distortion enthusiast

i wish i was a cishet guy so that i could start a podcast and go to the gym and allow that to fulfill me spiritually. but instead i have these visions

Last night was a tubi original

you should be able to walk into your local CVS and get your uterus removed for $14.99 bro like I don't even care anymore

i fucking hate being an adult with a slowly increasing number of responsibilities its like one day you wake up and youre like aw fuck when was the last time i descaled the coffee machine

"theres gonna be a power outage tomorrow welp i better boil some water in advance!" "oh gee looks like its time to vacuum the carpet!" GET REAL?????? YOU SOUND INSANE

someday youre gonna be out of baking soda when it matters most and its gonna destroy you

i hate the thing of announcing shows 11+ months in advance and putting them on sale the same week. let people get paid and save up ffs

an underrated part of the Flash Game era was the sheer amount of copyright infringement going on. you could straight up have mario murder koopas with a shotgun and nobody would stop you. nowadays if you make a fangame perfectly in compliance with their brand standards Nintendo will send a deep web hitman after you