DEAR READER
Claire Keane
Cosmic Funnies
Love Begins
pixel skylines
โ
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
todays bird
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
trying on a metaphor
noise dept.
็ฅๆฅ / Permanent Vacation
Discoholic ๐ชฉ
Keni
we're not kids anymore.
Kaledo Art
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
seen from Germany
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seen from United States
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seen from Indonesia
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seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Sweden
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seen from Germany
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seen from China
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@sunbleachcd
๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ฅ๐๐๐๐ก๐๐: a dependent mumu blog for sedonaroleplay, penned by ๐ง๐ข๐ค๐ข.
๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ซ ๐ฌ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐๐ง. โธป intro. / visage. / musings. / threads. / pinterest. ๐ฌ๐๐ ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ซ๐ค๐ฅ๐๐ง๐. โธป intro. / visage. / musings. / threads. / pinterest.
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he cared for the both of them deeply and had experienced each at low points. while he and will might've known one another longer, he would've been lying if he said that he and summer hadn't gotten closer than he'd ever expected them to. he appreciated the ways their friendship had blossomed, the fact that she'd trusted him enough to carry the weight of will's troubles while allowing maverick to shoulder some of her own too.
her question was a heavy one. he made a point to draw boundary lines between the two of them, promising to never spill the other's confessions. he'd done a damn good job at it too. "mer," he breathed, though when the quiet squeal of the brakes sounded, and he looked over to her, he saw the desperation behind her gaze. this wasn't someone asking him as a favor, this was a worried spouse, someone who'd been put through the ringer and wanted to know if it'd happen again.
"i can't tell you if he was tempted," he countered, assuming that was what she was asking. he nodded slowly, signaling that he'd heard her, that he understand why an answer was important. "but i can tell you that it wasn't good. the fire... i think it kicked up something, you know? in everyone, not just will. but i know if he'd been in the right headspace, if he was good, then he never would have jumped to that conclusion." he didn't look away after he'd finished speaking. he held her gaze, even if the red light would flicker green sooner than later. he wanted to apologize, to reassure her, but he stayed quiet and waited for her to signal what she needed next.
The woman's heart began to race as her friend spoke, neither confirming nor denying her biggest fears. It wasn't that Will wasn't allowed to struggle. Sobriety was never a straight or simple path forward, and yet, for the first time in a long time, Summer had wanted to believe that it could be. She wanted to believe that she hadn't fooled herself into thinking that things could be different this time around.
As they turned into Rosie's Diner, Summer pulled into the closest parking space and rested her head against the steering wheel the second she could shift the gear into park. "I really don't want you to think I'm being dramatic. I get it... everyone was going through a lot in those first few days, and if he was with you... at least I know that he was safe, but..." Lifting her head, Summer locked her eyes on the building ahead, feeling herself begin to disassociate as all feelings of hunger left her body. Instead, all she felt was nauseous.
"Before the fire, we... had a moment. Or maybe a few moments where I felt hopeful. You know I've tried to keep my distance, but I went back to the apartment to grab some things and before I knew it, we were kissing and I... agreed to spend the night. One night where I allowed myself to forget, and pretend everything was normal."
๐งช Summer, what's the dealio with you and Maverick? and how do you think Will would feel about it?
Summer's expression shifted as she thought for a moment, her eyes drifting towards the floorboards, even as a warm smile grazed the woman's lips. "It's funny how everyone seems to think there's something going on between Maverick and I. Even Will. But the truth is, he's kind of become my best friend. I feel like that man knows how I'm feeling better than I do sometimes." With a small chuckle, Summer breathed out a small sigh, unsure of how her friend would describe their relationship. "I guess it's just funny because I always considered them to be closer, but we've really bonded lately and I care about him a lot. I don't think he always realizes just how incredible he is or how grateful I am to have him. Will may have been worried for a moment, but I think he knows us both well enough to know we wouldn't cross that line. But maybe, in another lifetime, I don't know... there could have been something between us. Anyone would be lucky to end up with a guy like him." (@nevermindcrs)
๐งช Sage, how does Jordan fit in your life?
