the choice at the crossroads was not ours alone

Up until the end of the Ediacaran period, animals reproduced either asexually (e.g. by budding, like hydrae) or by simply releasing eggs and sperm into water. But with the advent of vertebrates and arthropods and cephalopods, there we have actively mobile animals with complex sense organs and a central nervous system, able to perceive and act in the environment. This gave them the opportunity to approach partners to make fertilization more likely, and even to select a partner over another by its features. These were the first animals able to be horny. This is known as the Cumbrain Explosion

I think Bilbo is gay but he doesn’t get laid much if at all because every time he’s alone with a nice bloke who’s interested he takes the opportunity to read them some of his poetry. and if they’re appreciative he takes that as a cue to read them more. if they’re not appreciative he won’t fuck them.

skipdivorce is fun to me bc I have no stake in scott and kip as characters. if shane and ilya got divorced I would kill myself

ilya and shane hearing about the skip divorce and ilya is like “i always knew they would never last. they were not compatible.” and shane sucks his dick because he used the word compatible and it that’s like a sleeper agent call for shane to suck dick on command and then after he’s done sucking dick like the split second after he swallows he’s like “yeah they were always gonna get divorced.”

everywhere on socmedia so much #progressive posting is like “never met a single zionist that is not ugly” “how u age when u r unproblematic” “ur face card when u support trans rights” on loop

oh that reminds me that i invented an entire backstory for ilya’s mom irina in the shower. where at 19 she worked at a cafe near the kremlin and ilya’s father would come in to the cafe all the time and took her out to dinner a few times. and then irina’s twin brother has a mental health episode and is arrested, and she has to go beg grigori to intervene and get her brother sent to a hospital instead of prison. which grigori does, and she knows she owes him after that. and then her brother kills himself 5 months later anyways, and it’s just irina left. so when she gets pregnant with alexei, she may as well keep the pregnancy and marry grigori, who will at least provide a life for her.

so many bands write songs about “relatable issues” that don’t resonate while the mountain goats write songs about issues no one has ever experienced before that are universal

Guy who never feels like his problems are “bad enough” to be taken seriously: what if I hurt the character so horrifically that everyone around them could not possibly deny the severity of their pain even if the character themself tries to downplay it.

villain character who has a last minute change of heart and sacrifices their life to defeat an even bigger bad but it entirely does not land as a redemption with the heroes. the heroes are just like "oh hell yeah two birds with one stone. thank fucking god i really didnt wanna have to deal with that guy anymore. good riddance."

Most annoying online emotion is "I have a funny personal anacdote to add to this but it doxxes like all of my personal information"

recommending The Thief is like. yeah I know it’s drastically below your reading level but the sequels are progressively more mature. yeah I know it’s a lot of hiking and myth-telling but the end is so good. but also. if you could read it knowing everything about what happens after, every single sentence is a master class.

t shirt that just says WHATEVER YOU’RE READING INTO MY FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND BODY LANGUAGE YOU’RE MISINTERPRETING

*moving expired potions from the shelf labeled Healing to the shelf labeled Poisons*

*moving expired Poisons to the shelf labeled Potential Mountain Dew Flavors*