# 𝚂𝚄𝙹𝙸.𝙴𝚇𝙴 ♡ a character study that dwells in the peripheral: in doubled selves, missing bodies, the weight of feelings, and how empathy becomes a form of endurance ⸻ dependent blog affiliated with 𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒉𝒒𝒔.
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"do you have a favorite or?" mila asked as she scanned through suji's bookshelf, making small talk as she knew she would not recognize a single book. what she did know though was that suji was probably needing somebody with the recent flyers around town. it was creepy, eerie, and just plain weird, so of course, the newly found friend was going to be there. of course she couldn't do much, plus, it wasn't like they were exactly the closest, mila's own walls still up, but, if she could help get her mind off of it for a little bit, she figured that'd help a little bit, right? "so," taking a seat at her dining room table, "real talk, how're you? what's up?"
♡ she stands to the side, just out of the way, and watches mila browse. she doesn't believe in being precious about the books on her shelf; in fact, she's more than happy to share all of them ( the one she won't isn't displayed anyway ), but nearly eleven years as a bookseller has engraved itself into her bones. ❝ favourite? ❞ suji's head tilts, giving her friend's first question proper thought. when she feels ready to answer, she steps forward, allowing her finger to run along the spine of a nearby novel. ❝ if i had to choose, i like the ones that feel like they're watching me back the most. ❞ she offers honestly, running through a list in her head―the white book, songs of a dead dreamer, the turn of a screw, things we lost in the fire―before following mila's example, taking the seat across from her. ❝ but to answer your real question, i am .. doing. at least, i'm doing what i think i'm supposed to be doing. i go to work. i come home. i take care of somi, ❞ she flashes a smile in the direction of her beloved pet asleep on her coffin-shaped dog bed, ❝ i water my plants. i just .. keep going. ❞ a shrug. ❝ how's it all been sitting with you? ❞
”match my freak” match my melancholy. be nostalgic about a past you weren’t even that happy in. find something to be haunted about throughout every second of your day
♡ her decor is dark ( with some occasional warmth ); maximalist; full of her creepy knick knacks & diy refurbished furniture; and looks like spirit halloween threw up on it. she has two bedrooms―the one not shown is pretty basic, doesn't resign to any sense of style in hopes that either of her siblings would be comfortable staying in it without feeling like they were invading a space that belonged only to her―a living room, bathroom, kitchen, dining area that actually serves as her main library, and balcony. she lives on the ground floor in white pine heights.
There was this part of him that instantly stilled at the sight of her; it wasn't in alarm or even truly in response, but rather a reflex that he couldn't name, like the unspooling of a tight feeling in his chest. Like the world had been slightly off-centre and had now tilted back into its right frame. Oh, there she was. Things made a little more sense again. And suddenly, ever so quietly, there sat this thought in the back of his mind that told him he should've felt a little embarrassed for indulging in pretentious melancholy this openly.
As something of an apology, he moved the bottle to the other side of himself, further away from her. He didn't mention it, though.
"Of course I'm not busy," he said, though he might've been. It was hardly like that mattered. "And I'm the best uncle. So I'll be there." Still, something about her words piqued his interest, had him leaning back a little to catch a better glance at her face, he was watching her reaction as he quirked a brow. "Are you saying you wouldn't have an excuse to buy a human cake if I wasn't coming? Are there no other humans coming to the party, darling?"
♡ the word humans lands carefully and she takes a moment of pause before responding. why did he use that word? is there something he's not asking? or has this new vandalisation set her on edge? despite living in the same town again for roughly half a year, she doesn't feel like she can read him as well as she used to. there's a lag, seconds she needs to interpret instead of the answers coming intuitively and her inability to find the reconnect frustrates her more than she's willing to admit. the bookseller leans back, the winter chill from the wood acting as a balm through her jacket. she huffs a breath, focusing her attention on the cloud from her lips, and shakes her head. of course not. ❝ family celebrates first, ❞ she says, ❝ friends get the weekend party, so yeah. that's exactly what i'm saying. ❞ her head swivels in his direction, her mouth adopting a child-like smile brimming with pride, ❝ plus, it's been nearly twenty five years and i've still never had a slice of birthday cake without you. ❞ her reasons why have changed, of course, but her refusal won't. she's stubborn that way. ❝ i'm going for a world record. ❞
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Sunny sat watching the evening roll in from a park bench. The sky was bleeding from oranges into reds and dark navy shades; too late to go home, too early to go out. It was never too early to start drinking, though. In somewhat of a tortured-poet fashion, Jaesung had crumpled up one of the missing posters into a makeshift coaster, on top of which sat a cheap bottle of whiskey.