"Jordan was Maeve's best friend, and while we didn't have much contact before her passing, she has truly been my lifeline over the past four years. Not only did she continually show up for me when I pushed back, but she was there for me when others weren't. We've been through a lot together and on many days, I feel like she's the only person who understands this deep and un-ending sadness. I wholeheartedly believe that Maeve brought us together for a reason, and in a lot of ways, she's become my best friend too." (@fromdvsk)
๐งช โ what will moving on from maeve look like for you? ( sage )
"You say 'moving on' as if we simply broke up. She was my soulmate and she died.. I'm not sure there's such a thing as moving on from that." Sage answered, a combination of sadness and irritation tinting her voice. "But I know she'd want me to be happy and some days it's hard to be alone. I'm beginning to put myself back out there. Slowly. But it won't be easy, and I'm not looking for someone to replace the love we had."
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๐งช โ is divorce still an option for you and will? ( summer )
Summer's chest tightened at the question, her eyes filled with pain and unspoken truths. "Unfortunately, I think it is. As much as I'd like to believe that things will be better this time around, I'm not sure this back and forth is fair to either one of us. And as much as I'd like to turn a blind eye, sometimes divorce feels like the safest option." (@willpersaud)
[ ๐ฏ๏ธ ] + [ โ ] @ sage
๐ฏ๏ธ: what memory do they replay when theyโre alone?
Sage is often haunted by the memory of her late wife, finding pieces of Maeve in almost everything she does. Sometimes it's the moment she found out she was gone, while other times she's reminded of happy memories, like in shows they used to watch or songs they used to sing. It's her mind and body's way of keeping Maeve's memory alive.
โ: what does โhomeโ mean to them?
To Sage, home is a feeling rather than a place. She feels at home with her family, but most especially her brother, Jacob, and cousin, Roman. People like Jordan and Paige also make her feel safe. Though she hasn't truly felt at "home" since Maeve died. (@fromdvsk/@desertblvsh/@sunsetfumes)
[ โ๏ธ ] + [ ๐ง๏ธ ] @ summer
๐ง๏ธ: is there a pain they refuse to heal from?
Despite her best efforts, part of Summer refuses to heal from the abandonment she experienced as a child. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she's waiting, ready for it to happen again. I think part of her will also always mourn the loss of a proper childhood and envy those who didn't have to grow up as fast as she did.
โ๏ธ: what does guilt feel like to them?
To Summer, guilt often feels like a weight on her chest or a ball in the pit of her stomach. It's a feeling she's often faced with during moments away from @willpersaud. Especially when she knows he's struggling.
Elliott nodded, now looking directly at her, or at least he would be, when she eventually had to look at him again. "We can agree on that. And if you ever wanna talk about..." The sound of the door being opened made Elliott's words get lost. Juniper ran towards him, while making sure Sage knew just how thankful she was for being able to use her bathroom. "Thank you, Sage. And, again, we're sorry for just barging in."
"I'll make it up to you, Miss Sage! I just reaaaally needed to... Hey! Dad, look!" The girl suddenly pointed at the book, no subtlety in sight. Elliott's face went pale and he closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head. "Oh, yes. I've just read that book, right, June? Huh... Are you enjoying it?"
Before the man could so much as finish his sentence, there was a slam as the bathroom door flew open and the little girl came barrelling back down the hall. While she didn't know Juniper, it was easy to see how she took after her father. "It's no problem, really. I hope you two settle in nicely. Moving is always hard work."
