neighbourhood gremlin

what do you call it when cooks are discussing an order? chit-chat.

i was telling my friend about a guy i went on a date with and they were giving me looks so then i mentioned that he wasn’t as bad as i was making him out to seem, and that for whatever reason i have a habit of badly describing the men i talk to and they told me that the problem wasn’t how i was describing them it was the men themselves and i typically go for ones that are bad for me-

sometimes i don’t think the amount of za i smoke is bad and sometimes (just now) i get high and ask siri who fiona apple is married to and my phone proceeds to announce that fiona is married to shrek

sometimes you eat a cold unboiled hotdog for dinner because you’re depressed and can’t put in the effort, just like my dad didn’t put in the effort for my school lunches and put a few unboiled hotdogs in a ziploc bag, in this essay i will-

damn why did no one tell me ben shapiro was in the english dub of neon genesis evangelion