the choice at the crossroads was not ours alone

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.

“Your days are numbered” yeah it’s called a calendar you fucking idiot.

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

efforts towards a "positive vision of masculinity" or whatever are so funny because what these guys are trying to figure out is literally "what's a way of being a good person that's Not For Girls™"

Re: the last post I reblogged, when I entered the Tolkien fandom as a teenager, my understanding of racism was very much of the «personal, intentional bigotry» variety, a bill I think Tolkien didn’t fit specifically because of quotes like his retort to the Nazi publisher, and it was a process to get to a point of recognising the structural racism ingrained in the worldview, the very idea of Empire. Which is to say, this isn’t something that comes automatically to you if you’re raised in a (white, Northern European) context where people around you also don’t have any concept of racism that extends beyond «it is bad to be mean to people because of their skin colour/ethnic background» - a better starting point than outright white supremacy, of course, but not something that makes you remotely equipped to take part in any discussion of structural racism either. And in order to get to any kind of more nuanced understanding of the topic, you have to pack away the ego that says «I can figure this out for myself without listening to other people or without ever being wrong» and recognise that most likely you will have major blind spots in your analysis of the kind of structural racism of which you have never been on the receiving end. «I hadn’t considered that, but I see your point now that you explain it» is a much better response to a person of colour pointing out racism in your favourite book, than «you’re wrong because Tolkien said XYZ».

Large number of complaints about the modern world resolve down to "I want everything in one bag and I don't want the bag to be heavy"

I want the newest, coolest, shiniest phone they advertise on Instagram and it should cost $30 and be tiny and also huge and have every feature I could possibly want without thinking about it

I want my websites to allow me unlimited uploading of all data in high definition with zero lag or buffering, have every single person on earth available, with an easy way to see only the stuff I like and not anything I don't, for free with zero ads, with clear, straightforward moderation that gets rid of every Nazi and has zero false positives that also lets me tell random strangers and the people running the site to kill themselves, and I should be able to find it without doing any independent searching on my own because I'm too lazy to look for it

I want my girlfriend to have huge tits and a small waist and a fat ass and thin thighs and have clear skin and be a virgin and great at sex, likes all the stuff I like but not in the annoying way other people do, looks like she spends 3 hours a day on makeup and hair but takes up zero time in my bathroom, goes down on me but doesn't ask me to eat her out, has zero kinks except for mine, doesn't demand anything of me and is attracted to me for me, modestly hides her body from the public but also makes other people jealous when I'm with her, isn't crazy jealous but doesn't have any other guy friends, wants three ways only with other girls, and also she approaches me in public so I don't have to do anything to meet or woo her.

I'd do one about video games or food but the last few years have shown that people will talk endlessly about wanting shorter games with worse graphics made by people who work less hours for more pay, or wanting to pay $1 more for a hamburger if the worker gets paid more, and then immediately revolt when the cost of their bleeding edge console or burrito taxi goes up with inflation.

Getting dumped really puts children's cartoon villains into perspective. Like dude you're SO right, love and caring ARE disgusting and we SHOULD cast a spell to drain all human emotion into your amulet.

Friend breakups are how you get lines like "Your friends? You think your friends are coming to save you? Don't make me laugh."

Co-Worker Just Asked Me to Hand Him a Vise Grips and I Was Just About to Hit Him With the Erm Actually Vise Grips Is the Branded Term These Are Locking Pliers Aherm but Then I Looked at the Tool in My Hand and Saw That It Was in Fact a Vise Grips Branded Vise Grips that Vises Like a Grip

Just Goes to Show That if You Wanna Be a Smart Ass You Had Ought to Be Right First

coworker: it's good to see that centrifuge getting some use; most people don't like it because it's so sensitive me: *has been devising nobel prize-worthy balance configurations for every single load* haha yeah i guess i've just been lucky with it so far :)

the feelings i'm experiencing about this are akin to when a pet comes up to greet you and its owner is like "omg i never see them go up to strangers like that they're usually so shy"

developing a horse girl-like bond with the centrifuge

centrifuge: *shudders or makes noise* me: *patting its flank* shhhh... it's okay, girl...

I'm fairly certain the answer will be "because they don't want to spend money", but is there a reason your workplace doesn't just get a new centrifuge, maybe one with auto-balancing?

because the centrifuge works fine if you're pure of heart

I think the Jedi council should have at least considered sending obi-wan over to Dooku to be like “yes hello I am here for sith training” just to see what would happen

Like, we know from the rako hardeen arc that he’s a good enough actor to pull this off. Combined with Dooku’s clear affection(?) for him, I think the council would have most of the separatists’ top military secrets in a month, max

Anakin suddenly throwing himself hard into being the perfect Jedi to guide his master back to the light is hilarious

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks