Is this officially what I'm doing with my life now

I personally avoid talking about anything that happened before 2000 for that very reason…

everyone ends in romance but wade’s big finale was going outside

wade is me

wade is us

me me me me

this is SO me 😂😂 destr0yandcreate

Is this a TV show about rocks?

this is for all you self righteous jackasses on this site so quick to jump on the macklemore witch hunt wagon. His music might be weaker than most every black man’s in the game but you CANNOT put him in the same box as Igloo Australia. The man cares.

Reblog this post if you’re comfortable with transgender people using the bathroom that best matches their gender identity.

As long as they flush. 

And wash their hands 

And goddamn I don’t care who you are just put the toilet seat down when you’re done

i like when you’re in the grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up the carton and then open it like it’s a metal briefcase full of cash involved in a drug deal and they’re confirming it’s money. “don’t bother counting it, it’s all there. 12.” then they always pick one up and inspect it like, “yeah, it’s grade A alright…the real deal.” 

People are checking to see if any of the eggs are cracked you walnut

well I now know how to call the weather gay

I cannot think of a case where removing the dots of ä and ö in Finnish would result in something naughty (if you can, please contribute) but the same thing applies, ä and ö are completely different from a and o, and one does not simply remove the dots.

Even in Spanish: Feliz año nuevo = happy new year Feliz ano nuevo = happy new butthole

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a language that uses diacritics must have a minimal pair with and without diacritics that means something rude. 

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.