Mia?

I heard my alarm clock go off as groaned, quickly stirring up out of my deep sleep that I was enjoying. I turned around in my bed and noticed it was seven in the morning, on the dot. I took a deep breathe and started pushing my way out of bed; beginning my morning routine.

Things have gotten a lot better in the last month or so, I finally started to feel at home here. Johannes even offered me a full time position at the shop, he even offered to help me look into applying for some kind of permanent solution to actually stay here. We had dinner last week, after I was struggling at work and I finally opened up to him; much to his horror. He kept telling me, ‘we’re gonna figure out something’ and ‘I’m not sending you back to that environment’

It had been over four weeks since I last saw a certain blonde haired musician, after reading his text message that came in that night; I did something completely deplorable. I snuck into my bedroom as I tried to use his sleeping face for the Face ID on his phone, finally getting it to work after a few tries. An hour later, and scrolling through multiple text threads and finding out there had to be at least three other women. I heard a “what the fuck are doing?” From behind me as I was huntched over, sitting on my knees on my couch.

That lead to at least a three hour fight as he kept throwing words like ‘psycho’ and ‘insane’ towards me as I cried and tried to defend myself, finally ending our fight with a “we’re not even together, this is ridiculous.” As he walked out of my apartment, slamming my door behind him.

After that, I took some deep reflection on my habits and trauma; deciding it was time to turn a new leaf. I needed to try and move on from my past, as much as it was going to hurt; oh boy it hurt despite the strides I was making. I allowed myself to start opening up more and making connections, allowing my coworkers to invite me places and make friends with their friends. Allowing myself to feel my hurt and pain, and crying it out. I even started looking into therapy, once I got my status in place.

And that’s how I met Mark. We’ve been hanging out for the last two weeks or so, nothing serious at all but he’s been making actual efforts to get to know me and make plans with me. I met him at a dinner party that I got invited to by a friend of a friend I met through Maria; he was quiet and shy until he made a sarcastic joke while we were sat next to each other and I piggybacked off his joke, making both of us have to stifle our laughter. He was safe, he worked in IT for a company in the city and had his own condo, two cats and was raised by a single mother and two older sisters.

That’s how I ended up with plans for this Saturday night, he told me to clear my schedule because he absolutely just had to see me and wanted to take me out; even if we had just had dinner at his place the Thursday before, and went to see a movie on Monday.

I made my way through the streets of the city, deciding heels weren’t my best friend tonight. I looked down at the strappy platforms I decided on and cursed myself before moving my handbag strap farther up my shoulder and trucking along before seeing a familiar face in the crowd. “Beautiful!” He called out to me and I hurried my pace up, forming a big smile and threw my arms around Mark as I got near him. “Well, if it isn’t the most beautiful girl here in the Netherlands,” he quipped and gave me a small kiss on my cheek while helping me pull down the back of my dress that had ridden up as I gave him a hug. “And if it isn’t the most sweetest and handsome man in the Netherlands, standing right in front of me.” I replied back, pushing the slight feeling of ‘ick’ that popped into my brain; telling myself this is the new me. The new me doesn’t get the ick with nice men, she welcomes them in her life with open arms.

────୨ৎ────

Fourty minutes later and we were situated in a bar area that apparently had the best food in Rotterdam, as he put it. It was a nice change of pace not wanting to drink to get absolutely hammered and instead, have a few drinks with dinner.

Mark was telling me something about what was happening in his current workplace drama. When I heard a voice that I knew all too well behind me, enter into the bar area. I swiftly took a sharp breath, and moved my hand to my vodka cran; pulling it up and taking two large gulps of it. I cut Mark off, telling him sorry but I had to go to the bathroom real quick and how I was just dying to hear the rest of his story but I was about to pee myself. He let out a laugh and waved me off in a friendly manor.

I quickly got up from the table; cursing that of course the bathroom was towards the front of the space. I quickly turned around and scanned the area, locking my eyes on my avoided target; a certain blonde boy named Joost Klein, who was accompanied by a few friends and what looked to be a small model-like girl, who was hanging off his arm and letting her head rest against his bicep.

I took a deep breathe and told myself, ‘you’re okay.’ As I tried to duck behind other tables and patrons of the bar, basically crawling on the wall to try and avoid him. Realizing I probably looked like a freak, but I’d rather look like a freak than embarrass myself in any other way. I successfully made it past them as I walked into the women’s restroom and made my way to the sinks; turning the water on and washing my hands, aptly splashing some water onto my face. I looked up into the mirror and tried giving myself a pep talk, about how I was a ‘bad-ass bitch’ and how I deserve to be here as much as anybody else, even if I only half believed my mantras.

10 minutes had gone by before I doubled checked myself in the mirror one more time after replying my lipgloss and gave myself a nod. Making my way to the door and flinging it open, right as person who I was dreading seeing began walking down the hall to the men’s restroom. He abruptly stopped in his tracks as I stood in the doorway, slightly beginning to panic. He almost looked like he seen a ghost, and I couldn’t imagine my expression was much better.

“Uh… um, hey.” He said and I almost wanted to start backing into the bathroom and spend the rest of my night there, “hi.” Came out of my mouth before realizing it, I made my way out of the door and let it slam behind me before slightly inching toward him; realizing there was realistically only a couple feet between us. “Um… how are you?” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m fine. How are you?” I replied lowly, beginning to pick at my cuticle. “Fine….” He trailed off and that’s when I noticed he moved his eyes down my body; specifically my chest. That fucker.

“I actually have to get back to my table, my dates waiting for me.” I started walking forward, trying to push past him. “Date?” He asked, it almost sounding hurt. I nodded and moved my hand to his shoulder, slightly pushin him. “Yeah, date. I kind of, sort’ve, met somebody.” I nodded to myself and finally got past him, “and it looks like you did to. Or at least somebody for the night.” I said over my shoulder and sauntered off before even giving him a chance to reply to my snarky comment.

────୨ৎ────

After the small set back, the night went really good despite it all. I noticed joost and his friends quickly left after our awkward encounter in that hallway and I had a good dinner and allowed myself to get slightly tipsy. Mark insisted to at least walking me to the metro station, I still wasn’t comfortable letting him in his space yet and he respected that, which in turn made me realize that being truly respected was nice.

I got into my apartment, and started taking my shoes off and gave myself a deep breath and started up my mantras again, hoping they would help whatever feeling I had deep in my stomach at the moment. I decided a shower was much needed, and maybe one of the canned cocktails that Mark had gifted me a four pack of after mentioning I liked it. I grabbed one of the cans from my fridge, opening it and grabbing my small speaker from my counter; going to get myself set up in my bathroom. I walked back out and grabbed my phone from my purse, remembering I had told Mark I’d text him when I got home.

I unlocked my phone as noticed a notification from none other the man I’ve been trying to forget about for the last couple weeks. I furrowed my brow and opened it seeing he sent me his location, followed by a ‘come over.’ I quickly closed out of the thread before moving over to the text thread with Mark and sending him a quick ‘made it home’ text, connecting my phone to the speaker and turning some music on low.

I finally made it into the shower, washing my day off my skin and hair. Twenty minutes later, I finally felt clean enough and got out of the shower; turning it off. Quickly getting my robe on and beginning to dry my hair off, I heard my phone start ringing, without thinking I picked it up and and brought it to my ear. “Hello?” I asked into the microphone, “schat.” I heard come through the phone, and I my eyes snapped open, “what do you want.” I asked in an accusing tone, recognizing that voice all too well.

“I know you saw my text, I want you to come over.” He replied. “Are you drunk? On some type of hard drugs? Have you fallen and hit your head in the last twenty four hours, and could possibly need to go to the emergency room?” I replied, in a rude tone and moved into my living room, sitting on my couch.

“I had a few beers, no and no,” he said, “I just…. I’m thinking about you in that dress. And thinking about whatever nerd had the pleasure of taking it off of you tonight.” I laughed, genuinely let out a guttural laugh and went on, “and even if somebody did get to take it off me tonight, what does that have to do with you?” I heard him take a breath in that sounded like it came through his teeth, “It doesn’t have anything to do with me but that doesn’t stop me getting annoyed about the thought of your pretty, tight pussy around some other’s cock, baby.”

────୨ৎ────

An hour later on the phone later, I was in the back of a ride share service car, biting my nails. After going back and forth, until he started talking dirty to me in Dutch; I realized I might need to do this, truly the ‘go back till you hate them’ method. I promised that after tonight, I was truly a changed woman. I had a gnawing feeling in the back of my brain and stomach, knowing it had to do with the man I was on a date with just a couple hours ago, I knew I was gonna have to tell him but that’s for me to worry at a later date.