When someone took note of him, or maybe rather of what he'd done, he simply picked up the bottle and held it out as a peace offering.
♡ she feels him first; his presence a tightening behind her ribs. a subtle pull, like the turning of a tide, making her steps falter. not stopping, just adjusting―as if her body is already negotiating the distance. suji lifts her head, taking note of the bench sitting near the white pines. his posture looks careless in the way that only says casual if you don't know any better. the town noise fades to a dull hum as the scene assembles itself: jaesung, the bottle ring blooming outward, the desecrated face folded beneath it, his eventual peace offering. a beat, then two. ❝ no. not today, ❞ she says as she sits anyway, the bench creaking as the old wood complains about the added weight. she can feel the heat coming of his arm though her winter layers, the restless energy beneath his stillness and she tries her hand at changing the subject. ❝ are you busy next thursday? ❞ she quietly takes the folded poster and smooths it with the flat of her hand, slow and deliberate, as if the paper might respond better to kindness. ❝ it's somi's birthday and, as her uncle, you're obligated to be there so i have an excuse to buy a human cake. ❞
I would've answered felt like a knife to the chest. It was a reminder of just how much accountability she'd avoided taking. Just how much she acted in ways that she didn't even recognize within herself, and above all, how much she hurt the people she cared about. Pressing her lips into a straight line she nodded silently. Mars really hoped Suji had been doing well but given her response she wasn't too sure. She wanted to pry and plead and try to convince Suji to open up and tell her how she was really feeling...But how could she expect anyone to open up to her when she was doing the opposite? "I've been doing okay.." The lies tasted more and more like awful cough syrup the more of them she told. She hesitated before speaking up once more. Stuffing her hands in the pocket of her jeans she nodded once again. "Yeah, permanently. I decided I'm gonna stay here. I kinda missed being around."
♡ i've been doing okay. the words land heavier than they should; she hears all the places it doesn't reach because she's been using versions of the phrase herself for the last ( almost ) five years. she doesn't respond immediately, instead choosing to study her friend's face. eventually, suji comments quietly, ❝ i'm here, you know. always. ❞ there's no pressure, no desire to invade a space she hasn't yet been invited, but it's important to her that she lets amara know that despite how much has changed, her love hasn't. that it won't. upon hearing the confirmation that mars is staying, permanently, the muscles in her shoulders ease. she knows that time is fickle, that life can change in an instant, but she chooses to accept this as a win. her smile brightens, ❝ it means a lot to me that you're staying. ❞ after a beat, she gestures in the direction of her intended destination. ❝ anyway, i was on my way to the griddle for a quick bite, if you'd like to share a booth? ❞
After a long day working at Lucky Strikes, Valorie was dragging herself home half asleep when she felt a light breeze on her face then heard a crunch under her shoe, she looked down to find a piece of paper flipped over under the toe of her foot. She leant down to pick it up and flipped it over, that's when she saw the missing poster for Cierra Flores but it had been messed with. In big red bold letters wrote CURSED with Xs crossing out her eyes as if it was painted with blood, "What the fuck?" Valorie let out in a quiet, confused mutter. Valorie stood there for a little while just analyzing the paper, what it a prank? maybe someone was playing a sick joke? She looked around to see someone also looking at the same page, posted on the wall over top the Ashford 5 posters she had passed this morning, she jogged over to them and said "Hey, do you know what's going on?" looking confused as she showed them the paper in her hand and pointed to the ones on the wall.
