strrawberrii writings

“Okay listen, while I appreciate this weird act of charity, I don’t get it. Are you trying to follow me home? To murder me? Or what?” The stranger Yoongi just blinks as he, deadpanned, stares at my face. It’s hard to look at him directly - his gaze is so hard and it makes me fidget in the slush we are currently standing in and, despite my claims for truth, I’m nervous to hear him speak.

Once off our muggy transportation we’d both started to head in the same direction as the freezing air hit my body like a ton of bricks. Snow, now coming down in giant chunks of flakes, was making it colder than ever and kind of hard to see straight. Yoongi, with his umbrella back out, didn’t seem to be struggling the same as me with my lack of a shield from the storm as we both silently walked along the sidewalk until I turned to face him; annoyed. Normally I wouldn’t have thought too much of him walking in the same direction as me - with my mind solely preoccupied with the thought of being indoors from the cold as well as getting the black bean noodles into my ever growling stomach - but we were almost at my building and Yoongi was still with me.

“You think I’d actually tell you if I were going to murder you?” Of course he doesn’t answer the question I want the answer to the most, but instead diverts the conversation elsewhere as he continues to walk past me. I was too jumbled in my thoughts, my brain moving too fast as the haze of the day was still abundant, to stop and backtrack. I was too concerned with getting the food into my belly to think about the consequences of a stranger buying it for me and also, it seemed, leading me to my home. How did he even know where I lived?

“Wait,” I managed, turning to face his disappearing figure. The snow was heavy, wafting from the sky in spiral shavings that stuck to everything. Yoongi, who was now looking back at my calling voice, had an annoyed look on his face. “How do you-”

“Look, we’re at your building, right?” He stated, moving back towards me to gesture through the white curtain of snow towards a dull grey building. I just blinked at him as he frowned, replying a beat later. “I’ll take the silence for a yeah. Okay, cool then. Later.”

And just like that, the mint haired boy with his candy colored hair blowing in the wind, disappeared back through the cloud of white as he ignored my calls after him; the crunch of his footsteps getting more faint the longer I stood there signaling that this bizarre interaction was finally over and I could go inside to gorge myself on the free food. But instead, in the first quiet moment of the day, I let myself settle as I stared directly at the grey building he had gestured to only moments prior to think about things. How had this happened? How did he know where I lived? Who even was this guy?

Disturbed and thoughts unsettled I quickly unlocked my door and headed inside once I reached my tiny apartment. Cold and stale air hit me for the second time that day and I quietly kicked off my shoes and bolted to the small cook space in the corner as I felt I couldn’t get the black bean noodles into my body fast enough. While my thoughts were by far more jumbled than they had been in a long while, nothing was going to stop me from eating. My dingy apartment sat expectantly for me and the loneliness was starting to settle in as I sat at the small table on the floor to silently eat my noodles alone.

Interacting at the cafe was a part of my job but it still didn’t fulfill the need I had to have human interaction in a deeper sense. I couldn’t really remember the last time I’d honestly interacted with anyone outside of work and the convenient store and, it seemed, the stranger Yoongi had disrupted and awakened that as his actions only occupied my thoughts deeper and deeper into the night until I fell asleep still in my many layers, wrapped in a blanket on the floor; black bean noodles long gone as freezing shivers set in and succumbed me. I couldn’t help but toss and turn all night, cold mixed with dreams of horror stories that made me wake up in a cold sweat panting, which of course didn’t surprise me anymore. Life had been like this for a while; lonely days paired with lonely nights while the bleak existence that was me made up the small mass as I sat in my apartment alone. Despite the fact that I had no money, barely a job and no social life to speak of, the apartment was all mine and that’s what pushed me to work harder. I never wanted to owe a debt to anyone and I had vowed a long time ago that once I made it on my own, things were going to stay that way no matter what. Perhaps I had been a little over indulgent in my quest for self sustaining efficiency but still it was all mine and no one was going to take that pride away from me. Especially not some nosy, mint haired boy whose kindness was leaving me more disturbed then I would have liked to admit. I’d have to find a way to pay him back, even if it killed me.