My phone kept going off with pings signaling incoming text messages, mostly telling me what he was gonna do to me and a couple explicit photos of him from what looked like his couch. I thumbed up the pictures and sent a few sexts back, mostly half assing them.

The driver slowly came to a stop, and said something to me softly in dutch, I think about how this was my stop. I gave them a quiet, ‘thank you’ and made my way out of the car; clutching onto my bag as I felt the breeze hit my bare legs. I decided on wearing a pair of sleep shorts and tshirt, he didn’t get anything special out of me. I quickly made my way up to the door and unlocked my phone sending a ‘im here’ text before shoving my phone in my bag; after turning my location off. I crossed my arms over my chest and shifted my weight over to one leg while waiting a few minutes.

I heard fumbling with the lock and the door slowly creeped open, revealing him standing there; shirtless and in a pair of pajama pants hanging low on his waist. He gave me a smirk as he opened the door wider, taking a step back and motioning for me to come in. I rolled my eyes and began to walk into the space, feeling stupid and embarrassed I found myself in this situation but I had nobody to blame but myself at this point.

I took a few steps in, looking around the front entrance of his home while I heard him close and lock the door behind me, slowly creeping up and snaking his arms around my waist; placing his hands on my stomach and pushing the tips of his fingers into the top elastic of my shorts. “I knew you would come,” he said in a low voice and he pressed a kiss to the side of my head, “and I’m so glad you did.”

I bit my lip and decided to play into it, pushing my back up and his chest and leaning my head back into his shoulder, “I’m so glad I came to, hopefully in more than one way tonight.” He let out a chuckle before removing his hands from my waist and walking into the main living area, calling out for me to follow. He motioned to his couch, which I noticed was leads better than mine and asked if I wanted anything to drink. “I’m all out of wine but I have beer,” he teased me as he made his way into what I assumed was the kitchen and I yelled out that should be fine. He returned with two open bottles of beer, handing one down to me as he sat next to me on the couch, picking up his remote and pressing play on whatever he had paused from before. I nervously took a sip of the beer and kept my hand on my knee, staring straight ahead.

“Liefde,” he whispered, and I looked over, “you don’t have to be so scared. Its only me.”

I nodded and took another chug of the beer, moving forward to sit on the coffee table, removing my bag from my shoulder and letting it slip onto the floor; while kicking my shoes off. I could feel his eyes bore into the side of my head before I slowly leaned back into the couch, picking my legs up to tuck them under me and turn towards him. He took a big swig of his beer and followed suit, setting it next to mine on the table. “Come over here, come closer.” He commanded me and I began to lean forward, slightly crawling towards him like scared puppy. He smiled and brought his hand up to my face as soon as I was close enough and rubbed his thumb over my jaw.

“I don’t know what it is about you and driving me nuts, making me think about you all the time. Making me so fucking mad. Making jealous.” He almost spat that last part at me, before grabbing onto my chin and bringing my face forward to crash his lips onto mine, kissing me with force and power. I closed my eyes and let my lips work around his, placing my hands on his thigh and felt his bulge rub up against the side of my fingers. He pulled away and I let my eyes snap back open, he looked at me for a good second, licking his lip and smirking; “But it looks like I won anyways tonight, I have you here right now.”

He let go of my chin and asked me to lay back onto the couch and I followed commands, laying back and resting my head on one of the decorative throw pillows. He sat on the other side of the couch, palming himself through his thin pajama pants and said my name in a low voice that almost made me melt right into the fake leather of his couch. “What?” I asked, “I want you to touch yourself for me.” He threw out into the air and let out a deep breath, as I harshly bit down on my lower lip. “Okay,” I replied, “but only if you do it at the same time.”

He nodded and I stood up, moving my shorts and underwear down my legs and sitting back on the couch, as I watched him shimmy out of his pants; cock springing out. I lazily moved my leg up onto the back of the couch, resting the foot of my other on the floor; giving him a full display. He stopped for a second, staring at me with amazement as I noticed his pupils dilate. I gave him a half nod and moved my hand down my stomach and onto my own clit, slowly moving my fingers in small circles as he moved his hand to his dick; beginning to tug on it slowly.

I leaned my head back and leaned my hips up into my hands, picking up pace before I heard him call out to me, “keep your eyes on me.” I picked up head up lazily and push my fingers down my folds, pushing them in myself, pumping them a few times before bringing them back to up to my most sensitive area. I watched as his lazily jerked his own dick, moving his eyes between my face and my fingers going to work.

This went on for a few more minutes before he let go of himself, and I followed his lead. Dropping my leg back down, resting my foot down on the top of his calf. “Fuck,” he muttered, “come here again. Stand in front of me.” He began to sit up straight on the couch as I stood up, coming to stand in front of him. “On your knees.” He directed me, before I slowly dropped to them; folding my legs under me as he moved his fingertips to the hem of my shirt, helping me take it off; leaving both of us fully naked and exposed.

“I’ve tasted you and now I think it’s my turn to get pleasured.” He leaned back, slightly spreading his legs. I bit my lip and looked up to him through my eyelashes, nodding and moved forward, taking his rock hard length into my hand moving my body up; sitting over it before letting some spit dribble out of my mouth onto the tip of his dick, as he let out a sharp breath and bit his lip. I began moving my hand up and down, opening my mouth open and moving my head down, letting my mouth fully engulf the tip. Flattening my tongue out against the bottom of it and moving down, hearing him let a out a string of ‘fucks’, before quickly moving back up, finding my rhythm for the next couple minutes.

I reached the tip again, circling the tip with my tongue as I bought my hands to his thighs, grabbing onto them as he let out the most pathetic moans into the air. “You keep that up and I’m gonna cum all over your face again.” He let out a sigh and brought his hand down to push some hair off my shoulder. I moved off his dick and set the side of my head on his thigh, looking up to him once again. Taking in how the moonlight hit his skin from the wide windows in his living room, as I watched his chest move up and down rapidly.

“I want to fuck you.” He finally let out as he sat up from his position on the couch and ran the back of his knuckles on my cheek bone, as I nodded in complacency. I moved back and felt my shoulders hit the coffee table, placing my hands on the edge and lifting myself up from my kneeling position. He watched from his position, taking a few swipes at his dick as I decided it was my turn to take command of the situation, moving over to the couch and climbing onto it; setting my knees on the edge and letting my head rest against the back of the couch.

“Then come fuck me.” I said as I closed my eyes, feeling him push himself up from his sitting position. I waited for a few seconds before I felt his hand grab my ass, rubbing his thumb over the skin and quickly letting his core meet mine; slowing pushing his tip into my open and aching hole. He started pushing down into me while I let out a string of whines and moans. “Fuck,” he started, bringing his free hand up to my shoulder, “so tight and warm…. Just like I remembered. I don’t think I can share this pussy with anybody.” He let out an almost whine as he reached my cervix, sitting there for a few minutes.

I folded my arms across the back of the couch and laid my head down, he mumbled something I didn’t catch before pulling his hips away from my ass and began thrusting against me. I bit my lip as I let out small mewls and whines, calling out his name as I could feel his hand sneak up my spine, resting his hand on my shoulder and slightly pulling me back; moving my hands to hold my body weight up. “Fuck, moppie. You feel so good. I don’t know how I’m suppose to last long in you.” He groaned behind me as his hand slowly made its was up my collar bone and rested his fingers on the front of my chest.

I took a shaky breath and moved to pick my hand up, putting it ontop of his as I moved his hand to my throat; encouraging him to grab onto it. “You stretch me out so good, better than anybody could.” I felt his fingers clasp onto the sides of my throat as he let out a strangled cry, I could tell his orgasm was coming so I started moving my hips back to meet his; letting his pelvic bone bounce against my ass.

A few more thrusts and I could feel him come unraveled as I felt the soft liquid of his cum pool inside of me, he let out a string of whispers as he removed his hand from my throat and set it against my shoulder and leaned forward; resting his body against my back. “Holy shit,” was I all I picked up before I felt a pair of lips connect with my shoulder blade. He leaned back up and slowly started pulling out of me, telling me to stay still while he went to go grab something to wipe me up with.