♡ she's standing a little off to the side of the string of posters when the voice comes from behind her. she startles, just enough to feel it in her shoulders before she stills herself. the missing posters are pinned in uneven rows, paper curling at the edges from the elements. someone has layered the old one on top of the newer faces, her brother's included, the new red ink screaming against the sun bleached wall. eventually, she turns and she feels the recognition tugging at her before her memory finally catches up, then shakes her head. ❝ i don't think anyone knows. no one i've talked to seems to have an idea, anyway. ❞ removing the phone from its home in her pocket, she snaps a quick photo before smoothing the edges of the vandalised paper. ❝ i'm not sure, but i wonder if this was done by one individual or multiple? were they hoping for a specific reaction when they crossed out the eyes? did that not happen so they decided to escalate? what if they still don't get what they were hoping for? how far do you think they're willing to go? ❞ she looks back to valorie. ❝ ...or maybe the creeping is getting to me. ❞
"I think we'd know if we were cursed." Joey confirmed. He was a strong believer in this stuff, he took it extremely serious. "There would be signs that were more evident than some red pen scribbled on paper." His hand wafting towards the missing postered that had been graffitied recently. "There'd be more.. you know.. birds dying in flocks and shit." He shrugged his shoulders feeling silly having to explain his thought process. People were either believers or not, he thought they were stupid not to believe but he wasn't going to get into all of that with people. That was their own fate.
♡ ❝ that's true―if it were the town that was cursed, anyway. ❞ not that she believes that to be true, of course. thanks to her love of the strange, she knows how important it is to separate the unknown from the accusatory. belief leaves fingerprints and considering the vandalism was nothing short of anonymous and cruel, it doesn't make any sense. suji feels the tension release from her shoulders the longer she continues this train of thought and she's thankful to him for it. ❝ but, in all honesty, i don't think anyone should get to turn them into a story without permission. ❞ she pulls her sleeves past her hands before stepping closer to remove the poster, soon looking to him, ❝ do you know anyone who can see if there's any evidence on here? do you think it'd be worth it? ❞
There is a wave of guilt that silently washes over Taylan when his eyes finally register the person he is posing the aggressive question too. Another him, another broken family from it all. "Right.." He trails off, the paper still clutched in his tight grip. A part of him afraid to let it go, as if the evidence of it will disappear once it hits the cold cement at his feet, like there aren't a few hundred more scattered around the town now too. "I-.." His mouth opens to form an apology, but quickly retracts it before the words can even fully spill. Taylan was never good at this, even when both his siblings disappeared that spring too. "It could just be some fucked up prank, you know." Unsure if he was trying to convince her or himself at his point, turning the paper ever so slightly for the other to get a better look if they hadn't already.
♡ she shakes her head once at his offer of a better look. ❝ please don't. ❞ her weight shifts, angling her body just enough to put her boundary back in place. she's curious, of course, but seeing it up close runs the risk of turning those missing into something that's been violated twice. ❝ i don't need to know it that well. ❞ with a deep breath, suji continues to pour effort into recentering herself without giving too much more away. she isn't the only one affected. soon, the last of the buzzing has left her ears and she returns to his suggestion. ❝ but i don't know. it could be, sure, but doesn't a prank typically want an audience? ❞ the bookseller makes it a point to look around at their surroundings. ❝ i don't see anyone hiding around the corners or hear anyone in the bushes, and what's-his-face hasn't popped out to tell us we've been punk'd yet .. this feels more like something that wants to be believed, no? ❞
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She opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it and looked away. Amara knew she needed to be careful with her words, otherwise something stupid like i miss you might've come out. Shame, guilt, regret. All three hitting her in the stomach like a truck. When she made the decision to come back she knew that adjusting would be hard, but what she hadn't considered was how hard it would be to face what and who she'd left behind. Looking back up at her, Amara hesitated before answering. "Um..a couple weeks." She mumbled feeling guiltier than ever. Of course she wanted to reach out. She wanted to reach out more than anything but to tell you the truth, it terrified her. She knew she probably wasn't he same Amara that everyone remembered and she didn't know how to handle that. "I mean to call but-...things with the move got kinda crazy.." That was the best she could do. "It's-..it's really good to see you though. How've you been?"