Her expression softened as the little girl spoke, Sage's eyes landing upon the novel that had garnered so much excitement. "Oh, you've read it too? I finished it a while back and I'd love to hear your thoughts! Kenneth Sorkin has become one of my favorite authors over the years, so I usually have one of his novels on rotation."
had he been in the wrong for keeping it to himself? sweeping the misunderstanding under the rug to spare the other man of any misplaced judgement or blame? "don't apologize, alright? i told him the same thing. his head wasn't on right and neither was mine. the fire... it messed with everyone. i couldn't blame him then and i don't blame him now." he'd been firm on his stance as he stared up at will from his place n the couch, and he was firm on it as he glanced over at the blonde, his big blues searching her features for any subtle sign of what was going on within her mind beyond what she shared.
maverick exhaled a quiet breath, the sound weighted in amusement. "come on, it's not like he still believes it." at least, he didn't think so. from what he recalled, will had been more than apologetic over the whole situation. "i told him that my door would always be open to you," he added, voice quieter than before, all humor washed away for something more genuine. "he doesn't have to like it, but he has to understand that. same offer goes out to him." that's what friends were for and he cared deeply for the both of them.
"look, mer, if that caused any trouble... i'm sorry." it sounded like maybe it hadn't, but the apology rolled off his tongue anyway, because that was him.
It was then that she realized just what he was telling her. That despite the misunderstanding, there was one very important factor that had lead him there. The likely reason her husband had ended his day at Maverick's in the first place. Summer's stomach sank with realization, her chest tightening as her fingers gripped the steering wheel.
There had always been boundaries in place with their friendship and while she was lucky to have the man's unbiased advice, he had never once allowed the lines to blur or exposed the emotional depths of his conversations with Will.
"You didn't, but... I've gotta ask you something, Mav. I know it's not your place and I know you never do this... but I've gotta know. Was he struggling that night? When he came to you?" As they approached a red light, Summer turned to look at him, her eyes filled with emotion. "Because if he's struggling again... I really need to know. I can't.. I did.. we did, something.."
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Jett wasn't shy about giving her a thorough once over, his gaze sweeping over her unapologetically and taking in every detail. "Oh, you know," he shrugged all nonchalantly, like this was just any other casual visit of his, as he brought his gaze back to meet her own. Nobody needed to know his true agenda, not even Hank. Yet. "Just passing through town, visiting my gramps.. figured he needed a little pick me up. You know how he gets." Everyone knew how Hank Rawlings could get. In fact, how he was permanently if he was honest. The man had never smiled a day in his life, but if he did, he'd probably scare the shit out of everyone. "How about you, darlin'? You look good. Then again, you always do."
Hank had always been a grouch. And while she could put up with him on most days, there were certainly times he'd made their living situation a nightmare over the years. In a lot of ways, it was difficult to believe that Jett stemmed from the same bloodline. Both in terms of looks and personality. Even if the man often thought with his dick, rather using his other head. "Eh, I've been alright," Summer answered honestly, a hint of a smile tugging at the woman's lips. "You know how it is. But I appreciate the compliment. Will you be in town for long? Maybe we can grab a drink one night and catch up properly. I'd love to hear all about your travels."