He quickly left the room, as I stayed in my position; feeling completely vulnerable and trying to push back terrible thoughts in my head; I kept telling myself this was exposure therapy and maybe letting him fuck me from behind would help unravel all the trauma behind it. He quickly came back into the room and squatted behind me, pushing what felt like a warm washcloth to my center and wiped me down, moving his hand up to my ass and spreading it slightly; trying to clean me thourougly. I felt him drop his arm as I felt his lips connect with my pussy, giving it a soft kiss before he stood back up.

I took a deep breath and started standing up myself, shaking slightly and moved to grab my shirt and shorts. “What are you doing?” He asked in a puzzled tone, “I’m gonna get dressed so I can head back home… where’s your bathroom?” He raised his eyebrow at me, “well the bathrooms over there if you have to pee or something…. But you know you could stay the night?” I turned around to look up at him, holding my crumpled clothes against my chest and letting out small sniffle, trying to push some tears back from my eyes.

His face softened and he moved forward, grabbing my clothes from my hands and throwing them on his couch. “Are you okay? Was this okay for you?” He asked me and that alone made something in me break as the tears sprung forward, rushing down my cheeks. He pulled me into his chest and started petting the back of my hair, giving the top of my head a kiss. “We don’t have to talk about it.” Was all he mumbled as I nodded, against his chest.

We stood like that for a few more moments as he suddenly leaned down, bringing the back of my thighs into his hands and lifted me up against his body, wrapping my legs around his hips as he kept his hand steady on my back. He slightly wobbled as he started backing up, making his way through the living area and down a hall; into a dimly lit space and I realized it was his bedroom.

He sat me down on the edge and told me to make myself myself comfortable, I nodded in a submissive nature and laid back; laying my head on the pillow and pulling my knees up slightly towards my chest and moving one of my hands underneath my head. I felt the bed behind me slightly dip and felt his presence behind me, pulling the sheet over our bodies until he he settled in, moving his arm around me and his chin ontop of my head.

“We can’t keep doing this,” I whispered, “it can’t be good for either of us.” I felt him huff slightly and hum out, “I know, schat.” He whispered out into the darkness, “I wish I could’ve met you at a different part of my life, maybe when I wasn’t so broken and not repairable.” I whispered back to him. I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head, “do you actually think that? That you can’t be fixed?”

I closed my eyes and let a deep sigh out, “sometimes. Yeah, I feel like something in me is just… not right and can never be right again. I mean, I just… don’t know.” He tightened the grip on my waist and said, “nobody’s truly evil. We all make mistakes at the end of the day.” I nodded and moved my hand down to his, setting my palm onto the back of his hand, rubbing my fingers over the flesh of his fingers.

“So… that date you were on?” I could tell he was nervous to ask me, almost like he was testing the waters. “It’s just some guy I met at dinner party, nothing serious I guess. I don’t know, I think he likes me more than I like him.” I felt him slightly stir behind me, “is that so?” I let out a soft ‘mhm’ and laced my fingers through his.

A couple moments of silence followed before he broke it, “let me take you on a date. An actual date.” I opened my eyes and whispered, “you want to?” I felt him nod, “yeah, let me make up for this. How I should’ve done it in the first place. Take you to dinner, have a conversation with you… get to know about you, on a deeper level.”

I sleepily agreed and felt his body relax against mine as he nuzzled his face into my neck, slowly letting sleep overtake both of our bodies.

You sigh, a hand running through your hair as a cold October breeze hits your skin,

"Can we not do this right now?" You frown, not making any eye contact with Michael as you scope the surrounding area, looking for the car that was supposed to pick you up. 

"I'm not doing anything." It never ceased to amaze you how defensive he got so quickly, "You're the one being unreasonable."

"Unreasonable?" You snap your head back to him, "Because I wanted to look cute for a halloween party?"

"Cute?" Michael's face screws up, wincing as he looks you up and down, "That is not cute, its trashy."

"Oh wow," You scoff, "Real fucking nice thing to call your girlfriend, Michael."

"Yeah, well, when you said you were going to be a nun for Halloween I kind of expected you to put on a little more clothes." He gestures towards your outfit, and you look down, doing another glance over, your run your hands down the bottom half your costume, smoothing down the tight little mini skirt that barely covered your ass, before readjusting your garter stockings, making sure they were perfectly centered on your thighs. You furrow your eyebrows, perhaps your costume was a little sacrilegious, and left very little to the imagination, more so some lingerie and a white headband than anything biblical- but it was Halloween and that was the fun of it. 

You hear the gentle hum of a car engine nearing closer to you, headlights suddenly lighting up the street. 

"Oh come on," You cross your arms in front of your chest, "Stop being such a buzzkill, lets just go, please, the Uber is here." You tilt your head, almost pleading. 

Michael shakes his head, "Not while you're dressed like that."

"W-what?" The words barely escape your throat, "Well I'm not going to change now!"

"Then I'm not going, it's embarrassing."

"Whatever," You roll your eyes, "Your loss."

"Really?" Michael raises an eyebrow, "You're going to choose to go to a party dressed like a slut over your boyfriend?"

"Yep." You nod, popping the p, shrugging, matter-of-factly, "Uber's here gotta go." You point behind you, hearing the car finally pull up, "Don't wait up." You smirk, giving him a wink before turning around to get into the car.

He looks like he's about to say something back, probably chastise you for being so smug, or not getting as upset as he wants you to, for not begging him to come, but you shut the car door before he has a chance to get a word out. 

You'd hit a point in your relationship where Michael's shaming hardly made you sad or cry anymore. It had turned to a sort of anger by now, and you figured that was better than crying all the time. Your desire to be "approved of" by Michael had seemingly disappeared, knowing, deep down you could never really be the girl he wanted you to be- it seemed pointless to try. At least for tonight you could hopefully forget about him.

...

The music is booming before you even step foot in the house, you're late, but fashionably so, and you let out a sigh, still pent up about your argument with Michael, but knowing the sweet relief of getting absolutely shitfaced was in your near future. 

You ring the doorbell, wondering if anyone would be able to even hear it over the music. And to your almost surprise, the door opens, Julie's smiling face on the other side. She lets out a small squeal as she looks you up and down, the music pouring out louder now.

"Oh my god you look so good!" She squeaks, clapping her hands, "You are to fucking die for." And before you can even give her an equally as excited compliment on her Mia Wallace costume- you presume Anton is dressed as Vincent Vega. Her face drops a little, speaking again,  "Shit. Wait? Oh my god are you matching with Joost? Where's Michael? That is so evil…" She giggles. 

"What?" You laugh, your confusion evident, "Oh, well Michael was going to come but we got in an argument before he came so, whatever, you know how he is." You roll your eyes, and boy did she know.

"Ohhh," Julie nods slowly, "Oh, fuck him. Well this is perfect!" She smiles wide without a hint of sarcasm in her voice, "Because… Joost is here… and Lina isn't."

Your lips quirk to the side, eyebrows raising slightly, "No?", You can't deny the way the news makes your heart a little bit faster, makes you a little bit more eager to get inside. 

"Nope," She grins, "You two are so funny, you know, he's dressed like a priest." She shakes her head, seemingly bewildered by the whole situation, "Ah, oh my god! I'm totally holding you up, Come in come in, party!"

And you do, stepping into the doorway, scent of liquor and weed hitting your nostrils, bringing a smile to your face as you realize just how young the night is.

You turn back around toward Julie, yelling over the music, 

"I'm gonna go find Joost!"

"You should definitely go do that!" She nods frantically, giving you a thumbs up. Julie had never been thrilled by your continuance to sleep with Joost after your break up- but she knew nothing she could ever say would stop you. By now she had almost encouraged it, after all he was about, in her opinion, a million steps up from Michael. 

Just like that, you're off, a woman on a mission. The party is more crowded than you had anticipated it to already be, and in the grand scheme of having a party that was a good thing, but for finding one person in this whole crowd, not so much.

But, after pushing through multiple rooms, and hoards of drunk people dancing, there he was, standing with his back towards you- though, you'd recognize the back of his stupid, cute, but stupid haircut anywhere. You smirk, approaching the circle of people he was talking with; Teun, Apson, Bruno, Nathan… and some girl you'd never seen before dressed as an angel who seemed to be standing awfully close to Joost, laughing just a little too loud when he'd speak. You bite your lip, wondering how you should approach, not sure if he was here with her or if she just happened to be there. 

Oh fuck it. 

You approach Joost from behind, slipping a finger into one of the loops of his dress pants, tugging slightly as you stand up on your toes, leaning to speak in his ear, 

"Hi handsome," You say low enough to where only Joost can hear. You can see a brief startle on his face before he blinks it off, turning towards you as you slip your finger from the loop of fabric. 

