hi lovelies

Of course with your luck you went to high school with him.

The two of you spoke a handful of times back home, with your circles always swimming in the same pond but never being quite close enough to touch and grab onto each other.

And now you came into the freshman class at Briar U with him, going as far as sharing a handful of your classes with the blonde.

And to really hit the nail in the coffin, you were on the social media team for the men's hockey team.

𝟏. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐤𝐞

It wasn't romantic.

Not at first.

It had started because Dean had looked at you across the basement at a hockey party, smirked, tilted his head toward the stairs, and you'd rolled your eyes before following him anyway.

The next morning was, well, awkward.

Dean was sitting on the edge of his bed, pulling on his socks while you searched the floor for your bra “you've seen me naked," you muttered as you rolled your eyes. 

You looked back to blonde who tried to hide his smirk “stop pretending to be a gentleman now." You grumbled as you let the blue mesh hug your tits again. 

Dean licked his lips "I'm not looking because I'm trying not to make this weird." He scratched the back of his neck. 

You pulled up your thong as you sent the boy a glare “it is weird." You pointed out as he sighed. 

"It really is."

You both laughed.

The tension eased.

You found your shirt, tugging it over your head before glancing toward him “you gonna pretend this never happened?" You asked as you knew that this would have been complicated.

You were both trying to make a name for yourselves in your own rights and hooking up didn’t need to do anything with that "I was actually hoping it would happen again." Dean leaned back on his hands.

Your eyebrows raised in surprise “you free on Friday?” He added, not giving you a chance to properly think about it. 

You zipped up your skirt “I will think about it.” You mumbled as you tried to smooth out the fabric as best you could. 

The boy scoffed “no you won’t,” he whined as you placed your hands on your hips. 

You looked hellishly hot in his eyes in that moment “yes I will,” you argued back. 

Dean smirked as he gulped “try not to get your dick too wet before I see you.” You winked making the boy laugh. 

He ran his fingers through his hair “god I love you.” You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not in that moment “I will see you at practice.” 

As you sent him a salute you left his dorm shutting the door as you acted like you hadn’t just had some of the best sex of your life.

𝟐. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥

Three months later.

Everyone already assumed you were together.

You spent every night together.

Every road trip.

Every party.

Every lazy Sunday.

Because you realised that nobody actually cared if the two of you liked each other.

Neither of you had actually asked.

Dean showed up outside your dorm with a bouquet stolen from the campus gardens “you stole those.” You laughed as you shut your door behind him.

The boy shook his head "I borrowed them permanently." Dean corrected you as went to pull a vase from your shelf.

He beat you as he reached from behind you “Dean." You sighed as the boy grabbed the glass. 

You turned to him as he had you up against the table “the flowers aren't the point." He announced as he placed them next to you.

"What is?"

He shifted awkwardly back "I hate introducing you as-”he waved his hands.

"Whatever this is."

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose "I don't know." He sighed making you smirk. 

You crossed your arms as you stepped closer to him “you don't know?" You teased him as he shook his head. 

The boy rubbed his face “I mean I do,” he hated felt so dorky.

"You don't sound like you do."

He rolled his eyes “you are making this significantly harder." He watched as you caught your lower lip between your teeth with a grin.

"I know."

He smiled despite himself "I want you to be my girlfriend." He let the words hang in the air as you froze.

You stared.

"Officially."

Silence.

"Say something."

And suddenly you laughed “you rehearsed this, didn't you?" You asked as you placed your hands on your hips.

"No."

You giggled again “you definitely rehearsed this." Dean hated how much you enjoyed his misery.

He sighed as he handed you your vase "I absolutely rehearsed this." You laughed so hard you had to wipe your eyes.

Dean looked offended "I'm pouring my heart out." He placed his hand on his heart.

You rolled your eyes "you stole flowers." Dean stuck his tongue out at you "I stole romantic flowers."

"There's a difference?"

"There is."

You stepped into him "I'd love to be your girlfriend." The relief that crossed his face made your heart ache.

He cupped your cheeks "I love you." He mumbled as he kissed you. 

You ran your fingers along his collar "so that's why you were nervous?" You grinned as he nodded.

Dean hooked his fingers into your belt hoops pulling you in “I think my heart was almost out my fucking chest.” He laughed into your shoulder.

𝟑. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲

Neither of you spoke for two days.

It was over something stupid.

Dean had forgotten dinner plans because practice ran late.

You'd assumed he didn't care.

He'd assumed you'd understand.

Instead, you both dug your heels in until Garrett physically shoved Dean toward your apartment "fix it." Dean knocked and you opened the door.

Neither of you spoke.

Then simultaneously, "I'm sorry." You both laughed.

Garrett clapped his hands together “and my work here is done.” He announced as he spun on his heel and walked out.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck "I should've called." He looked at the ground as he frowned.

You nodded as you toyed with the ends of your hoodie “you should've." You mumbled as you had gotten all dressed up and were left waiting on your bed. 

The memory was fresh in your memory like a new wound "I wasn't thinking." Dean knew there wasn’t any better answer than it.

A small smile formed on your lips "I know." You did your best to hold back a laugh.

He looked at you and was glad to see that there wasn’t hurt drenching your gaze "I hate fighting with you." He frowned as he just missed having you in his arms.

You scratched your jaw "I hate fighting with you too." You let your eyes take him in as you gave him a genuine smile.

He stepped forward carefully “can I hug you?" You nodded as you had been missing him too.

The second his arms wrapped around you, everything melted away "I don't ever want us to become the couple that keeps score." He buried his face into your hair.

Dean felt bad that it was your concern, “we won't." He mumbled as he kissed your head.

"I love you too much."

You squeezed him tighter.

"I know."

𝟒. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤

The rink was deafening.

Garrett had nearly tackled Dean after the empty netter.

The locker room was chaos.

The boys were jumping around all hugging each other.  

Someone had started chanting Dean's name.

He was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.

You were outside helping one of the freshmen with an interview setup. 

The second he spotted you waiting outside the locker room, he ignored everyone else.

He jogged straight over.

Still sweaty.

Still wearing half his gear.

He wrapped his arms around you "how’d it look out there?" Dean was glad that you had the job of working on the bench content for the night. 

Because it meant that you weren’t commentary box or in the office “trust me baby.” You cupped his cheek as you nodded.

Your free hand ran along the material of his compression shirt “I got your good side for all of it.”Dean laughed as he smothered you in sweaty kisses.

He still felt like he was dreaming "I can't believe that happened." He tucked your hair behind your ear. 

The boy leaned down to kiss your lips “I’m proud of you.” In that moment Dean swore that he learnt what it meant to feel giddy.

His thumb ran along your lower lip “had to make sure that I did it when my girl was on the bench when I did it." Your heart bloomed at the way his eyes flashed with possessiveness "and you were there."

In both of your minds you were contemplating how much trouble you’d get into if you disappeared to the nearest supply closet.

You smiled as you cocked your head "where else would I be?" He cupped your face despite the fact that he smelled like sweat and hockey equipment.

"I love you."

The reporters called his name from down the hallway "you hear me?" Dean didn't even turn around.

He walked backwards into Garrett making you laugh "I heard you." You shook your head.

Dean smiled as he looked at you "I mean it." He was deadly serious.

Garrett turned back to his interview "I know." You nodded seeing that Dean wasn’t going to carry on until you did what he wanted.

You rolled your eyes as you blew him another kiss “love you too star boy.” The boy cheered as he made his way back to the reporters. 

𝟓. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞

Dean and Beau's joint birthday bash had one rule.

Come dressed as an iconic duo.

Everyone committed.

Garrett had some girl named Hannah coming with him. 

Logan and Tucker were the birds and the bees.

You'd spent weeks brainstorming ideas with Dean.

Until three days before the party.

He knocked on your dorm door looking guilty “what happened?" You asked motioning to your couch. 

You were glad you had gotten the RA room for your senior year “so,” Dean trailed off as he plopped onto the couch cushion. 

Your eyes narrowed as you shut your door “no,” you shook your head. 

Dean gave you a pleading look "I need you to not be mad." Which only made you more annoyed.

"Dean."

He sighed as he frowned "Beau asked if we'd go as Goose and Maverick." You blinked as your jaw went slick.

You chewed at the inside of your cheek "seriously?" You whined as you joined the boy on the couch.

"I know."

His agreeing tone did nothing for his case "you already told me we'd match." You reminded him as Dean had already told you how much he wanted to get you out of your Louis Lane costume.

"I did."

He rubbed your thigh as he trailed off “but.” He looked miserable.

"It's Beau."

You couldn't even be mad.

Of course it was Beau.

His best friend.

Their joint birthday.

And you also knew that your friends wouldn’t have planned their costumes yet so you could join one of them. 

You sighed dramatically “so I'm getting dumped for your soulmate." Dean laughed as you slumped into his side.

"For one night."

He pressed a kiss into your hair “you better make this up to me." You grumbled as you pointed up at him.

"I will."

You folded your arms “so what am I supposed to be?" He grinned.

"Third wheel?"

You smacked his arm as you sat up sending him a gasp "Dean!" He always joked that you were the female version of Beau anyways, so you shouldn’t have been surprised.

He laughed before he pulled you back against him "I love you." You tried to stay annoyed.

Lasted about three seconds when he kissed you.

"You’re lucky I love you too.”

Looking back you were grateful that you let the boys dress up together.

It was the last birthday Beau would ever celebrate.

+𝟏. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭

After Beau died everything became quiet.

Dean stopped laughing.

Stopped eating with everyone.

Stopped sleeping.

Stopped answering texts.

Some nights he'd disappear for hours, sitting alone at the stadium or outside the rink.

You stayed.

Long after everyone else stopped knowing what to do.

You sat beside him in silence.

You made him food he never ate.

You slept in his bed alone in case he ever came back. 

Because you knew he hated sleeping without you there.

You waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until one evening you realised you hadn't had a real conversation with your boyfriend in nearly three weeks.

He was sitting on the couch, staring at a hockey game that wasn't even on.

The television had gone to the menu screen nearly twenty minutes ago.

"Dean."

No answer.

You crouched in front of him “we need to talk baby.” You pleaded as you didn’t think that anyone was going to be ready if Dean continued on like this.

The boy practically paid no mind to you “okay." He huffed like having to talk was painful. 

Having to do anything felt painful to him “I miss you." Your forehead pressed against his fingers.

You wanted to know that he was still real. 

That your Dean was still on this earth.

With the opportunity to live his life now for both himself and Beau. 

And for a moment, you didn’t think that you had it. 

He nodded once “so do I." His fingers toyed with the tv remote that sat next to him.

You hated that you were almost surprised, “you miss me?" You furrowed your eyebrows as hope ran across your eyes.

His eyes stayed steady on the screen behind you "I miss everything." His voice was flat and almost defeated.

Part of you wanted to throw up you were so nervous “I know you're hurting." The truth was that Dean had felt this pain for what felt like so long, now that he didn’t actually remember what it felt like to be normal, to be happy.

Nothing.

"But I'm hurting too."

Nothing.

You sighed as you placed your hand on his knee "I lost Beau too.” His jaw clenched at the mention of his best friend.

Beau always did have a massive soft spot for you with how Dean used to talk you up to the brunette “I know it isn't the same." Because how do you compare your loss to the person who was grieving the man he thought would be the best man at his wedding?

Still nothing.

Your voice trembled, "but when he died I think I lost you too.” He finally looked at you.

His eyes were empty.

Not cruel.

Just gone.

Dean leaned back against the couch "I don't know how to fix this," he whispered.

You were quick to shake your head "you don't have to fix it." You spoke softly as if you were going to spook him. 

The boy let out a harsh laugh "what then?" He spat almost trying to push you away again.

You exhaled as you shut your eyes "you have to let me in." Dean needed time but you would have been lying if you said that you weren’t growing tired.

Silence.

So you mustered on “you’ve been shutting me out for weeks D,” you knew you shouldn’t have taken it personally.

Nothing.

You cried out “and I keep knocking." You knew death was hard, but what you didn’t expect to have to learn so young was how to get someone else through it.

Nothing.

You were close to praying at this soon “and even day,” you swallowed hard "you let your pain consume you even more."

His eyes filled with tears.

"I can't."

He shook his head “you can." You nodded as you reached for his hand.

But he pulled away "I don't know how." Dean shook his head again. 

The boy refused to look at you “then let me help." You pleaded, almost begging at that point.

"I can't."

The words were barely audible.

You closed your eyes.

There it was.

The answer.

Not because he didn't love you.

Because he couldn't reach it anymore “I think,” you stood slowly as you rubbed your lips together.

You wiped your tear-stained cheeks. "I think that I can’t do this anymore." Dean looked up so quickly it almost hurt to watch.

"No."

You hated how much it still stung, “I love you." The words came out broken.

"I love you so much that I've stayed here while you've disappeared."

Dean stood too.

"I.”

He took one step toward you.

You waited.

Every part of you waited.

Say it.

Please.

Just tell me you love me.

Tell me I'm still here with you.

Tell me there's something left to save.

His mouth opened.

"I.”

Nothing.

His face crumpled with frustration.

He couldn't force the words out.

Not because they weren't true.

But because grief had wrapped itself around his heart until even love couldn't find a way through.

A tear slipped down your cheek as you nodded "I can’t spend every day worrying that you won’t be okay." You picked up your bag.

His voice cracked, "I'm sorry,” you looked at him one last time.

"I know you are."

Then, with tears running down both your faces, you whispered the words he couldn't.

"I love you, Dean."

He broke completely.

A sob escaped him as you walked to the door, his hand lifting instinctively toward you before falling back to his side.

The door clicked shut.

And for the first time since Beau’s passing Dean properly cried.

His body fell to the floor as he hit his hand on the wooden boards. 

Because deep down inside he knew that there was nothing that he could do about Beau being dead. 

But you on the other hand?

He'd been halfway through a game of NHL in the living room, Tucker yelling at him for taking dumb penalties while Garrett sat upside down on the opposite couch pretending he wasn't waiting for Hannah to text him back.

Logan had disappeared over an hour ago.

Dean hadn't asked where he'd gone.

He didn't need to.

He already knew.

Because, in watching you for so long, Dean came to learn how absolutely blind his teammate and roommate was, in fact.

Logan wasn't subtle when it came to Hannah Wells.

Because while everyone else noticed that Garrett and Hannah were a power couple. 

You noticed the way Logan’s eyes lingered on the girl for much longer than was probably appropriate if he got caught.

He always found his way back to her somehow.

Dean hated it.

Not because Logan liked someone unavailable.

But because Dean could see just how your eyes spoke for your heart. When you forced smule on your lips, forcing all of it down. 

Dean could still see just how much you were hiding. 

Tucker groaned from next to Dean “are you even listening?" The boy asked, snapping his fingers in front of the older boy.

