thinking of writing au in which shane knows he has autism. and he also knows he has orthorexia. he simply doesn't want to deal with it, so he assumes ilya- and everyone else around him— won't want to either.
he figured it out during the hookup era when ilya mentions some minuscule strange habit. he looks it up and goes down a quora rabbit hole. he sees people talking about autism and looks up the diagnostic criteria. fits like a damn glove. so he knows. he doesn't want to be high maintenance, and he assumes his needs being met is too much.
the orthorexia is different.
shane knows that his unwillingness to get better is "burdening" ilya. he knows that it's going to kill him. he knows it's ruining his body and the constant dizziness shouldn't be normal, he should be worried, but he isn't. he can't bring himself to tone it down. to let himself eat. eventually he lets it evolve into a punishment for himself, water fasting on days when he feels hes messed up. his definition of that slowly gets more vague. waking up late, going to bed late. under a nutrient goal, over a nutrient goal. he becomes so obsessive and his safe food circle so small that anorexia starts manifesting, and that ilya and/or yuna have/has to sit him down and tell him he needs to see a specialist or, if it doesn't help, they might have to admit him to a hospital. This freaks him out. he spends an entire night off and on shaking because the meal replacement shakes at hospitals are processed.
maybe he tells ilya that if he's sent to a goddamn hospital he will never look at ilya again, and maybe ilya says he’s okay with that if it means shane’s alive.
