With apologies to @stephanos-spaceopera, @alordofstickfigures, @salty-sapphire, @criticals-come-back, @made-of-irritation and @criticalalexandrite
(Exterior, Sugar residence, day)
A young fellow wearing a purple shirt that says âMade Of Loveâ stands at the front porch and rings the bell. The door opens, and there stands Rebecca Sugar herself.
FAN: âWell Sugar, despite your plot misdirections, I made it.â
SUGAR: âAh, Steven Universe Fan! I hope youâre prepared for an unforgettable Season 5.â
FAN: âMeh.â
The fan enters the house, follows Sugar into the dining room, and sits down at the table. Sugar goes into the kitchen, where the oven is smoking. She runs to it and opens it, panicking. Inside the oven:
SUGAR: âOh egads! My show is ruined!â
She stands up and looks out the window.
SUGAR: ââŚbut what ifâŚI were to obtain fan theories, and pass them off as my own writing? Oh ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Sugar!â
The fan opens the kitchen door and squints.
(Musical interlude)
Su-ugar and her crazy complications
All of the fanbase is craving explanations
If I see one more awful animation
Iâll be ditching this show tonight!
FAN: âSUGAR!â
SUGAR: âAh, SU fan, I was just developing a half-hour special! Care to watch it?â
FAN: âWhy are there plot holes in your show bible, Sugar?â
SUGAR: âUhâŚooh, those arenât plot holes, thatâs foreshadowing! Foreshadowing for all the development we have planned. Mm, character development!â
The fan looks unconvinced but leaves the kitchen. Sugar takes this opportunity to run out of the kitchen and straight to the nearest fan-theory Reddit thread.
âIn the dining room, the fan prepares to watch the May 7 half-hour special. Sugar enters from the kitchen.
SUGAR: âI hope youâre ready for some mouthwatering plot twists!â
FAN: âI thought we were having character development.â
SUGAR: âOh no, I said character reveal! Thatâs what I call this plot twist.â
We see a short clip from âA Single Pale Roseâ. Rose Quartz shapeshifts, revealing herself to be Pink Diamond.
FAN: âYou call this plot twist a character reveal?â
SUGAR: âYes! Itâs a regional dialect.â
FAN: âFrom what region?â
SUGAR: ââŚDelmarva?â
FAN: âOh really? Well Iâm from Ocean Town, and Iâve never heard anyone say character reveal.â
SUGAR: âOh, not in Ocean Town, itâs a Surf City expression.â
FAN: âI see.â
The fan ponders over the episode for another minute.
FAN: âYou know, this twist is remarkably similar to a theory I saw on Reddit.â
SUGAR: âOh, no. Genuine Crewniverse work, we planned this for ages!â
FAN: âFor this character reveal.â
SUGAR: âYes!â
FAN: âYes, and you call it a character reveal, even though itâs blatantly contradictory to many other events in the show.â
SUGAR: âYeâ âŚyou know, theâ âŚone thing I shouldââŚexcuse me for one second.â
FAN: âOf course.â
Sugar stands up, walks into the kitchen for a moment and then steps back out. It appears as if something strange is going on in there.
SUGAR: âWell, that was wonderful! Good time had by all, Iâm pooped.â
FAN: âI donât know about wonderful, butâGOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?â
SUGAR: ââŚHiatus?â
FAN: âIâA hiatus?! This abruptly, for this long, and with no proper announcement on when the show will come back except for a random promo?!â
SUGAR: âYes!â
FAN: âMay I see the promo?â
SUGAR: âNo.â
Sugar leads the fan out of the house.
CN, screaming from upstairs: âOF COURSE WEâLL SHOW YOU THE PROMO! YOU WANT LEAKS TOO HAHA?â
SUGAR: âIâm gonna kick your ass, CN.â
FAN: âWell Sugar, Iâm incredibly disappointed and a little bit hurt that you made such an awful plot twist, and I donât think Iâll be able to sleep tonight, but you sure make a memeworthy Pink Diamond.â
CN: âLEEEAKS! LEEEEEAAAKS!â
The fan turns towards the house one last time. Sugar grins awkwardly. The fan shrugs and continues down the road.