You drop back flat on your feet, staring up at Joost as he looks you over, a smile coming to his face, his hands almost instinctively coming to your sides, running his palms down the fabric of or lack thereof your costume. 

"Holy shit…" He chuckles, seemingly bewildered, "Literally." His eyes going wide. You can feel your face getting hot under his stare, a small giggle escaping your lips as you turn away from his watchful gaze, "Jesus christ, schatje" He mutters shaking his head, "God you're going to fucking kill me." 

"Well hello to you too," You laugh, finally turning back to look at him, "You don't look too bad yourself." You look Joost over, don't look too bad was a massive fucking understatement, he looked hot, even in something so simple. You look down at Joost's hands on your waist, the sleeves of his black button up shirt pulled past his forearms, making you feel a little like a Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time. 

"I'll take it," Joost shrugs, "So, where's your boyfriend tonight, huh schatje?"

"Well, tonight…" You trail off, biting your lip as your eyes flick back up to Joost's, "I'm looking at him."

"Lucky me." Joost sighs, his voice barely audible over the music, speaking mostly to himself anyways. 

Your shared deep, lustful gaze with Joost is cut short by the sound of someone else in the circle clearing their throat. You turn over to see the rest of the group waving at you, 

"Oh, hi guys!" You beam, looking over them, "Neat costumes." 

"Did you two plan this or..?" Appie gestures between the two of you, 

"We just know each other too well I guess…" Joost slings an arm around you, and you instinctively cling around his torso, leaning into him. His touch is familiar, warm, you have to stop yourself from cuddling up with him right there.

"Where's Michael tonight?" Nathan wiggles his eyebrows as he asks the question. 

"Who's Michael?" You tilt your head to the side, your voice raising a few pitches as you feign ignorance, you peer up at Joost, "Do you know anyone named Michael?"

"Nope. Never." He shrugs, "Guy sounds like a real loser though."

"I'll drink that!" Bruno raises his beer in the air, and the rest of the boys agree, nodding amongst themselves. Your lips tug at the corners, pulling into a cheesy grin. You'd heard second hand stories about the dumb things Michael would say to them when you would all go out and get drunk together and the girls separated from the group. Michael's drunk musings about your sex life-- how he didn't believe in eating pussy or how he was certain that he always made you finish. Even worse, the things he'd say about you, his desire to mold you into the 'perfect' girlfriend for him. You know they all hate Michael even more than you do, and that thought for a split moment puts a pit in your stomach, before you're quickly pulled out of it by the sound of the guys' laughter. 

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend…" The girl next to Joost suddenly speaks, sounding less than thrilled, which earns another good chuckle from the guys. 

"Come on guys, shut up," You roll your eyes, playfully chastising them about their antics. 

"Oh," Joost's eyes go wide, "Yeah, sorry, Laura this is my girlfriend…" Joost gestures towards you with one hand, his arm wrapping tighter around your shoulder with the other, and can hardly get the sentence out without laughing… "Girlfriend, this is Laura…"

"Dude you suck at lying!" Nathan scoffs.

"Yeah and girlfriend has a name, asshole," You giggle, slapping Joost's chest lightly.

"Right!" Teun exclaims, "it's Lina" He drags out the 'i' sound, "Isn't that right y/n?"

"Dude!" Bruno hits Teun's arm, causing his drink to spill a little, "Soooo not funny," He says, clearly holding back a laugh.

"Wait…" Who you now presume is Laura, furrows her eyebrows, "I'm confused…"

"Me-fucking-too," You sigh, "I'm not drunk enough for this yet." You shake your head. 

"Okay, wait-" Joost pauses, but the rest of the group is cracking up once again, "Tantu, dude, what the hell."

"Oh man," Nathan laughs, doubling over, clutching his drink, "This really does sound fucking crazy when you say it all out loud- Joost you slut."

Laura looks between you and Joost, her expression confused, you can't help but feel a little bad for her, like you're all in on some inside joke she doesn't understand, "So wait, you're not his girlfriend?"

You give a half smile, tilting your head, "Well… I mean… I guess if Joost says I am…" You trail off. 

"And I do!" His voice louder now, suddenly, like he’s trying to drown out the laughter, or convince himself it’s true.

The group quiets just enough for everyone to process that. Joost’s arm is still around you, a little too tight now, you can tell he's tense. You glance up at him, eyebrows raised.

“Bold of you to make it official in front of an audience,” you tease, the corner of your mouth twitching.

"Uh huh," He nods, smiling, that sweet grin that has gotten him out of far too much, "Gotta show off my girl somehow right?"

Nathan snorts. “Awh how sweet, what’s next, man, gonna propose by the keg?”

“Shut up, Nate,” Joost laughs, but it sounds shaky.

Laura blinks, trying to catch up. “So… you’re dating? Like, actually?”

“Yeah,” Joost says without missing a beat, "Yep." Sounding a little less sure now. 

That earns another laugh from everyone, the tension diffusing slightly, but Laura’s still standing there with that polite, tight smile, not quite fully recognizing the messy situation she's come in on.

“Well,” she says after a second, nodding slowly, “that’s… good for you guys.”

Her tone is even, but her eyes flick to Joost for half a second too long, and he notices. Everyone does.

"Alright!" You finally interject, wanting nothing more than to get away from this situation, and to, maybe selfishly get Joost away from Laura, "Well I think, I'm in need of a drink before I actually start believing him…"

You shimmy out of Joost's grip, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the kitchen,

"Girlfriend, huh?" You smirk, still basking a little in the moment, it felt good, even to hear it as a joke.

"It felt right in the moment- shit I don't know." Joost trips over his words a little, clearly still reeling.

"And now..?" You ask, a smirk pulling at your lips, "Does it still feel right…" You're standing in the kitchen now, staring up at Joost. You ask the question a bit too earnestly for such a moment, you bite the inside of your cheeks, eyes focused on Joost, the way he looks in the dim, hazy room, so beautiful it almost hurts. 

Just like that, Joost's hand is on your waist again, the other holding your chin, 

"Well, schatje," He coos, "I think maybe you should ask yourself that question…"

Your jaw slacks slightly, truthfully he's right, the only thing stopping you from being his girlfriend is you. 

"We can stop this back and forth whenever…" He trails off, thumb swiping against your cheek before dropping his hand from your chin.

"Yeah, yeah," You sigh, not wanting to think about that much, "Would you get me a drink?"

"Yeah," He smiles, blinking away the longing on his face, "What do you want?"

You pucker your lips thinking for a moment, "Do a shot with me?"

"Of course, what are we drinking?"

You look around the counter, scattered half-empty bottles of various liquors, 

"Bacardi?" You ask, pandering to Joost's tastes a little.

Joost nods, wiggling his fingers as he tries to find the bottle, in the meantime you take a peek into the kitchen cabinets, grabbing two shot glasses for the two of you, almost surprised they hadn't all been picked over yet. 

You place the two glasses down on the counter with a clink letting Joost pour them.

"Okay…" He says handing you yours, "Ready?"

"Nuh uh," You shake your head, putting your arm out, signaling you wanted to lock arms to take the shot. 

Joost smiles, "Hmm", he hums, interlocking his arm with yours, 

"Ready now?" He asks and you nod. 

You hold your breath as the liquid slides down your throat, just trying to get it down, realizing you never got a chaser. It's strong, tingling your tongue, some of the liquid spilling off your lips and down your chin and neck, you wince, unlocking your arms to put down the glass. 

You breathe out, shuttering as you feel the alcohol reaching your stomach.

"You've got a little…" Joost points to the liquid that had dripped down your skin, "Uhh…"

"Oh," You smile a little, "Could you get it for me?", tilting your head to stretch your neck. 

"You're fucking evil," Joost steps forward, still obliging, his head dipping lower as his arms wrap around your waist to pull you closer to him. You gasp as his tongue grazes your neck, warm, wet as he licks up the excess alcohol, pulling away with a quick kiss to your jaw. You feel your body grow hot, tingling, feeling all of a sudden bashful even though you had asked for this. 

"Want another?" You smirk. 

...

Another, had turned into four more, and now you were sufficiently tipsy as you find yourself in the middle of the living room, dancing with Joost. The lights are dim, and the room is smoky, the conditions almost making you feel as though you were alone. But you weren't and surely anyone could see you, back pressed against Joost's chest as you danced against him, his hands at your hips as you sway side to side, his head tipped down toward your neck. It was hot, heavy.  

