Cheese!

Very tumblr photo! Taken March 2019

super yellow photo turned neutral

First time to take a picture of the view from my condo!

50mm/ISO100/F13/20″

I’ve always been into photography, but I’ve yet to find my style in post-processing, will try to practice everyday. I’ll post all of them here. Here are four pictures taken by me with 4 different post processing.

As part of finding myself, I’ve realized I haven’t been giving much time for the things I personally like doing. So I’ll also include one new song here that I’ve listened to for the first time today:

I’m have a type A personality. I knew ever since that I was competitive, time conscious and controlling. I just didn’t know there was a name for it. 

In True Colors I got the color “gold”. I was described as “motivated by their underlying values which include duty and responsibility, accuracy, order and tradition to name a few.” I’m a leader: efficient and decisive. But also, this personality also connotes being bossy, uptight, and controlling; sometimes boring and predictable. 

I know most people would say never to believe personality types but I choose to identify with it because it’s how you address your flaws. In the course of a year since I started living by myself (because of school), I started to get to know myself. I found my stressors, and triggers that unleash the beast in me. It could be a change of schedule, an unaccomplished checklist, an overwhelmingly unplanned bulk of tasks, or a shortage of budget. 

When I learned about this, I thought of changing who I was. I was researching on “how to change Type A personality.” Why? Because I always felt like I was on a race. It was my mind’s immediate response to everything: I have to be first so I had to plan ahead and it doesn’t make me happy in the end. Moreover, people with a type A personality has been proven to be more prone to heart disease and mental health issues. 

So how do I come to terms with who I was? How do I survive a high stress environment (a place where you often don’t win) like medical school. Here are a few things I’ve learned and try to concentrate on in cases of high stress:

“Enjoy the Dance like Sysiphus” - Dr. Joven Cuanang

“Resilience can be learned” - Dr. Iris Isip-Tan

“Everybody has their own definition of what is ‘cool’” - Alexis Collado 

“There’s not a life better than yours” - Prits

Me: I feel so nervous

Zandy: “Good. It makes you feel alive.”

And lastly, the best thing I’ve read on twitter: “Sa bawat sayang, laging may buti na lang” 

Contrary to popular belief, you can indeed get enough sleep on your first year. But it’s a case-to-case basis.

I learned this fact when I talked to an upper classman from college. It was then only the first Wednesday of the school year and I was already burned out??? Good thing, we had this non-premed lunch advising session on my first week of medical school. 

Kuya Chan Yap (left corner) told me that yes, we can get 8 hours of sleep and still be on top of things. How?

SCHEDULE!

Thankfully, 1st year med school classes are consistent, it’s always 8am to 5pm in our school. Kuya chan advised us to spend the first two hours after school to relax or exercise. We’ve already been studying in school for 8 hours already. Give your brain a break. I followed his advise and slept, exercised, or even bond with friends. After that, I sleep from 11pm-7am, or sometimes 7 hrs from 12am-7am. I wake up not hating the mornings. 

STUDY DURING THE WEEKENDS

In my first semester, I woke up at 7am even on weekends as I already formed a habit. With that, I start studying at 8am... boring right haha but that’s how I did it in my first year. 

CHANGING A BIT THIS YEAR

The thing about my first year strategy was I didn’t have orgs, I wasn’t spontaneous, I was strict with my schedule. That means I had less time for exciting things. I had to let my first year be the time to adjust especially because I had to figure out what study strategy works for me. Now that I know myself better and have a better grasp of medical school, I’m going to explore more opportunities and enjoy the rest of the ride.

JUST REMEMBER

Sleep is not an enemy. Too much time spent on Social media and useless articles are. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t enjoy yourself. However, the reality of medical school is that it changes the way you do things. It’s a commitment and you really need to focus.  This may not be the strategy for all and I don’t think I can keep this up in second year but I think sleeping is the best way that you can process your thoughts and remember the things you’ve studied better.

BRACE YOURSELF: THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG POST!

It’s been almost two weeks since I got home. However, all my thoughts on what I’ve learned about it are all echoing in my mind so it’s about time I write a blog!

For starters, I went to Japan for a medical exchange program in Kanazawa University. This opportunity was made possible by the Asian Medical Students Association (So for all you med students out there join this org!). I’ve long admired Japan for their culture I see in Anime and viral facebook posts so I had really high expectations! Spoiler alert: They were met and definitely surpassed! So let’s begin this list!

1. Japan is clean and beautiful

I’ve seen and heard a lot about how the Japanese value cleanliness. And it’s true. Just look at their streets!

And this really beautiful sight in Kurobe!

(c) Brylle Turalba

2. They value aesthetics in food!

Japanese food isn’t just tasty but it’s well-presented!

The picture above is just one of the many yummy and beautiful breakfasts that my host, Yumi, prepared.

In less than 48 hours, I’ll be 21. So here I am looking back on the past year before my nameday arrives. Let’s go.

The stuff that Trysh does has significantly changed over the past 365 days. Around March last year, I was busy writing my thesis. I never would have figured that today I’d be celebrating (and crying) over the end of my exam week.

My 20th year in this planet taught me so much about myself and the relationships I have with people and the environment. Barely through the first week, I lost a precious relationship I worked hard on. In June, I had my first official boyfriend-girlfriend relationship which entails a lot of adjustment. Consequently, I went into medicine which was obviously not easy. I had to fit in and deal with new people. I had to learn the art of studying and dealing with emotional breakdowns.

Despite the things that happened this year, I learned how to love myself. I learned that saying “no” is okay. I learned that I can love someone unconditionally. I gained a lot of friends and established more meaningful relationships. More importantly, I’ve been seeing more clearly the things that I want to do and the things that matter to me.

I know that I’m still at this stage of dealing with my insecurities and knowing how to handle myself in times of distress. Year #20 has been a Jamais vu. I see myself everyday but I’ve been seeing so many things for the first time.

It’s been an estimated three years since I was actively blogging about my life. Obviously, a lot can happen in more than 1000 days. 

So here’s what happened:

I always wanted to be a doctor. However, my course in college directed me into the field of economics and politics. I thought that my course, Development Studies, studied the developmental milestones of a human being and the human life cycle. Little did I know that the development that I was going to study stands for economic justice and growth. 

My course was multidisciplinary and we got to look into all the sectors involved in creating a better world. One of these is health. In my third year in college, just before the second semester ended, I got assigned to do a paper on “Dermatology for the Filipino Masses”. That homework was a turning point in my life that made me decide to pursue my lifelong dream, to be a doctor.

Of course, it wasn’t an easy journey. There were a lot of things to be considered: money, subjects, medical schools, etc. 

In the summer of 2014, I took an internship at the senate. I wanted to put something that would contribute to my social scientist career just in case “doctor” doesn’t work out.  

In third year and fourth year, I focused a lot on my studies and aimed for cum laude to get a discount on my prospective medical school. It’s now a blur when I come to think of it. What I remember is I became inactive in my org life, especially in 4th year. I also took NMAT review classes on Sundays and did my thesis on weekdays. It was tiring but it was all worth it. 

I learned that I got into medical school in March 2016 and I graduated in June in the same year. 

I didn’t graduate with honors so I didn’t get the discount I aimed for. It was frustrating, yes but I had a new path ahead of me and it was thrilling!

In August, I started Medicine. 

You know how doctors tell us it was going to be difficult? They weren’t kidding. In my first three days, I got burned out. I was able to cope by buying a diary and pouring my heart into it. Additionally, I had a big maturation phase during my senior year and I have the best support system anyone can have. 

I’m now six months in and I feel that I’ve officially considered myself a med student. So I’m going to list down the biggest adjustments I’ve made and a little something about it.

1. Living away from my family

In college, I went home everyday. I didn’t have to think about what I was going to eat because everything was given. Living away, I learned how to scrub toilets and iron my uniform. But when you live 2 hours away, going home everyday is impossible. For me, it was the biggest change that I’m still getting sad about from time to time.

2. Living with other people aka roommates

In Cavite, I had my own room. I can cry anytime, I am left alone, I could put all my stuff anywhere, etc. I have to say that I’m really lucky to have 4 supportive girls in my condo. Although, I’m a people person, this was also a new thing to me. People are different when they just woke up, or when they’re stressed out. I couldn’t have my tantrums for I might get kicked out. Living away and living with other people really makes you stronger and a lot nicer because you learn a lot about people. 

I could never forget how my roommates encouraged me when I failed my first Physiology exam. They studied pre-med so they had study tips and mindsets that are very useful until now. 

3. THE STUDY LOAD.

I entered med school without a single prerequisite subject. I swear, even the cell organelles were all new to me. During my first month, I wasn’t the girl who spoke up, I was the girl who was listening and taking note of everything my professors and even my classmates have to say. Every single thing was new to me and I felt really really small and insignificant. 

However, I was always resilient. I had to work double. Medical school isn’t all about the brains. It is passion, courage and determination. It is finding what works for you and what doesn’t. It’s a lot of things. But I know it’s what I always wanted. 

There are a lot of things I would like to talk about regarding med school which is why I’m reviving this blog. I had a lot of things that I had in mind when I visualized this blog post but I guess this would suffice for now. I’ll just end this with some pictures and advice for people that would like to go into med school too:

Med school is part of your life, not you’re whole life. Once you’ve adjusted, try to go out, find new places, learn a new skill, anything!

The picture above is me hiking in one of the first weekends of 2017.

Never forget your passion or the things you love doing. For me it’s photography. I’m taking pictures again so I’ll be posting some of my favorite portraits here (here’s a picture of my brother).

You’ll be meeting a lot people and you’ll have lots of different relationships. Choose to have meaningful ones. Choose people who would help you grow and those who you’d feel good about. 

Waking up at 1 in the morning after sleeping the whole afternoon, I remembered that my boyfriend is on his way or probably is already in SG. and I told him to call me before his flight but I guess he knew I was tired and let me stay asleep.

During the first six months of our relationship we talked every single day. It’s been more than a year since we had a fight about me not giving him enough time. Since then, he became a priority, an indesputable part of the day.

A month shortly after that fight, I went on a 4-week hiatus from social media and life in general to fulfill my practicum. Space was inevitable. During that time, he was in his summer term, got himself a group of friends and established his org. He was living ordinary life without me. Meanwhile, I was in the mountains trying to reach him whenever I can.

There was an instance 3 weeks in that he just said that he was used to being without me. I cried that day. But the day I got home, he went to my house immediately and spent the day with me. 

You see, he became the person who thrived when I was or was not there. He welcomes me into his life, accepting gracefully when I can’t be there. Meanwhile, I forged myself into making myself adjust to his time, making myself available when he is. And when he does not do the same, I get angry and frustrated.

Today, as I woke up at 1 in the morning, I realized what I have become. Before him I was independent and I did whatever the hell I want. I am still independent and I can still do whatever the hell I want but I was not letting myself be.

No relationship is the same. What applies to others may or may not be applied to your relationship and vice versa. It’s one of the most important things both the young and the old should learn.

I would consider myself a late bloomer. Despite having dated people before, I’ve never really considered myself in a relationship before. I hated being tagged as someone’s “girl”. I never wanted to settle. My mindset was, “there is always someone better I’d meet in the future.” So I never let my guard down. 

When I met the boy I’m dating now, I was in my lovelife hiatus phase. I was so focused in college that when I came across him, I was stressed and feeling out of control. When we talked, I just told him how I was feeling about life and I literally felt this “spark” (it’s true lol). There I was, talking to a stranger about my problems and capitalism.

I really liked him since the day we met, and I was giving. I had no expectations and I never felt that I needed to protect myself. However, I forgot about that feeling two months later. My pride came back and I wanted to be the ivory tower once again. I wanted to be chased after and become unreachable again. I wanted the effort, the flowers, the songs, everything. 

In any case, this mindset was toxic. It was unappreciative. It was destructive. I did get all I wanted. But what I forget is that all these things that I’ve received from him aren’t things I deserved, they were things I was privileged to have. To be loved wasn’t a basic human right, it was a luxury I was lucky enough to have.

So whenever I feel that I don’t get the love I deserve, I remember that to be loved is a privilege. It is not self-depreciating. It is, in fact, empowering. 

Loving someone is also a gift that you give. And everyday, I have the choice whether to give it or not. When I have this mindset, pride and expectation becomes minimal.

As Heide Priebe once said, 

Spent my Saturday afternoon engaging with people and Virtual Reality. This has got to be the geekiest event that I have attended so far (courtesy of Alexis, of course).

Thoughts on VR:

- Since I’m going to med school, I was thinking of establishing an e-health org. We can probably touch VR activities???

- VR has great potential for medical education (anatomy, physiology, etc...). Just imagine playing with internal organs without hurting actual people!

- Huhu my kids would be playing VR (alexis envies them)

- A lot of people are very passionate (wow) about VR and it’s very interesting to hear someone talk about something you don’t know anything about.

My week in photos!

1. Had dinner with my barkada TOMS (We called it FIESTOMS!)

2.Climbed the monolith in Pico de Loro