Everett K Ross

I support him

Wait...TVs didn’t always have remote controls? How did you people live?

I don't know but I feel like it’s less frustrating than only having one button to change the channel and if you accidently passed your channel you had to go back through all of them to get back.

This might be a controversial hot take but I think we have enough potato chip flavors.

You can pry my fried dill pickle and ranch flavored potato chips from my cold, dead hands 

I wish to keep my pesto and pickled onion flavour crisps too, Captain!

Where did you even find those?

I’ve seen cheeseburger flavor chips before.  They’re not bad

…pringles aren’t potato chips?

You know your life is weird when you’ve literally said “Oh by the way, I’ve kinda been adopted by an Italian mafia family.  So there’s that.”

I think it would be easier to list the people who haven't adopted you.

…I guess I’m cancelling my date night.

I guess so. Uh, Weaver, Protectorate ID 005783, M/S Alpha-seven-Whiskey-nine-nine. Is SHIELD a sub-division of the PRT? I thought I learned all of those.

What is a PRT?

For minor crimes we should sentence people to Going To The Zoo On A Saturday With Small Children.

God fucking damn it. For once in my life could I PLEASE be put in jeans that don’t have tears or runs.

Right?! I've seriously never gotten that "fashion"

Suits are hot as hell. No matter the climate, you always sweat. How can you do it?

My office is air conditioned and I’m willing to suffer.

God fucking damn it. For once in my life could I PLEASE be put in jeans that don’t have tears or runs.

Right?! I've seriously never gotten that "fashion"

I love explosives.

...okay what's the story here

Defensive? Me?! No. Never. I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay there is definitely a story here. Spill it.

But explosions are FUN

Not when you’re in them they aren’t.

That’s because they are weird, little talking kitty.

Tilts her head and chrrps at the stranger. Her tail swishes behind her. Sniffs him inquisitively.

Hey, at least it's not Cricket, you'd actually have a reason to be afraid of her.

Cricket might eat you. Might not. Cloud seems to be a total pushover.

That’s because they are weird, little talking kitty.

Tilts her head and chrrps at the stranger. Her tail swishes behind her. Sniffs him inquisitively.

That’s because they are weird, little talking kitty.

from now on your tumblr nickname is whatever you get from this sexual identity generator  ☆

Every time I do this I get something that’s totally on the nose that feels too close to home and this time I got “undead orally fixated bi” like excuse you, how dare you call me out like this, in my own home.

NASA Cowboy. 

“Ninja detective”….ummm