BIRD / BONED

     ❝     NOT  REALLY.    ❞        response  flows  from  the  boy  with  ease  ,   pours  from  his  mouth  with  little  thought.    most  of  michael’s  energy  is  burned  up  by  his  preoccupation  with  his  own  train  of  thought  ,   what  more  did  he  have  to  dedicate  to  those  belonging  to  others    ?    hands  trifle  with  a  loose  strand  on  his  shorts.      ❝     only  the  people  that  really  matter   ,    i  guess.      ❞       stygian   irises  regard  stanley  tenderly   ,    the  corners  of  his  mouth  weighed  by  empathy.    mouth  goes  dry   ,   tongue  clings  to  the  roof  of  his  mouth,      ❝     everyone’s  got  secrets,   stanley    …      even  me,      ❞      each  syllable  is  lacquered  in  hesitance  as  words  depart  from  his  mouth.      this   revelation  is  not  delivered  with  shame  ,   but  with  misgiving.    michael  is  tight - lipped   [   enigmatic !   ]    ,   keeps  clandestine  instances  clutched  close    ,    undisclosed  to  outsiders    [    stanley  ,   albeit  kind  ,   is  not  someone  with  whom  our  paladin  is  well- acquainted   ].     michael  is  not  one  to  impose  his  burdens  upon  others  —   he  is  not  the  ingenuous,   bright - eyed  youth,   but  the  giving  tree.   boy - knight  decides  that  no  more  of  his  onus  will  be  divulged  to  stanley  :     the  less  he  knows,   the  better.     another  pause   ,    brows  press  together   ,   he  burrows  his  sneakers  deeper  into  the  dirt   ,   lip  held  ‘tween  snaggy  teeth.         ❝      dunno  if  i’ve  ever  questioned  myself   ,   but  i  do  think  about  it  all  a  lot.    maybe  a  little  too  much.          ❞

   secrets had always worn heavy, clung like the anchor of a ship to your ankles.  as if you would sink along with them and perhaps one day you would.  future uncertainties make home within the corners of your mind, devouring. bird boned boy, tugging knees upwards to chest, wrapping an arm around self as if to comfort.  as if to hold the pieces together, to keep the words or secrets from spilling from you.  the things you wanted to say but were too afraid to even confront yourself with.   words that you’d tried to rehearse before a mirror, only to find a stranger staring back at you.    michael’s words hit your ears, eyes cascading over a lanky boy at your side as you took careful consideration of them.    perhaps he had a point.     everyone has secrets, those that matter won’t mind, you’re sure.      but it’s the nagging fear that still choked you when you tried to verbalize it all. 

@sundayworst··        //        starter  call.

         THE  SUN  IS  BLINDED  BY  THE  TREES.     pale  in  light,    it  casts  from  the  east.     wild  lilac  has  grown  onto  the  path,    distinctive  evergreen  pine  bloom,    the  smell  is  earthy  and  sedged.    the  fresh  grassland  is  frequented  by  various  butterflies,    capturing  colors  and  expanded  wings,    susie  catches  a  glimpse  through  the  tall  stems,     unfastening  her  camera  from  ‘round  her  neck  to  snap  a  quick  -  shot.     before  she  does,   however,    she  turns  to  face  her  friend,    backpack  hedged  higher  up  her  shoulders.    ❝     tired  yet?     do  you  wanna  take  a  break?     ❞

socks pulled up high, runners tied tightly with laces tucked within the siders of sneakers. clad with binoculars around your neck and backpack straps over shoulders.   prepared as ever with the necessities: water and juice boxes, granola bars, sandwiches, bandages and of course your bird watching guide. leaving home without it certainly was not an option.  following along beside her, pace a tad slower than others as you carefully monitored the path in front of you for fallen branches, rocks, and puddles of mud.  anything to make this easier on you and the need for order and cleanliness.   gaze rose from ground to her face, smiling and nodding slightly. 

   familiar walls in familiar places.   a clubhouse built by another one of your friends, a clubhouse that felt more a sanctuary than anything else.  a place that was safe from the outside world.  a place to be amongst friends.  to have fun. your need for cleanliness, however, remained even within the walls of the underground compound.  bird boned boy, reaching for the shelf and retrieving tin can; fingers peel back the lid to reveal a mass of shower caps. placing one on your head and soon reaching to pass one to red-headed companion. 

     bird boned boy, observing the nature in which twin lifted rock and tossed it across the water, watching it skip, skip, skip.   there lay a sense of admiration within you, knowing well that you certainly weren’t as good at that, hesitant as it were to get splashed by the slightly off-coloured water.   “ okay, i’ll give it a go but you better not splash me. it looks disgusting in there. ”  nose turned up as you lean down, slender digits wrap around smooth stone, lifting it up and studying it.   the texture was smooth, something you enjoyed; discolouration spots evident along its surface. beautiful while also imperfect, just like you.

  ❝     …   EASE  UP  A  LITTLE,  STANLEY.     ❞       michael  is  perched  upon  a  rock,   knees  tucked  to  his  chest  —   as  much  distance  placed  between  himself  and  the  water  as  he  can  manage.  the  thick  aroma  of  sewage  lingers  in  the  air.   sun  beams  down  on  the  nape  of  his  neck,   it’s  hide  an  unflattering  shade  of  pink.        ❝      i mean   —    ❞      he  pauses  to  accrue  his  thoughts,     ❝     people  tend  to  be  more  understanding  than  you  think  .    ❞  

there’s a long passing moment of silence, seated beside him; matching his position with ease. khaki cutoffs reveal one scrapped knee, bandaid placed with precision; you’d always been meticulous.  knees pulled to chest, cheek resting ‘pon it; eyes casting gaze in his direction.   perhaps he’d been right.  perhaps there had been a part of you that needed to ease; needed to understand that even the secrets you held within the walls of your body were not something that everyone would shy from.    perhaps there was a sense of safety in the company of another boy.    a hand dips down, idly playing with smaller pebbles at your side. 

     “ i drowned in all my dreams and nothing changed because every night is the same. ” 

    “ we can talk here on the floor or on the phone, if you prefer. i’ll be here until you’re okay. ”