garden song

update: i know my muse page is fucked up rn LMAO hopefully will be fixed soon! still navigable, just a lil ugly <3

            she answered with a hum,   wondering what kind of dreams that leslie could’ve possibly been having about her. she hoped all the heartache, pain, and loss she’s personally experienced was never something that crossed into leslie’s dreams. she’d give anything to make sure that none of her kids ever experience pain again. in any universe, especially now that she knew that she had more than billy and tommy. how many more versions of her were there? but, she had learned she should focus on this universe, not any other, to prevent herself from going a little insane. and in this universe, she was here, and so was leslie.

        is there anything i could do for you.   it would almost be amusing, how awkward and shy leslie seems to be, if it wasn’t so sad. wanda nods, stepping closer into leslie’s space, not wanting to get into her personal space but wanting to get a better look at her. she doesn’t want to cross a line. she’s obviously being very careful.

              “i don’t have anyone here,” she started, her voice soft and barely above a whisper. she didn’t like that they were here, in strange’s home, not properly alone. “not anymore. like you. and i don’t want to cross a line, but i was thinking… maybe we could be alone together.”

                there was something unspeakably tragic about the whole situation, even beyond what was shown on the surface. leslie was not just alone in the sense that she lost her mother, she was alone in the sense that there was no one else in this universe she knew. meanwhile, wanda had no one anymore, and had lost her kids for a second time only recently. there was a gaping hole in her heart and she could tell by the look in leslie’s face that she felt the same. maybe they could get to know each other, maybe they could patch each other up. 

           “i had boys in this universe,” she added, reaching a hand out to get into leslie’s space before she even realized what she was doing. she stroked her hair, gently, for a brief moment before dropping her hand out of the space. “no girls. i’d love to get to know you, if you’d want that. i have a cabin by the lake.”

the real memories she had of her mother and father had been the happiest and saddest that she had ever been. running through the long grass in their giant backyard with the many pets that they used to have. her fifth birthday, being surrounded by presents and blowing candles out on her father’s lap. it all went away when a fire engulfed their house, she never fully understood the cause of it. leslie’s mom had ran her out to the front yard where neighbors clutched the little girl close and she cried as her mother ran back inside to grab her dad. those were most of her memories of them. 

leslie registers the small amount of space that had been taken up by the other woman. she didn’t really know what to think, old and new memories flashed before her as she searched wanda’s face. even though this was a face that she once knew, the person that held it was someone else entirely from her mother. she didn’t actually know this person at all. still, the ache in her beating hard seemed to tug towards wanda. nothing could help it. 

she nervously clenched her jaw, not sure where she was going with all of this. so in another universe, this universe, her mother was all alone? how could that be? in every dream that haunted leslie, she was always with her mother. basically joined at the hip, and in this one, she had nothing? 

          carol walked inside and looked around, taking in everything. she was reminded of her own ship and how empty it felt sometimes, with just her own things. her own little corner of the world that felt more lonely than anything. she didn’t recognize herself in these walls, and something about it made her feel more lonely. like she was a million miles away from the woman next to her when she had once been so close. she felt again like that first day she left earth so long ago, flying away from everything she’d ever known. but she knew that she had dug this grave herself, and she would be wrong to be upset over it, so she shoved it down.

          “nice place,”    she said instead, looking at robyn with what she hoped was a neutral expression. looking at her hurt, like looking directly into the sun, and carol had to force herself not to look away. she was reminded of walking into war zones after many years away, like the last time she’d been with talos, the guilt she felt at not having been there all the time. this home was no warzone, but the guilt remained. this could be both hers and carol’s if carol hadn’t been such a fool. it was easy to forget how much she really was just a girl under the surface, not a god. easy to forget until all the hurt came back and she was reminded she still felt things like heartbreak and longing. 

          “tea’s fine,” she replied, although she really wanted a drink. it felt like she was standing in front of her favourite food and she couldn’t take a bite of it. she wandered in, moving towards the couch so she could sit down, feeling out of place. “i won’t stay long. i don’t want to uproot your life or bother you or anything.”            she wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. then again, she didn’t know what to say. she didn’t know how robyn felt. after all this time, she still doubted herself.    it was hard not to blurt out “i love you” at random instead of making small talk.

