i am excite but fear

I’m gonna die historic in some greasy spoon

Have we wished you a Happy 2016 yet?

if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

Gah I’m just mopey and sad and lethargic tonight. I’m going to eat chocolate and watch NCIS and practice ASL and try to be less sad.

Feel better dude.

@beardedhockeyguy

If you scroll pass this you don’t got ten dollars

I could use those ten dollars kitty pls give me it

Plz kitty

the true american experience is wondering if you just heard firecrackers or gunshots

PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE

bonus points: both are illegal in your state and you still cannot tell

Bonus points: one is illegal in your state and it is not the gun

what the fuck is going on down there are you guys okay

no

Bonus round: was the scream after caused by fun or was it them getting shot

Challenge mode: it’s the 4th of July

bonus round: it’s New Year’s Eve and ppl are also drunk

I can believe it

Me IRL

I just want to be somewhere warm and making questionable decisions