You tip your head back, leaning against Joost's shoulder as he speaks low in your ear, "So, are you going to tell me the real reason Michael isn't here?"

"Oh, please," You groan, rolling your head so it rests against his cheek, "Lets not ruin the mood." Your speech is slow, slurring slightly, a testament to your drinking. But you were nowhere near incoherent, and the weight of Michael's name is heavy in the air. 

"Come on…" He pries, his fingers tightening at your waist, "I know you want to tell me.." Almost sing-song.

Joost's breath tickles your neck, sending a shiver down your spine, and making you giggle slightly.

"No…" You say long and drawn out, "You just want to know to fuel your ego tsk tsk tsk," You pop your tongue, "So I can complain, and you can hear me tell you how much better you are than him."

Joost hums in response, content, "So what I'm hearing is you think I'm better than him?"

You scoff, eyes rolling, "Shut up. Why can't we just dance?"

"We are dancing, schat." His grip on you suddenly shifts, his hands moving to turn you around until you're now face to face with him, "But we can talk too… I know you're a good multitasker… able to balance two guys at once is quite the feat…"

You playfully punch at Joost's chest, making his face scrunch up,

"You're an ass," You laugh, burying your face against Joost's dress shirt, hoping not to smudge any of your makeup on it. 

"And you love it, don't you?" Joost's hands find their way back to your hips, holding you close once again.

"Mhm," You nod, "Love you." You don't really even mean to say it, but it feels right, two words that have slipped your mouth often. 

"I know," Joost chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, "Speaking of love…. So what's going on with Michael?"

You pull back from Joost's chest, looking up at him now. 

"The usual," You shrug, a coy smile coming to your face, by now explaining your constant arguing with Michael had gotten shameful, "Y'know, refusing to come 'cause I look like a slut, or whatever. Guess he was under the impression I was going to dress like an actual nun."

"Ridiculous," Joost sneers, "More for me I guess then, hmm?"

You nod, "All yours tonight." You bite your lip, stretching up to put your arms around his neck,

"Well, for the record," He says, leaning towards your neck again, "I think you're fucking smoking."

"Gee, thanks," You giggle, pulling him down a little lower to kiss his cheek.

"Seriously," he begins, speaking lower now, his lips grazing your ear, hands trailing down to grab at your ass, "You have no fucking clue what this costume is doing to me- if I was Michael, I mean I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you."

"So don't."

"Don't have to tell me twice," His fingertips squeezing into your flesh. 

You continued like this for a while, Joost's hands dangerously close to lifting up your already short skirt as you leaned in close to him, lips practically pressed against his neck as the two of you danced to the music that boomed around you. 

It was nice getting to hang out with Joost like this, in a party setting, without Michael's watchful eye- for some reason always insisting he come to nights out with your friends despite how much he seemed to despise them.  Hovering behind you with a drunk in hand, outwardly judging everyone in the room, especially you. every time you laughed too hard, or sung along a little too loud to the music in the bar, it all seemed to grate him.

But now- now you didn't have to sneak away, or make excuses. Everyone here either didn't know Michael or could not give less of a fuck about your relationship with him. The freedom of that alone was far more intoxicating than any shot you'd thrown back tonight.

Because here you were, practically at second base with Joost in the middle of this party. And he clearly wasn't embarrassed by your "trashy" costume, or your desire to let loose and have a few drinks. And maybe you'd gotten too loose, but it didn't matter, Joost wouldn't make you feel small for it. No, he'd join in, or at the very least tease you in the sort of way that makes your chest warm instead of tight.

"Having fun, schatje?" Joost asks, words low, vibrating in your ear.

"Very much," You smile, "You know I always like to dance with you."

Joost hums, agreeing, "Maybe we should do it more."

"Maybe…" You mumble, knowing the likelihood of getting another moment like this was slim, "D-d'you mind if I sit for a sec though, my heels are fucking killing me." You wince, realizing the pain in the balls of your feet whenever you took a slight step, damn you for always choosing fashion over function. 

"Sure," Joost pulls back from you slightly, and you can't help but frown, just a little, from the lack of contact.

"Maybe…?" You trail off, "You could get me a drink too…" You pucker your lips, asking sweetly, almost bashful, as if you hadn't just been all over him.

"Of course, sweetheart, any preference?"

"Surprise me," You wink before turning away to go find an empty couch to sit on. 

It's not long before Joost is approaching you, two drinks in hand, both of a similarly dark colored liquid- baco his friends called the bacardi-cola mixture, or, as a normal person would call it, a rum and coke.

Joost stands over you on the couch, and you peer up with a small smile, Has he always been so tall? 

"For you…" He hands you one of the cups, and you take it, pressing the plastic to your lips, the sweet, lukewarm concoction hitting your tongue, the bite of the rum making you shiver as it slides down your throat.

"Hey," You frown, pulling the cup from your lips realizing you had already finished your drink, "You gave me like, three sips." 

Joost chuckles, "Maybe you drink too fast."

"No, I think you just suck at pouring drinks." You pout, "Give me some of yours…" You point at the cup in his hands, which is clearly more filled than yours was. 

Joost hums, "I dunno, don't think I can trust you to not drink all of it…"

"Oh I would never!" You gasp in feigned betrayal.

"Oh… but you would."

"Pleeeease," You smile up at him, batting your lashes,

"Fine." He gives in so easily, holding the cup out between you, "But you'll have to let me…" He presses the rim of the cup to your bottom lip. 

Your eyes flick from the cup back up to Joost, your face getting warm. But you lean back, letting your knees fall open just enough for him to step between them. Joost smooths his free hand over the top of your head, his fingers carding through your hair until they get to the back of your neck, where he tugs lightly, forcing you to look up. The habit part of your costume tips back slightly, before falling off your head entirely, and onto the couch as you tilt your head back further. You'd have to remember to grab that later.

"Open," he teases, like he's talking about doing something else, his voice low and playful. 

You roll your eyes, but your lips part anyways and he tips the cup back slowly, the rum pleasantly burning down your throat, your gaze never leaving his. He watches you drink- perhaps a bit too intense, smiling as you swallow it down. 

"Look at you," He lets his grip on your hair go, "Didn't spill a drop."

You scoff, "Yeah, good job not missing my mouth."

Joost chuckles, "When do I ever miss?"

The implication makes your blood run hot, and you find yourself suddenly shy, averting your eyes from Joost, looking down at the empty couch cushion next to you. 

"Uhh, why don't you sit down? You pat the open spot. Joost obliges, the couch dipping slightly as Joost moves to sit next to you. 

As he sits, Joost's hands are immediately on you again, pulling you to drape your legs over his lap. Of course, you comply, scooting closer to him. The two of you are silent for a moment, and you watch Joost's hand as it trails up and down your leg, his fingers fumbling with the lace of your garter stockings. 

You hum along to whatever song is playing, the drink and a half you'd just consumed beginning to hit you, taking you from more than tipsy to a decent drunk. Joost continued to sip on his drink, his other hand still absentmindedly roaming your legs. The moment is… oddly peaceful something you'd hardly ever gotten with Joost in recent times. You're almost proud of each other for not getting into a single argument thus far tonight. But, that always had the possibility to change.

But now, things were comfortable, you look off at the rest of the party, surrounded by people who seemed to be equally enjoying themselves. Costumes had already begun to fall apart, fake blood smeared, wings and masks drooping- but no one seemed to mind. Everyone seemed so care free.

You're about to remark just how nice everything seemed when Julie suddenly comes barreling through a group of people, "Oh thank god I found you guys," She sighs, still sounding frantic. 

You sit up slightly, "What, what?"

"Michael is here, and he is piiiiiiiised."

Your eyes widen, and you swallow hard, stomach dropping,

"Huh?" You can barely rasp out, and that carefree feeling suddenly feels so far away, your body growing tense, a certain sadness hitting you when you realize this night might be about to end. 

"Yes yes, he's here, and I don't know I think Bruno or Nate or someone is stalling him with some bullshit, and I can tell him you left maybe but you should hide." Her words are frantic, but earnest, and you can't help but share her anxiety, wondering what exactly she had heard from Michael that would warrant this sort of reaction. 

"Hey," Joost places a hand on your knee, "Relax, how about we go upstairs, hm?"

"Y-yeah," You nod, "Yeah sure…" You furrow your eyebrows.

