me: *daydreams about opening a cozy bookstore that is also a bakery*

also me: *daydreams about my own death*

i’ve been suicidal for so long that i’ve just been assuming i wouldn’t live even as long as i have so i never thought about anything long term and now i have no idea what i’m going to do and i’m more afraid to live than i ever was to die

i have never wanted to die more than i have these past few weeks, it won’t stop, i just want everything to stop

i used to be a really smart kid who was “going places” but now i just cry a lot and eat all the food in the fridge

And then purge it…

I literally don’t want to go back outside until I’m skinny.

my mental illness is going to ruin every friendship, every relationship, it’s going to fucking destroy everything and i don’t know how to stop it

I wish I lived alone so I could destroy myself in peace

I literally don’t want to go back outside until I’m skinny.

i always think summer will be good until i remember i have depression & no friends