Three
I miss you. Not a day goes by i don’t think about you. It was hard then, but it’s harder now. The first thing i thought of 11 months ago was telling you. Because we dreamt of it. Watching each other’s kids grow up. But i couldn’t. I had dreams of telling you for 10 months. They haunted me even when i was awake. Now she’s here. Now im engolfed in thoughts of telling her our stories, worrying about her asking about who you are from pictures and me not being able to handle it. It hurts knowing she’ll never call you aunt/uncle. It hurts knowing I lost my best friends and she will ask about you one day. And she’ll ask for years what happened, until one day she’s old enough and I’ll tell her the truth. How I lost you. How I let you slip away. How it was all our faults, but I’ll always blame myself the most. How I still love you all with every piece of me I loved you with before and that will never change. How I still check up on you through our friends and social media. How I still send happy birthday texts every year. How when I haven’t seen or heard about you in a while I get worried. How I still wish the very best for you. How it hurts me every day to not be able to text or call like we used to. How I will spend every day wishing things never ended.
I love you, Always.