"Yes, good, great idea actually!" Julie nods, "Look, I'm sooooo sorry girl, I'll let you know when the coast is clear, okay?" She gives you a sympathetic look, and you give a small smile back.

Julie scurries away just as fast as she came in. You bite the inside of your cheeks, sharing a glance with Joost, 

"All good?" his eyebrows raise. You run your tongue across your top teeth, mind reeling for a moment, 

"No?," You speak slowly, "What the fuck?" You mumble, more to yourself.

"Let's get out of here then, ja?" He suggests, and you drop your legs from where they're draped over Joost's lap, slowly standing up, wobbling slightly, feet still aching from the high arch of your heels, "Need me to carry you?" Joost laughs, standing up after you. 

"Tempting," You smirk, "But I can't trust you won't drop me, think you've had a few too many."

"Nuh uh," Joost shakes his head, "Perfectly capable. Watch me." Joost sets his drink down on the floor, and suddenly, he's bent down, arms hooking behind your knees. It all happens so fast, in one, surprisingly smooth motion he lifts you over his shoulder. Your breath hitches when you suddenly realize you're upside down, the sudden movement and the alcohol making you dizzy beyond belief. 

"Joost!" You yelp, your following laughs sounding more like some sort of screech, bracing your hands against his back as he straightens up. 

"See!" He says, sounding all too proud of himself.

Your hair falls forward, brushing against his arm as he heads towards the stairs. You can feel the rumble of his laugh where your head presses against his back.

"Put me down!" You kick your legs, giggling profusely, though, your efforts prove useless- perhaps much to your pleasure, "Joost! M'totally going to flash someone like this!"

"Lucky them, huh?" You can practically hear his smirk as he starts up the steps. You lightly swat at his back, but it only makes him laugh harder. You try to look up, towards the party, but it's all a blur of costumes and flashing lights as Joost takes you away. 

Finally you're upstairs, in the safety of one of the guest bathrooms, your heels clicking on the tile floor as Joost sets you down. Your vision is spotty for a moment, and you feel the blood in your head drain back down to the rest of your body, making you grow cold for a split second, you shiver. 

"Didn't drop you," Joost says, locking the door behind him.

"Yup." You tighten your lips into a straight line, nodding once, "Only killed half the blood circulation in my body."

Joost shrugs, stepping towards you, "That's 'kay," His face flushing slightly, perhaps from the closeness or from the alcohol, eyes lowering, "Sure I can get that blood flowing again, ja?"

"Oh," You tilt your head to the side, your bottom lip slipping behind your top teeth, "Really now?"

Joost only hums in response, his hands coming to your waist, pressing his body to yours. Almost instinctively, his head drops, pressing a kiss to your temple, then to your earlobe, biting slightly, forcing you to straighten up as you gasp at the pinch. 

As you straighten your back arches, pushing your chest closer to Joost's, your neck continues to tip to give him better access. 

"How're you feeling now?" He mumbles into your ear. You think for a moment, 

"Angry." You breathe out, before you whine, "We were having soo much fun."

"Hey," Joost whispers, and it's almost reassuring, "We can still have fun."

Your hands crawl up Joost's chest, fingertips digging into the black fabric of his shirt, and you exhale, 

"I know, I just…" You trail off for a moment, "Can never have one good night." Your body suddenly tenses again, thinking about Michael, about how he had the fucking nerve to show up here after what he'd done earlier. 

"Not true," Joost presses a kiss to your neck, "Tonight will be good, I promise, ik beloof, schatje." His hands trail lower, fingertips at the hem of your skirt.

It's almost instinct, rolling your hips forward, groaning slightly as Joost nips at your neck. 

"Just…" Joost starts again, "Let me show you." His voice is soft, almost too soft for the moment, reassuring, "Let's get all that anger out."

"Please." You sigh, simple, raspy as Joost's tongue grazes your neck, his fingertips slowly lifting up your skirt. He doesn't give you long to revel in his kisses before his hands are back on your hips, shoving you against the sink. Your back arches as Joost leans over you, his hands trailing from your waist up your body, groping at your flesh. You groan under Joost's touch, head dropping to the side, hardly able to look at him as he feels you up.

You're practically pinned up against the sink as Joost rolls his hips forward, one hand moving to hold your side, the other gripping your jaw, forcing your head straight to look at him. His gaze is heavy, bright blue eyes glazed over with lust, truthfully it's a little intimidating but it's what you desperately need far too angry, you're past the point of any desire for slow, passionate sex. 

"Look at me, ja?" Joost smiles, and perhaps there's a slight cruelty to it, or maybe some sort of jealousy as he continues, "Forget about him. Focus on me." His grip on your jaw tightens for a moment before it disappears all together.

"Y-yeah," You stutter, swallowing hard in anticipation for what was next. "Yes. You." You sigh.

Joost's lips find themselves back on your neck as his hands find their way back to your skirt, bunching it up at your waist, just below your garter belt. You're not that much more exposed than you had been, but still, the action made your body tense, all of your blood flow seeming to all-of-a-sudden rush between your legs. 

A single finger grazes the edge of your newly exposed panties, not quite touching you anywhere you need, but close enough to make you shiver. Joost smirks as he lifts up from your neck, continuing to run his finger back and forth against the edge of the lacy fabric, your breath hitching with each pass. Your eyes remain on Joost, and his gaze does not waver either- instead he stares at you with a lazy smile on his face while he continues to tease, a second finger making the same motion on the other side of your panties.

Your thighs squeeze, hoping to get Joost to move his fingers ever so slightly, your body aching as you anticipate him finally slipping a finger under the now-damp garment. Despite the location, it would seem that Joost was in no mood for a quickie. Suddenly, his hand drops, ceasing his touch all together, causing you to whine at the loss of contact. 

Joost pays little mind to your small complaints, clearly too wrapped up in the motions, holding onto your hips as he lowers himself onto his knees, kneeling in front of you. 

He's so close to you, his breath warm against your inner thighs. You bite your lip before speaking, 

"Shouldn't I be on my knees for you… you know…" You slip a finger into the collar of Joost's shirt, pulling at the clerical collar, "Considering…"

Joost's eyes flicker up towards yours, "Just giving you a reason to repent later." He winks.

You bite your lip, "Shit." You giggle, "G'na have to make you keep this costume, I think."

Joost raises an eyebrow, "Oh yeah?" He smiles, lips curled to the side, "The whole priest get-up doing something for you?"

"Definitely," You nod, slow, "Well, y'know, always was kinda into role play" You bite the insides of your cheeks, eyelids squeezing shut for a moment as you finish your sentence, the faintest reminiscence of what sex was like before you and Joost broke up flashing in your memory. 

"Oh," Joost leans forward, pressing a small kiss to your thigh, "I know." Without another word Joost is trailing kisses up your inner thighs, each more passionate, more languid than the last. You feel your knees already beginning to buckle, nearly giving out as he finally places a soft kiss over your panties. Your head tips back with another kiss, before he finally moves the flimsy lace fabric to the side, a tingle running through your body as Joost breathes against your heat. He lingers for a moment, before finally licking a small stripe against your clit. 

"Fuck, Joost." You're immediately whining at the sensation, your fingers wrapping around the marble sink. 

Joost takes his time with you, savoring every little moan that comes out of your mouth, reveling in the way he makes you squirm so easily. Joost had hardly done this any more- only when he had something to prove, and perhaps that's why you'd been so sensitive tonight, tears already welling in your eyes before Joost had even properly dipped his tongue into you. 

Joost's hands find their way back to your thighs, slowly creeping up your legs until two fingers slide against your folds, spreading you open before Joost licks a long stripe from your entrance to your clit. You could cry at the sharp pang of pleasure that overtakes your body. You can hardly hold yourself up anymore, not as Joost continues his careful kissing and licking.

Still steadying yourself with one hand braced on the counter, the other finds its way into Joost's hair, tangling your fingers in his messy blonde locks. You tug, less than gently at the strands, pushing Joost's tongue further into you- but he doesn't resist, instead, relinquishes control to you at least for now. You bend your knees slightly, grinding down on his tongue, his nose pressed against your clit, making you sigh. Your grip loosens for a moment, your palm smoothing down against the soft strands of hair as you whimper. Joost doesn't pull away, not even for a moment to speak, or tease you about how desperate you are now, instead his focus remains on devouring you.