          “what have you been up to?” she asked instead, deciding small talk was a bit safer.

it felt a little weird to have carol in her home, she wasn’t even sure if she had ever visited this place. there was nothing around that was visible that could remind robyn of the life they could have lived together. daisy and her parents were in frames along with friends that she had made over the years. carol wasn’t around, so why would she be presented in her home?

the corners of her lips round as she closes the door behind her. “thanks,” she replies. most of the material items in her home had been collected here and there. robyn had always wanted a nice house filled with good things that were unequivocally just her. dishware and decor she had bought in college, couches and chairs that she had eyed for years or found randomly at flea markets. it all came together in her home. a part of her had carols taste, something she had picked up from loving her for so long. the other would always be ingrained in her in some way, even if she resented it, she couldn’t help it. 

robyn looked at her and immediately knew that maybe a spiked tea would be better. even after copious amounts of time, she knew her like the back of her hand. she clicked the kettle on and pulled two mugs from the cupboard before picking up a bottle of liquor. she placed two tea bags in and poured an unmeasured amount of gin in, the alcohol would probably help the both of them. “i’m sure it’d be nice to be on ground for a while, stay as long as you’d like,” robyn said mindlessly. not knowing if the invitation was completely sincere, it felt right to say. 

“oh, not much,” she shrugged. “been doing the training thing for a while. it’s a nice gig. kinda been thinking of visiting my parents up in washington, i’ve been trying to see daisy but she’s impossible to track down,” robyn laughs. “i try to surf everyday... i dunno. normal stuff.”

         carol smiled.  despite their time apart, it felt like no time had changed at all. she knew robyn well enough to know that the other woman was hiding her emotions underneath jokes, but she recognized the look in her eyes; a look that carol had seen in her dreams more than once. it made something inside of her ache, a longing far too strong for someone who was two feet in front of the person she was longing for. it felt like every time she had robyn, she slipped from her fingers. carol would spend the rest of her natural life falling back into this routine. she’d always come back to her, but she didn’t regret that for a moment.

           “i’d love to,” she replied, taking a step closer so she could walk into the house. “been a while, actually.” too long. sometimes carol wondered if she was better off giving up this life. leaving behind the stars and settling down somewhere. would the guilt weigh heavy on her shoulders? how would it feel to know she left behind vulnerable people who depended on her? did it even matter in the end, when one war ends and another immediately starts?

          as she stepped closer, she couldn’t help herself. closing the slight distance between them, carol took robyn’s lingering hand into her own, squeezing gently. part of her was scared that at any point, robyn would snap and push her away, but she would take advantage of the moment while she had it. she knew this would be in her memory for ages; it felt like she was running through a dream, but it was completely real. robyn’s hand felt the same in her own as it always had; the cool breeze smelled like nature, she could see the lights inside of robyn’s house from here. a glimpse into a future she could’ve had.

         “i really did miss you,” carol whispered, lifting her free hand to rest on robyn’s cheek. only for a brief moment before she dropped it again, not wanting to invade her space too much when she didn’t know where the boundaries were right now. “and i am sorry for waking you up. you can go back to sleep, if you want. i’ll just wait here.”

silence sat between them with comfortability. she knew that carol was probably reading into her in the way that she always did. sometimes robyn was annoyed by it, because whatever conclusion the other would come to was usually the right assumption and she hated that there was someone out there that knew her so well. well enough to read her mind (without some sort of whacky superpower, of course). 

robyn stepped aside to let her into the home that she had spent so long making completely hers. as much as she loved sharing a home with someone, too many times had she been left in the dust and left in a space that perpetually minded her of the ones who had left. robyn’s current house was filled with no one but her and the people that chose to stick around. but she couldn’t help it, carol was sprinkled around corners that only robyn could find. it was like her own secret, and also her own torture. 

the initial physical touch sent shocks through her whole body. despite being in space, carol always felt so warm to her. her breath hitched in her throat and she gathered just enough strength to latch on to her fingers, but just for a moment. she felt as though if she held on for too long, she would never be able to let go. and that was something that robyn was starting to learn, to let go. 

         wanda had bided her time. the darkhold had shown her clarity, the truth, exactly what she needed to do in order to get what she wanted. after searching so many universes, the darkhold had helped her pick this one: a universe with a version of her that haunted her dreams nightly, a reminder of what she could never have, unless she did what she had to do.

        projecting herself into this universe would take a lot out of a lesser witch. wanda had done more difficult spells by now. the only downside to this spell was that it was almost impossible to accurately predict the timing. time worked different in some universes. some of them were slightly off, an hour or two ahead, some more. she had planned to be here late at night, but of course she’d timed it wrong and had ended up here in the middle of the day.

                            oh well, she wasn’t going to stop for anything.

          she moved slowly, like she was moving through water, sneaking up behind her variant. if she did this properly, then the other woman wouldn’t even notice she was there. she would get a chill, hear a whisper, not realize what was happening until it was too late. wanda moved slowly, closer, closer, closer… but, she should’ve known another version of herself would be strong enough to see through the spell.

            troye whipped around, and wanda had to step back so she didn’t get a mouth full of hair. her voice was grating, my god is this what i sound like?

             annoyed, wanda resisted the urge to huff like an irritated teenager. “no,” she replied, not really wanting to explain the multiverse theory to her other variant. her tainted fingers called for her, the darkhold taunting her in her mind, ensuring she didn’t forget her mission. “you have something i want,” wanda continued, pointing her finger at… herself, technically. “you’re going to give it to me, or i’m going to kill you.” (sort of an empty threat, but she hoped it worked.)

troye had had her fair share of weird encounters with beings that had supernatural powers about them. already, she could tell that whatever sort of fire came out of troye’s hand was probably no match for this doppelganger. she sensed that wherever this woman had come from, she was obviously powerful enough to kill her. why the universe wanted to make some evil version of herself that wanted to kill troye, she would never know. but she if had to face it, she was facing it now. 

but she was just naive enough to think that she could handle it. if this woman was anything like troye, then maybe she could somehow reason. even then, every moment that passed made that hope seem dimmer and dimmer. troye was probably incapable of murder, this woman was probably the opposite. “and what would that be?” troye asks, looking around in her work room. “it can’t possibly my outfit.” if there was one thing about her, she knew no fear. which was definitely not the right approach to a situation like this but she couldn’t help it. “i can’t help if you don’t say.”

           alright, now, this part, wanda wasn’t sure what to do with. there was no simple way to explain it. strange had likely walked through everything already with them, but had she bothered to mention wanda? did he even know about the history of anyone here, was there any way of telling that the other woman even knew who she was? wanda’s theories were confirmed when she turned around to look at her, eyebrows furrowed, addressing her as though she was a stranger. which, truthfully, she was.

            but wanda remembered it. she remembered the dreams, she remembered the names in the dreams. how her variant had been named differently than her, how she had fallen in love with a different man, had a child of a different name. the memories in her mind weren’t her own. so many variants mixed in, and although wanda had latched onto 838 wanda’s mind, she still remembered snippets of troye’s universe. when she had been searching for her boys, she had come across a ton of different wandas. the darkhold had influenced her dreams but not completely. she remembered her.

            she could feel strange’s eyes on her as she spoke, probably wondering if she was going to snap again. she tried her best to ignore him. “i’m wanda,” she replied, holding her hand out for a greeting, only realizing at the last moment how awkward that was. like she said, she didn’t know the protocol for this sort of situation. she retracted her hand. “i’m…” your mother’s variant? a woman from a different universe who doesn’t know you, but sort of does? a woman who almost tore apart the multiverse to get back her children and now doesn’t even know how to speak to one of them?

              wanda didn’t know her husband in that universe, but she vaguely recognized his eyes, in leslie’s. she vaguely remembered the occasional dream of a younger leslie, running around and laughing at whatever she was running from. the multiverse was weird, confusing, and full of complex timelines, but wanda knew one thing for certain: she was hers.

               “i’m the troye of this universe,” she said, deciding against using the word mother, not wanting to scare the poor girl off. she was already overwhelmed, no doubt. “i know you don’t know me. i don’t expect you to trust me. i just… i’ve had dreams, and when i saw you on the news, i knew i needed to see you.” as she concluded her little speech, wanda’s voice got softer, her hands clasped in front of her. “i hope you’re settling in okay.”

there was a familiar air around the woman the moment that leslie had finally laid eyes on her. even if she had dreamt about someone like her before, she never had the luxury of any real memories of this woman. just fragments of other lives that weren’t really hers. still, though, it was a shock to see the face that she only saw in a picture and in her head. it was a shock to see that this face was attached to a living, breathing body and not some corpse that was buried away in a different universe. however, it all felt weirdly relieving, as if she could start a new life here if she wanted to. and maybe things would be different. 

“hello,” she greets with a small smile. 

so in this universe, her mother has a different name. leslie wondered in how many other universes did she have a different name, a different life. she wondered if there was a sort of leslie that roamed this universe. but then again, there were probably a plethora of universes where she didn’t exist at all. the thought of infinite spaces was calming, knowing that somewhere out there, she was hopefully living a happier life. 

“i don’t technically... know you, no,” leslie states. “but i’ve seen you before. in dreams also.” 

everything felt very surreal. wanda’s face was one that had haunted her for so long. she felt a hundred different emotions when she saw it. anger, sadness, longing, love. it was confusing, despite the calm exterior she was putting on. secretly, leslie was freaking out. this was a stranger from a completely other world who was her mother in others. did wanda have her own leslie already? was she just visiting out of pity?

            for a long time, carol had determined that she was destined to live a life on her own. her job was dangerous; not just the combat, but making powerful enemies in dangerous places meant that anyone around her was risking being involved in that kind of situation. no matter how strong they were on their own, the last thing carol wanted to do was to hurt someone she loved and have it be her fault. (she already had to deal with monica hating her for leaving; but she wasn’t surprised when people did. she would hate herself for it, too.)

              for a second, just before robyn opened the door, she regretted coming here. all she was going to do was uproot robyn’s life again. she could leave her here, just like this, and let her live a peaceful life without her. no danger, no risk, no chance of her running off when she’s scared, no having to deal with her issues with alcohol, no enemies watching for them at every corner of the galaxy.

              but, carol was being selfish tonight, so her feet stayed rooted to the spot. she couldn’t move even if she tried.

              robyn opened the door, and the world spun on its axis. carol looked her over, head to toe, taking in how different she looked from the last time she’d been here. (that was the thing about leaving earth for long periods of time; people change, even if just minorly, and you don’t realize how much until the time had passed.) she was as beautiful as ever. carol’s mind flashed back to all of those long nights under the stars, warm mornings wrapped up in each other, late afternoons laughing over some stupid thing carol had done. a bunch of moments, all wrapped up in one image, and carol felt like her heart just might explode.

                those same images had taken her through some long, lonely nights. she’d imagined, time and time again, how this reunion would go. what she would say. if she would confess how much she’d been thinking about this, how many sleepless nights she’d spent absorbed in a memory. she’d imagined that she would say something bold and poetic, but she found that words were just as much not her forte as they had been five minutes ago.

                “i had to,” she started, stumbling through her words, pausing to take a breath before she continued on. “i had to see you. i’m sorry. i didn’t realize what time it was. i – i can go. i just –” another pause, her forehead creasing as she furrowed her eyebrows, finally forcing herself to look robyn in the eyes. it proved to be a mistake, like looking into the sun. carol felt her heart pick up pace, and something inside of her snapped. “i couldn’t help it. i know it’s been forever, i just.. i just missed you. so much.” she dropped her voice into a whisper, which sounded way too loud in the silence between them. “you look beautiful.”

the moment robyn had swung open the door, it was like her entire body had woken up for the first time. carol was like a breath of fresh air, or a hit of a cigarette after a couple drinks. she always coursed through her with small amounts of permission but every time carol happened, carol was needed. but that wasn’t ever a thought that ran through her mind during their reunions, it was like a million years had passed since she saw her. 

