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I’m actually 19 weeks along this week, which means that my little one is also halfway to their grand entrance earthside. Their little body is shaping up more and more like the final version and their bones are beginning to push up against my belly in the most spectacular way possible. 

But today I’m crabby. I’m cranky and short tempered and really crave silence and space. I want to really badly retract to my shell, play some meditative sounds and really just vibe in my own element. I can’t. Granted, I am lucky enough to share my space with my mother, my angel, who really has been nothing short of, and I’m just moody and cranky more often than not. Setting boundaries has never been an issue, but now that we’re going to be living together for the foreseeable future, it’s so much more important that she understands that we need her to not take things just because. 

All in all, pregnancy up until has been easy going. Nausea has been consistent, but there are no more headaches and the hunger strikes at a consistent every 2 hours. 

I genuinely can’t wait to see our babe. I feel them moving and I think, “Holy shit. I’m carrying a forming, tiny human who will eventually be a full ass adult!”

Frankly, don’t even know where to find inspiration from anymore. I’ve done all I can; I know what I have do to, yet I don’t do it. 

I always fancied myself the type of disciplined person who thrived in independent work and loved having the ability to work from home, but if I'm honest, it’s fucking hard staying motivated day in and day out! I’m not sure if it’s a combination of the pandemic, or the fact that I’m still sort of waning off the regular 9-5 brainwashing but I find it difficult to apply my regular ambition to my days when there’s so little going on. 

Working for myself in freelance artwork doesn’t seem to feel fulfilling or challenging enough. Granted, it’s not like I’m creating spectacular works, and breaking the mold of my own body of work daily, writing gorgeous films, or even photographing everyday. No. I’m not even picking up my camera. 

I thought that by carefully and meticulously planning out my day I would be forced to comply. It’s on paper after all! Hasn’t worked.