lakeโs laughing when it happens. head tipped back against the couch, one socked foot hooked over the armrest, halfway through a story thatโs gotten progressively more dramatic with every retelling. โ โ and then she looks me dead in the eye and says, โ maโam, thatโs not how coupons work, โ which, first of all, rude โ โ summerโs curse almost doesn't registers. but it does, and lake can't help but scold playfully: โ language, โ gwhile rinning as she reaches for the another handful of popcorn. with an uninterested gaze, lake watches her sister get up, drying her hands and reaching for her phone before her eyes flicker back towards the tv, which is playing a marathon of early 200's romcoms. right now, it's leap year, and she doesnโt think much of the call her sister is on. instead, she steals another handful of popcorn. though, it wasn't long until she notices the silence. not complete silence, but it felt like the kind of silence that feels wrong. the kind that pulls at the back of your neck. lake glances over her shoulder and sees summerโs standing there frozen. phone pressed to her ear, and lake can see all the colour draining from summer's face in real time. immediately, something tightens in lakeโs chest and the lightheartedness in her aura quickly disappears. concern and worry take over. โ summer? โ no response. the conversation on the other end continues. and suddenly every possibility starts firing through lakeโs brain at once. a car accident. someone got hurt. but who? when? sheโs already halfway sitting up before the call even ends. โ summer, โ she says again, more serious this time. โ what happened? โ the second the phone lowers, lake knows. she doesnโt know what. but she knows itโs bad. really bad. and for the first time all evening, the trailer feels too small. finally, summerโs voice cracks. that was the hospital ... lakeโs stomach drops and twists. itโs dad. and for one stupid, irrational second she actually thinks โ dadโs in the hospital. dadโs sick. dad needs something. then: heโs gone. and everything stops. but, lake just stares at summer. the words donโt make sense. they hit her ears but refuse to settle anywhere else. โ what? โ it comes out barely above a whisper. she blinks. once. then twice. waiting for the sentence to rearrange itself into something else. it doesnโt. she waits for summer to yell out sike! with a laugh and the shake of her head that she was able to fool lake so easily. she doesn't. โ what do you mean, heโs gone? โ her voice is sharper now. lake feels confused and desperate because surely thereโs another explanation. another version of this conversation where summer doesnโt look like that. where the room doesnโt suddenly feel tilted. โ ... gone where? like, he was emitted and they fuckin' lost him? โ it wouldn't be the first time their father was found drunk on the side of the road somewhere in the streets of sedona and taken to the hospital, only to wake up hours later and leave without speaking to a nurse or a doctor.
For a moment, Summer stood frozen, unable to find the words to answer her sister's string of rapid fire questions. As the older sibling, she should have been stronger than this. Hell, she shouldn't have been affected at all. While Russell had been their father by blood, she could only remember a handful of times that the man had ever felt like one. He hadn't been a role model and he certainly hadn't been their protector. He'd barely even taken the time to check in on them over the years.
Crossing the room to join her sister on the couch, Summer finally stopped holding her breath and allowed the tears to fall freely. "It was liver failure, Lake. He died. All those years of drinking.. I knew it would take him down one way or another. But I still can't seem to wrap my mind around why I care."
In a lot of ways, their parents had ruined their chances at ever living a stable life. If Summer hadn't been the person she was or made the sacrifices she did, then there was a likely chance that they would have gone down the exact same path.
"thank you, sage. i'll see you out front." she offered a warm smile and after a few lingering moments, she drifted toward and aisle and began putting away what little she had in her basket. she'd come back another time, because anything food-related was the last thing on her mind.
the drive over, all miriam could do was grip the steering wheel like her life depended on it. when she no longer had leather to cling to, her fingers tangled together nervously. "i appreciate you letting me come by." she'd already thanked her once, but once didn't feel like enough. not when she was to blame for the distance over the years. "can i help with anything?" despite the kind offer, mir stood near a chair, unsure if she could sit with all the nervous energy flowing through her veins.
"i'm terrible at small talk," she joked softly, her voice quiet and weighted with something close to caution. was she allowed to make jokes? "i'm sorry. for the way we got here. it wasn't my intention. i did want to reach out, but i kept getting in my own head. they don't make how-to books on this kind of stuff." she fumbled with her ring finger, the metal band no longer there. "i shouldn't have let the silence drag on this long. you deserve more than that."
"Nah, this shouldn't take me long," Sage assured her as she began to move about the kitchen. Not only was Miriam a guest, but she was thankful for the small distraction. Maybe if she focused all of her anxious energy on re-organizing the refrigerator to make room for her new purchases, she would be able to hold the conversation without getting in her head about things.
"Well, thank you for saying that. At the end of the day, Miriam, we both loved her. We both lost someone incredibly important to us. And I know that nothing we say or do is going to change that, but I think..." Sage paused, her digits lingering on a carton of milk, before she finally turned to meet the other woman's gaze. "Part of me feels more heartbroken over the fact that we didn't have a proper relationship when she was alive. I know you guys weren't close toward the end... but I think that was something Maeve really wanted for you two."
