stuck in the world I don't belong in

to elaborate

I already bought the hair dye but im scared?? ive been platinum for so long that it feels like a part of my personality at this point but im also SO tired of the upkeep of platinum

I'm just afraid I'd regret it bc every time so far when I moved away from platinum i ended up regretting it and going back

(and if I dye it black now there's no going back to platinum unless i cut it all off and start over from scratch)

And I was thinking/talking to my partner about how I just can't help smiling and going "puppy!" whenever we see dogs (and it's nice and sometimes the person who's with said puppy will notice and smile!) but also how the few times we carried our cat to the vet on foot in a carrier i didn't really notice many people react/look (i always peek to see who's in the carrier if I see one, and go "aw kitty")

But the other part of your brain says you're disgusting and it's no wonder they no longer want you (and really, would you want you if you were them?)

and the reasonable part IS saying that yes! they're stressed out because of work and other stuff that's happening and doesn't seem to stop! It's completely understandable!