Attempted Poet

I love you

I love you beyond goddamn words

You are all that is needed within me

By god I never recognise what I need until it's gone because of some cruel system of which I possess

But with you I know i need you

I know now that I love you and I can't contain how much I mean it

I know there are times where I want to rip out of my skin but you have the power to make me love it and sleep happily

When I unintentionally make you feel like you're not enough it's not because that's the case but because I see what you are who you are and who you will become and I'm already so in love with her I can't help but to get ahead of my self

There is nothing in which you lack

Darling I want to love you until I suffocate from your stare

I want nothing to be between us and to hold your hand look in your eyes

Make you laugh in ways you never have before

I want to be the light in you that you are for me and because I can barely comprehend that myself I can't help but to doubt that I could amount to that for you

I push you away out of fear in case I'm deluded in case you are going to leave regardless of your intentions

I flirt with other people to make up for the validation I'm lacking when you don't tell me how you love me in a million different ways because I know I could list them all to you in a heartbeat

Forgive me my mind is ahead of me

I don't think you understand the gravity of when I tell you I love you as I love all that you are and despite the casual approach to us I have never been more scared that someone may go in my life.

I don't blame you for not being able to understand that you could just go and walk away and I would accept that I would not show you how my rib age implodes because I would want to make it easy on you as I all I can hope for is protecting you. Even if it's from me

But you won't see the sleepless nights

The pulsing veins my bleeding eyes

How I would die without you

There is a part of me with you and I know it's there for eternity

And knowing you have the strength to take that effortlessly and rip apart my soul is terrifying.

And if I even think of you with another holding you under covers

Knowing you have a new lover

What if they don't cherish your heartbeat

Or the way your voice moulds the words you speak or the way you'll hold their hand in your pocket because you're too cold and proud to let them see the air

What if you promise them a forever

What if they don't adore the smell of your pillows

Or have your sisters approval

What if in the end I'm too much

As always

I'm too much for my own head

Lexa: I don’t know, how-

Indra: Next thing you know, she’s going to fall in love with you. Is that what you want?

Lexa: [scoffing] Is that what I want.