this is me

Mum, I'm sorry that I never treated you like a parent. I never let you get involved with my life. I never said 'i love you' after the age of 15. I never let you be there to care for me, and was never there to care for you. You've gone through so much and I was never there to help you back up. I love you, mum.

To my friends from school. Chad, Josh, Chris, Peter, everyone. I'm sorry that I was always a cunt. I'm sorry that I never made effort to keep in touch once we no longer had school together. I'm sorry that I never asked if any of you where okay. I never let any if the friendships last. I'm sorry I let us drift apart.

Rachael. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that we were so close but I let is become strangers, as if it meant nothing. I'm sorry that you were fighting so hard to have happiness and all I ever did was bring you back down. I'm sorry that you absorbed all if my pain over the years and I gave you nothing in return. I'm sorry that I didn't help you at your lowest after Charlie. I should have been there everyday. You are such a good friend and you deserve everyday of your life to be happier then the last.

And finally Ashley. Im sorry Ashley. I'm sorry that I changed the person your were, to someone you now hate. I'm sorry that I ruined all your amazing traits and every bit of amazing ambition your had in life. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'm sorry that I promised you the perfect life of travelling and happiness and did nothing but make you sad day after day. I'm sorry that I didn't respect you. You meant the world to me. You were my world. I hope that I haven't ruined you forever. I hope you can one day become everything that you once loved about yourself. I hope that you can be the independent confident person you deserve to be, and I hope you find someone that respects, appreciates, and reinforces that. More importantly I hope you find someone that treats you how you deserve, and loves you as much as I do. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed.