You're my problem

Alex’s directorial debut. Badass Chris. YES.

The introduction of Chris’ exit storyline. Although I hate that she left, I like how they gave her a long exit lane and let it grow. I love a Chris focused episode. I love Chris’ passion for this issue! I think Lina does such excellent work always but she absolutely kills it this season, she is such a force.

Chris & Deacon scene….I so appreciate that SWAT puts this on TV. The way she shows this passionate perspective. How she calls out Deacon’s privilege. YES. Once again, SWAT stands strong in its storylines, putting real life political issues out there with heart, honesty, complexity. It’s even more important now.

The entire squad loving on Chris!!! I love how everyone tries to outdo each other. Nothing can top OG 20-Squad.

He knows her better—he’s always known her, he is showing her how much he cares by not doing anything.

In the end though, the only birthday gift she wants is from Street. I love how she asks and gets happy he has a gift. It’s such a thoughtful gift, shows her how much he cares. “Maybe a little closer to where we both want to be.” The way she looks at him after…so loving, so longing.

It’s been weeks, despite what they’ve said, they’ve settled into a rhythm it seems. They are going to have to live in the ‘in between.’ It’s actually quite beautiful to watch…for a while…

I love the kitchen scene. She instantly knows something’s wrong and he shares. We know Chris does not open up easy, but with Street she always does. Still, she shares something so deeply intimate.

Of course Street checks in and sees if she’s okay after the shooting. They will never stop.

So beautiful in the end, how the entire team shows up for him. I feel that Street & Tan’s friendship is underrated, it is so wonderful that Tan told his mother and his mother went and got these items for Street to have in time. Love that Hondo wants to ride with him and already knows about Bryan Adams.

This episode hurts.

Poor Street, to lose his mom, the last of his non-SWAT family. Then, to not be able to get comfort from the one person you need the most, love the most.

As an aside from Stris, love the Street/Hondo interaction here. Love that Street calls him out, yes. I appreciate how far they’ve come and how they come out stronger.

“You need me I’m here.” The way she looks at him.

At the end of the episode, he hasn’t reached out, but she knows he needs support and she wants to be there for him.

I see both sides here.

I get Street’s frustration. What are they? He can’t just lean on her anymore, not when they know they are so much more than friends. And he knows it’s complicated, he doesn’t want to compromise her. But it’s hard. He’s so vulnerable and already hurt.

I get why Chris shows up. Together or not, they are best friends. He’s shown up for her, she’s shown up for him. When he says he’s alone, of course she’d say he’s not! She’s there.

When he says he’s can’t keep doing this and walks away….heartbreaking…

I understand it’s unsustainable but their feelings will not go away and they know they won’t move on. So what are their options? Did he feel she shouldn’t have shown up? Doesn’t he know she’s there as much as she can be?

I honestly feel it was a bit harsh but in that moment he was honest and knows she’ll still be there despite what he says

This is my most inconsistent response to an episode bc it’s so frustrating for me and I am so torn between how they approach it (like usual though I see a bit more of Chris’ pov).

This season—the season of Stris.

The way they smile at each other when they finally see each other. How did Luca miss the looks they are giving each other?

Chris beams (like a ray of sunshine!) when he mentions their kiss. It’s adorable. I love how Street is so definitive. He feels the same, he wants them. He holds her hand. I agree, she will be the one judged, but she’s not walking away like end 4.18. She stays, she puts her hand over his. She wants them too.

Maybe it’s time for a change!!! The looks!

“I did need you.” She is so open and vulnerable here. But it’s still tinged with uncertainty, “you’re kind of the one thing I’m starting to be more sure of.” Street knows her so well, he is so touched and makes the lighthearted comment about being a terrible couple, which they know is not true. Still, when he says he’ll ask her out, she looks so happy.

How Chris talks about what’s next. I love how this season is set up for her. “ Fighting to hold onto” and she has to now sit with claiming her future. It’s like she never truly thought about it..but it’s not just 20-squad, has she ever really thought about her future long term? Being with a partner? I love that she questions it. The whole season leads her to realize she wants more…a legacy…and it takes a while, but a partner.

Their smile at Hondo’s return that fades to sadness so quickly….the window closes…

As the season goes more and more Street is drawn to Chris, hyper aware of her. He can no longer put his feelings into clean boxes. I love that he’s become his best self, who Chris always knew he truly was. Yes his declaration is awful timing but he came to that realization over the course of months, it was just the push. I feel like he has such wonderful character growth in this season. It feels like since the end of season three professionally he’s got it figured out. And although like Chris says it looks like he’s got the relationship figured out at the beginning of season four he doesn’t really figure it out until he knows he needs to be with Chris and stops lying to himself. Then in regards to his mom, he finally can see her for who she is, but still acknowledge that he wants to do the right thing by her, such growth from early seasons. 

Chris however has a longer journey. You can see her frustration with her life build until Erica (she’s the best!) finally gets her to talk. “He left me behind” Yes, finally acknowledging how much she misses him and its regret too, she can’t have him in her life like she wants even if she can’t acknowledge just HOW she wants him. When she loses Erica she spirals and yes she shows up for Street & confesses her feelings but I feel like she doesn’t get the same growth this season. I feel like season five is huge for her in terms of growth.

Hondo going to the press. This storyline is amazing. I love the intensity & spotlight it placed. The end mirroring S1, wow. No show I’ve watched has gone this much into talking about racism in the police, I love SWAT.

I appreciate how they focused on Erika, the plaque, how you can see how it’s still affects Chris but how far she has come. 

The Stris opening scene, so they haven’t talked about it since?

In the locker room how Chris references being perfect for one another and Street immediately clocks it—what an acknowledgment. Her flirty banter, deflecting, but for Chris acknowledgment is huge progress.

In the armory, he is ready to do anything to be together. It is so sweet, romantic. She’s not wrong imo, it’s a lot of pressure. I don’t think either think they’d break up, but it would be pressure and she will be judged. I know the whole trajectory of their romance changed when Lina announced she wanted to leave after season five, but I always wonder what it would’ve looked like. One of them would’ve had to have left the team and how would that have impacted their relationship. 

The final scene—oh Chris. All her logical reasons they can’t be together fall when she feels she could lose him. She will push back TLI, stay with him. I love that he pushes her to go, he puts her above everything. Then finally she says they need a solution, she wants them. She goes to leave but can’t…yes, she initiates it this time. The way she walks to him, so determined, takes his face in her hands, how he kisses her, how they are breathless, holding hands. 4 years of longing! “The second I wake up.” How she looks at him one last time and takes a breath forcing herself to walk away, how he is breathless and looks stunned. Utter perfection.

Dear Ryan, thank you for this episode, this writing.

Emotional story of the week with great Tan backstory.

When Street confronts Chris, of course he’s frustrated, I feel like he’s so in his head he can’t see what it means that she went to his mom on his behalf. She sees it as advocating for him, protecting what she sees as a blind spot. 

That final Stris scene!! Finally, she must show him, tell him. He can’t see it, she’s scared, so in love.

“Screw the apology.” So Chris. “It is my problem, you’re my problem!”

The way she closes her eyes, pauses, her breath catches when she prepares to elaborate. How she references his confession. Up until now she’s never been so brave, putting herself out there. She’d never recover, she can’t lose him.

The way his breath changes, chest expands. It’s all he’s wanted to hear, but still….