Dean blinked as he licked his lips “what?" He cocked his head as he frowned.

The blonde stared at the tv “the game's over." He'd been staring at the pause screen for almost three minutes.

Dean felt his cheeks grow warm “Right." His phone buzzed.

He checked it, silently praying that it was you.

It wasn’t.

Because he hadn't heard from you in almost four days.

Not because anything had happened.

Just because he'd decided he needed space.

He'd realised, somewhere between studying together in the library and walking you home after movie nights, that he'd started looking for you in every room.

Waiting for your laugh.

Making excuses to sit beside you.

Saving you the last slice of pizza without thinking.

That wasn't friendship anymore.

It was something that didn’t deserve a name, not when the heart Dean wanted was in the hands of someone else.

So he'd backed away.

He figured distance would fix it.

It hadn't.

You felt sick.

Not heartbroken.

Not exactly.

Just embarrassed.

Like if the ground could swallow you up, you were willing to let it happen.

The cold October air bit at your cheeks as you hurried across campus, arms wrapped around yourself.

You replayed the last twenty minutes over and over.

Logan had shown up outside your dorm.

Asked if you wanted to walk.

You'd thought it was strange.

But nice.

He'd been quieter than usual.

You'd talked about classes.

About hockey.

About nothing.

Until he'd stopped underneath one of the campus lights.

He looked at you for a long second.

Then kissed you.

It wasn't dramatic.

It wasn't passionate.

Just confusing.

You'd kissed him back for exactly two seconds before pulling away, “what was that?" You let your fingers linger over your lips. 

Logan had rubbed the back of his neck "I thought maybe,” he looked defeated as he spoke. 

He'd sighed.

"I don't know."

You waited "I thought if I kissed someone else, maybe I'd stop thinking about Hannah." He looked frustrated as he spoke.

Everything inside you had gone still.

He realised what he'd said almost immediately, "No that's not,” he shook his head as he reached out for you. 

But you stepped back as you shook your head “you used me?" Hurt clouded your eyes, making it clear just how personally you took it.

"No."

You glared at him as your lips snarled, "Logan." You raised your hand to stop him from moving.

"I wasn't trying to.”

Part of you wanted to laugh as he acted like his words washed away the crimes of his actions, “you literally just told me you wanted to see if kissing me would help you get over someone else.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, hoping that you were dreaming. 

But no, you were wide awake.

And this was real life.

Silence.

Because there wasn't really another way to phrase it.

You swallowed.

"Did it work?"

He closed his eyes “no." That somehow hurt even worse.

You laughed.

Not because anything was funny.

Your nails dug so hard into your palms that you were worried you might end up causing your skin to break. 

But you stuck through it.

Because crying in front of him would've been unbearable, “good to know." You'd walked away before he could apologise. 

You made it halfway across campus before the tears finally came.

You hated crying.

Especially over boys.

Especially over one who hadn't even wanted you.

Your vision blurred enough that you didn't notice the familiar face up ahead of you.

Until you heard it, “wait up!” You looked up.

Beau ran up the pathway towards you “what happened?” He asked as he placed his hands on his hips. 

He stopped right in front of you as you tried smiling.

It failed instantly "I'm fine." You brought your hands up to wipe your face. 

Beau frowned “you've been crying." Beau muttered softly.

His hand squeezed your shoulder “what happened?" He pulled you into his arms.

Because something about the concern in his face made the wall you'd been holding together completely collapse.

"It was Logan."

Once Beau got you to stop crying, he offered to hear you out at a diner, as his treat.

Dean's stomach dropped when he got the text from Beau. 

Beau: your little lover girl got her heart broken

Beau: taking her for a drink 

Beau: will catch you up on all of it when I’ve dropped her off again

He took you further away from campus than you would have assumed.

Somewhere quiet.

Somewhere, nobody from Briar would bother you.

You barely touched your fries.

Beau waited at first.

But he knew that he needed to ask those questions, mainly because Dean would have killed him if he didn’t, “what did he do?" You stared down at your milkshake.

Your fingers touched your lips “he kissed me." Beau blinked as he cocked his head.

His heart hurt for his best friend, who he knew cared for you so deeply “so,” Beau trailed off.

He knew he needed to act happy for you if it was what you wanted "that's good?" He tapped his fingers against the table in front of him.  

You laughed.

It sounded broken “no." Beau really looked at you in that moment. 

Your eyes were swollen.

Mascara smudged beneath them.

You looked humiliated “why isn't it good?" You took a shaky breath.

Your fingers fiddled with a napkin in front of you “because he didn't kiss me because he likes me." Tears flood your eyes as you chewed at the inside of your cheek.

Beau felt his jaw tense “he kissed me because he wanted to stop thinking about Hannah." Beau slowly lowered the fry he'd been holding.

Silence.

Complete silence “he what?" His jaw dropped as he tried to quickly mask his surprise. 

You softly laughed as you looked up at the ceiling “he thought maybe kissing someone else would get Hannah out of his head." You shrugged as you just about wanted to bang your head against the counter. 

You smiled bitterly, “it didn't." You let out a huff as you frowned.

The boy did everything in his power not to gasp “he told you that?" Beau would have hoped that Logan had a touch more decorum than that. 

You shook your head “I asked if that's why." You explained to him with a shrug

"And?"

"He said yes."

You looked at him with watery eyes.

"I just..."

Your voice cracked.

"I feel so stupid."

"You aren't."

"I kissed him back."

"So?"

"I should've known."

"You liked him?"

A soft laugh escaped your lips “unfortunately, clearly.” You cursed yourself for being in this position 

Your fingers ran along the cold glass of your drink ”and I just thought." You looked away as you cleared your throat.

You licked your lips as you sniffled “I thought maybe he did." And that was what really broke Beau’s heart.

The drive back to campus was silent.

You sat staring out the passenger window as you tapped your thumbs on your thighs "thanks for that." You smiled as you stopped at the front of your dorm building.

Beau shook his head as he put the car into park "you really don’t have to thank me." You managed a tiny smile.

The boy had always had a soft spot for you "I know." You hugged him before you slipped out of his car.

Fifteen minutes after Beau left yours, he arrived at the hockey house. 

Dean had been pacing on the sidewalk when Beau arrived.

The blonde climbed into the passenger seat and listened to everything that Beau had learnt. 

Dean looked beyond pissed through most of it, but still he found a moment to breathe before he finally spoke "I'm gonna hit him." He announced, certain that he would make good on that promise.

Beau let out a soft low snort "no, you're not." He rolled his eyes as he swallowed a laugh. 

Dean shook his head "I'm serious." The look Dean gave Beau made him see that the blonde was being serious.

"I know."

The hockey player looked at his phone, checking if you had texted him again "I've never wanted to punch Logan before." Sure Dean had shoved him during drills, but he had never wanted to bear fist punch the boy.

"You'd regret it."

Dean sucked at his teeth "I don't think I would." He weighed up the potential consequences that he’d face on the team if he did it. 

And they really didn’t seem as damming as getting the chance to put Logan in his place "you would." Dean exhaled sharply as he pressed his head into the back of his chair.

"how did she look?" The question was probably weird but Dean just wanted to know how your words deceived your eyes. 

Because your true tell was the way your eyes spoke "embarrassed." That was exactly what he didn’t want to hear.

Dean frowned as he felt his heart break "I hate that." He wished that he was able to be with you when Beau found you. 

Because then, he could have gotten the chance to hug you "I know." Another minute passed while complete silence consumed the car.

Then Beau sighed "you gonna tell her?" He wriggled his eyebrows as he shook his shoulders.

Dean laughed without humor "tell her what?" He rubbed his hand along his jaw.

Beau rolled his eyes "that you're completely gone for her." Dean looked out the windshield.

"No."

The football player leaned forward "Dean." It was something he should have just accepted.

"No."

Beau let his lips pool into a frown "you've liked her for over a while now." The feelings that Dean held towards you were something he couldn’t quite comprehend. 

Because it was a new type of love that he got to feel. 

"I know."

Dean had to remind himself to breathe so that he didn’t explode "she got used by one of my best friends today." His hands formed fists “she was his damn experiment."

His mind also lingered on the fact that you told Beau you probably needed to be off of men for the next few months "the last thing she needs is another hockey player telling her he likes her." Dean shook his head. 

Beau sighed "you wouldn't be using her." He knew that Dean would treat you better than any guy could even try to.

The hockey player sucked at his teeth "but what if she thought I was." Dean knew that he also had a reputation that wasn’t exactly putting him in the running for being boyfriend material. 

Beau stayed quiet, seeing that the boy next to him had been thinking about this for a while now "if I tell her now," Dean continued.

Because yes he liked you, but he didn’t want to be a rebound or the guy that pitied you "I'm just the next guy waiting in line." It stung to point out as Dean practically winced.

Because he hated how true it sounded "I won't do that to her." He shook his head as he wanted so much more for you. 

He remembered how he you drunkenly said one night that you wanted a guy who spun you off your feet "so you'll just keep pretending?" It was a reality that he hated even picturing.

Dean swallowed hard "I've been pretending for weeks." It had been closer to months but the hockey player didn’t want to admit it.

The boy in the drivers seat frowned "you think that's working?" Beau watched as Dean shook his head. 

"Then why?"

That was the million dollar question.

Dean laughed bitterly "because if I tell her," his eyes lingered on his lap.

His voice dropped "and she says no," Dean felt nauseous bringing the concept to life.

He cracked his knuckles, not even wanting to think about it "I lose her entirely." Silence settled between them.

Finally Beau spoke "you know what I think?" He didn’t know if he wanted to hit Dean or pity him actually.

Dean didn't answer, almost fearing that his best friend would be right "I think Logan screwed up." The blonde nodded once.

"He did."

The brunette pursed his lips together "and I think someday." The song on his playlist changed to some song that you argued was the best for car karaoke.

Beau smiled sadly "he's gonna realise he kissed the wrong girl." If Beau didn’t see you as practically the other half of his braincells he honestly would have been attracted to you. 

Because you were funny, kind, honest and really pretty.

Dean looked down at his phone, mostly surprised that you had texted him. 

You: missed you at lunch with Beau today x

He hoped you were okay.

He hoped you weren't crying anymore.

Fairy tales had been thrust into your life as a young girl since before you could walk, you knew all the lyrics to every Disney princess song by the time you were six. 

By your tenth birthday, you had a book made that had every single wish and want that you had for your future boyfriend. 

Your parents swore that if your second love for running hadn’t come into your life. You would have lived each day to dream. 

By the time that you were 18, you had experienced twelve new kisses, three boyfriends, one of whom was a sexual partner too. 

You had nothing against any of them, but when each one ended, you never seemed that phased, as if you knew it was going to end.

It was because you knew that you hadn’t met your person. 

Or at least that was the case until Garrett Graham came into your life.

You'd met at a hockey party, argued over a game of beer pong, and kissed in the kitchen an hour later. Garrett Graham had smiled against your lips and you laughed at everyone else who swore that he was going to be the boy to break your heart.

With every anniversary or milestone that you two have reached. You swore that they were all wrong and that you and Garrett were truly meant to be. 

Your friends joked that he was your very own Noah Calhoun, as the man was practically a shadow of himself if you weren’t around. 

He showed up to every track meet with flowers as he sat right next to your parents, cheering you on while you ran down the finishing straight. And if your parents couldn’t make it, then Garrett gave them the world’s longest play-by-play afterwards. 

The two of you were perfect together. By the end of sophomore year, the boys joked that your wedding would happen before you both graduated. Tucker had these long thoughts about how he’d design your wedding cake. While Dean and Logan argued over who would be the officiant of the wedding.

You never told either boy, but you knew that it would actually be Beau who filled that slot. 

Most days when you had downtime, you spent them sitting on the boys’ couch. Most of the time, you were attempting to do work or edit your training schedule. Before, it was Garrett who would try to distract you. 

Smothering you in kisses or pulling you into his arms as he shut your laptop. But now, it was Dean looking over your shoulder to see what you were working on or Tucker offering you a snack. Occasionally, you even got an appearance from Logan, who taught you the basics of mechanical work. 

And that day seemed no different “sorry babe, I can’t do our date tonight.” Garrett leaned over the couch as he pressed a kiss on your cheek. 

You held back a sigh as you turned your head to face him “why is that?” You asked as you frowned, a little upset, actually, “Hannah rescheduled our tutoring session.” 

Dean awkwardly sat next to you as you forced yourself to smile, “tell her I say hi!” The blonde swore in that moment that you were squeezing your laptop so hard you might almost break it. 

Garrett nodded before he left for the door without a second thought “okay so am I just like a fucking idiot or does everyone else see that?” 

Logan nodded from the kitchen, “third time this week now?” And that was what almost made it official.

You got up as you shook your head “I am going to go throw myself off of a cliff before I hit him.” You announced to the boys who all frowned “just talk to him seriously.” 

You knew Tucker came from a good place, which is why you didn’t tell him how wrong he was “we have just found a way to stop fighting with each other-” you sighed as you looked to the front door where Garrett left from. 

The truth was that for the past three weeks, the two of you couldn’t go a few minutes without fighting. 

The topics varied. 

Sometimes, Garrett felt like you didn’t care that he was stressed with being captain. Other times, you felt like the little time left in your schedules should be used on each other. 

And when it got particularly bad, you actually stopped keeping track of what seemed to set the two of you off. 

This date night that Garrett kept bailing on was meant to be the real proof that the two of you had turned a page. 

That the rough that you had been dealing with was just weeds in a garden, not rot within the house. 

Dean clicked his tongue “bit hard to fight him when he keeps on seeing her instead.” She was Hannah Wells. 

You met her a few times in passing, the girl complimented your pace and you always loved the way that she was so friendly at Malone’s.

She had started tutoring Garrett in philosophy a few weeks ago and was Garrett’s newest excuse for why he was too busy for you. 

Training, film review, school, tutoring, if there was an excuse to get out of seeing you, you had heard it. 

At the beginning, you really didn’t mind, you knew he was busy because he had all of these responsibilities. 

But a responsibility is telling your girlfriend that you need to reschedule your anniversary date, hours in advance. Not when you were sat at the restaurant, a glass of wine in and the waiter actually ended up giving it to you on the house as he felt bad. 

For every excuse that he gave you, you found another help make his case. 

And by now you were starting to get a little more than just irritated “I am going to bid you boys farewell and hope that you are having more sex than your captain before I say anything else!” You shoved your laptop in your bag as Logan frowned when Dean laughed.

He stopped what he was working on in the kitchen as he came out to face you before you left “you know, girlfriend or not, we are your friend too.” Dean and Tucker nodded at his words. 

It made you softly smile “love you, boys.” You kissed your fingers before you waved them goodbye. 

