Surprise Mom Blog

While the FedEx driver did not appear to be bleeding, she said she was in great pain. I recognize the driver may have been in shock, but the things that came out of her mouth were disgusting. She insisted she was attacked by both dogs, despite my neighbor and me suggesting that it may have only been one. She was repeatedly yelling to the dog owner that she hopes the dogs get put down and that she would see to it that they die. While the dog owner was visibly upset, her primary concern was the driver and her dogs the entire time. She called several family members and friends to see if anyone could come over, but even through the driver’s belligerence, she repeatedly asked if anyone knew how the driver was doing or if there was anything she could do to help. She handled the situation as well as anyone possibly could.

While we were all waiting for the police and paramedics to arrive, another neighbor came down the street. She began yelling at the dog owner, accusing her of not taking care of her dogs and blaming her for the incident. I politely asked the woman to stop yelling at the dog owner, who was crying at this point, but she persisted and told me to be quiet. I told her she was not helping the situation and that this was difficult for all parties involved. She looked at me, scoffed, and told me voices like mine eat away at her ears and that “the sweetness of [my] voice is annoying.” She proceeded to look at me in disgust and yell at my neighbor, saying this is not difficult for the dog owner because she is to blame. My husband came over to defend me, and only then did she begin to listen to what I had to say. She eventually calmed down—guess she needed a white male for that—and expressed that her concern was for the dogs. She said she did not believe they should be put down because of what she referred to as negligence on behalf of the dog owner. Regardless of her reasoning, I couldn’t believe she thought this was the right time to yell at the dog owner.

Eventually, the cops showed up, and the FedEx driver said to the dog owner, “I hope he shoots your dogs and then you.” My neighbor was left sobbing, broken, and alone.

In reflecting on the situation, I could not believe the lack of human decency. I was disgusted by the FedEx driver’s behavior during the entire exchange. I do not know what it is like to be attacked by a dog, but I do know what she was saying was entirely uncalled for. I did not expect her to be kind to the dog owner, but she did not have to be so awful. And, while the neighbor who yelled said her concern was for the dogs, I was in disbelief that she chose the moment when my neighbor was most vulnerable to attack her. The dog owners are good people. I could not believe the total lack of empathy shown toward her in this situation. Here is a woman who knows she is going to have to say goodbye to her pets, is getting repeatedly yelled at, and has no one at home to help comfort her. They chose the moment she was least able to defend herself to attack. And she never attacked back.

It made me realize how often we, as people, do not allow others to be human and to make mistakes. Instead, we are concerned with them getting “what they deserve.” Who are we to determine what someone deserves? We are all human. We all misstep.

While I know people are beginning to post that they’re tired of seeing others post on social media about the current state of affairs in our country, it was difficult not to relate these two situations. I feel immensely sad about what is happening currently, on a number of levels. I try to listen and educate myself, but it is difficult to reconcile my feelings when there is still so much death and destruction happening. And, who will pay the price for that? It is still mostly the Black community bearing the weight.

At this point, I am aware of 10 lives being lost during these protests, including two members of law enforcement (one retired). Do you see the same problem I do?

· Calvin Horton Jr., 43

· Javar Harrell, 21

· Dave P. Underwood, 53

· Chris Beaty, 38

· James Scurlock, 22

· Dorian Murrell, 18

· David McAtee, 53

· Italia Kelly, 22

· David Dorn, 77

· Barry Perkins, 29

Anyway, I decided to donate to Lake Street Council, a nonprofit in Minneapolis which is committed to helping rebuild—not gentrify—the communities that have been affected by the protests.

I also went to change.org to sign multiple petitions (related to many issues, not just human rights).

Just a thought from Macbeth:

SON

What is a traitor?

LADY MACDUFF

Why, one that swears and lies.

SON

And be all traitors that do so?

LADY MACDUFF

Every one that does so is a traitor and must be hanged.

SON

And must they all be hanged that swear and lie?

LADY MACDUFF

Every one.

SON

Who must hang them?

LADY MACDUFF

Why, the honest men.

SON

After hearing about George Floyd (and not even being able to bring myself to watch the video), I was waiting for a while to find something I felt comfortable posting as an educator. It seemed justifiable to me to wait. Over the last several days, I realized that makes me part of the problem.

I ended up posting something to Facebook on Friday about my own white privilege. This is a concept I’ve discussed with my students on a number of occasions. As an English teacher, I am fortunate to read novels that address racism with my students. We are able to connect those novels to real-life events and discuss these concepts at length. Nevertheless, I am shocked every year at how many students say white privilege isn’t real (though I am not surprised those words never come from the mouths of people of color). Of course, I can’t say this to my students, but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I feel like there is a misconception that admitting to white privilege means you’re guilty. That you’re doing something wrong. That you somehow chose it. What people don’t realize is that the point is that you don’t choose it, just as no one else chooses the color of the skin with which they are born. You aren’t guilty for having white privilege, but you are guilty if you don’t use that privilege to—at the very least—speak up for those born without the same privilege.

