#salmns

❝     bye.     ❞ 

  it’s an erratic display, a flair of dramatics.   the cereal box lay empty on countertop.    the ever growing problem of susie leaving her belongings in his house.   between the the two of them, the food would never last.  it wasn’t like the two of you did much groceries as it was.    take out containers still piled on counter, days old pizza sit on bottom shelf of fridge.   this was an ordinary scene for your home.     still, there bubbles laughter from your gut to your throat and finally out into the open.    “ oh come on, susie. i can take you to the store. new box on me. ”   an offer. a peace offering.   “ though i don’t recommend leaving that shit here anymore. it’s gonna happen again. ”  

               “ you’re dead . . . i am also dead... maybe we could help each other. ”

considering that susie is one of stan’s closest and best friends - he doesn’t handle it well. he’s already endured the disappearance and loss of his brother at his age and that alone was hard to cope with. looking at the events that transpired during that specific summer as well with the losers, stan’s ability to come with pretty much anything is to at first have the initial reaction of crying - he is a very emotional boy.  he will cry and find ways to be in denial before finally settling on the idea of repressing most of it and spending his nights thinking about it.  

he carries a lot of guilt surrounding susie’s death just as he did with his brothers.   the thought that he wasn’t there in that moment with her.  the thought that he couldn’t protect her or the idea that he should have walked her home from school that day instead of leaving her to wander through that field.  the loss of susie is something that truly devastates him. he spends days couped up within his room, alone, ignoring most contact with everyone he can.  he doesn’t want them to see him grieve.  

that’s one loss that stan will carry with him for years. thinking of her with every photo, with every flower he sees. remembering every outing they took.  he won’t be able to go to the places they used to go for some time. the first time that he does, he sits there and talks to susie.