As you left the house, your nose scrunched, because that place stopped feeling like Garrett’s. In fact, it was starting to feel a whole load like there was a river between the two of you that neither one was ready or willing to cross.

Garrett called out your name when he saw you.

You didn’t turn right away.

That was new for you. Normally, you’d turn instantly, instinctively, like muscle memory. Like gravity.

But this time, your body lagged behind your pride and even your brain as you contemplated ditching the heels you were in to break into a sprint.

He caught up quickly anyway.

Athletic stride, slightly out of breath, like he’d been running through excuses before he even got to you.

When he stepped into your line of sight, you finally looked at him.

And something in your chest tightened at how normal he looked. Like he hadn’t just not shown up to one of the most important nights you’d had planned in weeks “I got held up,” he said immediately.

Not an apology.

Not yet.

Just the explanation he must’ve rehearsed on the way here.

You blinked once, “you didn’t come.” He looked at how gorgeous you looked that night. 

You’d never tell him that you bought the dress specifically for that night.

His mouth opened, then closed again. Like he’d expected you to argue with him instead of just stating it plainly, “I tried,” he said, softer “coach pulled me in after practice and I lost track of time. Then film ran longer than it should’ve and-”

You nodded slowly, cutting through it without raising your voice “I sat there for an hour without anything from you.”That stopped him.

Properly stopped him.

Because now it wasn’t a scheduling issue or a misunderstanding or something messy he could rearrange into something forgivable.

It was just time“I know,” he said, rubbing a hand through his hair, frustrated at himself more than anything else now.

Garret sighed as he rubbed his face with his hand “I should have called or texted or.” Then list stopped when he noticed how you frowned 

You weren’t interested in an excuse, especially not from him tonight “you should’ve come,” you interrupted quietly as you knew Coach Jensen would never force the guys to stay for review.

Silence settled between you.

Not the loud kind. Not the angry kind.

The kind that felt like it had been building for weeks and finally found somewhere to land.

You looked past him for a second, at the path behind him, at the restaurant district lights in the distance “I kept telling myself it was fine,” you said, almost to yourself. 

You pushed your hair up behind your head “that I just needed to be understanding this week.” A big game was coming up against another highly ranked team

Your fingers tightened slightly around your phone “but I’m starting to feel like I’m always the one making space for you.”His jaw flexed. He looked like he wanted to interrupt, but didn’t.

That was the worst part.

Not denial.

Not defensiveness.

Just him listening like he knew he didn’t have a clean answer, “I really didn’t mean for tonight to go like this.” And that was the problem. 

Because Garrett never meant for anything to ever go like this.

Yet somehow it always did “I know,” you replied.

And you did.

That was what made it worse.

Because even as you stood there, remembering how embarrassed you felt when you left the restaurant alone. Your throat tightened, but your voice stayed steady “I just wish you were there tonight.” You felt stupid for keeping things to yourself; you wanted Garrett to act like things actually mattered. 

That landed differently.

He stepped closer, slower this time, like he was afraid of pushing you further away “I’m here now,” he said, wishing that it was enough.

A young couple exited one of the buildings behind Garrett with their hands locked into each others and grins on their faces. 

The boy leaned over to say something that made the girl laugh and you knew exactly how that felt. 

Because Garrett used to be like that with you.

You could feel it in the way you weren’t reaching for him. In the way he wasn’t touching you yet either.

Like both of you were suddenly aware that something fragile had been stretched too far “I don’t want this to become normal,” you said, making the boy clench his teeth.

His eyes snapped to yours at that.

“What?”

“This,” you clarified, gesturing slightly between you “you not being there. Me convincing myself it’s okay.”

His expression tightened “I promise that it won’t,” he said immediately. Too fast. Too certain.

You shook your head once “please don’t promise me that if you don’t mean it.” That hit him harder than anything else you’d said.

Because you were right.

He couldn’t say he’d give you the world if he only planned on showing you one town. 

He stepped closer again, but slower now, more careful “I messed this up,” he said honestly “I did. And I hate that I did it tonight of all nights.”

You looked at him for a long moment.

Really looked.

Not at the hockey player everyone talked about.

Not at the captain people relied on.

Just at the boy who was standing there like he didn’t know how to fix something he couldn’t outwork.

The same boy who told you during your freshman year that he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have you “I don’t need you to hate it,” you said softly. “I just need you to show up.”

That time, he didn’t argue.

He just nodded once, like he was taking the weight of it fully.

Then he stepped forward, and you didn’t resist it.

But you didn’t fully lean in either.

His arms wrapped around you anyway, steadying you like he could physically hold together something he was scared he was losing.

After a moment, he shifted slightly, and you felt his hand rest at the back of your head.

And then he pressed a kiss there.

Just quiet.

Like a promise, he didn’t know how else to say out loud.

When he pulled back slightly, his voice was low “I’ll make it up to you,” he announced as he hooked his fingers under your chin. 

Garrett wanted to tell you that you looked gorgeous, but somehow the words never left his lips “I’ll make it up to you properly.” And as you nodded, Garrett let his jacket hang on your shoulders before the two of you walked back to your dorm.

By the time that drunken Shakespeare had come and gone, it was official that everyone knew something was going on between the two of you. 

The IT couple of Briar U had cracked, because they weren’t as perfect as everyone had started to believe. 

You tried to ignore the rumours about Hannah and Garrett, but you knew you were just an idiot. 

It had been days since the two of you had spoken, almost a month since Garrett sent you a good morning or goodnight text. 

The boys kept their promise as they continued to check up on you. In the first two weeks, it was because they really did miss you. But by now they were worried. 

It was the fact that there was no real end in sight because Garrett still spoke about being your boyfriend, when he seemed to remember your existence. 

And you still let your eyes settle on the door, as you waited for your Garrett to walk back in.

For him to tell you that he was so sorry for the way he had you feeling like it was your fault.

It had been weeks of you swearing that you were fine. 

And that should have been something that the boys listened to, but they knew you better than that. 

You had been going on late-night runs every day, and each time you wanted to stop you couldn’t.

The two of you had texted occasionally, throughout the time apart. But you hadn’t see the boy in person. 

It wasn’t even vocalised between the two of you that there was something wrong. 

And that was what left your runs to be the longest ones you ever did. 

Because somehow, your anger drove your feet.

Further and harder than you ever thought was possible.

The quiet and clear sky somehow managed to soothe your mind. 

And on this particular night, it seemed that Garrett had the same idea when he stood outside of the library. 

He was in the middle of a tutoring session, and he craved the break he got from the solitude. 

So when he saw you running, part of him thought that he would have ducked to go back inside. 

But instead, his feet drove him directly into your path “hey,” he nodded as you pulled your AirPod out of your ear.

You cocked your head “hi.” You pursed your lips together, a little surprised that he was talking to you. 

It had probably been over a month since Garrett initiated a conversation with you in person. 

You crossed your arms as you waited for him to talk “how are you?” The small talk between the two of you felt weird.

And you had to admit that you weren’t a fan of it “I’m glad to hear you still remember how to talk to me.” Your words were honest, and it was what hurt. 

Garrett scoffed, “of course I know how to talk to you.” The look you gave him said otherwise. 

“Yeah but can you look at me for more than five minutes?”

The boy pinched the bridge of his nose “what are you playing at?” He looked up at the sky, making you almost laugh.

You felt tired, actually, you felt exhausted “when you got onto that stage with her, you didn’t even look at me.” You weren’t accusing him about anything. 

You knew that Garrett would never cross a line with Hannah. But it was getting hard to make your heart hear it in the same way your brain did.

Garrent let out a harsh sigh, unsure of wht he was having this fight with you again “you know I love you,” if you weren’t paying attention, you would have sworn that he was actually asking you a question. 

Your chest ached as you fiddled with the ring on your finger. It had been one that Garrett gave you for your 20th birthday “but are you in love with me?” Silence followed, and that was the true nail in the coffin.

Of course he did, his brain almost short-circuited at the absurdity of the question, “what’s that supposed to mean?” His hands landed on his hips as he grew defensive.

You sighed as you paused your run time on your watch “look I don’t want to fight tonight.” You announced as you watched the boy scoff. 

The hockey player frowned, “don’t push me away like this.” He pleaded as he shook his head. 

Tears welled in your eyes “I am holding on for dear life Gar,” you had felt like you were barely able to keep your head above water for weeks now and you hated it. 

You hated that you cared so much for someone who felt like they were pushing you away. 

But you hated more that Garrett could check out of the relationship that made you feel like you were in a fairytale. 

That he could stand in front of you like every time he made up an excuse to not see you, wasn’t killing your confidence every time “I need you like you are the best reason that I have each day to smile.” The words pressed into his chest as he couldn’t remember the last time that he made you smile, “but I need you to need me back!” 

Silence loomed over the two of you. 

And that somehow hurt the most. 

Not that you didn’t think that Garrett no longer cared, but that he couldn’t even try to offer an argument to you.

You pressed your hands against the sides of your head “why won’t you just let me all the way in!” The question came as Garrett backed away. 

Throughout the years he always found the perfect excuse to not have you meet his dad. It seemed that everyone in his circle knew his father but you “of course I let you in I love you!” Garrett argued back as you shook your head. 

It was a topic that you knew came with baggage “I know your comfort meals.” You found out after your first fight when Garrett begged Tucker to help him make it for you “I know that your favourite movie to watch is a chick flick.” 

The edges of his mouth curved upward as he smiled “but I don’t know what scares you in this world.” Your voice broke “or why you love hockey.” 

“Or why you’ve met my whole family and your dad doesn’t even know that I exist.”

It cut deep as Garrett always envied how sweet and loving your parents were, they looked at you like you were the best thing since sliced bread. 

Garrett reached for your hand but you pulled away “I am so tired of feeling sad.” You shook your head as tears openly streamed down your face now. 

You sniffled harshly, “god I’d rather feel nothing at all than have to go through one more fucking moment of whatever this is.” Your heart felt lighter as you spoke, getting the thoughts you so desperately needed to let go of out of your mind. 

The boy shoved his hands into his pockets “what am I meant to do about that?” He rolled his eyes, feeling like this was another fight. 

But instead, you merely sighed, “I don’t know anymore, Gar.” You chewed at the inside of your cheek to try to convince your mind that this wasn’t the thing that was hurting.

You used the back of your hand to wipe the snot coming from your nose “y’know, I really thought that in this break we’ve had for the last week that you would come back first.” You actually laughed at that, cursing yourself for how clearly foolish you had been. 

He stayed quiet “that you would come back and tell me that you realised there was no one else you could be with but me,” Garrett watched as you looked away, Hannah had started walking towards the two of you. 

You couldn’t even fault the girl as she sent you a comforting smile, stopping in her tracks when she saw that you had been crying “I wanted you to tell me that you would rather be alone than live one second in this place without me.” Venom laced your words even if you didn’t mean for it to happen. 

Garrett sighed as he raked his fingers through his curls “I never meant to hurt you,” his words should have provided you with some comfort. 

They should have made you realise that this wasn’t your fault “but you did Garrett.” You shrugged as you somehow were left feeling worse. 

You stepped back as he stepped forward, as the cold autumn breeze brushed around campus, it was clear much like how the seasons were changing from fall to winter, that there was an end between the two of you too. 

Still you hoped that Garrett would find a way to fight. 

And still you ended up disappointed “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed,”  Garrett knew that when things were going well he was a part of the reason why you were on cloud nine. 

But when he was gone, he was the reason why you were sad. Even if it was an event for you, his lack of presence would be the thing your brain lingered on. 

Part of you wanted to tell him that he was your dream in human form. 

But that part had been hurt one too many times by him to speak, “and I’m sorry I wasn’t a girl worth loving.” In that moment, your words captured everything that you had been feeling for weeks. 

Garrett watched as you turned around, not bothering to put your AirPod back into your ear as you carried on the rest of your run. 

He clenched his hands as he knew he couldn’t go after you. Yes Garrett loved you, but he wasn’t sure how he was meant to treat you with the value that you deserved.

You were the one who reminded Garrett how to laugh in rooms where he was meant to be quiet. How the worst days could be made better by simply talking to you, because somehow you always knew what to say to put his mind at ease. 

The boy never spoke to Phil about you because you were a light in his world that his dad worked so hard to keep dark. 

So when he watched you leave, Garrett didn’t know what to do, because part of him wanted to run after you. 

But there was a quieter part that knew you deserved the right to leave him and the shitshow that was his world. Because that was what he always assumed would happen anyway, so that was why he never let you in fully. 

Because at least once you left you wouldn’t pity him if you didn’t know his full story “you should go back inside, it’s cold out here.” Hannah’s voice was kind, but Garrett didn’t let his eyes fall from where you ran to. 

“I’m good.”

You almost ignored it.

Beau: hey there I don’t know if you remember me, but it’s Beau Maxwell

You frowned.

Beau?

It had been three years since you'd seen Beau. 

Three years since he watched as you'd stood outside JFK with Dean, crying into the collar of his hoodie while your boarding pass to Paris crumpled in your fist.

It had been four years since you'd promised each other that distance was only temporary.

And two years since life had laughed at both of you.

Your thumb hovered over the screen.

Another message appeared.

Beau: I know this is weird.

Beau: Dean would kill me if he knew I was texting you.

Beau: But I'm worried about him.

Even as part of you wanted to laugh hearing Dean’s voice in your head as you never deleted Beaus number. 

By the time you reached the end of Beau's messages, your chest hurt.

Dean wasn't failing school.

He wasn't spiraling.

He wasn't drinking himself stupid every night.

He was just, existing.

Going to class.

Playing hockey.

Smiling when he had to.

Living in this strange in-between where nobody could honestly say he was okay.

Beau hadn’t finished his messages there 

Beau: He's been like this since you guys broke up

Beau: He dated a little nothing stuck

Beau: I know you don't owe him anything.

Beau: I just figured if there's one person who knows Dean before he became Dean Di Laurentis, it's you.

You stared at your apartment ceiling for nearly an hour.

You: I'm in New York now.

Three dots appeared instantly.

Beau: WAIT WHAT?

You hadn't told Dean, because how were you meant to? 

Of course Summer and the rest of his family knew that you had returned. But to them it was easier to keep it quiet as Dean always looked like his bubble had been burst when his brain settled on you.

Sometimes he didn’t even have to say anything, his face gave it all away.

After graduating in Paris, Ralph Lauren had offered you a permanent position in Manhattan.

It had felt like coming home and starting over all at once.

You rented the tiniest studio apartment known to mankind.

Your parents had offered to help you out, or even have you move back into your old room. 

But you wanted your own place.

To prove that you could make it on your own.

The shower barely fit one person.

Your oven looked decorative.

You could touch both kitchen counters if you stretched your arms out.

It was yours.

Dean didn't know.

Because after the breakup, things went quiet.

As neither of you had known how to become friends.

