simply are fueled by jealously 

will be promptly ignored and labelled as ridiculous hate-mail, because frankly, any time spent dwelling on those who thrive on negativity is time taken away from prepping for Regionals. Frankly, I’m a little disappointed at the lack of professionalism; for those seriously considering a career on Broadway, posting such heinous accusations about a fellow star would be simply unheard of. 

As mentioned previously, all questions, fan-mail or queries can be sent HERE, and I’ll send an appropriate response as soon as very-berry possible! I wish everyone the most PPP (positive, productive and pro-active, for those unaware of the teenage slang!) week! 

You should let me be a part of all of this ‘regionals’ nonsense, since you all seem to be oh-so-busy with this musical jazz. I’m quite the talent, and I can really put on a show. My daddy’s ex-fiance was a stripper, so I know a few moves.

You guys really spend time talking shit on here? I thought it was just the No Directions posers but I guess everyone at McKinley has too much time on their hands. Don’t you guys have jobs…or like real shit to do?

Big, buff guys like you make it intimidating to talk badly face-to-face, yeah? How much can you lift? 150lbs? 200lbs? 

Coming from the girl who more than likely has to pay for people to act like her friends, I’ll do my absolute best to not let your harsh words get me down too much. Also, I hate to break it to you, but unlike you, I don’t suffer from what I’m sure is an agonizing fear of someone attacking me with a kleenex because 99.9% of your looks would disappear. You should really stick a warning label on yourself so potential dating candidates can take you swimming for the first date.

Mhm. If there’s one thing you remember about me, let it be this; you’re not the only kid at this school with powerful parents, I have just as much power over you as you seem to think you have over me. If I really wanted to, I could make your life a living hell. So keep your eyes peeled, you never know what scandalous rumours could start going around about the precious daughter of Al Motta.

I wear very expensive makeup, thank you, so I don’t need to worry about it coming off with a “klee-nex” or what have you. I have to purchase very special make up removers.

…. Yeah.  Glad to know that’s how I’m now known, even on social media.

Are you really this forward with people you’ve literally just met?  And don’t say your apparently ‘self-diasnosed Aspergers’ is to blame. 

At least you truly are glowing. If you weren’t pregnant, I would have said that you might have splurged for Too-Faced Diamond Light highlighter.

Forgive me if I came off rude, it wasn’t my intention–I just find it hard to get on board with someone who self-diagnosed herself. In this situation, being a woman of color has nothing to do with autism and even if it did, I don’t have to support you just because we’re both women of color. As a feminist, I’m required to do what’s right for all women but I can’t ignore red flags. Before I forget, my name’s Jane Hayward. I’m new as well and since we’re speaking on first impressions, I can’t say yours was too warm to begin with.

Well if I had any flags, Jane, they would be pink.

Is your dad single? Because if not I know someone would love to meet him.

The name is Bree, with two e’s and not like the funky cheese, I like rich and you obviously like popularity so we’re going to get along fine.

Sadly, no. My step-mother is 27 and a retired model. She tries to steal my clothing, but since I purchased one of those cat deterrent sprays, she’s stayed away from my walk-in. 

Honestly, for a second, I didn’t even know how to reply to this. But hi, Sugar. Welcome to McKinley. And if it makes you feel better, I don’t think orange is many people’s color. I really only think it looks good on tigers or exotic birds. It’s nice to meet you. If you need anything, I’ll be more than happy to help you navigate yourself around. 

Yet another cute Asian -- we must be a hot commodity over here in Lima. White it’s nice to have some competition for the top spot, I think I’m still in the lead. Unless you’ve got something yummy hidden under those button-ups of yours...

Lord Tubbington is just big boned, he can’t help the way his body is built.

I’m going to pretend you didn’t just offend the world of delicious, delicious grapes and the cooking of one and only Mrs. Marley’s Mom and agree to show you around because you complimented my high-pony.

That’s what my old nanny used to say about her body-type too, but that doesn’t make it true.

I curl it when I go to church or if my families goes out to eat at Breadstix. Thank you, though! Maybe I’ll get up early for school one day and curl it, I’ll let you know.

There can be a spot for everyone, it’s more about who you connect with than trying to blend in. Like, I joined the musical with people I never thought would want to talk to me, but now they’re my friends. If you want, I bet the musical has some backstage spots that could use some help – like makeup or hair?

I... would actually love that. Everyone could really appreciate my hair and makeup expertise up on stage -- it could truly be so much more magical with my help.

Yeah, it’s short for Dorothy kinda. I also dressed as dalmatian three Halloweens in a row, but no one really calls me Dorothy. Is Sugar a nickname for something too or…?

I guess so, that’s awesom. Yeah! Cooper is pretty cool, I’d love to be in your squad! Oh, uh, I watch YouTube videos, I play with my cat, I’ve been learning to crochet recently too so…

That seems extensive... but I love a girl with determination, so you’re still in the party. Sugar is the name on my birth certificate -- Daddy just knew I was going to be the sweetest, most irresistible girl to walk this polluted, over-populated Earth. 

Not to be rude, but I am highly offended by your lack of disregard for people who really do have Asperger’s and who will more than likely be judged for it based solely on you. 

Unfortunately for you, I don’t associate myself with self-entitled little girls who think sticking a label to themselves will get them off the hook when in reality, they’re actually a bitch. I don’t care who you are or how rich you are, I will write to the State if I have to. What you’re doing is wrong and you should be incredibly ashamed of yourself for it.

I’m sorry, has anyone ever called you boring? If not, let me be the first: I didn’t even get through a single sentence of your ‘self-entitled’ mess. The fact that you think you’re president over what other people say and do makes you the one who thinks too highly of herself.

Saying you have self-diagnosed Aspergers isn’t really a reason to say anything you want…  But feel free to see how long that lasts.

I’m Quinn, by the way.

Oh, Quinn! I recognize that name from instagram -- you’re the teen preggers, right? I really hope the daddy is cute, it would suck to have an ugly baby.