Moving his mouth back to your clit, with no further teasing Joost suddenly plunges two fingers inside of you, and you nearly scream- thanking god that the music downstairs would drown out whatever activities the both of you would get up to in here. Joost's fingers start slow at first, slipping in and out of you at an almost excruciatingly slow pace before he finally picks up his rhythm, something fast enough to make you dizzy, to almost have you slipping from where you're perched against the counter as his tongue begins to match the rhythm of his fingers. 

Your breathing is rapid, your own heartbeat loud in your ears as you feel your body tighten, you orgasm quickly approaching. A long, high pitched string of expletives fall from your lips as your legs begin to shake uncontrollably, your fingers harshly tugging at the curly, blonde tufts of Joost's hair that rest between them. Your eyes screw shut, as that final wave of pleasure finally washes over you, the sounds you make are surely something embarrassing, desperate as your body becomes weak, fully succumbing to the pleasure as Joost works you through your orgasm. 

Eyes still shut tight, you're already drained as your orgasm passes, Joost's lips finally leaving your clit, his fingers slowly pulling out of you, leaving you to clench around the emptiness. 

"Didn't I tell you to look at me?" He asks, voice smug, puffy pink lips shiny with your release. Your eyes flutter for a moment before they finally open, looking down at Joost coy, sheepish. 

"Maybe." You trail off, biting your lip.

"What I thought," Joost smiles, "How 'bout we try again." Joost stands up from his position on the floor, his hands immediately finding your hips to turn you around, leaning forward to pin you against the sink. Your head drops slightly at the way he shoves you, and his fingers immediately find themselves at the back of your neck, carding through your hair, before pulling you back, giving you a taste of what you had done to him earlier. You whine slightly at the pinch before smiling, utterly enthralled by Joost's aggression. 

You'd liked that about Joost, able to take the reigns during sex without making it feel like it was all about him- he'd always knew the right act to put on at the right time, just like he knew this is what you needed right now. Truthfully, Michael was terrible at that, never letting you be in control, but never knew how to be in control himself. He'd never know what to ask of you, but would never let you ask either. He spoke to you like he'd just memorized a bunch of porno dialogue and figured eh that's what girls like, right? It was a bunch of 'who's your daddy?' and 'who's pussy is this?'- the sort of thing that immediately dried you up and left you considering if you should just answer him truthfully. 

Joost leans down, his chest pressing against your back, forcing you further down onto the sink. You inhale as the hard marble edge of the counter pushes into your stomach, rather uncomfortably, Joost's grip on your hair still unrelenting. His free hand trails lower, fingertips digging into the fat of your ass. He leans in close to your ear, mumbling,

"I thought I sai-"

"I know," You rasp out, sighing, almost impatient, "M' looking now, aren't I?" Your eyes flick to his in the mirror in front of you, watching his reaction, as he rolls his eyes, as he pushes his hips further into you. You whine slightly, his now obvious erection grazing against your still overstimulated cunt, the sensation knocking a breath out of you, and still, you push back, grinding slightly against the bulge in his pants. 

"You're such a brat," He laughs, "You know that?"

You try to nod against the strain of him pulling at your hair, humming slightly in agreement,

"Yeah, but you like that 'bout me." You smile slightly, pulling your bottom lip under your teeth, "Admit it."

"Of course I do," He smiles, his voice oddly softer now, his hands falling from your hair, and you force yourself to not drop your head, continuing to stare up at Joost through the mirror, "What don't I like about you?"

"Oh, I'm sure you could find some things." 

"Apparently not," He chuckles, low, more towards himself, "Why else would I be in here with you? I could go out right now, tell Michael exactly where you are, put an end to this- to tonight… I could"

"I thought I was meant to forget about him." You sigh, eyes rolling lazily. 

"Yeah," Joost breathes out, "Let's get back to that then." He pulls back from you ever so slightly, just enough for him to get his hands on his belt, the metal clinking as he quickly undos the buckle. You feel the leather graze your thigh as he pulls his pants lower, followed by his underwear. You can only see the motions he makes in the mirror, unable to see anything lower than his hips as he kicks your feet slightly, beckoning you to open your legs wider for him. Of course, you oblige, back arching in anticipation once you suddenly feel his tip smack against your thigh, "Ready?" He asks, looking at you in the mirror through heavy eyes, brows raising slightly. 

"Yes," You breathe out, gasping again as he slowly pushes himself through your folds, collecting your wetness from before. Both of his hands move to your ass, kneading at your flesh before spreading you for him, his tip poking at your entrance. He hesitates for a moment, sliding in only slightly just enough to tease before pulling out. You bite your lip, trying not to scream in frustration as your muscles tense and you clench around the sudden lack of him, "Joost, please." Your face scrunches as you plead for him to stop the teasing, "You're being unfair."

"Am I?" He asks, using his thumb to spread you further, looking down for a moment to spit on your cunt, as if you weren't already wet enough? His length once again sliding through your folds, and you twitch at the sound, the lewd wetness of it, "I'm sorry," He mumbles, suddenly plunging into you, his subsequent thrusts fast and aggressive. The quickness of it nearly knocks you off your feet, and it sure does take the air right out of you, gasping as he thrusts into you again and again.

The two of you, are utterly unrestrained, no regard to how loud you moan and curse, or how aggressive his skin slaps against yours- you know no one would hear you anyways. But wasn't part of the thrill of it that someone could? That Michael could?

You can hardly hear Joost's mumbling over the sound of your own moans, high and pornographic. With each deep thrust you inhale, something sharp, breathy, his rapid movements leave you struggling to breathe properly as he slams you against the counter, and probably with a bruise across your stomach in the morning. But for now, the alcohol had dulled any inhibitions you'd had about Joost leaving a mark you'd later have to explain, not as his hand slaps against your ass, each smack harsher than the last, a visible handprint surely blooming against your skin. If you didn't know better you'd be asking him to mark you more, to leave pretty little love bites across your neck and chest, with every argument with Michael you yearned more and more to tell him what you and Joost had been up to. Maybe the knowledge of how your ex was treating you so much better would finally knock some sense into that man. 

The thought of it leaves your brain fuzzy as Joost continues to plunge into you, your eyelids fluttering your body overwhelmed by pure pleasure, slumping harder against the sink as you struggle to keep your head up, to keep your eyes on Joost.

"You still with me?" He asks with barred teeth, clearly proud of himself and how he had you now, so utterly wrapped around his finger.

"Barely," You sigh, "It just," You try to take a breath, "Fuck, so good." You whine as he slams into you again, hitting that soft spot inside of you that leaves your body trembling, a deep pressure building in your lower stomach with each passing second. 

"Ja, ja?" He remarks with a smile, "Mmm come 'ere schatje, ik heb je. (I got you)" Joost's grip finds your waist with one arm, wrapping firmly around your torso as the other snakes its way back through your hair, carding through the strands, before grabbing a fistful of hair, hard, at the nape of your neck, pulling you against his chest. He'd grabbed enough of your hair to the point where it hadn't been excruciatingly painful, just enough to yelp as he tugged you back against him- something soft enough leaving your lips that he'd probably consider it cute.

Joost's hand falls from your hair as he forearm wraps around your chest, pushing your back flesh to his chest, the new angle letting Joost thrust up into you, hitting the perfect spot to make you practically scream. It's not an entirely comfortable position for you, but the closeness, and the angle at which he can fuck you now makes it all the worth while. 

As he continues, Joost's forearm slips from across your chest up to your neck, squeezing slightly to keep you in place against him, as if you hadn't already lost your breath enough in this whole ordeal. 

Joost's thrusts begin to get sloppy, and you can feel you're on the brink too, your body trembling, struggling to keep upright despite the strength with which Joost holds you up. 

"J-joost," You groan out, struggling with the overwhelming pleasure of it all, and the decreased oxygen, "Fuck, Joost, fuck I need you so bad." You nearly cry as you feel your orgasm approaching, not quite sure how you mean need- after all he was already buried deep inside you. Joost lets his arm move from your waist, but still pressed firmly against you as his finger moves down to your clit, circling the small swollen bud as your orgasm approaches, making you all the more weak, "Please," You mewel, "I need you."

"Je hebt me (You've got me), schat." You can tell Joost is losing his stamina the way he groans through his teeth, struggling to keep composure as he talks, "Ben je helemaal van mij, right?. (you're all mine)", and of course, his sudden lack of grasp of the English language. "mijn beste meisje (my best girl)."