The drive to Briar took a little over four hours.

You spent most of it questioning your own sanity.

What were you even doing?

You weren't his girlfriend anymore.

You had no right showing up.

No right reopening old wounds.

Maybe Beau had been wrong.

Maybe Dean had moved on.

Maybe- “don’t tell me you're gonna chicken out." Beau leaned against your passenger window as soon as you parked down the street from the hockey house.

You rolled it down "I almost did." You confessed as the brunette rolled his eyes slipping into your passenger seat. 

Beau shut the door behind him quicker than he had opened it "I figured." He smiled as you laughed.

God.

He looked older.

Broader.

Less reckless than the nineteen-year-old you'd known.

He leaned over the center console and hugged you before you could protest “it's really good to see you." His voice was sweet as he spoke. 

You got to know Beau over the summers mainly and you knew why he was Dean’s best friend "you too," you patted his back, ignoring the way your mind went to Dean. 

You didn’t think you would miss the blonde when you came to Boston, not when you were here for him. 

He pulled back to look at you “you look…” he trailed off trying to find the right word to pinpoint it. 

You cocked your head "French?" There was something about your style that had changed as you matured. 

Somehow you had landed on a style that had a bit more of a French touch as you tried to find yourself in the French capital “yeah,”he laughed as that had weirdly captured it.

You sighed "I've been told." You looked down at the charm bracelet you wore. 

The charm that had caught your eye was one from the one trip to Paris that Dean did. 

He had surprised you right before your first ever show “you still have the accent." Beau teased as you pinched the bridge of your nose.

You laughed as you flicked him "I never had one." You argued as he shook his head.

"You absolutely did."

You rolled your eyes "I lived there for three and a half years, not thirty!” You reminded him as you felt like you still sounded like the born and raised New Yorker that you were.

Beau had heard you speaking French the one day as someone came to talk to you in the middle of your call with Dean “you sounded like you belonged in a perfume commercial." It was his favourite joke because you really did sound like it.

You rolled your eyes "still annoying." As you softly shoved his shoulder.

Beau proudly puffed his chest out "I've matured." He grinned making you laugh.

"You absolutely haven't."

He grinned “no,” Dean used to joke that he had found your brother in a best friend. 

Because the truth was that weirdly Beau was like your brother from another mother. 

And still as annoying as ever.

Then his smile faded “he's inside." Your stomach dropped as you turned the ignition off in the car.

The hockey house looked exactly the same.

Different pictures.

Different shoes by the door.

The same awful couch.

The same smell of laundry detergent and twenty-something-year-old boys.

Garrett looked up first.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head as he dropped his controller on the floor “holy shit.” The boy didn’t care that he had basically quit the game that the boys were playing.

Logan followed his gaze “no way,” his jaw dropped as they stood up.

Tucker dropped the basket of laundry on the staircase "Dean!" He yelled out, knowing that the boy was in his bedroom.

Your heart stopped as your grip around Beau’s arm.

He looked horrified "maybe I should have given them a warning?" Beau shrugged as he was glad you didn’t look like you were going to hit him.

Heavy footsteps and a laugh made your heads snap in the direction of the second floor “what?” Dean called out as he walked down the stairs. 

He would have made a joke about the clothes on the steps but now his eyes were lingering on you.

And he froze.

Everything else disappeared.

He hadn't changed.

Not really.

A little taller somehow.

Hair a touch longer.

Face older.

The boy you'd fallen in love with had become a man without asking your permission.

He stared.

You stared back “hi,” you dropped your hand from Beau’s arm.

His mouth opened before it closed again “you,” his voice cracked.

Dean rubbed his eyes as if he needed to confirm that he wasn’t dreaming "you’re here,” you smiled sadly seeing how excited he was. 

You nodded “in the flesh,” you wriggled your fingers as you almost swore that you were going to throw up. 

The blonde ran his fingers through his hair “I thought-” he cut himself off as he pointed at you.

Dean took a deep breath in "what about Paris?” He was still trying to process that you were there.

Silence.

You exhaled deeply “needed a change,” in truth, you didn’t know what to tell him. 

Because how do you summarise that you didn’t tell him you were back. 

Especially when you couldn’t reach out after all this time. 

Not when he was half the reason why New York held your heart, even after all this time apart.

His eyes searched your face like he couldn't trust what they were seeing “you look…” Dean trailed off as he didn’t know what word was the best. 

Taller, older, beautiful, different, good? 

None of them seemed to capture what Dean wanted to say.

You laughed nervously “so do you." You nodded as you sucked at your teeth. 

Nobody spoke.

Garrett slowly looked toward Beau "you texted her?" The hockey captain couldn’t help it when he smirked. 

Beau didn’t even try to look guilty "I regret nothing." He raised his hands as Garrett motioned to the rest of the guys to move into the kitchen. 

It left you and Dean alone for the first time in years.

Dean finally blinked “when did you get back?" He walked to the bottom of the stairs.

Now only a few feet stood between you “three months ago." After graduation you had spent a few weeks in Europe wanting to travel around. 

To go visit the few places you hadn’t seen during your time studying "you've been back for three months?" Dean almost sounded hurt as he spoke.

You nodded “in New York." Your body almost braced for his response.

His eyebrows furrowed "New York?" Dean spoke like the city was from some random little state, and not where the two of you grew up.

You rubbed your hands on the thighs of your jeans "I work for Ralph Lauren now." It had been your dream since you were a little girl. 

Dean wasn’t surprised by it, the company had been on very vision board that you made since you were seven “you only live four hours away?”He looked almost offended.

"I do."

The boy ran his fingers through his hair "and you never," his voice cracked as he stopped himself from carrying on.

You swallowed as you shook your head "I didn't think it was fair." 

His jaw tightened "fair to who?" Neither of you answered.

Dean pursed his lips together “where are you staying?” He changed the topic as he sighed rubbing his hand over his face. 

You chewed at the inside of your cheek “my dad has status at the Marriott-” the two of you had used his status a few times around the country. 

But when you used it, you rocked up to the hotel hoping that they had space. 

And Dean knew that you weren’t going to be different just yet “absolutely not.” He shook his head. 

Your hands landed on your hip “I’ll sleep on the couch and you can take my bed.” Your eyes widened as the boy spoke. 

The boys stuck their head out of the kitchen as you sighed “you really mean that?” You tugged your fingers through your hair as he nodded. 

Dean motioned to your keys “is your bag in your car?” He asked as he slipped on his slides. 

You smiled as he had always taken charge “yeah, I’ll come show ya.” Beau sent you a thumbs up that made you swallow a laugh as Dean guided you out of the house. 

The boys stayed quiet until the door shut “did we all just see that?” Logan asked while Tucker grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. 

The youngest boy sighed “here is to operation get them back together.” And they had seven days to make it happen.

The week felt impossible.

Somehow it also felt normal.

Like someone had pressed play on a life you'd paused years ago.

You drank coffee together.

Walked around campus after his lectures. 

Getting to sit in the living room with the boys after dinner, conveniently where the only free seat was next to Dean.

Dean showed you the renovated rink.

You watched practice from the stands.

He still skated the same.

Fast.

Beautiful.

Effortless.

You forgot how much you loved watching him.

He caught you smiling afterward “what?” He asked as he walked you out of the arena. 

You shoved your hands into your jackets pockets “you still look better on skates than you do walking." You laughed as he shook his head.

Dean remembered the one month when you had fallen in love with stilettos, so at 16 you were walking (and doing a terrible job at it) around your parent’s apartment.

Until you rolled your ankle and Dean got to play nurse for the weekend while both sets of parents were on a golf trip. 

The blonde softly shoved your shoulder “I walked into a pole once.” It happened when he came to visit you. 

After a weekend in Berlin, the two of you swore that with the amount you had drank. You may as well have been German. 

And that Dean was probably concussed after he walked straight into a lamp post.

You shrugged as you laughed “it was a big night,” you opened the door to the outside, letting the cool air wrap around your body.

Dean pushed his lips into a thin line “you fell over laughing." He reminded you as you giggled again at the memory. 

You ended up in tears, drunkenly rolling in the street as you almost peed you laughed so hard “you deserved it." You pursed your lips together to not make it look like you were grinning.

The blonde watched you pull your keys out of your pocket "I probably did." He mumbled as you ran to your drivers side door like you always used to. 

You absolutely loved driving to the extent that Dean only ever got to drive you if he was in his own car. 

And even then he was often forced to give up his keys as you gave him this look he just couldn’t say no to.

One afternoon you wandered into the backyard.

Dean joined you a few minutes later.

He ignored Tucker’s complaints about how if the two of you spoke outside then it would delay the barbecue that he needed to start.

The blonde flipped him off before he let the door shut behind him. 

Neither of you spoke for a while “you still wear it." He couldn’t help it when he smiled.

He'd given it to you when you were seventeen.

Because apparently the piece reminded him of you “you noticed." You looked down at the tiny silver bracelet.

Dean sipped at the beer in his hand "I noticed five seconds after I saw you." A soft laugh escaped from his lips. 

He noticed everything when it came to you “I tried taking it off for a while.”You rubbed your thumb over it.

"And?"

You licked your lips "I hated how empty my wrist felt." You smiled as you looked up at 

He looked away as he weighed up the consequences of sharing this with you "I still have your postcards." Your breath caught as he nodded "all of them."

Every city that you went into you’d buy a postcard and write Dean a note while slipping in a photo or two "I wrote a lot." You sprayed each card with your signature perfume. 

Dean never admitted it but he love getting to smell you when he opened each envelope "I know." The blonde always said that he would have hated to see what your stamp fees were like. 

You smiled “I still have the ones you gave me.” Silence settled again around your confession.

Eventually he sighed “god I hated Paris.” Dean let out a dry laugh. 

Before you moved there he actually had nothing against the city of love. But by the start of his sophomore year he hated the distance that it put between the two of you.

He envied the long distance couples that still got to be in the same country “I know.” You laughed quietly. 

You rubbed your lips together "I loved Paris.” It was the city you dreamed of being in for years. 

Yes you were now back where you grew up, but you had always wanted to experience living in a different country.

Dean shrugged as he wished he could freeze this moment between the two of you "I hated that you loved it." He wished his words weren’t as harsh as they ended up being.

You nodded as you could always sense it, the boy never said it though in fearing that he’d mess with your dreams "sometimes I hated that you stayed." Dean tensed from beside you.

You hated how you missed moments like this "I almost came home." Your words slipped from your lips.

His head snapped toward you “what?” His eyes just about popped out of his head.

You smiled sadly "after my first semester." As you looked up at the sky "I had my ticket."

By December, you knew you loved Paris. But when you came back to New York for Christmas, getting to spend it with everyone who you knew was tough.

Sure Paris was fun, but New York was safe. 

Dean froze as he never expected to hear it “you never told me." Back then, you two were telling each other everything. 

So he was surprised that you wanted to come home instead of going to Kenya on a cultural experience trip during your spring break.

You nodded as you shrugged "I knew if I came home,” your voice was barely a voice a whisper.

You looked at him "I'd never go back." He understood immediately.

Things were already getting tough between the two of you at that point as your relationship was being spent predominantly on FaceTime and texting. 

Which for two people who were practically attached at the hip, it was hard “you would've resented me." Dean knew he would have been so happy that you were with him again. 

So that would have made chasing your dream ten times harder “eventually." You nodded as you chewed at the inside of your cheek.

Your voice broke as you looked at him “and we broke up anyways.” Dean didn’t give your watery eyes a chance for tears to fall before he pulled you into a hug.

His arms held you tightly as he kissed the top of your head, the way he comforted you had you feeling like you were 18 again "I don't think I ever stopped loving you.” His confession lingered in your ears. 

You looked up to see his eyes staring right back up at you “I didn’t ever D,” your words were heavy on both of you.

Dean felt like he had waited for ever to hear you say it “so where do we go from here?” Somehow he didn’t feel like he couldn’t just lean down and kiss you like he wanted to.

It was the hardest thing that you had said all week “I don’t know.” Your chin pressed into his chest.

When you left on Sunday morning, the goodbye felt wrong.

Again.

Dean helped load your overnight bag into the trunk “this feels déjà vu,” you smiled weakly.

The hockey player nodded as he shut the trunk of your car "it does." He frowned as he was eye level with you as you stood on the sidewalk “you driving straight home?"

You laughed at his protective side “I’ll text you when I get home.” Dean honestly loved that you were always like that, without him ever asking.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise “you still not deleting people’s numbers?” He teased you as you laughed.

You nodded as you smiled “as they say habits die hard,” you shrugged as neither of you moved.

Finally he stepped forward.

Pulled you into a hug.

It lasted much longer than either of you intended “you look happy." His voice was quiet against your hair.

You had worked hard to get yourself into this position "I am." It was the truth as you were almost living your dream. 

It would have just been perfect if you had the boy too "I'm glad." His thumb dragged across your silver bracelet. 

The engraved words of ‘reach for the stars’ was under his finger. 

You remembered why you were had been brought to Briar U “you deserve to be happy too." You frowned as you could see it each night. 

Sure you being around helped, but Dean wasn’t at his happiest.

He smiled sadly "I'm working on it." His truth was that he didn’t see a way he could do it without you.

A groan came from behind the boy “Dean would you stop hogging her so we can say goodbye?” Beau placed his hands on his hips as you laughed. 

All four boys were stood up the street waiting to see you off. 

And you couldn’t help it as you almost grew a little emotional seeing them again. 

The memories of your trip lingered on your mind as you settled back in at home.

It was Wednesday evening.

Twelve days since you last saw Dean. 

Only three hours since you last spoke to him. 

He had sent you a snap of a gas station, in response yours of your breakfast that morning.

You were finishing work when the receptionist called through the loudspeaker, announcing that someone was waiting for you at the front desk. 

Part of you was embarrassed, but the other part was mainly confused. 

Because nobody ever came to your office to drop by. 

So you were really curious as you let your feet bring you out the elevators on the ground floor “Dean?” You asked, seeing the blonde boy already making friends. 

He smiled as he walked over to you, “I was in the neighbourhood." The lie was clear as he was nervous.

You shook your head as you wrapped your arms around him “you guys play Saint A’s in three days.” You pointed out as you remembered Garrett telling you all about the stress that the game was going to bring.

Dean smirked“you know my game schedule? He softly elbowed your side.

Your face dropped as you realised that you were caught “you drove four hours." You flipped it back onto him.

"It's technically three and a half if traffic cooperates."

You laughed as you shook your head “you're unbelievable." Dean followed you back to the elevator towards the parking lot. 

He grinned as he nodded "I know." The boy took in how you looked in your outfit. 

The white collared shirt and black pencil skirt had you looking really hot, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

That afternoon, you took Dean to all of your new favourites. The ones you had made not living under your parents’ roof. 

