Once more, I return to the stabbing scene vis a vis Izzy and Calico Jack, more or less related to what I talked about here.
Again, this moment is clearly memorable for Ed, as he tells Mary Read, and even perhaps for Stede, who recalls the line "I stabbed you, you nut" via "You nut, why'd you have to go and get yourself killed" when he's sitting by Ed's bedside.
But this is also important in terms of how the representatives of toxic masculinity in the pirate world, Izzy and Jack, conceptualize sex between men.
Both Izzy and Jack clearly view sex as something that is done by someone to someone - I've discussed earlier how Izzy's understanding of the stabbing precipitates his insistence that Ed kill Stede. He's requiring that Ed fix the hierarchical imbalance created when Ed asks an "effeminate" man to penetrate him - something which Ed ultimately declines to do, and which Izzy himself cannot do (because his attempt to kill Stede backfires and effectively unmans him by breaking his sword).
Jack's own view of sex and sexuality is markedly similar. He also attempts to dominate Stede by his account of his "dalliances" with Ed, by reducing their sexual relationship (and all sexual relationships between men) to functions, and finally by pissing on Stede's shoes. It's entirely a performance of dominance - he tries to argue that Stede is ashamed by the thought of "buggery" and drags Ed's own sex life into the open (something which Stede rejects, saying that Ed's past life is his own business and that he respects that). Since Jack was sent by Izzy, one wonders how much he's learned about Stede and Ed from Izzy, and how much he infers on his own. The question - "Are you buggering each other?" - is a frank statement about what Izzy certainly thinks is going on.
Izzy's view of the stabbing scene and Jack's discussion of buggering are entirely about who is doing what to whom - and to them, who does what determines sexual roles and therefore their place in the hierarchy. Dominance and submission is about who penetrates and who is penetrated, and that is ultimately about power, not pleasure, desire, or love.
At no point do either of them imagine that Stede and Ed's relationship could have a romantic or emotional component - Izzy only sees Ed being seduced by Stede, Jack only sees buggery and dalliances. That their sexual roles could be not about power but pleasure and desire, much less an expression of love, is not something Izzy or Jack consider. And that Ed could be topped or even dominated by a gentle man who doesn't use, or think to use, penetration to hurt or shame him doesn't enter into their heads.
Ed, as much as Izzy or Jack, is aware of the power dynamics in sex between men in a way that Stede is unlikely to be. Ed does know the rules by which Izzy and Jack function, and it's consistently shown that he's tired of those rules - hence why he wanted to meet Stede in the first place, and why he continues to reject Izzy and Jack in favor of Stede. But he believes that's who he has to be - he tells Stede "you were always going to find out who I am" before he leaves the ship with Jack.
I've said before that Ed's entire purpose in the stabbing scene is to have Stede hold him. He's unable to ask for the softness he wants and so turns it into a violent game, not so dissimilar from the ones he plays with Jack. He allies a symbolic sexual act with violence because that's the primary way he understands - and, we can infer, has experienced - sex. But what he sees and feels in that moment, and what he remembers when he recounts it to Mary, is a soft man who doesn't treat sex and violence as inextricable, and is only concerned about having hurt him.
By the time we get Calypso's birthday, Ed seems to have fully realized that there is an alternative to the sexual power structure in which he has lived his entire life. That discovery is as freeing for him as it is for Stede, because it means that the soft things he wants, and the desires that he has, are not shameful, nor do they need to be violent for him to find pleasure in them. Being held by Stede is something he can ask for, and being penetrated by Stede doesn't need to be painful. By then, neither Stede nor Ed see their roles, or their choices about their sexuality, as fitting into a masculine power structure.
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