Grateful that neither one of them were good at small talk, Sage was able to jump straight into the nitty gritty. While she was sure that these things would be difficult to hear, they were genuine. "In a perfect world, I would have loved to know you properly. All of you. I wish... that things had been different with your parents, and I think part of me feared you felt the same. We both did."
it never ceased to shock her when she witnessed people drink their coffee black and straight from brew with it boiling hot. astonished, the blonde was trying not to stare as her friend tasted her caffeinated ritual and instead focus on what sage had promised. "i believe ya, and truth be told i didn't wanna bother ya with this but i'm glad i ran into ya regardless." a small smile tucked in at the corner of her mouth, because for one, she always appreciated being in sage's company, and two, it ended up that some security changes might come about.
"don't get me wrong, sage," the blonde leaned back against the counter, her emotions finally under control, "most nights it's all without incident. there's just the occasional asshole once in a while. but that's anywhere ya go. you're doin' a great job, by the way...runnin' this place." paige knew that it couldn't be easy. "how ya been doin' lately? it's been a while since we had any sort of check in." to no fault of either of theirs given the demands on them. "did ya know that elliott is back in sedona?"
Sage hadn't anticipated the woman's compliment, nor would she have expected Paige's words to touch her so deeply. She cared a lot. Probably more than she should have. And while as the marketing manager, she didn't officially run the casino, Sage had certainly taken on tasks far above her pay grade. "Thank you, Paige. That means a lot." The brunette's smile was warm and genuine, stretching across her lips with ease. Though it was the mention of her ex-best friend that caused it to waver.
"I've been.. fairly good, I guess. Nothing new to report, though that news definitely took me by surprise. He showed up at my house the other week, asking to use my bathroom, like absolutely nothing happened. I don't get it. I never will. He's been through a lot, but you don't just turn on the people who love you. How are you dealing with it all? I imagine it's just as weird for you, if not more."
While Summer had already prepared herself to take on the role of Sandy, Tyler's question made her realize that there were other options available. Squinting her eyes, she couldn't help but grin as she took in the sight of the man before her, already imagining him in a blonde wig and heels. "I mean, look at me. I was obviously born to sing the role of Danny Zuko. I'm wearing a leather jacket and everything," she quipped, sitting herself up a little straighter as if to show off the jacket.
For as much as she gave him shit, it was nice to be able to talk to someone who wouldn't judge her for her actions. Speaking with Lake was entirely out of the question, Hank worried, and no matter how supportive Maverick had been, the last thing she wanted to do was put him in an awkward position time and time again. "He seems healthy. Like he's in a really good place and he's made good progress... but I've been fooled before, and this isn't the longest his sobriety has lasted. It's hard when you love someone and you're able to visualize what was and what could be, but I just don't want to lose myself again."
Grateful for some relief from the heaviness of her thoughts, Summer cracked a smile once more, this time giving the man a shake of her head. "Big mistake on my part. But I'd still buy a copy."
at her demand tyler looked at summer as she straightened, his dark eyes roamed over the leather she adjusted as it adorned her and a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. he nodded, "that's cool baby, you know how it is, rockin' and rollin' and what not," and then wondered if she'd catch the line. then his attention shifted to himself and tyler looked down at his chest before his gaze popped back up to her. "you think i could rock the crop top?"
something he'd never take lightly was the friends that trusted him with the hardest parts of their lives and the deeper thoughts they'd have. alcoholism had touched his life too through family, friends, and he'd met people in prison that had done awful things because of the sickness. so, as his friend shared, his expression was one of understanding. "your head's in the right place," he commended, "and it'll never be easy. you can still love and support him without losing yourself in the process." he shrugged then added, "i'm all for his progress, that's great to hear, but your life is gonna continue to slip away if you sit around and wait for him. let him rise to meet you where you're at." easier said than he offered a half smile and hoped she knew she had him to lean on whenever needed, for the good and the bad.
a laugh broke then and his head shook at the actual probability of a calendar. "your support keeps me strong and i'm glad to know it'd be october year round in your place."
