Sugar Free Fatty

✨ “a little morning skinny never hurt nobody” mood board ✨

Even though it’s the middle of the afternoon...whoops

26/01/20

ah well i am stressed and pretty tired but prelims are coming up so i’m just going to keep going, today i:

learnt usa immigration essay for first timed essay in history tomorrow (i’m scared eek)

answered poetry questions

biology recall practise

latin flashcards

read (a lot, it’s a good break from studying) ‘pretty girls’ by karin slaughter ugh so so good i’ll write a review when i’m done

Me:

My biggest fear in life is that I’ll never lose the weight. That I’ll remain fat forever and never live up to my full potential. I’ll never get to live the life I’ve dreamed of.

I’m craving for the outfits that I’ll wear.

I’m craving for the days that nobody won’t be able to make fun of me, or ignore me.

I’m craving for being the skinniest, smartest girl in the room.

I’m craving for being the first option for guys.

I’m craving for not to smell like garbage when I’m sweating.

I’m craving for jealous looks and words.

I’m craving for not to feel like a worthless whale.

I’m craving for being capable to wear anything and still look cute.

I’m craving for not to wear tons of makeup to not feel shit, to go outside with bare face without any doubt.

I’m craving for to look at my old photos with anybody in the future and hear them saying ‘You are so pretty!’

I’m craving for being the center of attention.

I’m craving for to eat something and not see the pitying eyes.

I’m craving for not to go shopping without thinking like ‘Would this fit me?’

I’m craving for not to being the fat girl with an eating disorder.

I’m craving for not seeing the pity eyes when someone sees me drinking or eating something 'diet’ or 'light’. (like diet coke or black coffee)

I’m craving for being an inspiration or others.

I’m craving for not to feel like a whore when I feel kinda horny.

I’m craving for the shocked eyes when people see me after a long time.

I’m craving for waking up, drinking my black coffee and feel like a fairy.

I’m craving for not to feel like a disco ball when I’m dancing.

I’m craving for looking good in anything I do.

I’m craving for being fully energetic without all that unnecessary ugly fat.

I’m craving for to not feeling guilty for existing.

I’m craving for being full of confident when I’m walking down the streets.

I’m craving for being a real life thinspiration.

I’m craving for hearing these words 'Wow, you got so skinny!’

As you see, I’m craving for my own freedom.

Me:

my eating disorder: actually you look like this

someone: knocks on my door 

me: