Tonight's been awful and I'm in a mood. The baby is always fussing right when Kyle leaves for work at 3:45 :/ he's worked nights the past 6 nights and I'm just beat. I'm exhausted emotional and physically. My anxiety is fucking insane I worry about anything and everything. Iv yelled at my three boys all night because Idek why. They're to loud and because I'm a bitch. I hate this. I hate that my self esteem is in the drain I feel like a sloppy fat ass. Nothing about me is nice. I gained so much weight while pregnant. My thoughts are oh just lose this weight, you can do it. But my energy level says "nope". So here I sit on the couch and lounge around like a lazy bum. Eating shitty foods. I am off dairy due to the babies allergy to dairy in the breast milk. And I breastfeed all day and night and haven't lost any weight. So I believe that's a load of shit. We aren't made of money what so ever but all I wanna do is spend. It makes me feel good. Soothes the soul. But I'm driving my husband crazy when all I do is ask to buy stuff. Never ending cycle. I'm sleepy now. 😔