Tonight is a night that I wish I was better. A better sister, friend, girlfriend, daughter, fur mom. I just wish I wasn’t so weak ya know? And people say I’m strong which is such bs. I’m not man. I break down so often and want to not exist or die just as many times. I read and look at awful things just to feel sad so I can release some of this emotion and it rarely works
I wish I didn’t exist in this realm. Like I wish I didn’t have responsibilities or emotions or sadness or relationships to people. I wish I was just me without anything but without anything am I me? What does god think looking at us without having a relationship with us? Or does she have a relationship with each of us and that’s why she can’t do anything? Or worse, what if she also doesn’t exist and all of this is meaningless. We are just specks that exist in a fraction of a second in the 24 hour clock that is the universe’s life span. What if we are just blips of carbon and oxygen and nitrogen that clump together and disassemble in the blink of a universal eye. Why does any of this matter then? Why does my sadness or another person’s happiness or another’s suffering even matter? What’s the point of even trying when your existence means quite literally nothing in the span of existence. Why bother?
romaincrisis
snowghoul
2087
