A Queer Reading

3 things:

1.  The promo picture with the violin with the broken string 

2.  “Sherlock will come to a shattering climax like a great piece of music I hope” (In episode three)

3.  Who You Really Are (the song)

All of these things have something sort of off, not quite right, or unexplained about them but perhaps could make sense together?

Not sure but I’ll get into it, in my disorganized way.  

Ever since I heard Who You Really Are I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.  I find it so hauntingly beautiful, so mournfully apologetic(?), and yearning.  Something in the first few notes vaguely reminds me of the first few of What is a Youth from Romeo and Juliet (though I’ll admit it’s not very similar.)  I’m not sure how to describe it exactly but it feels sad and yet hopeful and resolute---like a strange sad love song.  But it doesn’t fit with TFP for a few different reasons.

Who is this song about?: Sherlock’s connection with his sister is too odd and rushed for it to have meaning about that relationship and on top of that they titled it: Who You Really Are as if those truths and concepts can be found in the emotions of the song (also odd because of reasons I’ll explain.)  It also starts out with Sherlock and Eurus but ends with Sherlock and John’s theme.  Who is this song really about?

The title...: If you saw the title (Who You Really Are) and listened to the song (without having seen the episode) you would obviously assume the the meaning of the title pertains to the contents of the song.  You could hear the mournful and heartbreaking tones turn to hopeful and determined, and then adventurous and think ‘That is who the person the song is about ~really is~’ but in the episode Mary says “Who you really are it doesn’t matter.”---This implies that, although the song sounds like it could have the emotional depth of the title “Who You Really Are,” it’s really only titled that because it was playing when Mary said “Who You Really Are it doesn’t matter.”  It doesn’t make sense.

When I first heard Gatiss say that “shattering climax” quote I was one of those people that thought it would pertain to Johnlock obviously and also that there might ACTUALLY be a piece of music for that climax---Who You Really Are being the track title that would seem to make sense, seeing that the title, out of context, could have queer implications.

And that’s kind of the point is that the song itself makes little sense until you add the emotional context---The shattering climax like a piece of music that is episode three is just so odd until you consider that episode three is taking place within the secret episode four.

So here’s my Headcanon/meta:  (This is within the idea that other people have already had and detailed somewhere else that John is in a coma.  He has been in a coma for around three months, and that TFP is sort of an ugly conglomerate of the stuff John is hearing/dealing with and dreaming up)  

Who You Really Are is a song Sherlock has been composing for and playing for John while he’s waiting for him to wake up.  We know Sherlock’s recorded his violin playing before (Waltz for John and Mary) so I like to think he recorded himself (violin no. 1) and plays along as violin no. 2, watching John, willing him to come back.  It’s about Sherlocks heartache.  It’s about how strong Sherlock thinks John is.  In my headcanon, the full song only goes to the “shattering climax” and cuts off before it breaks into Sherlock’s Theme (which I like to think John imagines, as for some reason for me it seems too fourth-wall-breaking to believe sherlock would play the shows own John and Sherlock theme.)  

When Sherlock finally finishes it, he plays it slowly, along with himself, for John.  It’s nearing on three months that John’s been like this and Sherlock hasn’t taken the time to change his violin strings since even a few months before then.  He’s alone with John and he plays it through, pouring all of his pain and want into it and in all his frustrated passion and with tears in his eyes at the climax a string breaks.