eighth world wonder

Sam was the first to come to mind as marriage material. It’s difficult to beat those lips and those abs on a guy who’s actually nice. I have an exceptionally healthy sexual appetite, I feel Hunter could fill. And I’d kill Puckerman.

@ginsburg-sam @ginsclarington @thepuckrman

I’m not crazy about enough of my family to enjoy large social gatherings with them. The ones that I do enjoy are typically too busy with their lives to make the trip to wherever the St. James festivities are being held. We frequently go on lavish vacations, lately weekend long cruises to celebrate. Those are fun, if not a tad on the tacky side. I also love pie. 

As much as I love my family, I’m glad that I’m back on campus. Don’t get me wrong - spending time with my family is great and everything, and I certainly wouldn’t trade them for anything, but I can see them every other weekend so Thanksgiving break isn’t as momentous for me as it is for some of you that travel across the country to see your folks. And I’d rather have used the time to get to work on my pieces for my finals - fingers crossed that my original song for my Musical Performance class gets high marks.

Anyone else looking forward to finals, or are you like most of the student body and looking forward to finals being over? 

You’re so family oriented it’s precious, although disappointing you didn’t work on your pieces while in their presence. I practiced belting in between bites of pie.

In the weeks leading up to finals, I would like to wish you all a happy final push and hope that you can live up to all your wildest dreams of achieving high grades. If you see me on campus, please leave me alone to cry in the corner of whatever room I am in. 

I thank you all in advance. 

Are we allowed to interrupt you to offer a tissue? I also never turn down an opportunity for a good group cry, getting in touch with your emotions is a crucial part of the craft and I’m told I lack a willingness to be vulnerable. I may be tempted to cry with you.

I hope everyone who had parents cooking for them this weekend appreciated how much hard work they put into it. There might have been a small thing at my place where I experienced how much work goes into making food for the holidays for the first time. Just so everyone is aware, preparing is a turkey is absolutely disgusting and you should hug your mom right now for all the years of dealing with that to make sure your family had a wonderful dinner. 

My family’s had our holiday dinners catered for as long as I can remember. If you told me neither of my parents knew how to work an oven, I’d believe it. Thanking my mother doesn’t seem appropriate in their case. With as much as you bake, I’m shocked to learn you’ve never taken the reigns for a Thanksgiving dinner before. Is it really that big of a difference between what you normally do? I also don’t cook big meals, if that wasn’t already blatantly obvious. 

Or, you aren’t interesting enough to be on my radar. Managing to parrot lines effectively and carry a tune ain’t exactly a personality trait. It also doesn’t guarantee someone knowing who you are. It’s a big campus. Anyway, best of luck with the family, try to dodge flying knives if you can.

Your words would hold more weight if you weren’t afraid to step in front of a camera yourself. I don’t buy anyone being purely passionate about behind the scenes work -- I also don’t believe they can be as successful if they haven’t made an attempt to parrot lines as you so simply put it. I think I’m going to try to catch the knives, it’d be a neat party trick.

Tony’s? What’s that? Sounds like some gay fashion design or somethin’.

Not quite. The Tony’s recognize excellence on the Broadway stage. They’re the least political of all award shows, though on occasion they miss the mark themselves. They’re never as far off as the Grammy’s, thankfully. I’m hoping they bring Hugh Jackman back to host this year, but I fear they’ll give James Corden another go at it.

What other styles of dance are you interested in? I’m somewhat open to practice some different things that are new to me, mostly because it’s something that I enjoy doing.

Ballet is the foundation of Broadway, so naturally it’s the form of dance I’m most well versed in. I started tap dancing at a young age, alongside ballet, albeit I’m a tad rustier in that department. Have you tried your hand at ballroom? I’ve done some here and there, but it’s the next on my list to master. I could use a Ginger Rogers to my Fred Astaire.

Oh please, don’t even try to act like my kid sister’s in any danger of having your issues, St Douche. That’s all you crazy rich people having too much time on your damn hands. If anyone’s gonna sell something on the dark web in my family, it’d be her and it’d be better than bone marrow. Probably be a hitman or something way more bad ass than harvesting from bodies.

Am I acting like it? My mistake, I thought I was flat out saying it. You make a valid point, I can’t see you being capable of navigating the dark web in any form. It concerns me that you’re more worried about how badass what she’ll be selling is, rather than the fact that she’s selling in general.

Are you waiting for me to kiss your ass too? ‘Cause I’m good with that, but thanks for the enlightenment. I don’t have any advice, man, unfortunately. Except maybe to turn your phone off more often.

No, Finn. In fact I’d prefer you stay very far away from my ass. Thank you for making the attempt, I’ll consider it.

KURT: What's the protocol for cooking a lot of food with an injured wrist?

KURT: I only ask because I find my wrist out of commission and I'm debating on starting extra early and just warming everything back up the day of because I'm down to one useful wrist. Not an impossible feat to accomplish, just more challenging.

KURT: May be karma seeing as I was the one who was carrying like 20 grocery bags at once so I didn't have to make two trips. Who knew five gourds could be so heavy and damaging to the body. 🌈🌟 The More You Know.

JESSE: You hurt your wrist carrying grocery bags?

JESSE: Starting extra early may be the way to go, doing too much at once will irritate it and leave you out of commission for even longer

JESSE: But there's risk involved in making things TOO early

JAKE: pretty sure i’m dying. i’ve had a headache all weekend and i’m 99% sure i have a fever.

JAKE: any advice? i’ve lived off of couch drops and orange juice all weekend.

JESSE: dying's always an option

Gee, thanks Jesse. Whatever would I do without such advice. 

My opinion is my opinion, though.

There it is, finally. You’re welcome, Blaine. You’d be lost, doomed to repeat the same mistake. I saved you money and embarrassment. 

I’m aware. Like you should be aware that your opinion is bad and wrong.

And that’s exactly what I plan on doing, attempting to go professional. So you’re gonna have to lay on another reason that I shouldn’t be a fan of the pros.

Oh, so you’re good. The vast majority of -- what’s the phrase -- armchair quarterbacks? Are typically overweight uncoordinated failures who overreact to games because they’ll never actually be in them. I assumed you were one. My mistake. Carry on yelling, Lord knows I’ve ripped people apart for interrupting the Tony’s.

I guess I could give you a chance to prove that you’re worth leaving someone who owns a dance studio. How does Wednesday evening work for you? That’s my easiest day of classes so I should be able to dedicate however much time you need. 

Trust me, you won’t regret it. Any boomer with a checkbook can own a dance studio, doesn’t mean they know their pliés from their pirouettes or they’re equipped to teach them. Wednesday’s perfect. I’ll clear my schedule. 

A good judge of character is how you treat the people working for you and around you. Like, when people don’t leave good tips at restaurants. Total dick move. What enemies do you have? Oh, you have got to eat Velveeta shells. They are the best when it comes to mac and cheese. Mmm, and little bits of bacon. I would give my left pinky finger to meet Adam Levine, but you’re right, in the presence of Blake Shelton…meh. 

…I wish I was being modest. I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true, but I only recently lost my virginity. 

You can always spot an asshole by how they treat the help. My dad used to say that. Strange, because he is an asshole and accused my childhood maid of stealing multiple times. I have more enemies than I have friends. Scorned lovers, jealous co-stars, rodents, you name it. Velveeta shells with bacon, sounds fatty. Play your cards right and I might let you make it for me sometime.