♡ suji nods once, like she's absorbing the change in weather. she feels it in the air, the shared grief. their shared guilt. phones work both ways, she knows, but jaeyoung's disappearance has taught her that wanting someone doesn't bring them back. if anything, being the first to reach out would've done nothing but reopen the wound. silence is safer than expectation. ❝ oh, ❞ she replies with a gentle smile. her voice drops just above a whisper, ❝ i would've answered. ❞ there's no accusation in her tone, just an acknowledgement that says amara will always have a place with her; one she can always come back to. she clears her throat, soon waving her hand as she gestures towards their surroundings, ❝ but i've been .. well, you know. ❞ same town, same ghosts. ❝ and it's good to see you, too. ❞ because it is. ❝ will you be putting down roots here for long? ❞
"That shits not even remotely funny." Joey screwed his face in disbelief. "The youth today have no respect for the dead. I'm sure they wouldn't find this funny it was their mother on that poster. It was easier to believe the kids in the town were pulling pranks on everyone than something more sinister.
♡ her mind begins to race, her gaze bouncing like a ping pong ball as she takes in the scene: the red ink, the violence of crossed out eyes, the cruelty of the word cursed .. it's disgusting, but not surprising. if there's anything she's learned over the past five years, it's that the world has always been unkind to the missing. it doesn't stop her from questioning, however. is this what people think happened? her eyes fall away. not to the sight, but no longer wanting to be seen seeing it. she takes a moment to ground herself, fiddling with a loose string on the sleeve of her jacket and repositioning herself, ever so slightly. once she's compartmentalised her grief, suji's attention lifts to joey and she finally offers a reply, ❝ yeah. yeah, you're right―plus, i've always thought if we were going to get cursed, it'd be a lot more subtle than a red .. whatever that is. ❞ the joke comes out quiet and crooked, but she needs something, anything, to keep herself from wondering if any of the posters below it are also desecrated. if her brother's is.
"What the hell?" Reaching out and tearing down the flyer Amara stared at it while a mixture of nausea and apprehension swirled around in her stomach. A scoff left her lips followed by the shaking of her head. It was disgusting. Who could've done something like this? Is this what people in Ashford were like now? Because she had no memory of this kind of cruelty casually being paraded around town. She let out a sigh as memories she tried so hard to suppress began running rampant in her mind. Over and over again she saw his smile, heard his laugh and could almost feel him playfully push her shoulder. Maybe coming back here was a mistake. Maybe she should've just stayed put. Whatever conclusion she was going to come to, she wasn't going to to do it. Turning around to leave Mars stopped herself when she saw a familiar face. One that brought her heartbreak and comfort all at the same time. "Suji?"
♡ suji wants to remove the vandalisation, to save someone else from the same tar pit she's found herself in, but her feet won't move. it isn't until she hears a voice that the noise in her ears, and in her mind, begin to decrease. there's a comfort found in the familiar sound, yet it's tainted by things uglier than memory: fear, desecration, rumour. she blinks once, twice, and finally lifts her head. ❝ well, ❞ her humour surfaces like a bruise―tender and ill-timed, ❝ it's about time the town finally picked a genre, huh? ❞ three beats. ❝ wait. i'm sorry. mars, hey. thank you. ❞ for removing that. ❝ when .. when did you get here? ❞
It was late and the man was more than ready to call the day quits and head home, the only thing on his mind was putting the Playpen into his rearview until tomorrow. Until he stepped outside and came face to face with a vandalized missing poster of Cierra Flores, covering up where his own sisters was. "Who the fuck-.." He could feel the anger bubble up inside of him as he ripped it down, crumpling half of it just from his grip on it. He knew his boss would be in a rage once he saw them and Taylan was already there. The only thing to take his eyes away from the poster was a shadow out of the corner of his eye. "Hey! You know anything about this shit?"
♡ when the poster first comes into view, the woman finds herself stopping short. still. the sound of insects invade her ears, a cacophony of cicadas and katydids that soon deafen suji to the world around her. it's only when her hands begin to ache that she realises how long she's been standing, clutching her book and bag of the night's takeout. her fists slowly loosen, attention descending as she feels her grief settle back into its usual place inside her chest, quickly spreading to gum up her throat⸻which only seems to thicken when she hears the question. while it may not be an accusation, suji can't help but hear it as one. not one that claims she has something to do with it, but one that points out her failure in not knowing more. the guilt she feels prevents her from making eye contact when she finally responds, ❝ i'm sorry. i don't know anything―if i did, i wouldn't still be standing here. ❞ she laughs suddenly, but the sound carries no mirth. it's hollow. aching. ❝ but how fucked is it that i don't even have a clue? ❞ suji isn't sure if she's still talking about the poster.
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introducing SUJI PARK! the TWENTY4 year old is said to have lived here for HER WHOLE LIFE. we heard they grew up to become a bookseller at books & beats and a resident in white pine heights. they are known to be wise and impulsive which makes sense when you think about how they were a YOUNGER SISTER TO JAEYOUNG PARK who went missing five years ago. maybe this year will change things for them. ↬ pinterest.
I. BASIC INFORMATION
korean name: park suji.
english name: susie park.
pronounciation: soo-zee ( english ); soo-jee ( korean ).
meaning of name: purity & intelligence.
preferred name(s): suji, typically. but she'll answer to susie.
date of birth: 01 MARCH 2001 ( could be changed once twin is applied for ).
place of birth: ashford, maine.
age: twenty4.
zodiac sign: pisces ( western & could be changed once twin is applied for ), metal snake ( chinese ).
gender identity: cis woman.
pronouns: she + her.
sexual orientation: bisexual.
romantic orientation: biromantic.
faceclaim: kim yoojung.
current visual: here.
ethnicity: south korean.
nationality: korean american.
languages: korean, english, asl, latin.
medical history: audhd, undiagnosed. low support needs.
living arrangements: a two bedroom apartment in white pine heights.
occupation: bookseller @ books & beats.
primary source of income: from her bookseller job.
secondary source of income: her writing via published short stories and her substack.
education level: recent graduate with a master of fine arts in creative writing with a concentration in fiction.
religion: doesn't subscribe to a specific one as she's much more spiritual in nature.
dialogue style: typically soft spoken observations sprinkled with subtext ( emotional, not literal ) and pauses, but sometimes she's a motormouth and it's difficult to keep up because she'll say long story short but provide the director's cut complete with the behind the scenes footage. it all depends on where she's at mentally.
piercings: seven on right ear, six on left, nose stud ( visuals in pinterest ).
tattoos: crescent moon and leaf design between boobs, floral design on inner left forearm to represent her parents, three dots on inner right middle finger to represent her and her two siblings, a pinky promise design on back right arm above elbow for jaeyoung, "1/2" on outer right wrist for her twin ( visuals in pinterest ).
signature scent: maison margiela's replica lazy sunday morning ( notes: lily of the valley, iris, and white musk ).
sense of style: corporate gothic is the best way to describe it, but she'll wear whatever is comfortable. she doesn't wear a whole lot of colour, at least not bright ones, since her high school years.
favourite authors: han kang, shirley jackson, daphne du maurier, emily bronte, angela carter, toni morrison, kazuo ishiguro, ottessa moshfegh, stephen graham jones, ocean vuong.
primary vice: emotional overabsorption - she tends to internalise the emotions of others to the point of clouding her boundaries & losing her sense of stability.
primary virtue: compassionate empathy - because of her heightened empathy, she's able to offer presence and care without judgment; providing others with a safe space ... or she tries to, anyway.
greatest fear: that she'll lose her twin ( or they'll lose her ) next, that they'll never find any answers about jaeyoung, and stillness because it feels like the introduction to disappearance.
greatest desire: find her brother safe and alive, obviously. also to be chosen without needing to ask or perform for it.
motivations: to locate her older brother, to preserve memory & meaning, to understand & connect deeply, and to maintain emotional safety.
core values: emotional honesty, empathy, connection, belonging, integrity, and appreciation.