As Tyler quoted a line straight out of the movie, Summer could only laugh, rolling her eyes with amusement as she matched his energy. "Tyler... What the hell's the matter with you?" While Sandy had been the first to say it, it was something she often wondered while talking to her friend. Especially at the mention of any crop tops. "Oh, for sure. I hear they drive the ladies wild!"
Despite all their teasing, Tyler had a point. And it was times like this that Summer was reminded exactly why she loved him. He could be the most unserious person at times, but when it came to her emotions, he was someone she could count on to always have her back. "I can tell he's trying. I think it's just.. hard for me to walk away in the meantime, you know? I made the mistake of going back to our apartment while he was there, and it felt nearly impossible to walk away."
It was difficult to recall that evening without being hit with a wave of sadness, to remember just how normal things had felt for that short period of time. But then, the next morning, she was faced with reality. It was never easy to forget.
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" i feel like i'm having deja vu right now , " he said as he spotted summer at the grocery store doing whatever miscellaneous job she had tasked herself with. he had known her long enough to know that she tended to be a little more on the proactive side compared to him. " suddenly i'm fourteen and you're giving me , " he paused , thinking of the appropriate word in case any students were around. " slack for taking a handful of grapes. "
@sunbleachcd ( summer )
While there were certainly some drawbacks to a quiet afternoon at the grocery store, Summer had felt more productive than ever. Not only had she finished checking her expiries between bursts of customers, but she was nearly finished arranging their new produce display when she heard a familiar voice from behind her.
Allowing her head to swivel in Luke's direction, the blonde released a light-hearted chuckle, noting the man's pause as he searched for a substitute to his expletive. "You're truly lucky your grandfather owns the store. I'm not sure of many people who could get away with the shit you used to pull," she argued, clearly not taking the thought of his students into consideration with her word choice. "Let's face it. You'd still do that, even now."
He watched Sage for her reaction, waiting with baited breath for her to laugh in his face at just how pathetic he sounded, how pathetic his life had been for the last ten years. This was the first time he had actually narrated the full story for someone. Paige knew, but that was because she had gone through something similar with Elliott, so it had been easy to go through each of these stages with her. Now he was actually explaining the choices he had made, the way he had been living his life, putting everything on hold for someone who clearly didn't want him, for ten years.
But when Sage spoke, there wasn't a hint of judgement. She had always had a way of cutting straight to the heart of something without making you feel like you were bleeding out on the floor. It was one of his favorite things about his sister. His jaw tightened for a moment before it loosened, gaze dropping to the glass in his hand. "I spent so long telling myself I was being patient. That I was being the kind of man who doesn't give up on his marriage just because it gets hard."
He exhaled slowly through his nose. "But somewhere along the way, patience stopped looking like strength and started looking a whole lot likeโฆ" He shook his head, jaw working. "Like I was too scared to let go, because if I did, I knew I'd be the only one holding onto it."
It was difficult not to feel pain for her brother. To know that Jacob was experiencing his own unique level of loss. While there was agony in losing your partner to death, he had been left to grieve the living for years now, holding onto the shards of a relationship that had since deteriorated.
Sage's gaze remained steady, her hands reaching out to ground her brother as he spoke. For a woman who rarely showed affection, even the presence of her hand on his shoulder was a sign of love. "And you're a lot stronger for that than you'd think. You don't know how many people walk away from relationships the second things get hard, but you're not like them."
She could admire his resilience and determination, but for her brother's sake, Sage wished that he had faced his fears sooner. Not because she didn't love Kiraz, but because it was clear that these years of isolation and overthinking had drained him. "I know it's not an easy decision, Jake. But there's something brave in choosing yourself. You can't keep putting your heart on the back burner if she isn't going to meet you half way."
