TADC spoilers: a thought occurs to me.
Jax was doomed from the very beginning.
Because the version of Jax that got scanned into the circus was when he was in a crisis state, fresh off the confrontation with his mother, that hyper-vigilance about being emotionally vulnerable and his total entrenchment in shame were literally hard-coded into him. I think that someone's state of mind when they have their brains scanned into the circus does have an effect on how that snapshot of their psyche copes with being in the circus. Jax was constantly in that elevated emotional state, and persisted in being high-anxiety from being homeless. There were never instances in which Jax felt safe, or /allowed/ himself to feel safe, because his programming literally could not allow it.
Outside of the circus, Leroy was able to change and heal, and more importantly, to accept external support from his(her?) friends. Jax wants to, but can't.
also, shoutout to Gooseworx for writing a story with an incredibly messy transfem too deeply entrenched in toxic masculinity and shame to accept themselves and to accept unconditional love from others. I have been adjacent to so many people who suffer with complicated feelings surrounding femininity in themselves and others and who project it in the most toxic ways, and I see them in Jax. It's an ugly honesty I don't think I've seen portrayed in very many trans stories in media.
