Fuck Everything

I’m not fine

No one will care

I push away everyone to the point where i don’t want to have friends

Cause younger people shouldn’t see this

I’m so tired

Everything makes me frel like i’m going to cry

I’m useless and stupid and i can’t do anything right

I keep forgiving people who ruined my life

I’m such an idiot

I keep trying to make people laugh and smile and be happy, when i can’t even do that for myself

There are people that love me for who i am

But i don’t even know who i am anymore

Why can’t i just stop all of this

Why am i always tired

So tired i can’t even find the strength to take my medication or ask for help

I’m such a fucking idiot

I do nothing right

I hurt anyone who even thinks of me as their friend because my own thoughts betray me

I can’t even keep a single friend for more than three months

Because who would want to be friends with a loser like me

Who would want to even be near me

I deserved every little bit of bullying i got

I deserved it all

What i don’t deserve is friends, care, peace, or anything

I should just die

Then i wouldn’t hurt people

I wouldn’t be a bother

I wouldn’t be tired anymore

Maybe if i rid the world of the bother that is myself

Maybe i’ll deserve a slither of peace

Probably not

Not after

Hurting people

Or being accused of sexually assaulting my ex, of forcing them to do things

I don’t know what i did to make people hate me

But i deserve it

Want to od

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

I want to cut so badly

Then the pain would be gone

Maybe i should go back to the hospital

Yeah

I should

I belong there

Everything hurts

if i don’t see a psychologist soon

hah