I am unbelievably fortunate that I never have to worry about my son having his hood up and hands in his pocket and risk being shot, just because he has his headphones up too loud and can’t hear the person who thinks he’s a threat. Every single time I have sped past a cop and not gotten pulled over, it is my own white privilege that saved me from a ticket—or worse.

There’s another misconception that saying #blacklivesmatter means you’re saying other races don’t. I read a post by someone with the name Shola MRichards, and he said it perfectly: “Saying ‘All Lives Matter’ is insensitive, tone-deaf, and dumb. All lives can’t matter until Black lives matter.” It’s interesting because often the people who protest the concept of “Black Lives Matter” are the same people who say we are all a bunch of sissies and that the idea of being politically correct has been taken too far. Yet, who’s the sissy when you can’t even acknowledge that the lives of a single race matter? You are. You are a coward.

Do I think the violent protests happening are the answer? No. And I also think there is an abundance of evidence to support that a lot of the violence is not even being perpetrated by the protestors. Instead, it’s Anarchists and “fuck the man” people who don’t even know the names of those who have been murdered and are just using this as an excuse to pretend they’re in one of The Purge films. And those who aren’t? Well, even Target’s CEO (who, mind you, is a HUGE Trump supporter) came out in support of the protestors, even though it means he will oversee the rebuilding of several stores. You see it everywhere, but it is true: lives (Hell, even one life) are/is more important than materials.

As a woman who has received my fair share of mistreatment for being born that way, the treatment I have received pails in comparison to those who feel afraid to walk alone because of the color of their skin. The pain I have felt being undermined as a woman will never come close to the pain anyone who has lost someone they love because of racial discrimination feels. Many of you have also experienced prejudice for something beyond your control. While I hope your experience galvanizes you to do something here, this isn’t about you. And it isn’t about me. It isn’t about cops, either. It’s about pervasive systemic racial prejudice and injustice.

I don’t have the answer. I don’t know how to even begin to find a solution. In fact, I need a lot more education. But, if you believe in a better America where racism is something we are constantly working to challenge and combat, I am your ally.

FACEBOOK POST

I have privilege as a white person because I can do all of these things without thinking twice:

I can go birding (#ChristianCooper).

I can go jogging (#AmaudArbery).

I can relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothamJean and #AtatianaJefferson).

I can ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).

I can have a cellphone (#StephonClark).

I can leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).

I can play loud music (#JordanDavis).

I can sell CDs (#AltonSterling).

I can sleep (#AiyanaJones)

I can walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).

I can play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).

I can go to church (#Charleston9).

I can walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).

I can hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).

I can party on New Year’s (#OscarGrant).

I can get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).

I can lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).

I can break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).

I can shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .

I can have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).

I can read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).

I can be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).

I can decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).

I can ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).

I can cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).

I can take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).

I can run (#WalterScott).

I can breathe (#EricGarner).

I can live (#FreddieGray).

I can be arrested without the fear of being murdered (#GeorgeFloyd).

#BlackLivesMatter

Who else has had a hard time determining who they can/cannot see during this quarantine?

It has been really difficult for us. To give a little background, we are the parents of the only grandchild on both sides of our family. Shawn’s brother is married, and they have another nephew, but our son is my sister and her boyfriend’s only nephew. As a result, a lot of pressure has fallen on us with regard to maintaining those relationships through all this craziness.

When this first started, Shawn and I were probably a little too lax. We wanted to maintain those relationships, so we let our family see our son whenever. We just assumed everyone was operating by the same social distancing standards we were. In addition, we depended upon the grandparents for some babysitting help because we are both working full time jobs and trying to manage Bub. I also have grad. school to worry about. Our family’s support has helped us SO MUCH through all of this, which is what has made these last few weeks so difficult.

We had our first argument about social distancing at the very beginning of everything. My husband was worried one of our family members wasn’t taking the necessary precautions, and eventually they came to some sort of agreement and things were fine. They continued that way for at least a month.

The last few weeks, though, there has been so much conflict over everything. It first started when one of the grandparents had to return to work full time. This person manages deliveries, so they’re coming into contact with a lot of different places/people. Currently, the company is operating with no-touch delivery, but obviously the grandparent in question has to get out at some point. They have to use the bathroom. They have to eat. They are a smoker. All kinds of question marks! As a result, we had to make the extremely difficult decision to say this person can’t see our son.

Then, one of the grandparents was talking about job-searching. We had a frank discussion to say that if that job operated out of an actual office or retail location, we wouldn’t be comfortable with that person seeing our son. It became an argument over whether or not we were telling that person they can’t work. Of course, we weren’t, but we really began to see a pattern.

It seem(s)(ed) like every time we were telling people they couldn’t see our son, it was being taken as an attack. Or us lashing out. Or us punishing people for their decisions. That is not (and has never) been the case. We just want our son to be as safe as possible.

Then, some things came to light about another family member who was not social distancing. One set of grandparents was particularly upset because one has a compromised immune system, and the other is the oldest of our grandparents. The decision was made that these grandparents would not see the family member who wasn’t social distancing, and it began this awful cycle of conflict.

See, these grandparents help us with our son. Therefore, if they can’t see that family member, we can’t, as long as we still need help. In addition, we also were confused why this family member wasn’t practicing safe social distancing standards (at least according to us).

It turned into this back and forth, and conversations with this family member, their spouse, the grandparents, other family members, etc. were all full of drama and pointing fingers and ugliness.

It is so difficult for us because we almost feel like we should just cut everyone off at this point. It would lead to less conflict, but obviously it would be more difficult for us in other ways.

My co-worker sent me a recipe for Butter Chicken in the InstaPot. I ended up using some frozen rotisserie chicken we had leftover, so I just did it in a pot on the stovetop, but I’m sure it would be good in the InstaPot, too! We aren’t coconut people, so I forewent the coconut and just added 2 T butter. It was really good (picture doesn’t do it justice).

We were especially excited because Lincoln, who is super picky about chicken, ate THREE servings (probably ended up eating more than I did).

We’ll definitely add this one to our collection!

OMG so this is not from a themed date night, but I just have to take a moment to talk about how amazing this meal was.

All I did was cook the meat, warm the tortillas, and cut fresh veggies, and we had a restaurant quality meal in fifteen minutes.

Recipe below:

Ingredients

* amounts totally depend how much meat you have. Use whatever you know your family will eat!

Carne Asada (Trader Joe’s)

Tortillas

Mexican blend cheese

Grape tomatoes

Spring onion

Bell peppers (whichever colors preferred)

Fresh cilantro (to top)

Directions

1) Heat skillet to high.

2) Add one tablespoon olive oil and carne asada to skillet. Cook for four minutes a side.

3) While meat is cooking, cut fresh veggies.

4) Once after meat is finished cooking, plate for five minutes.

5) In a new skillet, heat tortillas over medium heat, approximately 30 seconds to one minute a side. We prefer 30 seconds for each side.

6) Slice carne asada.

7) Combine ingredients in tortillas and top with cheese and fresh cilantro

Meat after finished cooking

Fresh veggies and cilantro

So, this week we did another themed date night. We decided on an Italian date night! I actually hate pasta, so while I’ll cook it for the boys, I prefer to skip it when I make Italian.

My favorite Italian dish is Chicken Marsala, so I decided to try a version of that in the slow cooker. I’ve only ever made it on the skillet before, so this was new. That being said, I definitely prefer it in the skillet, but this would be good as a plan ahead strategy! I’m never a fan of crock pot chicken recipes you don’t shred. Just a personal preference 😜

I have enjoyed trying new recipes during this time. I was just telling a few friends that hubs and I really fell into line with repeating tried and true recipes every other week or so. It has been good mixing it up and trying new things. It helps me forget all the craziness, which is nice sometimes.

I used mostly new recipes this week (except the asparagus) and only made a modification to the chicken, so I will just include the links this time, rather than type out the way I cook each recipe.

Crockpot chicken Marsala (we skipped the heavy cream)

https://diethood.com/slow-cooker-chicken-marsala/

My FAVORITE asparagus recipe

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/214931/oven-roasted-asparagus/

Roasted fingerling potatoes

https://www.jocooks.com/recipes/roasted-fingerling-potatoes/


I read a million articles a day, and I recently read post on doing themed date nights. It made me think about how Shawn and I were supposed to be on our New Orleans vacation last weekend/this week. Of course, we had to cancel our trip. While we are grateful for this time spent at home with family and for our health, we were still really bummed.

We actually had to cancel our last TWO vacations. This one, of course, we cancelled because of the current pandemic. After we planned our last vacation (set to go to an all-inclusive in Mexico in April of 2018), we found out I was pregnant (due in June). I definitely didn’t want to be in Mexico during my third trimester, so we had to cancel that.

As a result of these last two cancellations, it has actually been four years since we last travelled together for anything more than a long weekend. After reflecting on that, we decided to make it a point to do at least one themed date night a week while we are home to try to keep our relationship in a positive place. I’m sure anyone who is at home with someone (whether a significant other or family member) understands how it can be difficult to be “stuck” with someone 100% of the time. We have agreed to make sure we give each other some time as individuals, but we also wanted to make sure we have our relationship some time, too.

