#heavy vent

I’m so tired

Everything makes me frel like i’m going to cry

I’m useless and stupid and i can’t do anything right

I keep forgiving people who ruined my life

I’m such an idiot

I keep trying to make people laugh and smile and be happy, when i can’t even do that for myself

There are people that love me for who i am

But i don’t even know who i am anymore

Why can’t i just stop all of this

Why am i always tired

So tired i can’t even find the strength to take my medication or ask for help

I’m such a fucking idiot

I do nothing right

I hurt anyone who even thinks of me as their friend because my own thoughts betray me

I can’t even keep a single friend for more than three months

Because who would want to be friends with a loser like me

Who would want to even be near me

I deserved every little bit of bullying i got

I deserved it all

What i don’t deserve is friends, care, peace, or anything

I should just die

Then i wouldn’t hurt people

I wouldn’t be a bother

I wouldn’t be tired anymore

Maybe if i rid the world of the bother that is myself

Maybe i’ll deserve a slither of peace

Probably not

Not after

Hurting people

Or being accused of sexually assaulting my ex, of forcing them to do things

I don’t know what i did to make people hate me

But i deserve it

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I DON’T CARE

I DON’T WANT THIS I NEVER WANTED THIS

I DON’T WANT TO CHOOSE A CAREER THAT WILL DICTATE THE REST OF MY LIFE

I DON’T WANT TO MOVE OUT

I DON’T WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE

I DON’T WANT TO BE A LEGAL ADULT

I DON’T WANT TO OWN A HOUSE

I DON’T WANT TO LIVE ALONE

I DON’T WANT TO BE A SINGLE ADULT

I DON’T WANT TO DO TAXES

I DON’T WANT TO BUY MYSELF FOOD

I DON’T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN MEDICAL NEEDS AS A MENTALLY ILL NEURODIVERGENT DISABLED ADULT

I DON’T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF

I DON’T WANT TO GET UP EARLY FOR A JOB

I DONT WANT TO CONSTANTLY FEEL HORRIBLE AND DYSPHORIC BECAUSE I FEEL TRAPPED IN A BODY OLDER THAN I SHOULD BE IN

I DON’T WANT TO CONSTANTLY FEEL GUILTY FOR STILL BEING ATTRACTED TO MINORS

I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ADULT IN A CAPITALIST, FACIST, DOOMED COUNTRY

I DON’T WANT TO FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE YOUNGER PEOPLE AROUND ME

I DON’T WANT TO GET RID OF MY STUFFIES

I DON’T WANT TO STOP COLORING

I DON’T WANT TO STOP WATCHING CARTOONS

I DON’T WANT TO BE SEEN AS IMMATURE FOR MY AGE

I DONT WANT TO BE LOOKED AT WEIRD FOR HAVING YOUNGER FRIENDS

I DON’T WANT TO BE EXPECTED TO ACT MATURE

I DON’T WANT TO BE EXPECTED TO HAVE IT FIGURED OUT

I DON’T WANT TO LIVE AS A SOCIALLY ANXIOUS ADULT IN A WORLD THAT EXPECTS YOU TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO PEOPLE BY THIS AGE

I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS A FETISHIST FOR BEING AN AGE REGGRESOR

I DON’T WANT TO BE PRESSURED TO GET MARRIED

I DON’T WANT TO HAVE KIDS

I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THE HELL OF GETTING MY TUBES TIED

I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY FRIENDS

I DONT TO BE SEEN AS A CREEPY ADULT WHEN JUST BECAUSE I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY

I DON’T WANT IT TO BECOME HARDER AND HARDER TO GET DIAGNOSED

I DON’T WANT TO BE TOLD TO JUST GROW UP

I DON’T WANT TO STOP PLAYING VIDEOGAMES

I DON’T WANT MY DOG TO DIE

I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ADULT VIRGIN

I DON’T WANT TO BE EXPECTED TO DATE

I DON’T WANT TO MAKE MY OWN DECISION

I DON’T WANT TO SPEAK FOR MYSELF

I DON’T WANT THE THINGS I LOVE NOW TO BECOME DEAD FANDOMS IN A FEW YEARS

WHAT ABOUT THIS SEEMS EXCITING TO YOU? WHY ARE YOU CELEBRATING THIS? I FEEL LIKE CRYING AND YOU’RE CONGRATULATING ME? YOURE JUST RUBBING IT IN MY FACE. I’LL NEVER BE WHO I WANTED TO BE. IT’S ALL GONE. ITLL NEVER BE THE SAME. WHATEVER CHANCES I HAD ARE ALL GONE. THE LIFE I WANTED TO HAVE IS SLIPPPING AWAY.

I always try to have a positive outlook but I just can’t do it when it comes to aging. It’s never been a positive experience for me. It’s not beautiful. It’s not freeing. It’s not exciting. It’s depressing. It’s sad. It’s excruciating. It’s painful.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEE

I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANY MORE

I HATE BEING FORCED TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE WITH THIS PEOCE OF SHIT

HES NOT MY FUCKING DAD AND NEVER WILL BE

I feel like I'm losing my MARBLES

What is wrong with me?

Why can't I stop crying? I don't care what this stupid motherfucker thinks!

I WANT TO LEAVE!!!!!

why won't anyone treat me like a person? Are my grades the only thing that matter about me?

Of course it is! It makes them looks like "bad parents" and that's the only thing they FUCKING care about! Not my mental health, not my isolation, just how THEY look.

I can't fucking BREATHE I am crying so hard

WHY CANT I LIVE WITH PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LOVE ME?!?! I KNOW THEYRE OUT THERE, THEY'RE PROBABLY READING THIS POST

It hurts and it hurts and it hurts and I shouldn't even care but I do and I can't stop it.

MOTHER FUCKER SHIT PISS FUCK

AAAAUUGH

i won’t forget yesterday. I won’t. I won’t forget what my mom said.

straight to my face, yesterday while we were running late for my sister’s practice and me seeing my gf that day. she was yelling and insulting and telling all of those things straight to my face.

she was telling me that day how im nothing but selfish. telling me how i only care about myself. telling me that i was the one who put her in this situation, despite her starting it all the way a couple years ago and starting this mess. telling me how she didn’t care about how i felt no matter what i felt. telling me how i only make things worse for people. insulting me and my gf’s relationship, because she’s using how i keep it a secret from everyone else as a way to manipulate me. insulting my gf and her weight and her family. insulting me, telling me how selfish and useless and rude i am.

and then she tells me to forget it all.

I will never forget what you told me, straight to my face, at 5:07pm June 1st 2026. I will never fucking forget what you said about me and the person I love.

i will never fucking forget what you’ve done to me today and in the past few years.

I WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGET IT.

You poor thing, sweet mourning lamb... there is nothing you can do.