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Y su tía, Margarita, intentaba explicarle que su mamá se fue al mundo de las flores, que su madre se había transformado en una flor hermosa, y que brillaba con el sol. Margarita le dijo que cada persona que se va de esa manera se transforma en un girasol, uno grande y amarillo, que va dandose vuelta conforme a la posición del sol arriba de todos ellos. Iván seguía sin entender, y sólo quería a su madre de vuelta. Noche tras noche se iba a dormir llorando por su regreso, consiguiendo nada más que un abrazo y una promesa por parte de su tía de que si se iba a dormir su mamá lo visitará en sus sueños. Y Iván le creyó… Las primeras tres veces. Las otras, se quedaba mirando a la luna, allá en el cielo. ¿Será que la Luna sabe dónde se fue su madre? Iván se preguntaba lo mismo con una multitud de cosas, como el sol, las calles, su padre, o sus abuelos. Quizás no lo han querido ver porque no le quieren decir. ¿Por qué más podría ser?

Porque, sinó, Iván no podía llegar a una respuesta concreta. Extrañaba a sus abuelos, extrañaba las tardes que pasaba con sus abuelos viendo tele, comiendo empanaditas de queso y tomando leche con plátano. Cuando encerraron a su madre en el cajón ni lo miraron, limitándose a dejar la florcita blanca esa y irse. Iván se preguntaba si ya no lo querían, o si había hecho algo mal para merecer ese trato. Tía Margarita, mientras tanto, le revolvía el pelo suavemente, intentando calmarlo, sin lograrlo en absoluto. Iván lloró hasta que se quedó dormido en los brazos de su tía. 

Pasaban y pasaban los días, la pena por la desaparición repentina de su madre haciéndose cada vez más liviana, hasta que llegó mayo. El catorce de mayo, para ser más precisos. El día de la madre. Su profesora lo miró con pena después de dar la instrucción de hacer una carta con forma de flor para sus madres. Iván decidió hacerle una carta con forma de girasol, para irselo a dejar a donde está el cajón donde se supone que está encerrada, donde su tía le había prometido ir a dejar florcitas. 

Al finalizar el día, Iván esperaba en la recepción de la sala cuna, a la cual su tía siempre se atrasaba en llegar, por alguna razón. A Iván no le molestaba esperar, así que se quedaba hablándole a la recepcionista hasta que llegase su tía. Ese día, a diferencia del resto, en vez de su tía apareció un hombre que decía ser amigo de ella, que decía que ella no pudo llegar, por lo que él llevaría a Iván a su casa. Iván se mostró escéptico, pero no sería la primera vez que alguien le rompiese una promesa, así que se fue con el hombre sin protestar.

Ugh, I know. 

I also know it’s kinda cliche to talk about romance on valentine’s day, like, I know everyone’s talking about it, but… I think we don’t realize how it changes our expectations of love. How it’s made us more vulnerable to dangerous people who use techniques like love-bombing or other abusive practices that are publicized by popular romance books.

And also how some books raise our expectations on how lovers in general should behave–looking at you, The Love Hypothesis– or how they should look; For example, if you walk into a bookstore and grab a random romance novel, most probably you’ll find a tall, big man with beautiful blue eyes and rippling abs that treats the main character just how she likes it, falling in love with her petite frame and pure brilliance… But you’ll almost never find a book whose love interest is fat, or ugly, or autistic, or mentally ill. It’s mostly the same when you’re like me, looking for books with queer representation. If the bookstore doesn’t have a LGBTQ+ section, there’s a very slim chance you’ll find anything without the author or name of the book.  

For example, I have a crush on this guy. This guy, he’s uh. He’s a bit weird. I’ve read romance book after romance book and there is no romance book that represents our type of relationship, like, idk if he hates me or loves me? It’s like a cycle. We talk, he smiles at me with that smile, and God, how am I supposed to resist????!?!??!?!? But then he just… He’s just. I dunno. I try to get close to him in class, but he runs away? Like, in books, this doesn’t happen, so I’m very confused. 

He’s also just. Not the beauty standard? My friends tell me I could do so much better, but, like, in the books… (I know that I’ve said that like a hundred times already lol) In the books, the mysterious ones are always the good ones? (If you don’t count enemies to lovers, that is.) So, I’m like, confused. 

He’s short, his hair is a bit on the ugly side, and he emits the energy of a scared puppy. What am I supposed to do here??? According to one of his friends, Petunio, he was diagnosed with autism and... Uh... No romance book (that I've read, of course) has an autistic love interest... So, uh, I Do Not Know What To Do™.

This is why representation matters, people.

Because, without proper representation that makes them seem like actual human beings instead of the mythical creatures who aim to taint your children with their "harmful ideologies", people who're not part of these minorities will still be scared or uncomfortable around them, thus perpetuating the cycle of discrimination caused by ignorance and stereotypes. This cycle is what ends up causing hate crimes and legislation against said minorities.

Look, I know it may sound craaazy, (it does not) but understanding something –or rather, being exposed to something– makes you fear/hate it less. According to The Century Foundation, "As the public learns more about the LGBT community, this can foster LGBT acceptance. LGBT education can be fulfilled in a variety of ways, including getting to know a family member who is gay or a friend that is transgender; it can also include consuming media that features LGBT people or characters." This means that, by including minorities (like LGBT people) in our books, we indirectly stop the spread of harmful ideologies like homophobia and racism.

Like, I know the industry is changing and all, but it's still really hard to find books with representation of people like me, or people who're black or asian. Of course, there's always a novel about a character that's Just Like You!!!!!111!!!!11!!! but most of those are the "I'm not like other girls 🤭🤭🤭" type. I'm not not like other girls, but like, personally, I think that those type of girls are very annoying.

The books in which the MC isn't INSUFFERABLE, they're most likely white and middle class, and live in white-ville, where there is absolutely NO DIVERSITY AT ALL????

And news sites are aware of this, too.

Yesterday, I wanted to find diverse romance books to read, and then I find this NYT article by Alexandra Alter (great article, by the way) that says, and I quote: "Romance novels released by big publishing houses tend to center on white characters, and rarely feature gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people in leading roles, or heroines with disabilities (...) Romance publishers say that they want to publish books with more diverse characters and settings, but argue that it’s a challenge in part because the majority of submissions still come from white authors (...)"

I think that the last part (in bold) is an issue, because these authors have no reason to write about other marginalized communities who want representation.

Continuing on yesterday's adventure to find more diverse books, I finally found a site with a recommendation list: POPSUGAR!! I'd never heard of it before, but I loved the name. The introduction said something that really resonated with me 'cause, like, it's true!

"The media we consume — the books we read, movies we watch, and stories we're exposed to — all shape our view of the world. That's why it's so important for media to represent people of all backgrounds and abilities. Books that feature characters with disabilities are not only important for representation for the wider audience, but more importantly for people who have disabilities to read stories that reflect their own lived experiences."

(Also, as an extra, the ten best-selling novels of all time, basing myself on the list made by wordsrated.com, all of 'em are straight, white people falling in love. Idk if 50 Shades of Gray is an exception tho 'cause it's full of questionable behavior????💀💀💀)

Anyway, after this search, I told my friend Petra about how it all shapes our perspective of the world, she laughed at me. LAUGHED AT ME!!!

How dare she.

Anyway, after cruelly making fun of me for being a book-worm, she told me that, and I quote: "Cassie, Cassandra, love, stop looking for yourself in your books, you're wearing yourself out! You should just ask him out!" I hate her for being right.

So, I'm planning on asking him out. I'm kind of scared, but I'm going to do it tmr!!! God, I hope he doesn't reject me. That'd be just terrible.