There’s a story on HONY about how a woman died because her boyfriend was choking her during sex, because its “supposed to make a better orgasm” (for who, I wonder?). He literally choked her to death. Oh yeah, then he didn’t call it in and disposed of her body 3 days later behind a 7/11.

The story is on a picture of her dad telling this. I just… damn. So much going on.

But really, I think that it is just another example of how BDSM becoming mainstream/accepted is pretty fucking terrible for women. Because people actually buy his story of “it was an accident”. Her own father seems to buy it. Just like those stories of women not being believed when they are raped, despite having bruises all over. I didn’t used to believe this. But BDSM becoming mainstream is really really really fucking terrible. Because people accept violence against women without batting an eyelash. Its just a rebranding of the old “beat your wife so she’ll listen, she will be grateful for the discipline” shit. It just has 4th wave sexual revolution bullshit on it.

‘Women are just better at this stuff’: is emotional labor feminism’s next frontier?

(via

femininefreak

)

It’s so much more obvious during holidays, when so many women do so much work to have a colorful Christmas. My mother always, always did the bulk of the decorating (and only got my father to help by YEARS of persistence on her part). My dad has never bought gifts. Ever. It has always been my mother’s job. She buys Christmas gifts for him, but he rarely does for her.

With family gatherings, the women are always trying to keep the peace and keep the men’s tempers down. Without fail, we always expect a male relative to throw a temper tantrum, scream, scream louder at anyone who tells him to calm down, and leaves in a huff. (And then this man is welcomed back with smiles and no expectations of an apology for scaring the kids.)

they say “next frontier” like we’re not still fighting all the other shit 

(via anticipatedrepudiation)

I just read a great article about emotional labor as it relates to the holiday season! (It’s a little #notallmen but still)

Gay people are stigmatized for being hypersexual, like you just mentioned.

That’s why when straight people claim they’re “demisexual” it’s basically implying that gay people are hypersexual.

Seriously, demisexuality is not a thing. I say this as someone who used to use that term to describe myself. Check my /tagged/demisexual/ or /tagged/demisexuality/ because I’ve spoken about this topic before.

It’s just a special snowflake label that serves no purpose, because there’s no axis of oppression that targets people who only feel sexual attraction after an emotional bond is formed.

But why do people feel like they are different from everyone else if they’re not interested in hooking up? Because of porn culture, because of rape culture.

That’s just healthy sexuality. We live in a rape culture and a porn culture which convinces us we must do our best to have sexual experiences ASAP and that doesn’t mean everyone who has casual sex is actually genuinely enjoying it and not really feeling empty on the inside. I don’t think people are always honest with themselves and I think there are some universal truths to the human condition. 

Now you can form emotional bonds pretty quickly, like if you hit it off right away and really connected with someone–so I’m not saying every single one night stand is inherently meaningless. This is a pretty controversial opinion but I do think that “meaningless sex” is usually something people end up regretting because I don’t think it’s healthy for people to try to fill the void inside ourselves through empty sex with strangers we aren’t connected to.

Everyone who has an empty sex life where they treat their partner like an object and then dump them–do you really genuinely believe that is healthy or good for ANYONE? Why, just because they say that’s what they want? When that is what society taught them to want? And so they feel like they *should* be happy because they’re having all of this sex and isn’t that what everyone wants? And they’re afraid of opening their hearts?