❝ — mechanical heart.

I’m Lavi. I’m 23, severely depressed and anxious, and probably have more than a few other mental illnesses by this point. I’m also transgender. I came out to my family 4 years ago, but they still haven’t accepted me. They misgender me constantly and refuse to change no matter how many times I ask them.

I have been “convinced” to take a college course that I have no interest in because it was what my mother wanted me to do. The first attempt resulted in me having a breakdown and admitting myself to the hospital because I knew if I waited any longer, I was going to kill myself.

Despite this, I was once again “convinced” to go back and finish the course. Which is where I am currently. However, it’s barely been a month and I’m back to the same point I was then. I do not want to do this course, and even just thinking about it makes my anxiety so bad I want to puke.

I have also been “convinced” to put off getting my license because it’s not “practical” for my mother.

And there’s nothing I can say to anybody at this point that will make them change their mind about me doing this. So my only option is to leave. I can’t stay here for much longer. I literally feel anxious and terrified every time I have to talk to either of my parents, and that’s no way to live.

And before you try to suggest other things, I want to give you a little more insight into how things have been/are for me.

My mother has hit me before, threatened to injure me more times than I can count, broken some of my things, guilt tripped and gaslighted me my whole life. My father is drunk 90% of the time he’s not working. He has passed out while cooking, holding a cigarette, with a glass in his hand. So many ways that could have ended with the apartment catching fire or me getting hurt.

The point is: I need help. I probably only have about $500 to my name-and that’s after scrounging up change left around the apartment for months-and no way of actually getting out of here.

I hate asking, but I’m truly desperate. Anything would help at all. Literally anything. Even if it’s less than $1, I’ll be eternally grateful. 

I set up a ko-fi page, if anyone is willing to help. If you’d like to use my direct paypal instead it’s: [email protected]

I don’t really have much to offer, but I am more than willing to write drabbles for anybody who helps. All I ask is that you send me a message here, off anon, so we can talk about it.

Thank you so much.

                                         “Hu…. what did you just call me?” 

One person sleeping with their head on the other person’s lap. Getting all drowsy-snuggly when they’re too tired to see straight. Being tucked in and kissed on the forehead before they pass out. Gentle touches while they drift off. Trusting the other person to watch over them and make sure nothing happens to them while they’re out.

That thing where they first meet again and that expression of confusion bc ‘I know them’

and then they struggle with getting closer for no damn reason but just?? t h e m

And tHEN THEY GET FLASHBACKS OF THE HORRIBLE THINGS THAT TORE THEM APART IN A PREVIOUS LIFE

Or one of them does and they have to stare into that other person’s face every morning knowing they’ll never understand how much they love them

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