Let me know what you and your SO are doing during all this craziness!

Recipes:

Creole chicken and vegetables

Ingredients

1 pound chicken of choice, cubed

1 cup fresh peppers of choice

1/2 cup chopped onion

1/4 cup chopped celery

1/4 cup fresh parsley

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon pepper

1 teaspoon Creole seasoning

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

1 can fire roasted diced tomatoes, undrained

1 tablespoon olive oil (in two halves)

Instructions

1. Heat skillet to medium heat with 1/2 tablespooon olive oil. Put in fresh vegetables (peppers, onion, celery, parsley). Stir vegetables until they are well-mixed.

2. Stir in all seasoning in (salt, pepper, creole, thyme). Cook for five minutes. Remove from heat.

3. In a separate skillet, over medium heat, heat 1/2 tablespoon of olive oil with chicken. Brown chicken.

4. Add diced tomatoes to chicken. Heat for 1-2 minutes.

5. Add cooked vegetable and spice mixture to chicken and tomatoes. Simmer for 5 minutes.

6. Serve!

Cajun Mac and cheese

Ingredients

· 1 teaspoon olive oil

· 2 cloves garlic, minced (or 2 tablespoons pre-minced)

· 2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning

· 1 lb pasta of choice

· 1 tablespoon flour

· 2 tablespoons butter

· 1 cup milk

· 1/2 cup heavy cream

· 1 cup shredded white cheddar

· 1 cup shredded jack cheese

For the top:

· 1/4 cup bread crumbs of choice (I used plain Panko)

· 2 tablespoons cheese of choice

· Sprinkle cajun seasoning

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. In a large skillet, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add minced garlic, stir and cook one minute. Remove from heat and set aside.

3. Meanwhile prepare pasta according to package directions.

4. Place skillet with garlic over medium heat. Add butter and flour whisking until combined. Slowly whisk milk and heavy cream and continue to whisk until smooth. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook milk mixture for 3-5 minutes or until it begins to thicken (do not let the milk boil). Whisk in cheese and stir until smooth.

5. Once the pasta is cooked, place in a large bowl. Carefully toss pasta with sauce from the skillet.

6. Place combination in a casserole dish. Top with breadcrumbs, cheese of choice, and additional Cajun seasoning to preference.

7. Place pasta in the oven and bake for 12-15 minutes or just until cheese has set.

8. Optional: Preheat broiler and broil pasta for 3 minutes or just until bread crumbs are golden, and cheese bubbles. (To me, this kind of dries it out, but if that’s the way you like your Mac—go for it!)

I found this article super interesting. My husband and I talk about this all the time. The changing world, especially as it relates to social media, portrays this image of being able to have it all, yet most of the people we talk to who are our age express how lonely they are.

In fact, we had a friend over a few weeks ago. This is a friend who we interpret as being extremely social and having a great balance in her life as it relates to romantic relationship, work, and friend-based relationships. When we were all talking, she revealed she doesn’t do anything and even specifically said the words that she feels like she has no friends/life. I think all three of us knew that was hyperbole, but it was clear even she feels lonely, despite giving off the image that she’s flourishing.

So often, I see people I used to be friends with, and even people I am friends with, doing things I’m not. It often sends me into a downward spiral in which I end up feeling extremely lonely. Why don’t this person and I talk anymore? Why wasn’t I invited to this gathering? Why am I not doing something similar? Don’t people like me? What am I doing wrong? At nearly 29 years old, I feel like I’m too old to be thinking those things. Those are the sentiments my students (teenagers) express to me, and I tell them it gets better. After reading this article, I wonder...does it?

In reality, I’m extremely fortunate to have a few very close friends. On top of those few, I have several people I call friends and see on a fairly regular basis. My sister is my best friend. I’m married to someone who I have known for almost 13 years now. My son lights up my life. I have at least two girlfriends who I talk to constantly and one who I make it a point to see at least monthly. So, why do I have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness?

Reading this article helps me to see how this isn’t a “me” problem; it is something that has affected our generation because of the direction in which the world is heading. My parents tell me all the time they stopped doing fun things when they had kids; that’s just how life was. Yet, the world today is telling me we should be able to go out weekly, crush it at parenting, move up in our careers, have a beautiful house, etc. I hope after everything happening now, our generation begins to prioritize and change this idea. We shouldn’t feel lonely. We shouldn’t feel like we have to choose our family or our friends—or our career or our friends. I don’t know what the solution is, but maybe we could spend less time trying to portray an image and more time doing the work to maintain those aspects of our lives.