Had I become so callous to help that I was blinded with such an unsettling feeling from one simple act? The answer, of course, was yes despite how much I didn’t want it to be. But, aside from the unfavorable cold that clung to my bones as I made my way haphazardly around my tiny shambled mess of a home, I had to get ready for work and didn’t have the luxury of concentrating too much on the new person that had disrupted my day to day. Work was the most pressing matter as I freshened up the many layers of clothing I still had on. Since the stranger had paid for my transport last night, I would have just enough to walk to work and still be able to take the bus home later tonight. Regardless of the fact that I was dreading the bleak and shiver filled blocks, some sense of familiarness filled my thoughts as I dredged through the hour long slush. Winter was kicking my ass, I had to admit to myself, as the hunger of the morning started to hit just as I walked underneath the ivy overhang.

Heat instantly warmed my cheeks and I had to admit that I was happy to be back in the familiar setting. Despite my elated mood from the heat I was bumming, I wanted the day to pass swiftly without obsessive thought. It was getting worse and worse, I had to admit to myself, the more and more I had free time on my hands. Those pesky little thoughts of failure, late bills, painful hunger and what, I had to admit bothered me the most, would my family think of all this, clung to my mind and wouldn’t let go. Those things bogged my whole body down and made my mind feel like it was going to crack open and spill out everywhere. Which, of course, would be bad for business, I thought as I made my way around the cafe getting everything ready for open. It was obvious, really, that I loved this place way more than I ever thought I would. It felt more like home than my actual home and I spent more time in the worn-in chairs that littered the place than in the confines of my own apartment as of late.

It was so soothing; the smell of coffee and flowers, the heat warming my cheeks, the casual atmosphere. I couldn’t help but feel soothed as I started my shift which was something that was always so jarring to me and it honestly wore me out. My mood swings, ever so present, were literally exhausting. When, at the cafe, I could always count on to at least feel at ease. When, at home however, I always felt fidgety; rigid, cold and low. Despite my efforts to hold onto the thing, my apartment really was lackluster and bogged me down more and more everyday. Perhaps it was the lack of community and friends, I thought bitterly as I began to wipe down the counter, not paying much attention to the bell over the door as I was lost in thought. It took for the customer to clear their throat for me to be broken from the sullen spell that succumbed me.

“Coffee,” The familiar voice said. “Black.” Before I looked up fully I already knew who was standing there. I could feel the hard gaze back on me, the inky orbs fixated on my frame just as they had been last night.

“Are you for real? What are you doing here?” I asked without thought and in annoyance, instantly regretting it a beat later as my eyes met the person standing before me.

“Excuse me?” The mint haired boy said back, unbothered. “Is that any way to talk to a customer?” He was clad in all black again, looking worse for wear as if he hadn’t slept at all last night. He looked at me as if expectant for a retort but instead I just sighed, turning to get his coffee. It wouldn’t do any good, I thought as I poured his order, to banter with him and make this any more weirder than it already was.

Who was this Yoongi? And why, after every odd thing that happened yesterday, was he standing before me now? Regardless, I thought again as I turned back towards the yawning stranger, I owed him.

“It’s on the house.” I said more rigid than I meant to as I slid over the drink. “A thanks. For yesterday, I mean.” I watched as he raised his eyebrows, looking from the drink to me before he sighed.

“A thanks,” He laughed slightly, tutting and tilting his head to the side. I wasn’t sure what to make of that statement but I also wasn’t going to let myself think too much on the matter. Yoongi gently grabbed his hot coffee before he turned to find a table and I turned towards the customer who had entered a moment later. I couldn’t help but watch him every now and then in the free moments I had between the morning rush of customers.

He sat there, headphones in with sheets of paper in front of him and a laptop computer, taking turns between scribbling away and typing furiously on the worn keys. My curiosity was piqued; far too interested in the strange boy that sat a few tables from the far window. It wasn’t until my relief arrived two hours after Yoongi sat down that I got a chance to take a breather.