Your favourite bar, favourite ice cream shop, favourite cafe, and favourite spot to people-watch from. All of the locations that helped make you who you are.

The tour took you all the way back to your place “promise me you won’t judge it.” You pleaded as you pushed the door open.

Dean stepped into your apartment and spun around as he took all of it in. 

His hand ran through his hair “this place is,” he looked around the apartment trying to find the best word but he couldn’t. 

"Tiny."

Dean swore his freshman dorm room was probably bigger than your space "I know." You laughed as you put your bag on the floor by the door. 

He walked further into the place "the couch is basically touching the kitchen." Dean didn’t think he could fit between the sofa and the dinning table. 

"I know."

The boy laughed as he saw your messily made bed "the bed's right there." He did feel slightly comforted seeing your bunny rabbit stuffy sat up by your pillow. 

"I know."

He looked at you “you like it." In true you fashion the biggest place in the apartment was a tie between your kitchen and your closet. 

"I love it."

He smiled seeing your genuinely happy expression “it suits you." The boy confessed as he plopped onto your couch.

You ordered terrible Chinese food because neither of you wanted to cook.

The cartons covered your tiny coffee table.

Dean sat cross-legged on your rug “you remember when we used to order this after hockey games?" He enjoyed it because after every team celebration, he had you to himself and his favourite comfort food.

You leaned your back against the couch "the place with the suspicious dumplings?" You hoped it was vegetables in them. You also refused to look further than what the menu said.

Part of you almost gagged as you thought back to it “they definitely violated health codes." Dean muttered as he sipped his water. 

Looking back, you were surprised neither one of you ended up with food poisoning “they definitely did." He laughed.

And it was a genuinely happy sound.

God.

You'd missed that sound.

Hours slipped by without either of you noticing.

You talked about Paris.

About New York.

About hockey.

About fashion.

About everything except the thing sitting between you.

Eventually the conversation quieted.

Dean looked around your apartment again "I kept thinking," you started as you grabbed an egg roll. 

The boy listened "that’s dangerous,” as his eyes turned back to you at the next of him.

Your lips formed a thin line “I will hit you.” You grumbled as you threw the roll at him. 

Dean of course caught it “I’m kidding,” he laughed before he decided to tuck into it. 

You reached for another “is this a second chance?” You motioned between the two of you.

The boy licked his lips “I mean it can be?” He was scared at the concept of putting his feelings out there first. 

Especially when you looked at him like that. 

You placed your food carton on the floor in front of you “I’m serious Dean,” you put your chopsticks on your coffee table “like are we on the cards now that I’m here?” 

The hockey player shrugged “why can’t we be?” It was the question that should have been simple.

When you broke up with him, you swore it almost killed you. 

Even though you always told yourself that it was for the best of both of you “Dean you are my person,” you shook your head as tears formed in your eyes “but I don’t think I can go through losing you again.” His heart broke as you spoke.

He reached across the space between you, taking your hand the same careful way he used to when you were sixteen “I don’t want to waste this second chance.”Something inside your chest gave way.

You looked at the man you'd loved for almost half your life.

Not the high school boy.

Not the college boyfriend.

The man who had driven four hours just to sit on your apartment floor and eat cheap Chinese food.

The same person who you realised you were in love with he was the first person to ever volunteer to be a model for your clothing designs.

You leaned forward before you could overthink it.

Your lips found his.

Soft.

Tentative.

Home.

Dean smiled into the kiss, one hand cupping your face as though he was afraid you might disappear if he let go.

When you finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours “go I’ve missed doing that." You laughed through the tears threatening to spill.

Your fingers cupped his jaw “I’ve missed wanting you to do it again.”He kissed you once more, slower this time.

Outside, Manhattan carried on without either of you.

Inside your tiny studio apartment, surrounded by takeout boxes and unpacked dreams, it finally felt like life had stopped asking the two of you to choose between love and ambition.

You'd grown up.

You'd chased your dreams.

You'd found your way back.

Of course you didn’t mind talking with Garrett when you found out that Hannah had gone home with Justin. 

But deep down inside you wanted to just find your man.

And Beau couldn’t help it when he laughed seeing you walk towards him “feel like you’ve been hiding away all night.” He watched how your hands rubbed against your arms trying to create some warmth.

He didn’t think twice as he wrapped his jacket around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him “as I recall you put me on that stage.” You mumbled looking up at him. 

His eyes were soft as he grinned “sue me for wanting to watch my girl.” Beau dropped his head to let his lips graze over yours “don’t need a reason for that silly.” 

Your heart throbbed as you nodded “think I deserve it in a bit more of a private space.” The boy proposed making you laugh against his mouth. 

You shook your head “you’re the one who made me get up there you ass.” You grumbled as he frowned “c’mon baby.” He whined as he tucked your hair behind your ear. 

You smiled as you licked your lips “god you’re lucky you’re cute.” Your words made him grin.

His fingers hooked into your belt hoops pulling you closer “you just think I’m cute huh?” Beau let his lips nip at the skin of your jaw. 

The words you wanted to say felt trapped in your throat as the boy smirked “I think you’re gonna get us killed in fact.” The sound of people laughing from down the alleyway pulled your attention away from the boy.

Beau pressed a kiss against your cheek “relax, he went home with some girl.” You didn’t have much of a chance to simmer on it when your phone vibrated in your back pocket. 

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀 💃

Allie💜: don’t expect me home tonight x

Han💙: you have the place to bring B home then 😏 

You🤍: I am expecting updates in the morning then! 

Beau laughed as he looked over your shoulder “you gonna bring me home then?” He asked as he cocked his head. 

A smirked was laced on his face as you let your teeth catch your lower lip “ask me nicely and I’ll even give you that show you want.” In the alley your laugh echoed as Beau didn’t have to be told twice about it. 

His hand placed into yours as he didn’t let go until the uber got you both back to your dorm “when did I give you that?” Your brows furrowed as you watched Beau pull out your keys for the building. 

It made him furrow his eyebrows “baby how much have you drunk tonight?” He wrapped his arm around your waist as he now felt the need to steady you. 

You giggled as your hand cupped his jaw “are we counting the margaritas?” Beau let out a low whistle as he made the mental note to curse Allie the next time he saw her. 

Because if there was a direct path to getting you drunk, it was that shaken drink. 

But as you stood there in front of him with a stupid smile, Beau realised that he couldn’t be mad for long “c’mon pretty girl.” He sighed as he pecked your forehead. 

You giggled at the feeling “you think I’m pretty?” Your words slurred as Beau looked back at you. 

He nodded, running his fingers through the ends of your hair “you know I think you’re beautiful.” You pushed onto your tippy toes as you wanted to kiss him. 

Your lips formed a pout, making him laugh “happy baby?” He asked as he pecked your lips “kiss me properly.”

You frowned making him laugh harder as he shook his head “we are in the door of your dorm hall.” Beau pointed out making you scoff as he guided you in.

Your hands ended up on your hips

When you rolled your eyes “so!” Your whine made the boy grin as he opened the door to the staircase. 

Beau motioned to you to follow him as his hands locked into yours “I will kiss you like I mean it in your dorm.” The boy grumbled making you stop as you grinned. 

“What?”

He had to admit that he was a little amused watching you find this all funny “you’re hot when you’re bossy.” As you patted his cheek Beau decided that he wasn’t going to behave anymore.

He was usually the one who wanted kisses in public, so it was suffice to say that when you got all handsy.

Beau enjoyed the change. 

So he didn’t think life was too bad when you tried to kiss him “I better be hot all the time.” He grumbled when he finally kissed you.

Beau sucked at your lower lip before his tongue slipped into your mouth. You frowned when he pulled away “c’mon let’s get you upstairs.” His voice was soft as his hand rested on your hips. 

And you didn’t argue with your boyfriend as you opted to instead continue to babble about how hot he was. Quietly giggling whenever you heard someone else on the staircase. 

By the time Beau had gotten you into your room, he swore you were insufferable “you fucking brat.” He grumbled as he pushed you against your door. 

You grinned as you harshly swallowed “and what are you gonna do about it?” You wriggled your eyebrows as the boy sighed. 

He let his head fall back “don’t make me get out of this alone.” Those were the words that cemented it for Beau.

Before you knew it your clothes were a messy pile on your floor and your boyfriend was pressing your back against your mattress as your legs were thrown over his shoulders. 

Across campus love was being shown. Garrett kissed Hannah in the ice rink, Allie and Dean had sex for the first time. And Beau had you moaning so hard that you may as well have forgotten your own.

By the time you woke up the next morning, the sun was peeking through your half drawn curtains. 

Beau had opened your door when he went to the bathroom once you fell asleep so you assumed that he hadn’t shut it properly. 

Because right now the sound of someone knocking at the front door was echoing in your ears. 

A groan escaped from your lips as you rolled out of bed. 

Reaching for Beau’s Briar Footballer shirt that hung over your chair. 

You pulled the black fabric over your body, letting it drown you out “I’m gonna fucking kill him.” You grumbled seeing Beau peacefully still sleeping.

That man had the ability to sleep anywhere, and not even a stampede would wake him up. 

With the sounds of knocking not showing any signs of stopping, you sighed as you pushed out of your room. Dragging your feet to the door “someone better be-Garrett?” Your eyes went wide as you saw him stood at the door. 

Part of you wanted to shut the door on him, but you didn’t have the chance as he pushed into the apartment “why haven’t you been answering your phone?” His hands were on his hips as he paced around your living room. 

You tried to slowly move towards your door, wanting to shut it before Garrett could notice “because I have been sleeping like a normal human being!” You whisper yelled as your arms crossed. 

Garrett’s eyes glazed over your shirt “now what on earth has you in here at this hour?” Your question made him sigh as his mind went back into the topic he came to speak to you about “I needed to talk about Hannah.” 

The announcement made you frown as you looked at her door seeing that it was shut and Allies was wide open, meaning that at least one of the girls didn’t come home last night “don’t worry she left already.” Garrett’s words made you furrow your eyebrows as you cocked your head. 

He realised how creepy he probably sounds in that moment “I was waiting for you to respond downstairs and saw her heading out with her music case.” You nodded as it was what she liked to do after a big night, you often heard her singing to herself as she would play different notes. 

You went to speak but the deep groan coming from your apartment cut you off “is there a man here?” Garrett’s eyebrows raised as his mouth fell open. 

“Nope?”

You didn’t even have the chance come up with an argument as Beau started talking “baby come back to bed!” He grumbled as he walked out of your room in nothing but his boxers. 

In his half asleep state he heard a man’s voice and thought you got distracted watching TikTok’s “there’s no way mystery man is Beau!” Garrett slapped his hand over his mouth muffling back his laughter. 

Your gaze sharpened over your boyfriend who awkwardly smiled when he saw who was in the living room “god you better fucking do better than this when Dean finds out.” Garrett was now no longer hiding his amusement about all of this. 

He wished that he had gotten a photo of your face because it would have been priceless “wait does anyone else know about this?” Garrett motioned between the two of you. 

You shook your head “Hannah and Allie found out too.” Part of you was willing to really ban activities between you and Beau in the living room as that’s where everyone seemed to find out about you. 

The hockey captain laughed again “I was coming here to tell you that I kissed Hannah but-” his words made you gasp. 

You hit his arm with your hand “you kissed Hannah!” You squealed making Beau smile as he pulled on a pair of shorts that he had left at yours.

Garrett raised his hand to stop you “no no no let’s first acknowledge that you are dating this man and Dean doesn’t know!” That was honestly impressive to Garrett that you had kept it a secret from so many for so long. 

You sucked at your teeth “can I at least get some coffee or something before we give him the full rundown?” Beau pleaded, pinching the bridge of his nose as he didn’t know if he was tired or hungover. 

Garrett’s stomach grumbled as the boy asked the question “I could eat,” they both looked at you, now awating an answer. 

You nodded as you sighed “just let me get dressed first.” You mumbled as you walked back into your room. 

Now forced to accept that you couldn’t go back to your bed anytime soon.

An hour later and the three of you were sat in a booth at Malone’s where you had gone over all of the details of how you two started seeing each other to how sneaking around became when you started dating each other. 

Garrett practically ate all of it up, finding out how wrong all of the guys from the house’s theories had been on who you were seeing.

Logan had joked about putting Beau into the betting pool and Dean chased Logan around the house for like thirty minutes because of how bad the joke was.

And for Logan’s sake, it was probably for the best that Dean hadn’t learnt about you and Beau yet. 

Because Dean would have made good on the threats of killing Logan for even bringing it up. 

The hockey captain also walked the two of you through how his feelings for Hannah came during their tutoring sessions. 

And as he told you all about the kiss, it was clear that you and Beau were madly in love. 

The way Beau stole glances at you, and your cheeks grew hot without even looking at him.

If Garrett didn’t think that he loved Hannah, he would have found the two of you utterly sickening.

Garrett laughed loudly enough that a couple of people nearby glanced over "I'm just saying," he continued as he sipped his coffee.

His finger moved between the two of you “you actually look good together." Garrett couldn’t put his finger on it but there was something about the two of you that just looked right together. 

Beau reached under the table, lazily intertwining his fingers with yours "I've been saying that." He nodded in agreement as he turned his head to you.

"You've also been saying she's obsessed with you."

In one of the many questioning sessions that the boys had with Beau, he always made sure to talk about how much you liked him if you were in the room, “she is." Beau smirked as you furrowed your eyebrows.

You squeezed his hand hard enough to make him wince “ouch." Beau groaned as he pulled his hand away from you as you sent him a glare.

"Keep talking."

He only grinned wider, “worth it,” he mouthed to Garrett, who shook his head fondly.

You looked at your phone, feeling it vibrate in your pocket, and a smile immediately spread across your face.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀 💃

Allie💜: wya??

Han💙: did you end up going to Beau’s?

Allie💜: we have updates!!!

You clasped your hands together “I am required in my apartment boys.” You announced as Beau pretended to boo.

Garrett laughed as you stood up “okay sue me for now wanting her opinion!” You raised your hands in surrender as you stuck your tongue out at him. 

Beau smiled when you placed your hand on his shoulder “see you later?” You asked him as you pressed a kiss on his cheek. 

The boy nodded as he squeezed your hand “love you,” the hockey captain sent you a salute as you walked off. 

As you walked through the front door of Malones Dean was on the other side “hey D.” You smiled at your older brother who ruffled his hand through your hair again. 

You groaned as you hit his hand away “where are you off to?” He asked as he cocked his head. 

Your eyes looked back to where Beau and Garrett where “I am heading home.” You nodded as your eyes settled back on your brother. 

Dean nodded as he looked at his phone before he put it back into his pocket “you wanna come over for dinner sometime?” That was his way of saying he missed you. 

So you internally smiled as you agreed “count me in, see you later?” He waved you off before he turned his attention back into the restaurant. 

It didn’t take Dean long to find the certain brunette that he was looking for. 

But he didn’t see how Beau was still in yesterday’s clothes when he stood in front of the boys “can I talk to you about something?” Garrett and Beau both tensed at the blondes question. 

It was as if they both feared that Dean had caught on “I mean you can join too Graham if you want.” Okay so clearly Beau wasn’t dead meat yet. 

Because Dean certainly wouldn’t have invited any viewers to it. 

Garrett answered for the other boy “yeah c’mon I will get another round of coffee.” As the captain slipped out of the booth, your brother slipped into it.

The blonde remained blissfully unaware of what went on 

That was the lie you were sticking to.

Now, three hours later, you were perched on the edge of the couch in the hockey boys house watching him like he was the main event and every other girl in the room had agreed.

Which, unfortunately, they kind of had.

It wasn’t obvious at first Dean Di Laurentis was always friendly. That was the problem. He smiled too easily, laughed too quickly, leaned in when people talked like he actually cared what they were saying. Which he did. But tonight, it was weaponised.

A girl in a red dress had been hovering near him for twenty minutes. Another one had ‘accidentally’ brushed his arm twice while laughing at something he said that wasn’t even that funny. Someone else had asked him to ‘help explain a drink’ like she didn’t have two functioning eyes and free access to Google on her phone that was definitely in her pocket. 

Hell, she could have even asked Tucker and he would have been far more help to the girl, than your boyfriend. 

But Dean? Dean just… answered everyone.

Warm. Easy. Unbothered.

Like you weren’t sitting right there.

You took a slow sip of your drink, jaw tightening, “you good?” Tucker asked from beside you, clearly amused.

Your eyes didn’t leave the sight in front of you “yeah,” you said immediately.

Tucker snorted as he softly elbowed you “that was fast. Must be really fine then.” The boy turned his attention to you as he genuinely felt worried about you.

You shot him a look “I said I’m fine.” Tucker had always been your favourite of Deans friends and seeing as Beau was the reason you met your boyfriend, it said a lot.

Across the room, Dean laughed at something the girl in red said, head tilted slightly like she was fascinating.

Your grip on the cup tightened “uh-huh,” Tucker said, leaning back against the counter “totally fine. Not at all staring holes into his skull.”

Your hands clenched as you sent him a harsh glare “I am not-” you sucked your teeth “jealous.” 

Garrett cut in from behind you, way too casually “she’s jealous.”You whipped around, sending him a scoff. 

You rolled your eyes “I am not jealous.” You argued back seeing Logan join the three of you.

Logan raised his hands innocently, “didn’t say anything.” He shook his head not wanting to end up in your war path. 

You pinched the bridge of your nose “you didn’t have to,” you muttered.

Tucker grinned, “this is actually kind of impressive. Dean’s out there collecting admirers like Pokémon and you’re just-” you cut him off before the you get boy had a chance to speak any further.

Because if he carried on then you probably would have hit Tucker soon “I’m just sitting here,” you snapped “like a normal person.”

Garrett spoke, smiling into his drink “a normal person who looks like she’s about to commit a felony.”You turned back around, refusing to give them any more of your attention. 

Because if you did, you might actually admit what was sitting uncomfortably in your chest.

It wasn’t even that you thought Dean would do anything.

That wasn’t it.

It was that he didn’t seem to notice anything at all.

Not the way the girls leaned in too close. Not the way they touched his arm too long. Not the way their voices went softer when they spoke to him.

Or maybe he did notice.

And just didn’t care enough to change it.

That thought sat worse than anything else.

By the time the kitchen was quieter, you were already done.

Dean was leaning against the counter, sleeves pushed up, talking to someone behind you. 

Truth be told, you didn’t even care who anymore. You walked in, grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and tried to ignore the way his voice wrapped easily around the room like he owned it.

Then he turned.

And finally looked at you properly, “hey,” he said, smiling a little “you okay?”There it was, there was that tone.

Like you were just, an ornament on the shelf “I’m fine,” you set the glass down a little harder than necessary.

Dean blinked “okay,” he turned back to whatever he was saying.

Something in you snapped so cleanly it almost felt calm.

You leaned against the counter, arms folded “you’re really good at that, you know.” You pursed your lips as you glared at him.

Dean glanced at you again “good at what?” He furrowed his brows as he turned his body towards you. 

“Acting like I’m not in the room.”

The conversation behind him died instantly.

Dean straightened slightly “why?” His eyes widened as he hadn’t expected to see you pissed off.

You let out a short laugh, sharp and humourless, “it’s fine. You’re busy, obviously.” You waved him off as your nose scrunched.

His brows pulled together now “I’m not ignoring you.” He scoffed as he tugged his fingers through his hair.

You tried to make yourself not sound overly needy “you literally haven’t looked at me in an hour unless I was walking away.” It stung when you first thought it and it stung even more when you said it aloud. 

Dean almost laughed as this had never happened with you before “that’s not-” he stopped himself, exhaling through his nose “okay, what is going on with you tonight?”

That did it.

You stepped closer, lowering your voice, “what is going on with me?” You pointed your finger at him. 

Dean’s eyes narrowed slightly now, defensive flickering in “yeah. You’ve been off all night. Snappy. Barely talking to me. I’ve been trying to figure it out.”You stared at him.

Because for a man so hot and so intelligent most of the time.

He genuinely didn’t get it.

That was the worst part “you don’t get it,” you said slowly.

“I don’t get what?”

Your laugh came out again, but this one cracked a little at the edges “nothing. Forget it.” You didn’t know if you had the strength to fight him tonight.

Not when each conversation felt like a blow to you.

So you moved to walk past him.

Dean caught your wrist, not hard, just enough to stop you “don’t do that,” he said quietly. 

You looked down at his hand on you, then back up at him “do what?” You cocked your head as your eyebrows raised.

“Walk away and act like I’m supposed to just read your mind.”

Your eyes flashed “oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise I had to spell it out while you were busy collecting your fan club!” You grumbled as you practically snarled.

His expression shifted instantly.

“What?”

That pause.

That little dawning confusion.

It made something ugly twist in your stomach.

You pulled your wrist free “forget it, Dean.” He may have let your hand go but he wasn’t going to let this topic go. 

Dean didn’t care that people were now watching the two of you “no,” he said, sharper, “don’t ‘forget it’ me. What fan club?” He looked genuinely confused and somehow that pissed you off more.

You gestured vaguely toward the living room “all night. You’ve been.” You licked your lips as your hands pressed against your temples “I don’t know, smiling at everyone like it’s your job. You don’t notice anything.”Dean stared at you for a second.

Then he blinked once.

Then again “oh,” that single syllable made your chest tighten harder.

“Oh?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “You’re jealous.” He smirked as his voice was barely above a whisper.

Your eyes narrowed instantly “I am not-” “you are,” he cut in, but not in a mean way. 

More like he’d just figured out a puzzle and couldn’t believe he missed it “you’re actually jealous.” He swallowed a laugh as he shook his head.

Your face went hot “I’m not jealous. I’m annoyed.” You corrected him as you sent him a glare.

Dean’s mouth twitched.

That made it worse “oh my god,” you said, stepping back “don’t smile at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He practically taunted you “like this is funny.” If you didn’t look like you were close to hitting him, he would have laughed.

“It’s not funny,” you wanted, but you were absolutely failing to look serious. 

Dean rolled his eyes “you’ve been mad at me all night because people were talking to me?” He pointed out as you groaned. 

Your fists clenched “you were encouraging it!” You felt your face redden as you felt sick.

“I was being polite.”

You shook your head as crushed your solo cup “you were being-” you stopped, gesturing vaguely again as winced “you were being you.” 

That finally made him pause.

Then his expression softened “oh,” he said again, quieter this time “you thought I was into it.”You hesitated answering him as both of you knew of his reputation before you. 

People joked that you were the one who tamed the beast that was Dean. 

Yet that was the wrong answer.

But it was also the honest one.

Dean stepped closer now, voice dropping. “I wasn’t even thinking about them like that.” It was meant to make you feel better but in reality it really did the opposite. 

You scoffed “sure,” you rolled your eyes as you sniffled, almost feeling embarrassed that you cared.  

He frowned “hey.” His tone shifted to be gentler now, but firmer “look at me.”

You didn’t want to.

You did anyway.

His eyes were steady on yours, annoyingly sincere “I’m with you,” he said honestly “not them. I’m not entertaining anything.”

Your throat tightened slightly, which made you angrier, which made everything worse “I don’t care,” you lied.

Dean let out a slow breath “yeah, you do.” Silence stretched between the two of you

Then you shoved past him again. “I’m going upstairs.” As you remembered why you were annoyed with him in the first place.

The boy steadied himself against the counter “of course you are,” he muttered as you froze.

Turned back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dean crossed his arms “it means you get mad, refuse to talk about it properly, and storm off.” He knew how to cut deep in a way that made your eyes screw shut. 

You sucked at your teeth “you’re being really annoying right now.” You knew that you were being childish but in that moment you didn’t care.

Dean didn’t seem to share your sentiment as he carried on “and you’re being really jealous right now.”You glared at him for a beat longer refusing to admit that he was right.

Then you left.

His room was exactly how you’d left it earlier, messy in a way that somehow still felt comfortable. You kicked the door shut behind you harder than necessary and paced once, twice, before sitting on the edge of his bed.

You were still angry.

Mostly.

Footsteps came up the stairs.

Of course they did.

The door opened without a knock.

Dean leaned against it for a second, watching you like he was trying to decide whether to laugh or argue again “you done?” He asked as he licked his lips.

“No.”

Part of  Dean had to admit that he was almost enjoying this “cool.”He walked in anyway.

You crossed your arms. “I don’t know why you’re following me.” You grumbled making him laugh.

Dean tilted his head “because you’re in my room.” He ran his fingers along his jaw like he had a knot in his skin. 

“Your room I was already in.”

Your correction made him laugh “yeah,” he said, stepping closer slowly now, “and you were mad then too.”

You huffed as you brought your knees to your chest “you’re unbelievable.” You grumbled as you shook your head. 

Dean crossed his arms “I think I’m pretty normal.” He argued back as he wriggled his eyebrows. 

You couldn’t help it when you sighed fixing the collar of his shirt that one of those girls must have messed up “you let girls flirt with you all night and didn’t even notice.” Dean frowned hearing your voice waiver. 

He wanted to put his hands on your waist but he stopped himself fearing that you may still want to hit him“I noticed,” he said simply.

That made you pause.

Dean shrugged slightly. “I just didn’t care.” There it was again.

That casual certainty.

Like it was obvious.

Like you were obvious.

You looked away first.

Dean moved closer until he was standing right in front of you now, voice quieter “you’re kind of hot when you’re mad,” he said innocently.

Your head snapped back toward him instantly “don’t try and distract me.” Your finger pressed into his chest.

Dean twirled the ends of your hair in his fingers “I’m not trying to distract you,” he said, but there was a faint smile now “I’m pointing out facts.”

You stared at him.

Still annoyed.

Still burning.

Still very aware of how close he was “I hate you,” you muttered.

Dean laughed as he shook his head “no you don’t.”That should’ve ended it.

Instead, he reached out, gently hooked a finger under your chin, forcing you to look at him properly.

His voice dropped “I’m not interested in anyone else,” he vocalised the way he had felt all night. 

His lips pressed a kiss against your cheek“not tonight. Not any night that you’re mine.” Your breath caught slightly annoyingly, traitorously obvious.

Dean’s gaze flicked over your face like he was reading every shift in expression.

Then softer, almost teasing again “you just have to tell me when you’re in your feelings instead of plotting my murder in silence.”You let out a small, frustrated sound.

But you didn’t move away.

And neither did he.

His fingers ran down your arms “you gonna let me show you that I’m sorry or are you still trying to kill me?” His question lingered on your mind for longer than you wanted to admit. 

Your body shivered as you stayed quiet “please.” Dean sighed as his head dropped to your neck. 

His lips grazed your skin “you’re an ass.” You could feel how he smiled. 

Dean nodded as he looked up at you again “I’m sorry, really.” You could tell that he was being sincere and that made you sigh. 

Because in that moment you realised that you couldn’t be mad at him anymore “there’s my pretty girl.” Your boyfriend cheered as he pulled you into his lap as he fell back onto his bed. 

You kissed Dean letting your tongue swipe across his lower lip as your thighs ground into his hips “shit.” Dean whistled as his fingers caught at the fabric of your dress. 

He always loved the blue material against your skin. 

But he loved it best when it was off of your body. 

It was almost dangerous how your body almost felt on fire when you smirked “and guess what?” Your mouth grazed over his earlobe. 

Deans hands bunched at the fabric of your hips “what is it,” the boy’s eyes rolled as he cleared his throat. 

You had a new wave of power “you almost didn’t get it all focused on your fan club.” He whined as you sucked at his earlobe. 

He swore it was a cruel and unusual form of punishment “I swear I wasn’t,” he swallowed his words as your hands rested on his shoulders. 

A smile danced on your lips as you could feel his boner against the inside of your thigh “you enjoyed watching me get all pissed off tonight?” You asked as his eyes fluttered. 

Your lips ghosted over his neck “I need an answer pretty boy.” You stopped your hips against him. 

Dean swore in that moment he could have cum on the spot “you looked so hot,” he pursed his lips as he wanted you to kiss him. 

But still, you shook your head “flattery won’t get you this tonight.” You took his hand and cupped your clothed cunt. 

He could feel your soaked core through the fabric of your panties “please baby I’m sorry.” His cock throbbed under you. 

Your boyfriend wasn’t above begging and in that moment he was so close as he watched your fingers travel into your panties. He watched in awe as your eyes rolled back. 

Your fingers lapped at your wetness in your cunt “fucking hell.” Dean never thought that he could be jealous of your fingers, but in that moment boy did he envy the slender digits. 

You smirked as your eyes locked onto his, you pulled your damped fingers from your cunt, tapping them on his lower lip. Dean didn’t even give you a chance to instruct him. 

His lips wrapped around your fingers as he practically turned them into a lollipop. His mouth sucked at your release as his eyes fluttered. 

He let your fingers drop from his mouth “fuck baby please.” He pleaded as you shook your head trying to tell him that you weren’t gonna fuck him tonight “I need you up here.” 

Dean tapped his lips as you swallowed hard. 

You had to admit that in all of your sexual adventures with Dean, you had never gotten the chance to ride his face “you mean it?” It was as if all the power and strength that you held that night had been knocked out of your sails. 

Your boyfriend nodded as he pecked your lips “you’re in control tonight.” He smiled as he watched you stand up. 

As you hooked your fingers into the sides of your panties, Dean lay down flat. 

His hardon stood like a pitched tent in his jeans. It was hard for your mouth not to water as you crawled back onto his bed once you dropped your panties to the floor “up here baby.” Dean reached for you when he felt you stop at his hips. 

