Your daily dose of sunshine

03:43

I can't sleep

sleep evades me once again

And

WHAT AM I MISSING

WHY DO I STILL FEEL SO EMPTY

and now

I feel there is a hole in my heart

And the light is leaking out

And I want so badly to hold it all in

But it is almost gone

Matt asked if I was looking for a solution

"Yes of course", I said.

Haven't checked in in a while and I think it's taking a toll on my mental health. My mind is constantly whirring, and without an avenue to spill out into, all my thoughts have been circling around and around, amplifying into a vortex waiting to implode.

I love my course of study. I love my housemates. Family are a little panicked but otherwise well. I have plenty of food to eat, I am exercising regularly and getting enough sleep. I'm cooking, listening to podcasts, doing yoga. Doing all the things that I know fill me with light.

And yet

For some reason I feel like I'm losing myself

And I just want to understand

Why it is I feel so

Heavy

All of a sudden

And I want to know what I can do to restore the light

Because I can't keep running away from reality every time something doesn't quite feel right

October 25