taeyong x reader | g: angst | wc: 1.2k | cw: none
“Why can’t you just let me go?” You plead.
You’re standing in the almost furnished living room with Taeyong sitting on the couch across from you, head leaned back trying to think of ways to make you stay. You and Taeyong had been together for 3 years but somewhere down the line things started to fall apart. The spark was gone and you were both living dull lives, an empty shell of what you and him used to be. At some point, you had no longer brought out the best in him and he could no longer make you feel like you could achieve anything — even if he did send texts of encouragement before any kind of event.
By the time your third anniversary was approaching, you knew there was nothing left in your relationship. So, you decided to do the one thing you swore you would never do — you broke up with him.
It was surprisingly easy. Taeyong agreed as he also felt that the relationship had reached his end and he wished you all the best. You packed your belongings and moved into a friend’s place for a month before settling in an apartment across the city of your once shared space with the man you used to love. It was simple , you two were now strangers just like the way it began — it was supposed to be simple. But somehow, it ended with Taeyong always finding his way back to your apartment at 2 in the morning drunk off his mind to ask you to move back in with him — to which you always say no but he doesn’t listen anyway. So naturally, you’d end up letting him in, helping him get situated in the guest room, tossing and turning the entire night in your bed thinking of him, and waking up every morning to see Taeyong already gone with the bed made as if he was never there. This had been going on for four months.
This time Taeyong is here sober. The silence is deafening as you hear the clock tick behind you, every second getting closer to midnight. He had been at your place for an hour and you two had been fighting nonstop. A once civil conversation turned into a screaming match and now, defeat — but was it yours or his?
“I just,” Taeyong sighs, lifting his head up to look at you. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do, Taeyong. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be here sober.” You say, stepping closer and finally taking a seat next to him. “Come on, what is it? Why can’t we just be out of each other’s lives for good?”
“Why do you keep letting me back in?” He asks back rather quickly and you’re at a loss for words. To some extent you guess you do care for him, but maybe not in the way you did a year ago. You hate seeing him at his worst and your first instinct was to make him his best self again. You figure the least you could do was take him in and clean him up — like you always did when the two of you were still together.
“Because I care for you, Taeyong.” You say simply.
“Just not in the same way I care for you.” He replies. Taeyong knows you won’t take him back. You’re too good for him and it’s clear you know it. Even if you cared for him you would never be able to envision yourself walking down the aisle to meet him at the altar anymore.
“Right.” You admit. “Is that why you can’t let me go?” It was as clear as day that Taeyong was still in love with you. But out of people, he would know to let go of someone for the sake of their own happiness if they had really loved them. Taeyong was never a selfish person.
Taeyong can’t let you go because he hates how he feels without you. He hates how every morning he wakes up and the first thing he sees is the house that was once yours too and is now only occupied by him — with all the memories of you still lingering around. He hates the way his eyes get pricked with tears at hearing you say how you can’t keep taking care of him like this when he shows up drunk at your front doorstep. He hates how he would make breakfast for two out of habit only to realize you’re no longer there to eat it with him— only able to let out a disheartening, empty laugh in the kitchen that you once liked to dance around in. Taeyong hates how you make him feel.
So maybe Taeyong is selfish after all. But someone who was so selfless all their life deserves to be selfish once in a while right?
“I don’t,” Taeyong admits. “I don’t want to be okay without you.” Over the past four months all he can think about is you, how he envisioned you saying you miss him and want him back, hearing the perfect balance between loud and clear. How he can hear your lovely voice inside his head saying you love him. He knows he has to let you go because you’re finally starting to and it’s just selfish of him to hold you back, but he doesn’t know if he can move on with himself if he lets you go.
Silence fills the apartment again, and Taeyong breathes unevenly next to you. At this moment, it is clear that what you two once had is over. This will be the last time Taeyong will be here and he seems to know it too.
“I guess there’s nothing else I can do?” Taeyong follows his eyes up at you as you’re standing, already making your way to the door and his heart twists. I guess one of us moved on well.
“I’m afraid not.” You say softly. He walks to the door and you open it for him, wasting no time to get out as he never took off his shoes or coat, he came and left just as fast. You shut the door behind you and make your way back to the couch, taking the same spot he had sat in earlier.
After all these years, if there’s one thing you had learned about Taeyong, it was that he only realizes something after having already done it — and this was one example. Normally, when Taeyong comes into your home, he’d take off his shoes and outerwear as an indicator that he would be there for a while. But this time, he had come in knowing that he did not belong, that he isn’t supposed to stay; the shoes never left his feet and the jacket never slid off. You hope this is the first sign of him moving on, you hope he will let you go. He has bigger and better things out there for him, and in order to reach those things he has to be okay without you.
a/n: very sad, even i teared up 🥲 pls lmk what you think!
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