The smile he gave you reminded you of every reason why you had fallen in love with him “I promise you won’t break me.” His words came as you pulled your dress over your head. 

Deciding that it was going to be too much for you to hold yourself up while you focused on holding your dress up. 

So your life was easier with the fabric now lying on the floor. Dean pressed a kiss against the inside of your thigh “I’ve got you.” His promise came as he wrapped his arms around your thighs. 

Your hands clutched at his headboard as you steadied yourself. 

He blew air against your soaked cunt as you sent him a glare “don’t fuck with me Di Laurentis.” Your warning made him nod before he pulled your hips onto his face. 

A yelp escaped from your lips as your eyes went wide, feeling his nose graze your clit. 

There was a pornographic moan that escaped your lips feeling his hand reach up behind you as he snapped your bra with one hand. 

That part of his skillset had always been hot but particularly more so when he was doing it while you were sat on his face. 

You pulled your bra off, letting your hand cup your boob. You rolled your fingers over your nipple as you looked down to see Dean. 

He winked making you clench around nothing. 

Your hips rocked back and forth as the sensation lulled you “shit this is so good.” You whimpered as your thighs pressed against the sides of his head. 

Dean continued to suck and slurp at your clit while he let you use his mouth in all the ways you needed. 

It was as if you were his last meal. Your moans mixed with his grunts, causing your skin to grow warm. 

Pleasure shot through your body and you actually forgot all about the fight that brought the two of you up there.

His tongue was rough against your clit as you rolled your eyes letting soft whimpers and gasps fall from your lips. 

You didn’t care that down below the party carried on, as you had only one thing on your mind “fuck baby please.” You whined as you tugged your fingers through his hair.

His response of a grunt sent shiver through your body as you continued to fuck yourself on his face. 

His tongue lapped at your cunt, continuing to swirl his focus around your sensitive bud “I’m gonna-” you cut yourself off as your eyes screwed shut. 

The boy tapped your thigh as your movements were erratic as pins and needles shot through your body “dear god I’m cumming!” You cried out as your toes curled. 

Your body shook as your head fell back. Your cunt throbbed as Dean continued to take in all of your release.

Your breathing was rough as your hands tugged at his hair “enough,” you called out making him listen.

Dean let you remove your cunt from his lips with a pop as your body shook again. He was quick to lower you down onto his bed. 

Your head rested against the pillow as you let out a soft laugh “think I should get jealous more often if this is how you’re gonna act.” The joke didn’t land as Dean hooked his fingers under your chin. 

He forced you to look at him as his free hand ran along the side of your body “I was serious when I said that you are the only girl for me.” Dean pressed a kiss on your lips, letting the taste of your release linger on his tongue. 

You nodded as you pulled away “doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt to remind them of that.” Mischief danced in your eyes as you leaned your head down to his neck. 

Your lips sucked at his skin, sure to leave your mark in more places than one. 

And you thought everyone was happy about it. 

The boys were all already sending you baby name suggestions. 

Dean continued to send you TikTok’s of poses with a baby that he swore ‘Uncle Dean’ would do. 

Hannah and Allie made a Pinterest board of the way they will help you decorate the nursery. 

Allie also had gained the habit of buying the most random things on her shopping trips out as she thought her future niece or nephew would love. 

She swore that it was her way of buttering up the baby before they were around. 

The only person whose feelings you weren’t aware of, was Jules. 

Logan had made the active effort to avoid telling you how his sibling felt. 

Because every time he saw them, he got a total earful. 

And Logan was going to be damned if he let that kind of pressure fall onto you. 

So instead, he opted to listen to it all, but today it was a little annoying. 

Practice had been rough as Logan was stressing out that your first appointment with your OB was later that dad. 

Jules was hot on his tail “John this conversation cannot be over!” They called out as Logan threw his duffle into the bed of his truck. 

The boy sighed “look Jules I am not doing this today so it is over!” He argued back as he sent his sibling a glare. 

They grumbled putting their phone away “I am protecting your career.” Jules corrected him as they rolled their eyes.

Logan let his eyes linger on his lock screen “they have nothing to do with that,” he knew that he shouldn’t but the picture was you holding your babies first onesie.

Jules tugged their fingers through their hair “she does when you are distracted,” most nights you spent with Logan talking about what you wanted for your kid. 

The two of you spoke about things that you’d bring in from your childhoods for the baby. Because yes you always thought Logan would be the person you’d end up with, but you thought you’d have a few years before children would have been on the scene. 

The boy hated how it was the same conversation between the two of them “god forbid that I want to be a good parent.” Logan snapped as he clenched his fists.

They ignored the comment as it was clearly a dig against their mom “are you just gonna become like her sugar baby or something if you lose hockey.” Jules stepped closer to him “because if you carry on playing like this that’s going to be your only option.” 

Logan knew that you came from more money than he did, but he was never going to put you in that kind of position “look I need to go to her doctors appointment.” It was his way of saying that he was done with this conversation.

Jules practically winced when they heard it “so that’s why you rescheduled the meeting.” Jules clicked their tongue as they grumbled.

There was another meeting with Liquid IV for a poster advertisement “okay what is that tone meant to mean?” Logan raised his eyebrows as he huffed.

And if the conversation wasn’t teetering on the edge, Jules struck “just because she is knocked up you don’t have to throw your life away too!” And that was the nail that broke the coffin. 

Logan almost felt like the wind was knocked out of him “okay you can go fuck yourself.” Logan spat as he pointed his finger at them “but you are going to stay away from her.” 

Everyone knew that he would defend you till the death, and this was just an example of it “because if I find out that you have been running your mouth so help me god-” Logan was cut off when his alarm went off. 

He looked at his phone as he sighed “I need to go so please find your own way home.” Jules continued to argue as Logan hopped into his car and drove off. 

Across campus, you were sat in your living room as Aliie and Hannah sat there talking to your stomach “you know they like can’t hear yet right?” You asked the girls as they both sent you a glare. 

They had been in the middle of recounting how they met you “we were just getting to how we first met his dad!” Your eyes widened as you shook your head. 

You raised your hands to stop them “they don’t need to know that!” You whined as you cringed, thinking about how your kid would definitely learn about the moments you’d rather not have to explain to them. 

And this was probably one of the bigger ones as the girls met Logan after one night where the two of you were out. You thought you had the dorm to yourself for the night. 

So like any horny couple, when you made it into your bedroom, you failed to shut the door. 

Fast forward forty minutes, and you were riding Logan on the way to the most mind-blowing orgasm of your life. 

Logan: Babe I’m outside x

You got up making both girls sit back on the sides of the couch “you going to get some super cute pictures of our niece?” Aliie asked as she wriggled her eyebrows.

You laughed when you heard it “we don’t know what I am having yet.” The girls both scoffed as they crossed their arms.

Hannah shook her head “oh trust me we know.” She pointed between her and your other roommate.

Allie nodded in agreement “it’s the auntie intuition.” Her words made you let out a snort as you rolled your eyes. 

You pinched the bridge of your nose as you sighed “I’m gonna go,” the girls laughed as you found your sandals.

Your feet had started swelling so sneakers were public enemy #1 “and no more buying your supposed niece more things.” You announced as you opened the front door. 

Allie threw her bunched up socks that were on the table at the door “we make no promises!” She argued as she sighed, accepting that she probably should go for that run she said she would have done two hours ago. 

Outside Logan sat in his car, letting a smile form on his face when he saw you “hi sexy mama,” he leaned over to open your door. 

Your cheeks reddened as you grinned “hi handsome.” You pecked his lips slipping into his passenger seat. 

The boy let out a relieved sigh finally having you back next to him.

However you caught it immediately “you okay?” You asked as you pulled his hand into yours, letting them settle into your lap. 

Logan forced a smile “just had a long practice,” he shrugged as he shook his head. 

You frowned. Logan was a terrible liar.

Not because he was bad at making excuses.

Because you knew every tiny tell.

The way his jaw flexed.

The way he kept his eyes on the road instead of looking at you.

The way his thumb absentmindedly rubbed circles against your hand when he was trying to calm himself down “you sure?” you asked quietly.

He squeezed your fingers “how are the girls?” His quick change of subject, hadn’t gone unnoticed by you.

You let out a soft sigh “they got you to how they met you in their story of how they know us.” He laughed despite himself.

Logan shook his head, starting to finally calm down a bit “they're insane.” He pulled out of the parking lot.

A giggle left your lips “they're completely insane.” You corrected him as you rubbed his hand with your thumb “they’re also convinced it’s a girl.” 

The boy felt his heart throb at the concept of a little you running around “they've bought pink things already, haven't they?” He cocked his head as Allie had sent him a wish list called ‘stuff you need for my new favourite child.’

You shrugged “maybe?” He groaned making you erupt with laughter.

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose “oh my god.” He shook his head as he knew that this child was going to have more clothing than they could count.

You had dedicated a new shelf in your closet to stuff the girls bought “I told them to stop.” You spoke honestly as you too wanted to start looking for some cute things. 

Logan squeezed your hand “they won't.” You shook your head in agreement.

His shoulders relaxed a little “and Dean?” you continued with a dry laugh.

He furrowed his eyebrows “what about him?” He asked as he turned to look at you.

You licked your lips “blondie boy is still on TikTok.” It was your new nickname for the boy after he asked you if he needed purple shampoo to maintain his hair.

Logan stopped at a red light as his eyes went wide “oh no.” A few nights ago Logan went through the TikTok’s the blonde sent you, there were 15 from that day alone.

You looked down at your stomach “if he hears that the girls are talking to them, that baby is gonna come out chirping.” You ran your fingers through your hair with your free hand.

Logan barked out a genuine laugh this time “sounds about right.” He nodded as you leaned over while you looked at him.

“I'm definitely not letting him babysit.”

The hockey player barked out a laugh “you absolutely are.” He shook his head as he knew that you’d to against that.

Dean felt all the annoyance that he gave you, you did have a soft spot for him “you know he'll cry if you say that.” The blonde was bound to guilt you for the rest of your life.

“He absolutely will.”

You sucked at the inside of your cheek “we will only let him do it with Beau or someone else from the team.” Logan proposed as you huffed.

It wasn’t a bad offer “now that I can agree with,” you mumbled because of course you were going to concede.

Logan finally smiled fully “there he is.” It made you feel better 

“Hm?”

Your voice was sultry sweet “my Johnny.” He reached over at a stoplight and kissed your knuckles.

The boy didn’t like it when you knew what was going on in his mind “sorry.” He preferred having you thinking that everything was calm and quiet.

You frowned as you shook your head “you don't have to apologize.” You turned your body towards him.

Logan sighed knowing that he was caught “I just.” He sighed as he sucked at his teeth. 

“I've had today on my mind for a week.”

It made you feel giddy that he was just as excited as you were “so have I.” Late at night recently, you started talking to your baby. 

You figured if they were listening to their auntie’s voices then they may as well be listening to you too “I keep thinking,” Logan’s voice broke. 

“What if something's wrong?”

Your own smile softened.

Because you'd been thinking the exact same thing.

It was the one thing that cursed you after your mom passed away “I know.” He was comforted by the fact that the two of you were in the same boat. 

It also made him realise that maybe he needed to do better at letting you in all the time.

You let out a soft snort “I've convinced myself of like eight different medical emergencies.” At one point you even assumed that your baby was breech.

Like that was even possible “I've convinced myself I'm somehow showing already.” You laughed as you had been sat in front of the mirror after your shower for days now.

“You kind of are.” The way your face dropped amused him. 

Your eyes sharpened “Logan.” You grumbled, squeezing his hand a little harder.

It made him laugh as he shook his head “I'm kidding.” He watched you continue to glare at him. 

“You better be.”

He chuckled.

“I am.”

Your free hand drifted to your stomach without thinking “I just want them to be okay.” You knew that it was no use being all worried.

But that simply didn’t help you “they will be.” His hand followed yours.

You liked being practical and part of that was having the facts in front of you “you don't know that.” Your lower lip pooled into a pout.

His thumb rested gently over where your hand was “but until someone tells me otherwise,” the hockey boy hoped that you’d hear him properly.

Logan pressed a kiss against your head when he stopped the car “I'm believing they're perfect.” Your child could have come out with five heads and fifteen toes and Logan would still adore them. 

The waiting room was somehow both calming and terrifying.

Soft music played overhead while couples sat scattered around the room.

Some were laughing.

Some looked exhausted.

One woman was balancing a toddler on her knee while filling out paperwork.

You nudged Logan “that's going to be us one day.” You pointed your head in the direction of the parents.

He followed your gaze as he shook his head “god.” Part of Logan wanted to go and tell the father next to her that he should really be holding his child. 

You “what?” You raised your eyebrows as you awaited his answer.

Logan ran his fingers along his jaw “we're gonna have one.” You laughed already knowing after watching twenty videos on what babies do to their mother’s bodies.

That if you had more than one.

You’d hit Logan “I certainly hope so.” You nodded as you gave him a look.

Logan rolled his eyes “no, I mean,” he smiled sheepishly.

He raked his fingers through his hair “an actual little human that’s ours.” You were close to making a joke.

But the receptionist called your name.

Your stomach flipped “you ready?” Logan immediately stood.

Part of you wondered how many first time moms ran the other way “no,” the colour drained from your face. 

Logan could sense your nerves as he spoke “me neither.” The boy forced his lips to curve upright.

He held out his hand anyway “let's go meet our baby.” The boy helped you up as he smiled squeezing your hand.

Because he wasn’t going anywhere.

You were both seven.

He'd walked into your classroom halfway through the year with a missing front tooth and grass stains on his knees, spotted the apple juice sitting beside your lunchbox “that is mine,” he announced as he snatched the drink off of your table.

You sent him a glare “it definitely isn't,” even with your cute little pigtails, if looks could kill he would have been dead.

Beau stuck his tongue out at you “you sure?” He cocked his head as you stood up.

"Positive."

He'd grinned as he now looked up at you "guess you'll have to fight me for it." You'd shoved him off the bench.

Twenty minutes later you'd both been sitting outside the principal's office sharing the juice box anyway.

From that day on, it was impossible to have one of you without the other.

Through elementary school you two were the reason why teachers needed seating charts. 

By middle school you had become the reason why students could no longer edit their schedules. 

From ninth grade the two of you were no longer allowed to be in the same classes even.

By sophomore year at Briar, people assumed you came as a package.

Beau and you, the duo where one was never seen without the other.

Football games.

Late-night sessions at Malones.

Study sessions that somehow ended in watching terrible horror movies.

And then Beau having to hold you as you slept because you swore you were going to have nightmares until you were ninety.

Every birthday.

Every Thanksgiving break.