“oh really?” she asked, a sleepy smirk forming on her face. she was almost glad that the sun wasn’t out, it would’ve almost felt illegal if they had been meeting in the daylight. something about the shining moon and twinkling stars made it felt so right. as if they were under the blanket of the night. “--no, no, i was joking,” robyn stated as she leaned forward a bit, almost catching carol’s hand but not quite grabbing on to it. “i would hope so,” she said. “been trying a new skincare routine.”

troye wasn’t sure what was happening to her. she had been having weird dreams and day visions lately with someone who looked exactly like her and yet, was not her at all. this person seemed to haunt her day and night and no matter what she did, they kept coming back. however, she wasn’t about to let her kids know about that. for all troye knew, it could be some odd trick that the gods decided to play on her, she was a demigod, after all. her husband, oliver, had some sort of sense that something was going on but he never had those day visions like she did. he didn’t understand. 

it was a fairly normal wednesday. the kids were at school, husband was at work, and she was in her at-home pottery studio working on some pieces for her clients. that was when that weird sense struck her again. like she was being watched. like she was being followed. troye stopped in her tracks, near her pottery wheel, and when she took a deep breath, she could have sworn there was a small gust of air on her neck. 

“i can feel you!” she exclaimed before whipping around and facing whoever it was. 

and whoever it was, was the same person that kept popping up in her dreams. the same red-headed leather cladded woman that seemed to be an identical copy of her. troye almost had to laugh. 

before everything happened, the days seemed to go by so quickly. no one in the stacy household really thought that 24 hours were enough in one day to get everything done. but now, even five minutes felt like five hours. she didn’t know how she could take it one day at a time when the days seemed to drag by already. “i didn’t mean it like that. i guess…i just…” usually gwen knew what to say and how to say it. that fact helped her get on the debate team at her old school. but she couldn’t find the words. “i’m scared.” that’s the first time she’s ever said it out loud to someone else. she’s thought about it, even wrote it in her diary she kept strategically hidden. but telling someone was a big step for her. “how do i do that?” phillip would want to take care of everyone, step into their dad’s place to take care of their mom, her and their little brothers. he would work himself to death to make sure life was normal again.

“why not? you’d be great at it, i think.” gwen let herself crack a smile. sawyer seemed like the person that had enough nerve and smarts to be a leader. gwen chuckled through her nose, her cheeks turning pink. “i have to make sure it’s me. it’s not going to happen if i fall behind.” she had a few people behind her, who would be more than happy to take her number one spot. “they’re thinking it’s an accident. i think mom is too.” gwen didn’t think he meant to. he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. “i think it was just an accident. superheroes like that don’t hurt people on purpose.”

sawyer could tell this was a hard conversation to have. hell, even now, she barely even spoke about her mom. she couldn’t. she hesitates before reaching over and giving her hand a small yet awkward squeeze. “it’s...normal --valid. to be scared.” she wasn’t good at this. comforting people. she didn’t care about other people, she couldn’t. it would go against her entire wish to be the most unapproachable human being in the entire world. but seeing gwen in front of her, seeing her like this. it reminded sawyer of herself. the only difference was, sawyer had let her own situation tear her apart. “maybe just... i don’t know. let him know that he’s not alone? that-that...” she lets out a sigh, a heat rising in her chest. “that it’s not a one man job of keeping the family together. you guys can all do that. together.” she’s speaking from experience at this point, but it’s almost therapeutic to be saying this all aloud. “and it’s never gonna be like it was before. ‘normal’ or whatever. but at least it won’t be nothing?”

𝑏𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑   ,          new years day .

        a   once   lively   hotel   room   was   now   a   barren   apocalypse   .      half   -   empty   cups   and   failed   polaroid’s   littered   the   glitter   soaked   floor   ;      the   ghost   of   a   party   still   lingers   ,      even   in   the   wee   hours   of   the   morning   .      she’s   filling   a   trash   bag   ,      trying   her   best   to   make   their   eleven      a   .   m   .      check   out   time   .      it   wasn’t   until   she   heard   them   stir   that   she   glanced   in   their   direction   ,      a   champagne   smile   pointed   in   their   direction   .      ❝      goodmorning   ,      sleepyhead   .      ❞  @sunveiins