Sugar Addict Anonymous

I’m doing it again. 

It’s taken me a really long time to come around Prochaska and DiClemente’s stages of change, having been in the contemplative stage for a super long time. Now is time for action!

I’m on night shifts at the moment, so need to get ready for work and grab some dinner. 

I can do this :) 

I’m doing it again.

:( Just realising how triggering Spring/April/Easter time is for me and my eating issues. Had a pretty bad week in terms of being obsessed with restricting and had some purging issues today for the first time for a very long while. 

It’s kind of come from no-where. Kind of thought my job change and everything was all going a little too well.. - something has been snapping a bit. And now I’m kind of fixating on it which isn’t helpful. 

Small ways of coping. I’m forbidding myself from drinking more than sips of water at a time this evening to prevent any further urges, and I’m banned from reading any triggering fanworks (tonight at least!). 

Therapy due on Wednesday. I feel like everything will be alright so long as I can keep control of my intake. I realise how mad that sounds. It’s a bit like when I knew that “my ex won’t get angry with my so long as I don’t upset her/ make her mad at me.” I’m setting myself unrealistic goals (my ex was always going to be angry with me for something). 

I’ve wanted to be vegetarian for a long time (although never completely becoming one), but always thought that veganism would be a weird ‘step too far’. Now it feels like the only logical, ethical choice. 

So since Monday I have been “transitioning” to veganism ^.^ I have some whey(milk) based products (mostly protein powder) that I need to use up -(I’ve no-one to give them too, and the only thing worse than eating it is to throw it away/waste it).

I feel like I have made a great step towards living a life that my younger self would be proud of. I am so lucky that this mock/documentary caught me when it did, and that I am able to make this change (I’m not going to preach, just as I didn’t want to preach about the dangers of sugar - addiction is not an easy thing, and consuming against cultural ‘norms’ is difficult too). I’ve often felt like a hypocrite and struggled to deal with my meat/egg/dairy consumption and also hold in my mind the truth about how these products have made it on to the market. Even free range and “organic” food involve things that I don’t feel comfortable with. I have felt for a long time that if I couldn’t kill the animal myself (or at least watch it) /the other things which happen during dairy or egg production, then it’s not right for me to expect someone else to do it.

I joined the gym this morning :) Was great to work out again! I’m planning to go for a swim tomorrow (ooh, it’s a fancy gym!)

Plan to try and make some peanut butter, oats, and protein powder bars tomorrow for me to have as a sugar-free post-gym snack before work :)

Monday will be day 50..!

Still no sugar :)

Starting to notice weight loss - other people have mentioned too...

I’ve worked 9 days in a row since last update, had a 2 day bout of /something/ (felt like flu, the current working theory is that it was my immune system kicking in and making use of the flu jab I had several months ago to protect me from something worse)

I’ve also had a date with a really nice guy :)

And found out I passed a really difficult post-grad exam, which I took back in December after a horrible relationship ended.

I’ve drunk far too much this week. For good and bad reasons. Looking forward to a booze-free few days now....

A drugs rep brought in food (including chocolate) today. I couldn’t stop staring at the mini rolls :’( and my housemate made a brownie...

Feel a bit better now I’ve had dinner. Maybe I’ll have some bananas and cream for pudding...