sunshine

sweetie have you seen my grey sweater-

To tell me that you are small, is to tell me you are feeling vulnerable. That you are overwhelmed, that you are struggling. That you are so happy you are tiny, that you are seeking comfort in some way. That you are seeking healing, that you are trying your best. That you need to be held, loved, treated gently, in ways you may not have ever gotten. To tell me that you are small is to trust me.

Staying in baby’s area to be near while they rest. Looking over at any gentle noise, saying quietly, “my baby?” or, “oh, hush, hush.” Sitting in bed and cradling baby, watching the way my tiny just hums, head buried against my chest. Pressing my finger into baby’s palm so they can hold onto it. Knowing my baby is so so so so tiny and fragile, and doing all in my power to keep them so safe.

Shy kiddo looking at me, fingers tangled together. On the verge of slipping and not, just needing the smallest push. Looking at them back and knowing that they need it, and opening my arms to them.

"Up?" I ask, and watch their eyes light up.

"Up," they say, in the softest voice, coming in to reach for me, and all of a sudden, my baby is swaddled in my arms once again. It's the most comfortable thing I could ask for.