“How about you take a break? You literally look like death.” My co-worker, Rin, sighed as he rounded the counter and saw me aggressively cleaning the espresso machine. He was tall and lanky, hair always disheveled as if he just woke up from a nap, slow pace matching that same sentiment. Despite his nasty habit of always being a flake when it literally came to anything, he was a kind person and meant well.

“Such kind words. I’ll remember that next time you need a shift covered.” Rin smiled lazily, waving me off.

“Yeah yeah,” He sighed. “I’ll see you in an hour.” Thankful that I was relieved from my duties for at least a little while before the lunchtime rush would arrive and utterly kill me, I couldn’t help but look around the cafe to make sure that Yoongi was still seated where I last saw him. To my surprised relief he was. Grabbing the coffee pot from off it’s warmer, I slowly made my way over towards him. Surely he needed a refill and surely this time he would answer all my questions.

He looked so beautiful I thought against my better judgment as the light from the big window highlighted his hair and he looked up in that moment, eyes squinting against the brightness as if he’d never seen daytime before. His button nose, his mint hair, and those pesky inky orbs all were bathed in sunshine and I couldn’t help but stop walking towards him to just take him in. This whole thing was so bizarre, I couldn’t help but ponder back to. Thoughts completely consumed with Yoongi since the moment I met him and it was my luck, however in the moment of my stupidity to stop and stare and reflect on this rude ass stranger, that he looked over towards me a beat later and I couldn’t help but feel a heat rise to my cheeks as I was caught looking again.

“Need a refill?” I choked out yet poured coffee into his cup anyway when my feet finally moved forward and I reached his table. “Another thank you, I mean. For the food, you know. I mean, ah,” I rambled away, looking anywhere but at his face as I shook my head slightly to regain my thoughts and surroundings. I had no idea why I was so flustered. This was a stranger. Just a boy with mint hair and a cold demeanor. Nothing of the sort I should be focused on. It was at that moment, caught in my thoughts of fever, that I saw what was on the sheets of paper in front of him. Music. “What’s that?” I asked again without thinking before Yoongi saw what I had been looking at. Quickly he gathered the sheets together and flipped them over, sighing as his eyes bounced back up to meet mine.

“Nothing that concerns you,” He replied rudely. Something about the way he was sitting, with his body hunched over, a tired expression on his face, made me regret coming over to grill him with all my questions.

“Right,” I rolled my eyes, unoffended yet slightly sorry. Despite not knowing much about this stranger that sat in front of me, I could be certain of a couple things and his blunt nature was one of them. “I’ll let you be then.” I muttered, turning to leave; questions taking a backseat as annoyance overtook my being.

“Thanks,” I heard quietly, honestly surprising me to the point I stopped walking away. “For the coffee, I mean.” I felt myself pause a long moment before I turned back towards him, instantly savoring the look he was giving me; like he was eating me alive with his gaze.

It was as if time had stopped when his eyes met mine and I felt my cheeks grow warm again; the fuzzy feeling growing in my body felt like it was trying to suffocate me, the butterflies swarming in my stomach trying to murder my insides, as we both stared at eachother for longer than strangers should. I could feel myself heating up for a reason I wasn’t entirely sure of. Yoongi was a stranger, nothing more and nothing less, yet when he looked at me it felt...different. Even though I had just met him, something about him attracted me towards him more than I’d like to have admitted and yet it was something I completely didn’t understand. How could a stranger be so alluring and yet totally appalling at the same time?

“You’re welcome.” I managed a long moment later, completely flushed and embarrassed and praying that Yoongi hadn’t just seen my mini internal freak out.

“You probably should get back to work.” Yoongi finally said, clearing his throat as he broke eye contact and looked back down to the back of the sheets of paper. I nodded, silent as I was too embarrassed to speak, and started to walk away quickly. My head was spinning, dizzying thoughts that echoed through my whole being. Why was this boy affecting me so?