weaknesses: difficulty letting people in, overanalysing certain decisions and not considering other decisions long enough, prone to burnouts.
quirks: she eats while reading and reads while eating, rarely giving both her full attention. keeps her phone on vibrate at all times and checks it more than necessary. hates photos of herself, but regularly takes them of her loved ones and keeps them carefully organized in her journal. uses pencil to annotate her books with underlines, the lines so faint they're almost invisible, and can never remember why she marked them.
pet peeves: being told she's "too sensitive", even if it's meant as a compliment. books that resolve loss and grief neatly, as if the journey is always linear. fluorescent lights, especially if they flicker and/or hum. stickers on book covers, particularly when there's cover art. maps that say you are here, as if location is ever that simple. anyone fucking with her family in any way whatsoever.
life philosophy: she believes in tending to the world without taking anything, in carrying grief without being crushed, and in living at the edges where feeling quietly teaches the heart to endure.
mbti personality: infp-t, the mediator.
enneagram type: 4w5, the romantic observer.
temperament: melancholic.
moral alignment: true neutral.
III. RELATIONSHIPS
siblings: jaeyoung park, older brother ( missing ). jaesung park, twin sibling.
children: none, and she isn't sure if she wants any in the future.
significant other(s): tba.
best friend(s): soph cole.
rival(s): none.
enemies: only those who treat her siblings in any way she deems "wrong".
pets: a cream dachshund, 11 mo., named somi.
other important relationships: tba.
IV. BACKGROUND
TEENAGE YEARS
significant events:
at age 3teen, after lengthy conversations with her english teacher and encouragement from jaeyoung, she begins taking her writing seriously. she makes it a point to write a little something every day, whether it be just a journal entry, a poem, a short story, etc. through this writing, she notices a pattern: she isn't capable of just notice what emotions others are feeling, she's able to discern why they're feeling them.
at age 4teen, she's halfway through her freshman year when the continued misunderstandings between her & her peers - paired with those who only try to get close to her once they find out who she's related to - begin to further reinforce her idea that she's the outlier. this is what encourages her to begin pulling further away from the role as an active participant to being the observer. this is also the age when she begins working at books & beats.
at age 6teen, her subtle, melancholic writing receives acknowledgement at school, validating her creative voice. she also experiences her first crush. it's intense, and definitely unrequited.
at age 7teen, she confides in a friend about her said crush and her trust is betrayed. she's also voted most likely to be there for you.
at age 8teen/9teen, jaeyoung goes missing and it's this trauma that cements her peripheral, observant, and grief attuned personality.
ADULTHOOD
significant events:
at twenty1, she realises she no longer listens for jaeyoung's footsteps or expects it's him when her phone goes off. this is the first time she wonders if the idea of him coming back today is nothing more than wishful thinking; an illusion, and she feels a profound sense of guilt & betrayal.
at twenty2, a patron enters the bookstore during her shift and it's someone she recognises: an old penpal. they didn't write back and forth for long, their connection only lasting a few months when the patron was a college freshman and suji a 9th grade kid. they were formally introduced just once on a field trip set up by the high school to allow the creative writing students to meet one another, so suji doesn't expect to be remembered all these years later ... except, she is. and not only is she remembered, the woman expresses her gratitude to suji, i never got to say thank you, but your letters helped me, even long after we'd stopped. it's because of them that i didn't lose faith in myself or my journey. i'm in the process of publishing my first poetry collection because of your words and encouragement. as someone who is used to being the only one who remembers, this shakes suji. in the best way, and encourages her to keep going.
at twenty3, she reads daphne du maurier's rebecca for the first time early in her master's program and it becomes a personal touchstone for her for reasons she won't articulate. it's the only book in her library that she refuses to lend out or recommend to others, even though she has multiple copies ( mainly because her rereads and level of annotating lead to ruin ).
at twenty4, she officially graduates with her masters, but the achievement feels hollow because she should be sharing this moment with both her siblings. because of this, she avoids photos of the accomplishment.
V. HABITS & QUIRKS
daily routine:
8:00 - 9:30A. unless she's working the early shift, she doesn't awake to an alarm. instead, she slowly comes back into consciousness, into her grief. it's the strongest during this time, and despite hating the stillness of her usual morning, she can't bring herself to get up when she's not needed.
9:30 - 10:00A. this is when she does her grounding routine. she makes the same cup of tea ( solomon's seal tea with local honey, made the way jaeyoung always made for her ), opens a window ( regardless of the weather ), makes a small breakfast ( leftover rice, a slice of fried spam, and an overeasy egg ) that she forgets about halfway through eating it. she checks her text messages and voicemails, just in case anyone needs her, before moving on to her carefully curated socials. she avoids the news at all costs; there's too much disappearance.
10:00 - 11:30A. she sets aside this time as her writing block. she doesn't know if she ever publish anything, but she works on whichever draft that calls her name. lately, it's a novel she's titled the weight of nothing.
11:30A - CLOSING. she works her shift at the bookshop and stays until closing, even if she's not scheduled to do so. this is the only place where she feels useful without being exposed. she prefers places where nothing expects her and her place of employment is good for that ( so are cemeteries and old, abandoned, houses ).
8:30 - 9:00P. she takes the longer route home to help decompress. sometimes she stops somewhere familiar to grab something for dinner, and listens to music she's memorised thoroughly to avoid any surprises.
9:00 - 11:30P. she eats and uses most of this time as her reading block. usually it's something for one of her book clubs, but sometimes she shops her shelves and picks something that calls to her. once she's put her book down, she falls down one of her many rabbit holes: folklore, missing persons cases, myths. sometimes she'll even look up jaeyoung's name, but she always closes the tab before anything loads.
12:00 - 2:00A. though she's in bed by this time, she puts off sleep. sometimes she picks up her book again, sometimes it's one of her drafts, sometimes she plays a game.
nervous tics: fiddling with one of her rings, sleeve, or the corner of the book in her hands. tucking her hair behind her ear. rocking.
unhealthy habits: she loves people from a distance, mistakes intensity for intimacy, withdrawls from those she feels are getting too close preemptively, is over-responsible for the feelings of others.
VI. INSPIRATION
book character(s): helen wren, eleanor vance, the second mrs. de winter, catherine earnshaw, the narrator of the yellow wallpaper.
tv character(s): moon younghee, eungyo, fleabag ( internally ), rue bennett ( emotionally ), marianne sheridan.
song(s): should have known better ( sufjan stevens ), smother ( daughter ), a house in nebraska ( ethel cain ), fade into you ( mazzy star ), light years ( the national ).
VII. EXTRA TIDBITS
she was raised bilingual in korean & english, was taught ASL by an assistant librarian who was deaf during her elementary school years, and learned latin as her foreign language during high school and university.
likely the kind of person that seems like a disney character when outdoors bc animals just seem to flock to her. people do too tbh .. i feel like she has that aura that makes people just wanna tell her things. especially strangers.
gothic/horror romance are her favourite genres to read, but she'll read literally anything.
collects creepy knick-knacks and has for as long as she can remember. since jaeyoung disappeared, she also started collecting post cards.
loves all things spicy. she's also a phenomenal cook, even though she doesn't do it as often as she probably should. at least, not for herself. she'll cook for literally anyone and everyone else without hesitation.
if it's a word game, she has it downloaded on her phone and she plays them every chance she gets. you'll typically find her playing one when she's alone in public, too, just to avoid any stillness.
99.99999999999999% of everything she owns is secondhand because they remind her that things can be loved and still exist afterwards.
when the sun goes down, the lamp at her bedside table and the one in her kitchen are always left on, even when she sleeps. they're dim ( because bright lights are overstimulating ), and despite living at an address jaeyoung doesn't have, she leaves them on for him anyway. just in case.
( note: i'm sure i'll have more to add to this, but i've been working on it for idek how long and if i don't post it now i'll probably never do it. also, she is [ mostly ] a new muse, so if things don't line up with this as i plot and write her out, don't @ me pls. i'll get her figured out eventually )