"Yes, yes," You gasp out as you suddenly begin to lose all control over your body, "Fuck, all yours Joost." You begin to practically convulse as your second orgasm of the night ravages you, your head slumping back against Joost's shoulder, letting the pleasure entirely overtake you. The experience is almost out of body, deep whines and moans of whines of a side of you you don't entirely recognize anymore, "Fuck, I'm there, Joost."

Joost isn't too far behind you, unable to speak in anything but deep, animalistic grunts as his grip on you tightening as his hips spasm giving you his final thrusts as he pumps into you, a certain warmth flooding your body as he paints your walls, fucking his release further into you. And suddenly, the room is silent besides both of your heaving, struggling to catch your breath as Joost's forearm falls from your neck, sticking slightly from the thin sheen of sweat that glosses over his skin. 

"Shit," You mumble, your body slumping slightly forward before Joost wraps his now free arm around your torso. Joost slowly pulls out of you, causing a long, drawn out whine to fall from your lips, thighs shuttering at the sudden loss of contact. Quick enough though, two fingers are inside of you, and your eyes brim with tears at the sudden overstimulation while Joost pushes his release further up into you, before pulling his fingers out, mumbling something about not wanting to spill a drop.

As his fingers exit you, you sigh again, watching in the mirror as he pushes them up to your lips, which you gladly receive, tongue parting as they slip into your mouth. You let Joost push his fingers almost down to your throat, just barely making you gag as you clean the mixture of your and his release off of them, the taste tingling your tongue, and making your brain go fuzzy all over again. 

"God, you're fucking crazy," Joost muses as you swirl your tongue around his fingers one final time, leaving your lips with a lewd pop, "Fucking love you," He mumbles, pressing a kiss to the side of your head, "My crazy girl."

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door, and Julie's voice follows, perfect timing.

"Hey- hey, y/n, Joost? Are you two in there? The coast is clear, I think Michael just left. I saw him head outside."

Simultaneously the both of you seem to sigh, it's a breath of relief, the heaviness that followed with Michael's presence suddenly disappearing. 

"O-okay," You stutter out, stumbling slightly as Joost lets go of you, "We'll be out in a minute!"

You hear Julie mumble an, "ew" on the other end as her footsteps suddenly trail away from the door. You sigh once more, 

"Now, I need a fucking cigarette." 

...

The air outside is a sharp contrast to the stuffiness of inside, the chilly October wind nips as your exposed skin as Joost leans forward, and you giggle slightly as he lights the end of your cigarette with his own. 

"Well," A familiar voice suddenly unsettles you, coming somewhere from the darkness around the house, "Guess you got the attention you were so badly looking for in that costume." Michael. 

You roll your eyes, scoffing, the sound of his very voice making you sick to your stomach more than all the alcohol you'd drank tonight ever could. 

"Ga jij maar even naar binnen, ja?" (why don't you go inside for a bit, yeah?) Joost mumbles toward you, his head flicking in the direction of the front door.

"Nee," You shake your head, "Nee, I'm okay."

Joost pulls away from you with a smile, exhaling the smoke out of the side of his mouth, 

"H-hey man," He beams, "Good of you to finally show up! Cool costume, whatshisface from American Psycho, Paul Allen, ja?"

You take a drag of your cigarette with a small smile, knowing Michael wouldn't understand the insult. 

"I'm not here to stay," Michael assures coldly, "I'm here to take her home."

"Oh?" Joost frowns, taking another drag of his cigarette, exhaling before speaking again, "Funny, she didn't tell me she was leaving?" He turns to you, his eyes full of confidence that he could get you out of this situation, "No, schatje?" The pet name lands so clear, meant for Michael to hear, not that he would ever know. 

"This isn't funny," Michael clenches his jaw. 

"No you're right," Joost shakes his head, tapping off the ash off his cigarette at his side, "You showing up here is definitely not funny."

Michael steps forward, and Joost puts his hands out, chuckling, "Easy man," The tension crackles, the smoke, the cold, the bass pouring out from the inside of the house. You take another drag, letting the smoke fill your lungs, giving you that tingling sensation you so desired. 

"Easy?" Michael spits, "You don't see what this looks like? I don't need my girlfriend parading herself around like a fucking streetwalker for you and your friends."

"Woah," Joost's laugh dies instantly, straightening up, "Don't talk to her like that."

Michael laughs, cold, callous, "Typical," He scoffs, "Can't take responsibility yourself so you need Joost to come and save you?" Save you? 

"Go home, Michael." You finally mutter, voice low, "You're going to make a scene. Don't make things worse than they have to be."

"Worse than-?" Michael laughs sharply, "What? Worse than my girlfriend running off on me to go get belligerent with her burn out friends?"

"Hey, man," Joost says louder now, "You're the one who showed up looking for a fight."

"I'm not looking for a fight I'm looking to take my girlfriend home." Michael's voice raises as he steps closer. 

Joost takes a small step forward too, "Seems like you're here just to try to embarrass her."

You look down at the ground, trying to ignore the way you hated being talked about like this, as if you weren't there. But you'd also rather not talk, not all there in the moment, you know you'll say something you'll regret. Besides, you could hardly think with the feeling of Joost's release suddenly dripping down your thigh. You bite your lip, wishing for this ordeal to just be over with already. 

Michael’s voice cuts through again, sharp enough to sting. “Embarrass her? I’m the only one trying to look out for her. You think she’s got any clue what she’s doing right now?”

That’s enough to make your head snap up. “I’m right here Michael.” The words come out quieter than you intend, but edged with anger. “And I’m perfectly fine.”

He laughs under his breath, the sound bitter. “Sure you are. You can barely stand.”

Joost exhales slowly, his patience visibly thinning. The cigarette between his fingers burns down to the filter.

But before he can speak, Michael steps closer, to you now, his tone dropping low. Speaking in that sharp, performative calm he always used when he wanted to sound like he was someone important, “You don’t even realize how you look right now,” he says, eyes narrowing. “You really want to stay here? Want to just be another drunk girl in a short skirt?”

The words sting, you feel them somewhere deep, it's sour but you don’t respond. You don’t have it in you to fight him, not tonight, not after everything.

But Joost does, still riding his high. Ego through the roof, more than willing to argue with the man whose girlfriend he was pounding not half an hour prior.

“Alright,” he says finally, “I think you’ve said enough.” He flicks the cigarette away and takes a single step forward, not threatening, just to crush the butt, the small orange flame dwindling under his sneakers. “Why don’t you head home, yeah? She doesn’t need this.”

"No, what she doesn't need is staying here and drinking her night away."

"I think she's okay," Joost chuckles, "You can trust me, I take good care of her."

Michael exhales sharply through his nose, and you can see his breath against the dark fall sky. He readjusts his jacket cuffs, like it's a calculated pause. “Right,” he says, tone slick and deliberate. “Because you’re the responsible one here.

Joost shrugs. “No, Just-  I’ve seen her handle worse nights than this and still be fine.”

That draws Michael’s gaze toward you, assessing, maybe even trying to read if what Joost said was true. You just take another drag of your cigarette and let the smoke roll slow out of your mouth, refusing to meet his eyes.

Michael’s jaw tightens, the muscle flickering under his skin. “Right,” he says finally, voice calm again, careful. “I’m sure you’ve seen plenty.”

Joost doesn’t rise to it. He just shifts his weight, hands falling into his belt loops, half a grin on his face that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I sure have.”

You can't help but bite your lip about how in your face Joost was being about everything, and Michael still couldn't seem to make sense of it, couldn't understand what was going on. If there was one positive to Michael's complete and utter sense of self importance it was that never could he have ever imagined what was going on behind closed doors with Joost. Because, after all, in Michael's head, no one was better than him, so, how could you want anyone else?

The thought almost makes you laugh, but it fades just as fast. The cold air bites harder now, the night pressing in around the three of you. The porch light hums above, casting Joost and Michael in uneven shadows.

Michael’s gaze lingers on you a second too long, searching for something he’s already decided he won’t find. “You know what,” he says finally, straightening his jacket again, voice clipped but smooth, “Looks like you've made your choice. Stay here, we'll talk about this in the morning.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer. Just turns, every motion looks as if it was rehearsed, deliberate  like even walking away is a performance. The gravel crunches under his shoes as he walks away, and something suddenly sparks in you,

"For the record, Michael!" You yell out after him, throwing your cigarette to the ground and stomping it out, "I don't need Joost to save me! But it's nice to have someone else to tell you to shut up once and awhile!" You're not even sure if Michael hears you by the way he doesn't even stop for a split moment to turn around- but it doesn't matter really, at least you got it out.