Every ten-minute voice note, recounting the good and bad moments of the days. As if you weren’t going to see him that night.

Neither of you questioned it.

Not out loud, anyway.

Beau had questioned it a thousand times in his head.

Usually at two in the morning.

Usually after you'd hugged him goodbye.

Usually after you'd fallen asleep on his shoulder during the nights you were at home. 

And even those nights you found a way to fit onto your twin king single as he protected you from the potential of bad dreams.

He'd liked you since he was fifteen.

Loved you since seventeen.

Never said a word.

Because friendship was better than nothing.

Because the value you gave him by being in his life, was far more than he could replicate with anyone else.

Your dorm looked like proper chaos, which for you was rather quite normal "so?" Beau leaned against your dorm door while you searched for your keys.

You had sworn that they were in the same place as always on your table "why've you got that stupid smile?" He asked as your head leaned out from your closet.

"I don't have a stupid smile."

You scoffed as you shook your head "you've got the smile." Beau pointed at you as he opted to sit on your bed. 

You had refused to let him go back to his to get his keys, so now he was forced to wait "what smile?" You forced your face flat as you tried to get a read on your expression. 

Beau raked his fingers through his hair "the one that says you've done something that's going to annoy me." You laughed as you stood up finally with your keys in your hand.

They were in your hoodie, well one that you had stolen from the very boy in your room "Garrett asked me out." Your announcement made him freeze.

Silence followed 

You motioned to your door as you felt like the two of you should get a move on "and I said yes," you rubbed your palms on thighs of your jeans.

Beau didn't answer.

You looked over your shoulder "Beau?" You snapped your fingers in front of his face as you wondered if you had broken him.

If you could have gotten a better read on the room you would have made a joke "don’t go." His announcement made you glad that you had kept your joke to yourself.

You blinked as you clicked your tongue why?" You knew the boys had been friends since Dean introduced them, so it was suffice to say that you were a little shocked at the outburst. 

Beau stood up "I don't think you should go." He reiterated his words as he nodded.

Your hands landed on your hips "and why is that?" In that moment you swore you were right back on that bench when you were a kid and he stole that juice box. 

He shrugged as he didn’t have a good answer "I just don’t." There wasn’t more that he wanted to say either.

You frowned as you were almost hurt "that’s not an answer." Your chest felt sore as you avoided his gaze.

Beau rubbed his hands together "I don’t think he’d be good for you." His confession lingered in the air.

You laughed awkwardly a little taken aback by his reaction "I thought you'd be happy for me." You felt almost embarrassed that you cared.

The boy shook his head "I'm trying to stop you making a mistake.” He reached for your hand as you pulled away. 

"A mistake?"

The blow hurt like he had personally hit you when he nodded "so because you don’t think he’s good for me, I'm just supposed to say no?" Your eyebrows lifted as you crossed your arms.

Beau argued back "he hooks up with girls all the time." Now that actually felt rich coming from your best friend.

"And?"

He licked his lips a little disgruntled at the idea of sleeping with you "and I don't want you being another one." Something about the way he said it rubbed you the wrong way.

Beau never cared who you dated or how they came into your life, at least he never decided to comment on it "you don't get to decide that." You sighed as you shook your head.

The boy pinched the bridge of his nose "I'm trying to look out for you." His words were meant to be sweet.

But instead it made you fold your arms "you're trying to control me." You corrected him as you sucked at your teeth.

"I am not."

An exasperated sigh escaped from your lips "you literally just told me not to go." You pressed your fingers against your temples.

The boy argued back "because I know guys like him!” He raised his voice making you do the same

You scoffed "and I don't?" You sent the boy a harsh glare as you scowled.

Beau shook his head "you’ve never dated one." He made Garrett sound like he was a walking disease.

You rolled your eyes "I can make my own decisions." You reminded him that you were a big girl, and you knew how to take care of yourself.

"I know."

Part of you wanted to reach out and throttle him "clearly you don't." You actually laughed now growing annoyed.

Beau sighed as he rolled his eyes, a little surprised that you were arguing with him on this "I'm just saying-” he raised his hands in surrender.

You cut him off as you stopped him in his speech "no, Beau. You don't get to act like my dad because some guy finally asked me out."

"I'm your best friend."

You swore you felt sick "exactly." Venom laced your tone "so start acting like one." The words hit harder than either of you expected.

He stared at you like he didn’t know what to say. A trait that seemed to plague him for the second time tonight "I think you should go." You opened your door motioning to him to leave.

He almost asked if you were being genuine but you saved him to the chase "I'm serious." The look that you gave Beau struck his heart in more ways than one as he nodded "fine."

He left and as the door closed behind him you couldn’t help it as the tears began to flow "fuck." Your eyes were blurry as your knees buckled beneath you causing you to slide down your door to the floor.

The first day wasn't difficult.

You both assumed someone would cave.

He nearly texted you that night.

Didn't.

But he did sit there and let his thumb hover over your contact information. 

You almost walked to his frat house.

Didn't.

But you did turn off right before you got into his street.

The third day hurt.

You got an internship opportunity for the winter semester and wanted to celebrate.

The fifth day hurt worse.

It was the first football game that you missed since you met Beau.

By the end of the first week, everyone noticed.

Dean frowned every time Beau sat alone in the cafeteria "you two good?" He asked as he motioned to Beau’s lock screen. 

It was an image of the two of you after his freshman debut. You were in a Briar U cap as you had your arms wrapped around him. 

The grins on your faces matched the ones your moms captured each year on Christmas morning "we're fine." Beau sighed as he shook his head.

The blonde couldn’t help it when he smirked "you haven't looked up from your phone in twenty minutes." He pointed out as he raised his eyebrows.

Beau was quick to turn his phone screen side down "I'm fine." But Dean wasn't convinced.

Garrett noticed too.

Halfway through your second date he tilted his head "you okay?" He asked as he reached for your hand. 

You forced a smile onto your lips as you furrowed your eyebrows "what?" You thought you were hiding it well.

Garrett took you to his favourite pizza place which was like a fifteen-minute drive from campus "you've checked the entrance like five times." You felt bad that he catch on. 

He had been a great date both times, he picked you up from your place and walked you back to the front of your building both times "I have not." You shook your head. 

It made the boy sigh "you have." He decided that he wasn’t going to argue with you on this one.

You looked toward the door again.

Beau wasn't there.

Your chest ached anyway.

The football guys stopped asking when you were coming over after practice.

The girls stopped asking where Beau was.

Everyone danced around it.

Because nobody had ever seen you apart this long.

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

Fourteen days without your morning texts.

Without random memes.

Without coffee deliveries.

Without hearing someone yell your name across campus.

It felt wrong.

Like you'd forgotten something important every time you left your dorm.

Beau finally cracked on day fifteen.

Dean found him sitting outside the fraternity house "you look awful." He handed the brunette a coffee as if it was his peace offering. 

Because in his efforts to avoid you, Beau seemed to avoid just about everyone "I feel awful." He took the coffee with a grateful smile.

Dean sat beside him "so go talk to her," he placed his hand on the boys back. 

It was the first time that Beau actually admitted aloud that something was wrong "I screwed it up." Beau looked up at the sky sensing how the weather was turning. 

It almost symbolic, perfectly representing how he had been feeling over the last two weeks "and I can't fix it." His voice broke as Beau really did wonder if he was going to have to learn how to survive without you in his life.

Dean shook his head "you won't know until you try." The look that Dean gave Beau was enough for him to believe that he had at least a chance in this.

You were leaving the library just after sunset when someone called your name.

"Wait up!" You froze slowly turning around.

Beau looked exhausted.

Dark circles under his eyes.

Hair a mess, and a stubble clear on his jaw as he hadn’t shaved. 

Hands shoved in his hoodie pocket like he didn't know what else to do with them.

Neither of you spoke.

Finally you sighed "what?" You pinched the bridge of your nose as you slotted your phone into your jeans pocket.

His voice cracked as thunder rumbled from above "I-" he laughed bitterly as he cleared his throat.

"I had this whole speech."

You crossed your arms "congratulations." You shrugged as you waited for him to continue.

"I forgot it."

You remembered in eighth grade how he had forgotten his science presentation so of course, as you worked through it with him, you mouthed his entire presentation to him "okay." Another silence followed.

People walked around the two of you.

Neither moved.

Finally Beau stepped closer "I was wrong." You looked away a little relieved that he had said it. 

He let out a huff "I shouldn't have told you what to do." His hands raised, owning the fact that he was wrong.

Nothing.

"I shouldn't have acted like I knew what was best."

Still nothing.

"And I definitely shouldn't have judged Garrett."

He swallowed as he rolled his eyes, deciding to just go with it "because that wasn't actually why I was upset."

You looked back at him "what do you mean?" He was glad he got more than a few words out of you again.

His laugh was humourless "I've been in love with you for years." Everything stopped as your eyebrows raised in surprise. 

Beau pursed his lips together "I've loved you since high school." You stared waiting for him to continue.

He got nervous as he fiddled with his hands "I thought I'd gotten good at hiding it." Beau let his eyes land on yours as his voice grew softer "I never wanted to ruin what we had."

His eyes were already glossy, "so I stayed quiet." He pushed his hair out of his face as he knew he needed a haircut.

You couldn't find your voice "and then you told me Garrett asked you out." He rubbed both hands over his face.

"And all I could think was."

His voice broke completely, "that I'd waited too long." What Beau didn’t know was that you were ready to wait for him for an eternity truthfully.

Your heart twisted "you idiot." You softly shoved his shoulder.

"I know."

Beau let his fingers wrap around the rope bracelet you gave him before you both graduated high school "I figured if I told you not to go..." He laughed weakly. "Maybe somehow it'd change something."

Beau shrugged as he wondered if he had just screwed all of this up even more "like you’d wake up and magically see the way that you consume my every thought." His words made your heart throb.

You sighed as you were scared to find out what was going to happen next "it didn't." You looked down.

He took one careful step closer "please just shout at me, call me an ass or an idiot." Beau wasn’t above begging but boy was he ready to get on his hands and knees.

His words made you crack a smile "but just come home and be my best friend again because I can't lose you from my life." His eyes were shining now.

But still he didn’t stop there "the last two weeks have been a kind of torture that I don't think I can go through any longer because in every room I look for you." The next time you’d see Dean he was intending on corroborating that story as Beau looked like a lost puppy looking for you.

He cleared his throat as he choked up "at every table I kept an empty seat because I know that you will be in it." And it was the truth, if there was a table that you weren’t welcome at then Beau didn’t want anything to do with it.

A tear slipped down his cheek "I need you in my life, even if I know I don't deserve it." Silence followed.

The kind that stretched forever.

You looked at him.

Really looked at him.

At the tired eyes.

At the shaking hands.

At the boy who'd stolen your juice box.

Who'd carried your backpack after you sprained your ankle senior year.

Who'd driven home to pick up your favourite bagels after you called him in tears telling him how you failed an exam once.

Who knew exactly how you took your coffee.

Who always walked on the outside of the sidewalk.

Who never forgot your birthday.

Who loved you enough to let you date someone else if it meant keeping you "you are an idiot." A watery laugh escaped him as he agreed.

You pressed your finger into his chest "you absolute ass." You furrowed your eyebrows making him laugh once more.

"I know."

Your head shook "you hurt me." Your words were genuine 

"I’m sorry."

You looked up at the sky as it seemed that the heavens opened and rain began to pour "I missed you." Your words cleansed the two of you as they rolled off of your tongue like the rain on the sidewalk.

His eyes squeezed shut "I missed you too." He was close to getting one of those cardboard cutouts of you. 

Hell, he already would have had one if it wasn’t weird.

Your own tears started falling "I mean I missed you." You used your palms to wipe your tears away. 

"I know."

You shook your head "no, you don't." He had consumed almost all of your thoughts since the moment you kicked him out of your room.

You stepped closer until only inches separated you "I kept reaching for my phone." His breathing caught.

"I kept saving you a seat in lectures."

Since the two of you were now allowed to have classes again, any time you had a chance you used it. 

His eyes opened "I nearly texted you every single night." He looked like he might cry all over again.

"I thought-"

You laughed through your own tears as you recomposed yourself "I thought my best friend didn't want me anymore." His face crumpled as he hated that he made you feel that way.

"I always want you."

"I know that now." You stared at each other, almost waiting for what was going to come next.

The boy rocked his feet back and forth as a way to somewhat self-soothe "so," he whispered forcing the question that almost started all of this to come out “you're still going out with Garrett?"

You smiled sadly "I've been on two dates." You raised your fingers in a 2 symbol.

"Oh."

You were quick to carry on “they were nice." You nodded as they hadn’t been bad at all.

His face fell but he quickly forced himself to look happy for you "but every time something funny happened." You reached for his hand "I wanted to tell you first." His fingers curled instinctively around yours.

Part of you felt sick announcing this to the world "I kept comparing him to you." His breath caught.

A newfound friendship has actually formed between you and Garrett since you started seeing him on those dates "but that wasn't fair to him." Hope flickered across his face as you shut your eyes "so after he took me home the second night I called things off with him."

Beau would have been lying if he said that internally he was jumping for joy "I think," you whispered as you shook your head.

You licked your lips as you blinked, "that I've been in love with you for a really long time too." Beau blinked like he had forgotten how to understand the English language for a moment.

"What?"

You almost laughed as you sighed "I just never let myself think about it." His silence made you carry on rambling, "I thought we'd ruin everything."

Beau reached for your hands which made you go quiet "we kind of did." He nodded in agreement, "we definitely did."

He laughed through his tears as you corrected him. 

"So."

Beau used the pad of his thumb to wipe a tear from your eye as it rolled down your cheek "so." He began as he forced a smile onto his lips.

He looked adorably terrified as he took a deep breath "can I kiss you?" The question came out so quietly you almost weren’t sure if you heard it.

You rolled your eyes "you've loved me for years and you're asking permission now?" You placed your hands on your hips, a little amused by this. 

"I'm trying to be respectful." You mimicked his annoyed tone "you are such an idiot." A giggle escaped from your lips.

He smiled at your words "I know." Beau nodded as he shook his head. 

You cupped his face "but you're my idiot." Then you kissed him.

It wasn't dramatic.

It wasn't perfect.

It was soft.

Familiar.

Like finally coming home after being away too long.

When you pulled away, Beau rested his forehead against yours "can I take you on a date?" The innocence in his words made you laugh. 

You pretended to think about it for a moment "I don’t know if you can top Garrett." You teased making Beau’s face drop.

Beau ran his fingers along the bottom of your jaw "c’mon I’ll pay," his words made you snort "oh please like I’m gonna."

He laughed, and this time it was sweet "so is that a yes?" Beau wriggled his eyebrows "a thousand times over." You nodded as the boy finally led you away from the library.

And for the first time in two weeks, neither of you had to wonder where the other was.